thanks so much for reading my piece and sharing your reactions. i gratefully accept the criticism. i am still working on trying to make that beginning section more believable. the whole story began as a philosophy of mind paper... and it needs a lot of work still. if you have any other thoughts or suggestions, please share them with me. thank you.
also, i agree that the title gives away the ending to a very large extent. i wasn't sure what to do about that. here was my thinking: since part of my point is philosophical, part of me wants the reader asking that very question all along as they read the story, since i think it leads to a deeper understanding of the issues. but having that in the reader's mind all along does take away from the literary value of the 'surprise' ending. do you think i should change it? do you think it would have been more of a surprise if the title had been something more unassuming? what could such a title look like?
