phaseone

Already posted....

You Might Be A Republican If... You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese. You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two" You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage. You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend" You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare. You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty. You think Huey Newton is a cookie. The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you. You think you might remember laughing once as a kid. You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie. You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs." You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something. You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches." You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school." You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie." You answer to "The Man." You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense. You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood." You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance." You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love. You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values." When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho." You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut." You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969. You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home. Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you. You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America. You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties. You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me." You've ever called education a luxury. You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle. You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable. You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan. You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker. You're afraid of the liberal media." You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...." You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society." You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes. You confuse Lenin with Lennon. http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokerepublican.htm YOU MIGHT BE A DEMOCRAT IF... * You feel Fidelity means not cheating on your mistress. * You think that pornography corrupts women, but find nothing wrong with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern. * You cry every May 4th over the four people killed at Kent State, but have never been to the Vietnam Memorial. * Along the same lines, "Four Dead in OHIO" by Neil Young gives you goosebumps, but "19" by Paul Hardcastle means nothing to you. * You say shows like "Leave It to Beaver" are out of touch with America today, while you flip to your soap opera. * You know of the stockpile of biological weapons in Iraq, but think that the US is wrong for not signing the land mines treaty. * You want to know why we don't offer schooling in prisons (hey, isn't that what public schools are for). * You think those stupid ribbons actually accomplish something. * You tout the NAACP, but criticize anyone referring to a black man as a "colored person." * You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women. * You feel that banning smoking in public indoor places limits your constitutional rights. * You feel that being convicted of treason is an infringement on your first amendment rights. * You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability benefits. * You outwardly said "I would have voted for Elizabeth Dole" knowing darn well you wouldn't have because she is a Republican. * You think it is ok for a President to commit perjury on his sex life, but criticize Dan Quayle for spelling potato/potatoe wrong. * You stood on a soapbox demanding that Anita Hill be heard, but want Paula Jones' accusations to be swept under the rug. * You think the guy who drops out of High School and builds your jeep deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10 years and saves your kids life. * You sang along to "Give Peace a Chance" during the Gulf War. * You've filed for unemployment within two weeks of getting out of high school. * You went to Woodstock II and felt that it was a significant historical event, changing the way our country thinks. * You own something that says, "Dukakis for President," and still display it. * You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on, "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so..." * You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this." * You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree. * You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..." * You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs. * You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator. * You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category. * You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does. * After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed." http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/politicaljokes/democratif.shtml