xkp

what an astute and keen intellect you have.

Phi for All- You've picked one segment out of several that I've written in this thread and responded with assumptions in regard to things I never said. I never said anyone was wrong about anything- you assume this. You assume I'm impervious to reason. You assume I've 'probably' been told things. You assume I'm 'emotionally convinced' of what you call 'something special', you assume I need to overcome some 'basic minor peer review'. You assume you know a lot about me for someone taking one paragraph out of a whole and dissecting that part to justify your assumptions. I was responding to Charley's question about my experiences in regard to a previous statement. I assume you didn't really read it or if you did, you just focused on the parts that could or would justify your judgement on what kind of person you assume I am.

I had to really think about how to answer this... given it's something I always had (and for a long time assumed everyone was the same way), but didn't really know it or accept it with confidence until I was about 30 or so. Not that I didn't have inclinations or thoughts, but self doubt played a large role and when you're tapping into the emotions and fears of others... they don't necessarily validate what you're picking up on. More often than not, they'll deny, discredit, say you're crazy, etc etc. It's not comforting to realize that someone can see through you and invade your privacy so to speak. I didn't have anyone to help me so there was A LOT of trial and error. Funny you should mention military because I was raised by men- all with military and/or firefighter & first responder background and jobs. As you can imagine, there wasn't a lot of room for being 'sensitive'. I was raised with a 'deal with it- don't be so sensitive- walk it off- tough it out' kind of mentality. This crippled me just as much as it helped me. It crippled me in the sense that those kinds of abilities and experiences 'don't exist' in that world- hence, my self doubt. Yet, as I got older- it helped me enormously as far as giving me the skills and mindset to deal with it in a very practical and logical way. My father used to worry because I spent so much time alone and preferred being around animals. Not that I didn't have friends, I had quite a few, but I was much more comfortable being alone (or with just one friend rather than groups) with books and animals. Animals' emotions are clear and pure, easy to deal with and be around. People are more complex and when I was young (and looking back now) I couldn't differentiate between my emotions and those of other people. When I first read your question, it caught me off guard because it's been more of a journey than any specific moment or event- so I had to think. The first thing that came to mind was a memory that I am truly LOATHE to admit and frankly, gives me some trepidation to 'put out there', but it's the truth. Bear in mind this is a memory from when I was about 4 yrs old (I have a very long memory). I know I was about 4 because I hadn't started kindergarten yet, I didn't start kindergarten until I was 5. So, I guess I could've been anywhere from 3 to 4. Anyway, here it goes.... I was at my babysitter's house where my dad used to drop me off before he went to work. My brother was already in school. There was a boy, a toddler of about 9 mo/1yr or so, couldn't speak yet... and to this day I remember his name, Ben. He was in one of those toddler walkers that was a circle with the seat in the middle and wheels all around it and a little shelf that went all the way around him, like a donut. I don't know what they are called, but he used to push himself around in it. He was always smiling and happy and everyone just doted on him when he was there- the other parents, the babysitter, other older kids that were my age and older. I got jealous of all the attention he was getting and one day when no one was looking, I pushed him down a step that went from the kitchen to the living room. He went close to the edge and was looking over and I just pushed him. His walker on wheels went over with him in it and he was crying. I immediately started crying, feeling his fear, his terror- as he was feeling it. He wasn't really hurt (thank god!), but he was crying from the fear. To him, it seemed like a very long fall. It wasn't like a normal empathic response where you see someone has a broken arm and you had a broken arm or were hurt once, so you can empathize, remembering what it's like to be in that pain too. I literally felt his emotion, his fear, his terror and I was crying as much as he was, if not more. I also felt incredibly guilty after I did it, I actually felt what I did to him. What's worse is, my babysitter came running over and thought I was trying to help him- which by the time she got there, I was. By the time she got there, I was holding him and hugging him, crying and saying I was sorry. He calmed down and smiled at me. I doubt very much that he even knew that I was the one that pushed him, no one did. After that, I became his protector and de facto big sister. I loved him and felt his love for me and was ashamed I could've ever caused him any kind of pain, emotional or otherwise. I am still ashamed of that incident, but in my defense I was only 3 or 4 yrs old at the time. Obviously, I wasn't cognizant of it then but looking back, I think that was probably the moment. There've been a lot of experiences and incidents since that time, where I was cognizant and 'coming into my own' so to speak, experiences where I've helped people more than I realized at the time, but found out later (sometimes years later) when they told me and thanked me; but that memory and those emotions from that one experience when I was 4 are as clear to me today as they were when it actually happened. I'd be very interested to hear about what the military therapist has told you and to hear about your experiences. What's the difference between a military therapist and a non-military therapist? I'm curious to know what led her to tell you that and what led you to her. It's a strange thing to realize way into adulthood that 'Oh! Not everyone experiences this!' For the majority of my life, I assumed everyone experienced things this way and that I just had a harder time dealing with it.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-empaths-survival-guide/201703/the-science-behind-empathy-and-empaths I wouldn't call it a super power, I'd call it a hyper sensitivity that is difficult to cope with. Since empathy has to do with emotions, which can be rather nebulous and not necessarily logical, I imagine it's difficult to prove rationally with 100% accuracy. I've struggled with it my entire life, and now that I'm much older, I've learned how to cope with it much better. I meditate a lot, enjoy spending time alone or with animals and have become much better with putting up boundaries- not always to keep other people's emotions/energy out, but to also keep mine in.... and learning how to not be so available to people that drain me. I definitely still find it challenging to deal with, but it's improved a great deal. The key, I think in dealing with it is to be as mindful as possible of what you're thinking and how you're feeling and noticing how that shifts when you enter other environments or come around various people. In my experience, this is the best way to determine what belongs to you and what belongs to someone else. I know some people will say that everyone deals with things like that, and that's absolutely true- but for an empath, it is to an exaggerated degree and can be debilitating and extreme. I'm not mentally ill and I do not and will not take drugs- I think the over prescribing of drugs is an epidemic frankly. Ironically, I've found the best way of handling/balancing it- is through logical, rational reasoning. If I get a pull to help someone and am overwhelmed by their emotional state/ needs, etc- I do the math and detach or 'unplug' and calculate response+action=?. If the answer is to my ultimate detriment, I put up that wall. Survival 101. It is much easier said than done, especially when it's someone you are attached to and care for deeply. Saying no or not making yourself available to anyone in need that is suffering, is extremely difficult... like, with an addict type as just an example. I have to ask myself, 'Is this action hurting or helping (me and the other person)?' It's a life time of disciplined practice. Ok, sorry- I babbled on long enough. Regardless- I would be very interested in participating in an actual scientific study where results can be measured. It would give me some peace of mind I think. To me, it's been more of a hindrance than a help until more recent years- and that's only because I'm better at controlling it.