Stephen001

The issue is not really the shyness. I know I could get through that, if I could shake this attitude that I've taken about it and can't seem to shake. Of course, I'm not expecting that someone will treat me online, I'm just curious as to whether anyone will recognize in my description some known condition. Again, its not the shyness that's the problem, tho.

I'm posting this because I'm hoping against hope that this is a known obscure disorder, because I don't know what to do any more. This is a very odd problem I have and hopefully I can make it understandable This started around the time I started highschool, I'm in college now. I'm shy and have problems being myself in social interactions, but this is not my problem, my problem is that the attitude I took towards this at the beginning of high school is that, and this is going to sound very odd and hard to understand perhaps, but that I can't live until I've solved this problem. What I mean by can't live is that everything I do in life, every moment of my every day is devoted to resolving this problem, and I don't do anything for purely life purposes. I know this sounds very strange and is hard to understand, let me give you an analogy: In sports, say boxing, you can sometimes tell that a fighter, even though he is still in there, and fighting, he is no longer trying to win (because he has become discouraged, or beaten up, or no longer believes he can win, or wathever). So the guy is still throwing punches, but he is no longer trying to win. In my case, my attitude is that I'm not living. I'm sitting on the sidelines of life, so to speak, until I can solve this problem (my shyness). So even though I function, I go to school, I function, outwardly, normally, I'm not really IN life, because my attitude is that there's no sense being in it until I can resolve this problem. I'm aware that this is a bizzare attitude, I'm even aware that it defeats its own purpose (it's purpose is to resolve my shyness, but it is actually IMPEDING that, and I know that I CAN accomplish that, but only if I shed this attitude), but still I can't seem to shake this attitude. Again, I know this sounds completely insane and perhaps incomprehensible, but does this sound like anything that is known in psychology?