shaniquaharris

I am 19 and I have had the thoughts of being The reciver of pain since puberty at age ten. My baby's daddy/ best friend has been very supportive so far and as agreed to choke me with a belt has well as smack me before and during sex. I do not know the word for it but I have been to therepy for it. i am trying to find out what I am and if I should seek help I have searched every website I could find on pain but it brought me to bdsm I know that isn't for me because I can't get off on the things they explain in it. it seems 100% fake and I'm not in to role play or fore play can you help me please you are my last hope. What am I and am I normal?