Phi for All

A one dollar bill met a hundred dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much." The hundred answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, did some political payoffs, some drug deals, went to a couple of football games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?" The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff... church, church, church."

Now THAT'S funny!

Good reading for those of you who think supply-side economics and tax cuts for the rich are a good thing:http://www.wpi.edu/News/TechNews/010410/taxcut.shtml http://www.counterpunch.org/freeman05302003.html

Get out of town!?! That's too funny! If I was the cop that pulled them over, I'd have let them go (as long as they walked home). Like this one: Doing 90 in a 65, a guy in a Ferrari knows he's in trouble when a cop pulls in behind him with the roof lights on. Figuring he could just lose the cop he floored the Ferrari. 100, 120, 150 and still the cop was right on his tail. Finally giving up, he pulled over. The cop approached the car and said," You know, I was just about to go home to my family. If you can give me a really good reason why I shouldn't give you the biggest ticket this world has ever seen, I might just let you off this one time." "Well," the guy says, "Just last week my wife ran off with a cop." "And?" the cop asks. "When I saw you chasing me, I thought you were trying to bring her back!" (The cop let him go)

When I click on a link in Outlook, I get two windows in Firefox. When I open a window in Explorer (which I have to use for some business apps), Explorer keeps asking me if I want it to be my default browser. Even though I say no, if I then click a link in Outlook, it opens an Explorer window anyway. dryan, you should be able to set a default somehow. Are you running XP?

Thanks, AtomicMX, I'll give it a try.

Has anybody downloaded 1.0PR yet? That's the latest/greatest. Any comments before I upgrade?

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. He was in the woods and suddenly there was a grizzly bear in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. Do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No." The doctor said, "There was a loud bang and the bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Not with an umbrella! Someone else must have shot that bear." The doctor smiled widely and said, "Ah, good, you see my point!"

An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman in. The doctor tells her, "Before we proceed with your examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first." The old woman says, "Oh, no, it's his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs." The doctor says, "His heart is fine, but I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and God turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and God would turn the light out for him." The old woman responded, "Damn it, he's peeing in the fridge again!"

Three guys are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh when the driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car telling him to pull over. The other two are really worried. "What are we going to do with our beers? We're in big trouble!" "Hold on," the driver says, "it's OK, just pull the label off your bottle and stick it on your forehead," and when they've all done that and stashed the bottles, he pulls over. The police officer then walks up and says, "You guys were swerving all around the road back there. Have you been drinking?" "Oh, no, officer," says the driver, pointing to his forehead, "We're trying to give it up. We're on the patch!"

Kudos go to you! bloodhound's therapy in verse, sanity online!

Haiku was getting close to being on page two; cannot let it die!

Counting the seconds between the lovely flashes. IT'S GONNA FRY MY ------------------------

Lightning is coming, the sky is black and weepy. Computer goes PHFTT!

Not sure if this is Australian or British, but I remember a story about an American mentioning that his sister would be visiting "over there", and his foreign acquaintance saying, "Oh, I'll be sure to 'knock her up'", which means get her pregnant in the States. *edit* Sorry, didn't see the last bit in post #11. Too busy laughing about the fannypack remark, I guess. Can you tell us what fanny means in the UK, without being too graphic?

I AGREE! There are a few folks here, like Cap'n, who have a lot of posts but try to contribute something meaningful each time they post. Others like to chat up the threads with useless comments and spammy remarks that add nothing. These folks are the ones who would abuse any new system you adopted.

I definitely agree. Since the US was founded on the "Melting Pot" principle when it comes to immigration, I think someone who has moved here, become prosperous and well-liked in his/her community, creates jobs and generally contributes to the well-being of those they come in contact with is a more valuable citizen, even if he/she does not speak english, than some of the racist elitists who contribute very little and argue that they should be shot.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped and saved, so they could send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large moustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents. On the back of the photo he scrawled "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?" Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"

OMG! Are no 10 & no 11 connected buildings? 'Cause with a mouth like that she could go through a wall in no time!

Mi hombre, AL! Por la paz, amigo!

I apologize. Shooting them was mentioned, but not by you. Again, you're arguing a worst case scenario without giving me actual examples of how someone offended you in this way. You're saying, "if this were to happen in this way, it would be rude and intolerable." You are right. Has it happened to you in this way?

Please tell me their vision returned to normal after another day! It's amazing how the mind adapts. I've heard of upside down vision happening with chronic migraines. Is this test with the glasses safe? I'm not sure I would want to do it too regularly.

A big part of tolerance is recognizing our own tendencies to judge people as a set of attributes rather than looking at their actions in context to the situation. If you were the person who rudely pulled out in front of someone because you had just lost your grandfather and weren't thinking straight (grandpa pulled out in front of someone on a one-lane road and didn't drive fast enough, so another driver shot him), you would probably hope people would cut you a little slack. Unless I know for a fact that the person who doesn't speak english very well has been here for years, has had many opportunities to learn the language and simply refuses to learn even the basics, I try to practice a little tolerance.

I can't believe this has been such a problem for you that you would want to have a "system" set up to "require" someone to learn english. Do they get deported if they don't learn? I gave you examples of what I would do to overcome this obstacle but in all honesty I can't even imagine a restaurant (that wasn't ethnic by nature) where they would hire a waiter who couldn't communicate with the majority of its clientele. It just doesn't happen. Get real. The problem here is that I'm talking about situations where it's a little difficult to understand someone, or I have to take a little more time to make myself understood, and you guys are all responding as if the person is standing there not understanding a word I'm saying, or that I'm asking for a menu item which is printed in english and just get blank stares from my waiter. When that's the case, people get fired. There is your consequence.