One would need to possess a wealth of knowledge, mechanics, chemical, biological and structural engineering are required to design a weapon.
I have tried designing a schematic for a nuclear tipped WMD (weapon of mass destruction) - I have the core elements however I know very little in the nuclear field, one of which I don't think I will fully understand without seeing it.
What purpose are you wanting to design your own weapon?
Have you fully assessed the situation; what circumstances changed making you change your mind; did God tell you not to do it or was it your subconscious?
Humans have a basic instinct to survive, perhaps this took over.
More context would be great.
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