TRUE STORY:
A police officer catches a guy speeding down a road in the middle of town. He walks up to the guys door and asks, "Sir, I clocked you at [insanely high number] miles per hour. Just why were you going this fast?"
"I gotta go!"
"No, sir, you need to explain to me what you were doing or I'll give you a ticket."
"I GOTTA GO!"
"What?"
"I have diarrhea real bad, and, well, I GOTTA GO!"
_____________
A police officer pulls a woman over for speeding, and asks her what she was doing.
"I wath goingth homb fum te mentis an I ned pankiwer!"
Of course, the officer can't tell what she's saying, until about ten minutes later he figures out that she came from the dentist and the painkiller had worn off, and she wanted to get home. Thinking it was a trick, he said, "Ma'am, I've heard that there was a bank robbery, and the description of the car fits this car perfectly. Can I take you in?"
"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A COMMON CRIMINAL! I would do no-- oops..."