You are being irrational, since you are taking a contradictory position. Believing and not believing at the same time is logically impossible.
From what you've said in this thread, it can be logically deduce that you are a nonbeliever. Therefore, if you're being honest with yourself, you would acknowledge that you are an atheist.
Also, concerning intelligent design and abiogenesis, are you referring to how the universe came to be or how life on earth began? When it comes to the universe, then abiogenesis is impossible because it has nothing to do with how the universe began. But, when it comes life on earth, then science has shown that it is not impossible.