iNow

Two male mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x cubed. She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"? He repeats "one third x cubed". Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd...". The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squared?". The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!" A math professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: "PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS!" The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: "PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT" The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: "BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS" This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: "NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN" The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: "NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00" This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: "NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE" The Bishop was buried the next day.

I can completely understand your frustration there, ntash. Welcome to SFN. I hope you are able to share what you've learned during your studies with others so as to increase the collective knowledge base we all share. Enjoy.

http://www.xkcd.com/406/

I'm iNow. I chose my username because I live by the premise that all we have is the present, in which both past and future are contained. I studied psychology, but I am not about counseling. My strength was in the research, where I worked in 5 different labs prior to graduating, honing my skills and my ability to form questions. My first job was on a research project about smoking at the American Cancer Society. I then worked briefly for a pharmaceutical research firm doing phase 1 through 4 clinical trials, but I had a boss that rubbed me wrong and I told her off. Shortly after she fired me for my insolence, I began then working at my current company involved in various nanomanfacturing activities, from chips to thin films, and I've been involved in training for several years. I have a passion for learning, and I thrive on sharing that passion with others. The project I'm on now is one of 3 major corporate initiatives in my company, and the scope of my work is downright disconcerting, but I relish the challenge and the risk. I have a black belt in kung fu, where I am trained in 6 different weapons and 7 different animal systems, and a brown sash in tai chi. I've been skydiving twice, and I am an insulin dependent diabetic, and have been since I was diagnosed after going into a coma at the age of 10. I've taken care of myself and been independent since I was 17, and I have a good spirit, a kind heart, but a biting tongue and piercing rhetoric when it comes to people who lack integrity and academic responsibility. If you are honest and sincere with me, then you will earn my respect. It's simple really. I am open to change my mind in the face of contradictory information, but I attack with vigor and enjoyment bullshit arguments and regurgitated lies. Nice to meet you. Be well.

A man walks into an elevator, and the woman standing there says to him, "Can I smell your balls?" He replies to her, "No!?!" so she responds, "Oh, then it must be your feet." The ugliest woman in the world walks into a department store with her two sons, and the teenager behind the customer service counter says to her, "What handsome boys you have. Are they twins?" The woman, completely dumbfounded, says to him, "One of them is 14, the other is 8. Why the hell would you think they're twins?" So, the employee replies, "Well, I just can't imagine anyone would ever fu(k you more than once." These two guys leave campus one night after a week of finals. They head into the pub, get thoroughly loaded, trashed beyond all belief, and finally leave to head home. On the way, during their walk, they see a dog on the street licking it's balls. One guy says, "Man! I wish I could do that!" So, the other guy responds, "Don't you think you should at least pet him first?"

Subject: Monks are copying from copies A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . . So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. "We missed the R !" "We missed the R !" "We missed the R !" His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was... "CELEBRATE !!!" . . .

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... When asked how he was feeling, the 86-year-old replied, “Things are just great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. 'So what do you think about that Doc?” The Doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. 'I have an elderly friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.' One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.' 'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'Bang Bang'.' 'Incredibly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?' asked the Doctor. The 86-year-old thought for a minute and said, 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.' The Doctor replied, 'My point exactly.'

Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug." So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine. She's such a bitch.

I agree. Let's do this instead: A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. "What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch, the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole...it's three-fifteen in the morning!"

What's not funny is how many people think that attacking Al Gore discounts the data available regarding global warming.

LOL... I almost shared that last week after I saw it on This Week.

Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad). The new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it came into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, viceneutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass".

What an interesting question. Why don't we call it gamma shift? Probably has something to do with blue being a more prominent color in the visual area of the electromagnetic question, but I'm really not sure. Probably has everything to do with the first person who published a paper about the "increase in frequency" resulting from motion relative to an observer, and what they thought. I'm just not sure, though.

I suppose the easy answer is that our current infrastructure is built around petroleum, and those who make the rules also make lots of money off of dino fuels. Hydrogen is the most abundant element in the entire universe. If I understand correctly, it's what powers our sun. Just because we don't use it currently for all of our power needs does not mean that we won't use it more frequently in the future. It's hard to make an economy efficient, and it's hard to change infrastructure, and it's even harder to convince those that have the power to vote... the power to initiate these changes... to do so in the best interest of the people, instead of the best interests of their own wallets... but, it's not impossible, and more and more people care each day. That gives me hope. Take me to your leader.

Does anyone remember what a fu(king joke is? Jesus, man. When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me ... and I got it! So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon. A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon." I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

A grade school teacher in upstate New York asked her class how many of them are Hillary fans. Not really knowing what a Hillary fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except one boy. The teacher asked Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Hillary fan." The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Hillary fan?" Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan." The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!" The teacher asks, "If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Johnny replies, "That would make me a Hillary fan."

A football coach walked into the locker room before a big game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, - "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this: What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had given the right answer. Suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Sounds like it's time to see a neurologist, and most likely a complete CAT scan and/or MRI. http://cancer.stanford.edu/braincancer/brain/

Your point?

Actually, by his own admission just this last week on 60 Minutes, he was NOT top of his class, but just an adequate and "middle of the road" student at Yale. He was an honors student while at Holy Cross Catholic high school, and he did well during his time in the seminary. Either way, you seem to have some serious blinders on regarding what is and is not being said in these fora. Perhaps instead of focussing on your disappointment you could instead focus on areas where bridges and compromise might be built. Just the facts, ma'am.

Yes. This is a very good point, and an important discussion to be had. However, I think Pangloss is asking about conservatism, or the tendency to be conservative, which is a different concept really when discussed in political terms. However, I can appreciate how you could be a bit confused since the definition given for conservatism was: I was confused also.

Define "conservatism."

Right, and everyone fits very neatly into little boxes. While you can speak IN trends, you speak WITH individuals.

A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop. The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos. Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds. The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips. Customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of chips because they think it's so funny. Seriously... click the YouTube link below. You have to see this. ...News story on same: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/north_east/6907994.stm