Phi for All

Please define "wake surgery".

OK, this one is my new favorite! 10. Ummm... they're both... errr... people? 9. Hate is a four-letter word 8. Paris might get you some extra pillow mints at one of her family's hotels 7. One more film for Lindsey and her Disney contract is done 6. Who would feed their pets? 5. Maim Paris and you'll mess up her shot at taking out Lindsey 4. Do what you want to Paris but leave Lindsey alone! 3. Either one could spare a lab rat much suffering 2. Eating them would be more ecological 1. Maiming wastes perfectly good donor tissue Top 10 Rejected Patents

I think I found the problem with the Universal Mind. By my count it only predicted Netherlands vs Cote d'Ivoire accurately. That's one *right* out of five. The problem is in your math. It should be more... reality-based.

On the contrary, yours were my favorite so far. 10. Carbonated drink centrifuge 9. Plasma bikinis 8. Kellogg's Pork Krispies 7. Quantum mustard 6. Balsa wood microprocessors 5. Hover anvils 4. Post Mutton Bran 3. Superconducting whipped cream 2. Near-frictionless carbon-coated shoes 1. Nanobratwurst Top 10 Best Father's Day Gifts

*choke* Wow. Just... wow. Amazing math.

That's the part I shouldn't have left out. What you've encountered so far doesn't matter as much as you think it does. You have so little good or bad experience that every bit of it is blown out of proportion for you. A year from now you'll know a lot more. Three years from now you'll look back and wonder why it meant so much to you. It's all just life and learning and it's all valid but in the long run it doesn't really have the importance you're probably attaching to it. Mokele's right, just kick back, relax, go out and have fun.

You really need to burn your whole play book. You have no skill set whatsoever. I'm not saying this to be mean. You need practical, on-the-job training. You need to get out and date as much as possible. You need experience and you need it right away. Do NOT let past failures paralyze you. Throw off whatever mantle of past failure you're wearing that keeps you from asking other girls out. You need to find out how other people live. You need to talk, just talk to women about stuff. Not about how much you adore them or think they look angelic. Not about what makes them tick or anything else you *think* they want to hear from you. You just need to talk. Keep it real. Keep it low-key. Listen more than you talk. There is no need to commiserate with their problems, just listen to them. You don't have to relate to what they are saying and you don't need to solve anything. You don't need to "know what they mean". You just need to be out with people, preferably women, or with mixed groups to see how other people get along. Just remember that it gets better and you're not alone. Calm down, you've got time and a world full of people out there to practice with.

Anything that starts out nice and ends in a stern warning and possible punitive action should be treated like a mother bear with cubs around. Just drop it and walk slowly away. When it comes to human relationships, nothing is simple, you have to work at it, but no part of it should be that difficult either. An honest approach should never get you in trouble. If you've been told to lay off, lay off. Staying in that situation is a crutch, you know it will never progress and you can't get hurt any worse so you just keep banging your head against the wall because at least you know how to do that. Change of pace. Go out, meet someone else, take a chance, make some more mistakes, get dirty, get bloody, have some fun, talk to other girls (but don't talk about the "angel" to them). Your only problem is that you're young and inexperienced. You've had no good experiences so it all seems overwhelming. Ramble, ramble, ramble. Sorry. Pick a few of these pick up lines and go practice. Relationships are like ice skating. At first you fall down a lot but if you don't get up again your butt's going to get cold. Yeah, it's like the line that isn't.

Have you tried, "Would you go out on a date with me?"

Assuming you know what the girl is going to say is the first step on the road to disaster, herme3. Never plan a battle past the first encounter.

Do you think Bill Lucas got Divine Force Law from his relative George Lucas? Thanks for the transcript, Silkworm, that was really... amusing. I do have to say, though, that I agree in part with the Indian man. There is a huge difference between saying, "You have no data" and "You have nothing". When you use phrases like, "You have nothing", "It's garbage" and "I suggest you find another line of work", you shift the listener from critical examination of Lucas' credentials to your hostility. These audiences are smart and probably will realize, after you point out the flaws, that it IS garbage. But when you use the phrase you may be losing some support from those who don't like those types of confrontational methods. Do you see the difference between outright calling him a crackpot and showing everybody the evidence that will lead them to the same conclusion? The Indian man probaly blew you off as a rude young man but might have come around to your POV regarding Lucas if you hadn't drawn his conclusions for him in such a "not nice" manner. Don't get me wrong, Lucas deserved what he got from you, but you don't need anyone in the audience wondering if you have an axe to grind about anything other than his ideas. You might want to simply present your findings and concerns and let the audience come to it's own inevitable conclusions.

I remember hearing a hypothesis that gravity may pass through all points in the universe (and other possible universes) simultaneously. Could GR be used to transmit a Morse Code message faster than C?

10. Buzzard circling my car 9. Washed hair with coffee, microwaved my shampoo 8. Boss called and said, "Take the rest of your life off" 7. Studied till 3 am for Music Appreciation final, forgot about Quantum Mechanics 6. Pulled the "Death" card at Madame Luna's 5. Left underwear at teacher's house 4. Dog ate my whole briefcase 3. Coughed up pancreas 2. Psychic Hotline lady burst into tears and hung up 1. Got fired/expelled three months ago Top 10 Things That Sink

10. Just blatantly arrogant enough to pull it off9. Will probably have a less sissy uniform than the other team 8. Kipper power 7. Enormous bribes 6. Brazil will be laughing too hard 5. Gas from Essex gives them a boost 4. Shagging the referees 3. Will do anything to embarass Germany 2. Wants privilege of spelling it "socker" 1. the tree needs someplace to pee Top 10 Really Bad Wines

Top 10 New Games/Gags to Play at the Office 10. Paper Airplanes by the Ream 9. Order Viagra online from everyone else's computer 8. Laser Pointer Tag 7. Bring "herb" bagels 6. Toner Wars 5. Tape paper clips to the bottom of everyone's microwave meals 4. Hide the stapler in the telephone 3. Digitize your butt 2. Super Glue + Keyboard = Hilarity 1. "Porno-tize" the PowerPoint presentation Next: Top 10 Automobile Names that Never Caught On

10. All math done in base J 9. Embedded porn links 8. Arrived wrapped around fish 7. No one got your "pier review" fish jokes 6. Too many Al Gore references 5. Written on 3x5 cards 4. Funny parts not highlighted properly 3. Title of the paper, "Retardation Among Science Publication Editors" 2. Unprecedented use of sock puppets 1. Crayon smears Top 10 Reasons You Should Be Earth's Emperor / Empress

We rescued a 5-month-old Corgi pup last December from an animal shelter and the little guy has the sweetest disposition. He never barked at anyone or anything, not even a little grrr-uff, and is extremely friendly. In March my 7-year-old daughter had taken her bath and was drying herself on her favorite over-sized beach towel when she decided to scare Mom and Dad downstairs. She started at the head of the stairs and, covered completely by the towel, started belly-crawling down the stairs like some kind of bug. I think her plan was to inch down the stairs and then yell, "Boo!" when she reached the living room. The dog, Max, spotted her about midway down and suddenly started barking his head off for the first time since we'd known him! My daughter panicked and rolled the rest of the way downstairs tangled up in her big towel. After the initial shock none of us could stop laughing since Max had scared us all worse than my daughter ever could have with that lame old jump-out-and-boo routine.

10. Occam's Razor proves it must be my after-shave 9. Penile enhancement procedure almost complete 8. Neighbor's Great Dane winked at me yesterday 7. Subscribed to Roofie-of-the-Month Club 6. Got rid of most of my polyester 5. Found a glue for my fake sideburns that is unaffected by copious sweating 4. Best friend's grandma said she'd "do me" 3. Found "work-around" solution to the incontinence thing 2. Caught Marge from Accounting stealing a copy paper after her retirement party 1. Women can't ALL be smarter than me Next List: Top 10 Saints You've Never Heard Of

10. Aggravate A Postal Worker Day 9. Billionaire Day 8. Turn Off Your Computer Day 7. Drugsgiving 6. Trash Day 5. Zoroastmas 4. Spudfest 3. Bacon Day 2. Stiff Your Waiter Day 1. Spit in Your Customer's Food Day (waiters only) Next List: Top 10 Jobs You Don't Want

What do you pay total for cable, if you don't mind my asking? And btw, 100 posts, w00t GutZ!

I get basic cable for my daughter but I don't watch it much anymore. I found out my local library has some of the best cable series on DVD if you don't mind being a year or two behind (I'm up to season 6 of West Wing and we just started HBO's Carnivale). The library is also good for science specials, but again, you're not going to get the latest broadcasts. The Discovery Channel was pretty good a few years ago but it's crap now. PBS has better science programming but you may need to tape it at odd hours.

Personally, I don't think minting or using currency with those words on it constitutes a First Ammendment violation. It is not espousing a creed the way the Pledge of Allegiance does by including the words "Under God". That's a spoken pledge, a vow if you will, that shouldn't have any religious connotations if you want allegiance from atheists, the way I see it. Also sprach zyncod.

I've had this happen with rockfish. They swim near the bottom and when you hook them they don't put up much of a fight. You think you've just got some plant on your hook so you reel it in quickly to free the line and the rockfish has it's swim bladder expanded out of it's mouth and it's intestines poking out the anus. Ugly way to go. Stupid rockfish.

Top 10 ways to tell your parents that you're a homosexual narcoleptic cow in a man costume: 10. "How can you sit there and drink milk while I..." zzzzzzzzzzzz 9. "Dad, I could trim your hair instead of barbecuing those..." zzzzzzzzzzzz 8. "Mom, I've been sneaking your birth control pills and the hormones have..." zzzzzzzzzzzz 7. "Zipper? No, it's the scar from when I had my append..." zzzzzzzzzzzz 6. "Remember when I went Vegan and ate nothing but grass and played Bette Midler rec..." zzzzzzzzzzzz 5. "I'm going to redecorate the box my Gateway came in and live there..." zzzzzzzzzzzz 4. "Nothing for me, Mom, I just had a low-fat Soy Chai and some cud with frien..." zzzzzzzzzzzz 3. "Mom, Dad, I've decided to be a manicurist and moooove out of..." zzzzzzzzzzzz 2. "Folks, this is Kenny. He's a farmer with really warm hands and..." zzzzzzzzzzzz 1. "Dad, it's not what you think. I spend a long time in the bathroom in the morning mostly grooming and... and... milking myself. That is what you thought I was doing?! I'm so glad to come out of the barn on this..." zzzzzzzzzzzz Next List Top 10 Healthy Foods That Aren't Selling