Phi for All

How many shapes could there be? Kid with enormous head arms up, kid with enormous head arms down, what else is there? Here's the big question: do you feel smarter after you eat them? Even for a little while?

This happens to me whenever I have an early flight to catch or an important meeting I have to get up early for. Even though my alarm is set for a classical radio station to wake me (and they don't play Wagner in the A.M., it always pretty mellow), because it's important to wake up I'll wake up and look at the clock and it's always about 2-5 minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off. Recently my daughter broke her leg. It's in a cast and she's too young for crutches, so I gave her a whistle to clip to her pillow if she needs me to carry her to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I've programmed myself for the sound of that whistle and now I'm hearing it's pitch EVERYWHERE! Brakes squeaking on the rancher's tractor behind my house, kids whistling for each other outside, test signals on TV, so many things have the same pitch. We are conditioned to recognize sounds that are important and we filter out the mundane.

I feel like posting that so many times in this thread!! Like after virtually every joke! Seriously (ha), everybody has been picking their best to post and I think we have one of the best collections of jokes I've seen in one place. Keep it up! I'm determined to beat the Guns thread in Politics. WE have a ways to go. Count on one a day from me!

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer, so a volunteer called to solicit his donation. When he got the lawyer on the phone, he said, "Sir, you have a successful law practice. You must be worth millions. Surely you could give back a little to your community through The United Way." The lawyer said, "First, are you aware that my mother is dying from a long, painful illness? And that she has medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Uh, no." "Second, did you know my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair, and unable to support his wife and six children?" The stricken United Way rep mumbled another, "Uh, no." "Third, do you realize that my sister's husband died in a dreadful traffic accident leaving her penniless, with a huge mortgage and three young children?" The United Way rep was humiliated. "No, sir. I had no idea." The lawyer barked, "Well, if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!"

Do you mean the theme song for his show by Bowling for Soup or is this some new gastronomical delight? Is it an alphabet-type soup that spells out an element from the periodic tables each time you stir it?

A drunk stumbles upon a Baptismal service one Sunday afternoon down by the river. He stumbles down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked. "No!" said the drunk. The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?" "No, I didn't!" said the drunk again. Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?!" The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

OK, I looked it up and I was wrong about that.

In case this was in response to the allowable filth in processed foods, here's some links to follow up on (WARNING: if you eat a lot of processed foods and believe that ignorance is bliss, DO NOT READ THIS!):http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/morefilth1.html http://slinkster1.tripod.com/life/filthinfood.htm

Pop Tarts are actually quite good. If you toast them twice and them let them sit out for two days, they form a molecular bond that makes them useful as roofing shingles. They're too expensive to use this way, but they will last longer than regular 3-tab asphalt shingles. Unfortunately, this will void the warranty on your roof due to the excessive weight.

First of all, Navajo, it's the microwave's fault. They tend to heat the ends of things and leave the middle alone. It's one of Newton's Laws, I believe. "Microwave radiation tends to create uneven heating for the purpose of human discomfort." It's something like that. Sir Isaac used to get mouth burns all the time. Second, you should stay away from anything that promises instant processed gratification like a Hot Pocket. Make yourself a pita or something. Do you have any idea what's in a Hot Pocket? Do you know they are allowed by law to NOT mention all the bug droppings, cigarette ash and insect parts that get into the mixture? Hot Pockets and similar microwaveable comfort foods are Satan-spawned turds designed to slowly make you agreeable to eating anything. They are bad for your health (yes, even the Healthy Pockets, which are simply low-fat turds with chicken instead of beef), and they are only good for the manufacturers, who get to fill a cheap flour crust with glop they've thrown together from an unclean vat and freeze it so you can burn your mouth, poison yourself and then go out and buy more. Sorry, I'm not a big fan pf processed foods.

This is the way it would start out. I want to live a little longer. But it would get to the point where 120 years wasn't long enough, 150 or 200 would be better. Or 250. We don't always accept status quo. We're human beings. But it would increase incrementally, along with the attendant problems, but like anything that changes a little at a time, we'd figure out the pitfalls. The worst thing would be sudden immortality. It would be like suddenly having all the cheap power we could ever need, like a safe cold-fusion generator the size of a toaster for a dollar, available tomorrow. It would throw the whole world into chaos for quite a while until society figured out what to do with all the unnecessary power plant jobs and obsolete enrgy-generating products.

A Mafia Godfather has his thugs drag his former accountant into the room to kneel before him. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant doesn't answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The Godfather's attorney, also present in the room, interrupts, "Godfather, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I speak sign language and I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Ask him where my money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, and cocks the trigger. The Godfather says, "Ask him again where my money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?" The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says...a fat piece of crap like you doesn't have the balls to pull the trigger!"

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer getting hit by a car and a dog getting hit by a car? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What good deeds have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a long time, then said, "A month ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, "Well , that's good, but it's not really enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait! There's more! Three years ago I gave seventy-five cents to a little old lady at the grocery store who was short on change." Saint Peter looked to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, was true. Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what should we do with him?" Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his dollar and tell him to go to Hell."

I'm guessing q-bio is their new Quantitative Biology archive.

Sorry, but you hadn't posted in this thread before. I thought MulderMan had too many windows open (I do that a lot).

Sorry, I guess I was trying to, like, think beyond the immediate. But what you and the Cap'n are talking about is a kind of stage fright, something that goes away (maybe never totally) the more exposure you get and the more confident you are. Bush has never lacked confidence when it comes to speaking publicly. In fact he seems to have convinced his cabinet that he doesn't need any help in order to speak in public.

Wrong thread. Jordan's being poor over in the Bushisms.

Cherry-picking out-of-context for what supports your pre-conceived notions and throwing the rest away? *sigh* Jordan, Jordan, Jordan.

Sometimes extremism is needed to compensate for lack of progress and a tired, routine beaurocracy.

That was beneath you, jordan. IMO, you sound like a child yourself when you make a rash conclusion like that. I've always found you to be very well-spoken and logical yourself. I realize you have the time to type your responses and Bush does not, but I never suggested an intelligence comparison between myself and the president. I'm sorry if it offends your platform views to have Bush's speeches picked apart. I'm never concerned with his misspeaks that are obviously grammatical errors like, "This has been tough weeks in that country." That is the type of thing that can happen to anyone. I'm a little more firghtened when he misuses the language entirely, forgetting the word "disgusted" and substituting, "Like you, I have been disgraced about what I've seen on TV that took place in prison." These make him and all Americans look bad all over the world. What really bothers me is when he says things like the one yesterday, where he is clearly not listening to what he is saying. "He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me." "This very week in 1989, there were protests in East Berlin and in Leipzig. By the end of that year, every communist dictatorship in Central America had collapsed." This, to me, is a sign of someone who has no idea what they are talking about. They've heard someone else spout off the facts and they regurgitate them badly, passing it off as their own wisdom. When it is so obvious that the president of the US could have the very best speech writers at his disposal, the latest teleprompter technology and other help with his public addresses, it pains me to see that he is obviously turning them all down. Can he be bothered to rehearse his speeches as past presidents have done? Can he read from a teleprompter? Can he read from a piece of paper? And don't point to the fact that many of his speeches are impromptu, because the signing of the military budget yesterday was NOT exactly unforseen. I will admit I was biased about Bush's intelligence from the outset when I heard that he refused to read reports given him by staff and demanded "Cliff Notes" versions of everything. Clinton, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon, all were avid readers who insisted on as much info as they could get because they could all speak from an informed point of view. I think Bush hides a vast repository of illiteracy behind that smirk of his, supremely confident that his family wealth and personal power can overcome any and all shortcomings.

I remember hearing that moths use the moon (or sun?) to navigate and lights throw them off because they try to use them the same way. Since the lights are much closer they end up going around and around them, eventually spiraling inward to them. This was hearsay, and not from a trusted source.

Used your avatar (Alicia Silverstone) for your friend's haiku!

Do the math. In his political career, Kerry has given many times more speeches than Bush has. I can guarantee there won't be a dozen websites devoted to "Kerryisms" if he's elected. I may not have liked Clinton's giveaway of the country's media, but that man was a masterful speaker. As bloodhound says, Bush is the president of the US. We expect him to sound more educated than some backward, inbred, hill-dweller who's family name got him through school. I respect and love my country and I respect the office of the president of the United States. The way an adult taxpayer does, not like a four-year-old child who's love and respect is completely unconditional.