Phi for All

An elderly man and his wife are rocking on their front porch. The man says to her, "Mabel, I have to confess something to you. I cheated on you three times in the forrty-nine years we've been married." Mabel looks over at him and says, "I know", then stands up, goes inside and comes out with a shoebox. She tells him, "After your first affair, I started having affairs myself." She opens the box and inside are a couple of dozen kernels of corn and over fifteen thousand dollars in cash. He asks, "What's this?" Mabel says, "Every time I had an affair, I put a kernel of corn in this box." His eyes widen as he counts them, then he asks, "Where did you get the cash?" Mabel says, "Every time I got up to a bushel, I'd sell it!"

Bush is sleepless one night when the ghost of George Washington appears before him. Bush says, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" Washington tells him, "Be honest and set a good example like I did." Then he vanishes. Bush thinks, yeah right, like that's ever going to happen. Suddenly the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears before him. Bush asks him, "Tom, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" Jefferson tells him, "Put the general welfare of the people ahead of the greed of big business." Then he vanishes. Bush snickers to himself but suddenly the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears before him. Bush asks, "Abe, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" Lincoln replies, "Go to the theater."

Got big plans for #19 tomorrow, Dave?

Okay, we need more funny: There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."

Many thanks, Martin! Witten is amazing. I'll crack loose some time later today to check out the links.

Not all fossils have to be dug up. Some of them are lying right on the surface.

What has Witten been up to? Was there any further research into whether or not gravitons pass across multiple universes?

I installed mine on 5/31/04 and I've got 801 points. I love the fact that my comp is doing cancer & smallpox research while I sleep.

For instance, when your country drafts you involuntarily into the military and your religion forbids taking a human life? Or when your country implies that patriotism means hating someone who is not from your country, and your religion compels you to love your fellow humans, no matter where they come from? There are ways to personally separate church and state. You can love your country without loving everything it does. And you can follow your religion without being blind to its weaknesses as well. This is how both religions and nations can grow to be better.

Also interesting. I'll have to research that, but I'll bet it's just a matter of what you allow yourself to dwell on. If the problem is more important than the sleep, you think of the problem. I've heard it's possible to use meditation techniques to will yourself to sleep. That's an area I need to look into, since it never works to simply tell myself to think of nothing.

I'm talking about the small picture of Lee bloody and bandaged up at the top of his page. Is this just a theatrical pose or did someone forget to tighten something?

Two cannibals are having lunch. One says, "Boy, your wife sure makes good soup!" The other one says, "Yeah, but I'm going to miss her."

What the hell happened to poor Lee? Is this what happens to the losers?

OK, to recap, you are about to play a piano concerto at 35,000 ft in a big transport plane. You approach the piano, slip on a banana peel, pushing you and the piano out of the back of the plane. Luckily, you have your chute on, so you pull the ripcord but nothing happens. You land SPLATT, leaving a man-shaped crater, which you, still miraculously alive, poke your head out of. Just then the piano land on top of you, followed by an Acme anvil just for grins.

Amusement park mishap. Someone releases the governor on the Ferris Wheel and you find out about the differences in strength between the electromagnetic force and gravity.

Scots Bonnet Chilis (Habaneros for we Americans) are classified as lethal weapons in some countries.

No need to apologize, it happens. I'm glad they found their way home. Thanks, Say!

One of my favorites, but it's long: Three men were standing in line to get into heaven. St. Peter motions the first one to come forward and tell how he died. The man replies, "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. I live on the 10th floor so I snuck up the stairs and tried to sneak into our apartment but I used the wrong key the first time. I finally burst into the apartment and ran to the bedroom. My wife was naked in bed but I searched everywhere and couldn't find anyone. Then I looked out the kitchen balcony and saw a guy running down the fire escape. I was so angry the only thing I could think to do was roll the refrigerator to the balcony and heave it over. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony." "I see. Well, you may enter," said St. Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and St. Peter asks for his story. "You see, I live on the 5th floor of my apartment building, and I was late for work this morning so I decided to take the fire escape. Just as I reached the ground, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and kills me, and now I'm here." St. Peter says, "Hmmm, interesting. You may enter." St. Peter asks the third man to come forward and tell his story. "Well, sir, it's like this: I'm hiding in this refrigerator, minding my own business..."

A great joke is like a great skirt: short enough to maintain attention, and long enough to cover the subject.

I do this too when something is high priority, like I have a flight to catch in the morning. I set the alarm and then wake up way before that like THIS will be the day the clock decides to stop working or the power will go out or the sun won't rise... I guess this is more an internal clock problem that's more akin to the light sleeping rather than the ability to go to sleep quickly.

You've got youth, power, fame AND the keenest grasp of math on the web. We're not worthy! Btw Sayonara, in the poll, did you put yourself down as 15-25, or 25-35, or did you vote twice?

Blike, are you a light sleeper as well? I wake up if I hear a noise that's not supposed to be there. I don't wake up for wind and storm noises, cars going by the house, house settling noises and things like that, but I wake up every time I hear my five-year-old open her bedroom door. invisiblebrain, it would be interesting to know if the people who can sleep immediately are also heavy sleepers, too.

I've always had problems with what I call "the monkeys". My head hits the pillow and even though I'm tired, I begin to think about things. The monkeys start to play and my mind bounces around in its cage from thought to thought. I've learned since posting in online forums that I have to give myself a good twenty minutes to unwind after posting or I'll keep thinking of certain threads. I've heard that some people who've done combat tours in the military have learned to make themselves fall asleep almost instantly because they never know when their next chance may be.

I'll make Ms. DNA feel young again! 47/M/USA. invisiblebrain, you're supposed to respect your elders, not dominate them!

The last dimension in M-theory was to account for the need for a full ten spatial dimensions plus one temporal, but I think Witten placed time as the familiar fourth dimension. If I'm not mistaken (and I often am), the final dimension was added to account for gravitons crossing multiple parallel universes to account for its relatively weak force when compared to the other three forces. I've even heard that many physicists are starting to believe the electromagnetic and the weak nuclear forces are one and the same due to the similarities between the wave functions of EM and radiation.