Moontanman

Thank you guys, Phi I didn't realize until yesterday i was focusing on the date. The past few days have been full of panic/anxiety and depression. A full blown panic attack almost had me go to the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack or something. Everyone keep telling me it will get better but it only gets worse. I still expect her to walk into the room at any time. I still think to tell her something I've seen or heard that was interesting. We shared so much it's difficult to even consider we can no longer share. 

Vat, you make a very good point, she did keep me more or less on the straight and narrow and I miss her companionship, 46 years of marriage is difficult to get past. I've even been asked out by women recently but I still feel married and could see no way to do that. My own behavior has changed, I've become combative, easily irritated and very much unsure of myself. 

Life goes on even after the thrill of living it is gone... John Mellencamp. 

Being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes hasn't exactly helped nor has sitting on the couch and eating cheese burgers I'm sure.  

Know what you mean about still feel married.  I simply cannot imagine remarrying if I were to lose my spouse.  There is some terrific Samuel Johnson (?) quote about remarriage, but I can't dredge it up atm.  Some guy is delivering sheetrock to our driveway, so I have to go get it in before it rains.