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Phi for All

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Everything posted by Phi for All

  1. Is that someone from Inland Revenue?
  2. Actually, in Finland they have: A = good B = OK C = Pass D = Basically Failed E = Do you want fries with that? F = Failed G = Gilded
  3. Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats, lightsabers drawn and sparks flying. Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead, glared into his face and said, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke." Luke ducked under the pin and Vader's lightsaber bit deep into the steel. Luke jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader's reach. "How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas!?" Darth Vader seemed to grin through his mask and said, "The force is with me. I felt your presents."
  4. I'm going to try this with my daughter tomorrow. I know a really slick origami fold for the boat so I won't have to use any glue.
  5. Think of how dumb the average person is. Got it? OK, now think about the fact that half the entire population is dumber than that! *shudder* I think the key you're looking for Fellowes is to minimize the poisons you let into your body, stay in good shape and don't let your mind atrophy by letting others do your thinking for you. As Xandrabeast said, we use our whole brain, just not all at once. It's up to you to use the right parts.
  6. Physics teacher: "swansont, where is your physics homework?" swansont: "I finished my homework last night, but this morning I accidentally determined its momentum precisely, so according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe."
  7. A second lieutenant was walking past the non-commissioned officer housing units when he saw a little boy named swansont making something. As he got closer, he saw the boy was making a soldier of of some dog poop he'd found on the ground. The 2LT asked the boy, "Boy, what are you doing?" swansont replied, "I'm making an NCO, sir!" The 2LT grinned. Looking up, he saw the boy's father, an NCO, standing in the doorway. "Did you hear that, sergeant? He's making an NCO out of sh*t!" The sergeant came out of the house and asked his son, "Why are you making an NCO, son?" swansont looked up at his dad and proudly said, "Because I don't have enough sh*t to make an officer!"
  8. Tesseract wanted to buy a Christmas gift for his new girlfriend but they hadn't been dating very long. He asked his girlfriend's younger sister to go shopping with him, and after careful consideration, they decided a pair of fur-trimmed gloves would be perfect, romantic but not too personal. Tesseract bought the gloves and the sister bought a pair of panties for herself. During the gift wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the box with the gloves and Tesseract got the box with the panties. Tesseract sent the gift to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you don't usually wear any when we go out. If it hadn't been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really stylish. I wish I could be there to put them on for you the first time as I'm sure other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year! All my love, Tesseract P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
  9. Tesseract and his squad were standing at attention in the freezing Antarctic cold when their sergeant said, "All right! All you morons, FALL OUT!" As the rest of the squad wandered away, Tesseract remained at attention. The sergeant walked over until he was eye-to-eye with Tesseract, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Tesseract smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"
  10. It was a cold winter day, and swansont & Lance were out on the lake ice-fishing. They were there for almost two hours without even a nibble when 5614 walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in it not too far from swansont & Lance and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a largemouth bass hit his hook and 5614 pulled in the fish. swansont & Lance couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But 5614 dropped in his line and again and within just a few minutes pulled in another one. This went on and on until finally the other two couldn't take it any more since they hadn't caught a thing all this time. They went over to 5614 and said, "5614, we've been here for half the morning without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and you've caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?" 5614 mumbled something they couldn't understand, so they asked, "What was that?" Again 5614 responded with incoherent mumbling, a little louder this time. "Look," said swansont & Lance, "we can't understand a word you're saying." 5614 spit a big wad of something into his hand and yelled, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
  11. The majestic moose! (a moose once bit my sister) Karving initials?
  12. Please, do the civic thing and use a parallel universe so you don't mess things up for everyone else.
  13. It could be the lime scale that accumulates in your water heater. May be time to get a new one.
  14. 4. 90% efficient amorphous photovoltaic cells as cheap as window glass.
  15. President Bush is going to establish fair elections in Iraq. He's going to do what it takes to rebuild their infrastructure. He's going to firm up their economy. He's going to create jobs. And he said if it works over there, he'll try it over here.
  16. The accused speaks well! "Creativity river, not the A-B-Seas!" What is the verdict? Are there grounds for sentencing? For Haiku hanging? What say you, Judge blike? Shall he run free or have you found sound bloodhound grounds?
  17. Welcome! Enjoy the cosmos and I hope you find enlightenment of one kind or another (A moderator will probably move this to the "Introduce Yourself" thread in General Discussion if you can't find it later).
  18. Right! This won't happen again until 6009.
  19. Nope. Like you said, pretty easy. I liked it though. What happened in 1961 that will not happen again for over 4000 years?
  20. The letter E.
  21. High Court of Haiku in session. Honorable Judge Blike presiding. Bloodhound is charged with metered alphabattery. How do you plead, dog?
  22. Bush-el basket case, Iraq sees the burning Bush and now feels am-Bushed
  23. Beware the Bushrooms! They'll make you paranoid and see God everywhere!
  24. A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the boss' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week," she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you yesterday," the wife replies, "he died last week." The next day the same guy calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?" "Sorry," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it!"
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