Coral Rhedd

No women are not as afraid as they were before. I could tell you a few stories from my mother's era that would curl your hair. Yes, some men still abuse and some women still take it, but at least they know they can file charges and at least they know that if they decide to leave, the law will protect them. (Of course, sometimes the law fails. ) Because of these legal protections and better economic opportunities, women with abusive husbands can vote with their feet. If you use hitting to disciple your children then you know perfectly well how long it takes that mark to fade. If it's not fading in an hour, then you are hitting too hard. If you think you cannot control the force of your blows, don't hit. There will always be evil and we will always have to contend with it. People find it difficult to change compulsive behavior and people with little conscience are always dangerous. I think Galaxygirl summarized very well how the system works. Nonabusive parents have little to fear. We all fear for our children. That is just part of parenting. There are no guarantees, but there are probably greater percentage people in prison who were hit than those out of prison. Violence begets violence. Child abuse has long played a role in the histories of prison populations. I am not suggesting they go "unchecked." My idea of discipline is simply different from yours. It is not enough just to discipline children. We also have to teach them and we have to free them. Discipline and teaching are not mutually exclusive but they are not the same thing either. If we do not share our histories, our values, and our beliefs with our children and tell them why we think as we do, then we teach them nothing. But the goal should not be simply to stuff a child' head full of our beliefs and values and nothing else. If we do this, we leave them vulnerable to the world's temptations and defenseless to the world's brutes. We must allow them to question us and sometimes to disagree with us. Otherwise, we cannot have long and interesting discussions where they also share their viewpoint and we endeavor to show them the value of critical thinking skills. To function as moral beings in this world we must develop an internal value system apart from merely obeying the rules. Sheep will herd; thinking beings will not. I wanted a daughter who could think, so I allowed her to think for herself. Thinking is absolutely the one thing that no human being can do for another. Granting a child the freedom, the power, and the self-direction to develop his/her own moral code is the greatest gift a parent can give a child. I am not a large woman. I do not have low or powerful voice. However, I have never had a problem establishing my authority. I simply never found it necessary to hit.

People didn't used to think that the wife was the equal of her husband.

Well, I did because I knew exactly the sort of movies they were going to be showing. I knew nothing would be too raw. How are they going to learn critical thinking at all if all controversy is avoided? They mostly show it in Psych classes because they think it creates tolerance for mentally retarded (what they call it in the disability biz) or developmentally delayed (what they call it in the public schools) people. Because I have worked with mentally retarded young people, I hate the movie. To me it shows a trivial and inaccurate picture of the problems and discriminations these people face. So if I were to object to any movie the teachers showed, it would be that one. I think almost anything can be political. I can't see how it can be avoided. Teaching in the public schools here can be pretty brutal. For instance, each of the high schools goes into lock down several times a year because of gang violence and weapons and bomb threats. I don't think they teach the expectations that they should have, but this a poor area. Most teachers aren't even teaching in their specialty. I've tutored some of those teachers to pass the essay part of the state teacher's exam. I think it's safe to say that 50% would not know what socratic instruction is. Worry about the control issues. Ignore the small stuff because much adolescent misbehavior is to get your attention. As a sub, I learned not to smile or laugh at their jokes. This was hard because I am a pretty easy going person and I really like teenagers. (But I don't do well with systems. ) Pay attention to the big stuff -- like drugs and guns. But I am not really the person to give advice. I haven't been a regular public school teacher for many years.

Reverse is right. Aerobic exercise has been shown to have almost as good an effect on people as antidepressant medications.

In the U.S., if a parent leaves marks, scars, or bruises on their child in the course of "discipline," it is deemed abuse. Part of the reason for this is evidentiary. It is easier to prove abuse in such circumstances. I agree with this point of view. It is no longer acceptable in educated, developed nations for husband's to beat their wives. I see no reason why the same protection that we extend to women should not also be extended to children.

I have no problem with anything you said. The problems lie in practicalities. Here is an example: I used to be a substitute teacher. Substitute teachers are rather low on the totem pole in education because there are only two things usually expected of them, control children and watch movies. This is because some subs are so odd or ignorant no one in a right mind would trust them to actually teach. (One showed up to teach middle school boys PE in a sheer white dress, hair curlers, and flip flops. ) So movies it is. I have seen Forrest Gump 16 times. Here's the problem. Many movies that teachers deem educational are rated R. Many parents of high schoolers (especially the younger ones) will not permit their children to watch R-rated movies. Here is the solution: At the beginning of the school year the parents are sent a permission slip. The slip allows the parents to give permission for their children to watch R or PG-13-rated movies. If they do not sign the slip, for the rest of the year their children will be sent to study hall when one of these movies is shown. Some parents have complained that this exclusion of their children from class is discriminatory. What do you think?

Bettina, how else can one characterize what you are saying you are experiencing. You are saying practically that you were inside a murdered girl's body and experienced every thing she experienced. This is not normal experience. It goes beyond empathy. Let's say you get two choices to characterize your experience, normal and paranormal. So where does it fit?

Now this is interesting Reverse. Is there a name for this? I might want to do some research. I always fantasized that I was adopted, even though I looked very much like my parents.

As meant.

Bingo again! You are right. Some people are too lazy to be parents. It really helps to pay attention to what is going on with the kid. Sometimes it means teaching the same lesson over and over. Sometimes it means taking the time to listen. Mixed messages just confuse little kids and the bigger ones delight in them because then they can laugh to themselves that you are old hypocrite! Maintaining respect while keeping them thinking that you are fair, decent, and honest is a real trick. When they grow up and move away, you can relax your vigilance a little, allow yourself to be human, and massage your feet of clay.

I am learning too. I especially like learning the religious and spiritual beliefs of other cultures. I think that, long term, this sort of exchange creates greater understanding and tolerance in the world. "God" knows that we need more of that.

I don't know. I would have to do some research, but generally pornography and pedophile criminal law is separate. Where a problem arises is when actual children are used in the production of pornography and when a pedophile uses pornography in the process of "grooming" a child for abuse. In the U.S., those are against the law for sure. Do you know if the anime you speak of is legal in Japan?

Indoctrinating whom? I don't think anyone wants to take away the parents right to censor. They just want to retain their right to explore. Pangloss, I am not certain what you are arguing here?????

Actually discipline is important. Discipline doesn't have to equate with harshness or punishment. Think about it. How did you learn to discipline yourself? Chances are that your parents disciplined you first by expecting certain behaviors from you. Take brushing your teeth. I bet you weren't wild about it in the beginning. So you were told that you had to do it and you got praised when you did do it. And aren't you glad you did? Getting cavities filled is literally a pain.

Source: Being a Mom, being a teacher, being an advocate for victims of child abuse is where I got it from. Why would you give up? Patient people don't give up. They keep trying. Actually, I am not too high on just talking to alter behavior. Kids can use it to manipulate you and jerk your strings. Just find out what really matters to the child and restrict it until they behave. An important part of the equation is to reward good behavior. I don't mean with praise all the time either. If a child does something you really like make certain that something good follows the behavior. Let's say he has been nagging you to play a game with him but you have been busy. So he cleans up his toys from the living room without you telling him. This should be followed by you saying something like: "Oh good. You picked up your toys. (Normal tone of voice. Don't get all gushy.) I have a few minutes to play that game with you now."

Check out this one: http://www.scienceforums.net/forums/showthread.php?t=10146&page=3&pp=20

Hmmmm. I wonder if you will post nicely in reply to me? Does this mean, in your opinion, that there is no basic person or identity that we each have?