Coral Rhedd

You're joking, right?

Hello, I would just like to say I enjoy this section very much. I don't often post in it but I enjoy reading the viewpoints of a wide variety of people. For me, part of what sustains my interest in a forum is getting to know the people who post there. This part of the forum allows me to have a fuller picture of the people here. I think it contributes to a dynamic community. It would be boring if we all thought alike, wouldn't it? Regards, Coral

You are young, aren't you? Trust me, that changes over time. Now where did I put my keys?

But what about when the result of tests change due to certain influences? I will use the Meyers-Briggs as an example and myself, since I am familiar with both: I am ADD and unmedicated I am: INTP Medicated: INTJ And even then the introversion declines so that I am almost an E. What does this mean that personality can be so fluid and that drugs can change who we are? It makes me wonder just what the identity we cherish so much really means.

Right. A woman's libido is a delicate thing. It should be cherished, protected, and culitivated. I am not talking about virginity here. Virginity is already owned by the religious right so the rest of us don't have to worry about it. I was a virgin when I got married at nineteen and I made a terrible choice of a husband. We do not make good choices when we are horny. I brought up my daughter with dictum: "You need not be a virgin when you marry because only a fool marries before age 25." I certainly hope I haven't offended any who have married early, but the need to warn people of impending disaster outweighs good manners in this case, I feel.

Azure, I have to tell you frankly that I don't think that bodes well for your happiness. This is because what our culture expects of young women is different from what it expects of guys. I am not saying that is right, but just that that is the way it is. When people are different from the culture at large and from their families and their families' values in particular, it is lonely. Every step we take emotionally, intellectually, culturally from our backgrounds estranges us somewhat from "who we are." The problem is "who we are" has gone and disappeared and we can't get home again. I say this as the first person in my family to go to college. Here's what my mother said to me upon graduation: "Well I guess you are too good for us now." She was not joking. Well, I just wrote "gollegs" for "college." I guess it's time for me to turn in.

You are correct that they don't fall specifically under that definition. I am a little tired to look for links tonight. Here is what I remember learning. Pedophiles are more sociopathic than the average person, but less sociopathic than the general criminal population. They actually tend to be more messed up. They tend to be more schizoaffective, more dependent, and more depressed. In other words, more desperate with less of a handle on reality. They show lots of thinking distortions.

You have a point there. I think she used to care about connection, but she had a bad experience with one of the muscians and decided to make her choices more logical. Plus, I think she may have a bit of Asperger's. Have you ever heard of that? I think there may be a few people here who have it. It afflicts people who tend to go into academia and the sciences. It has to do with not being able to relate sometimes because of a problem with the expression of feelings. Some think it is inherited. It's on the autism spectrum but people who have it can be very bright but sort of obsessional. This does not mean they do not have feelings. Just that they can't express them and reach out. It afflicts men a little more often than women. Let's face it. If Mr. Spock wanted a relationship, he wouldn't focus on feelings.

That was discussed futher up the thread. I gave a link and you can read it if you are inclined to wade through it. It basically says that there are few genuine female pedophiles but that the number of adolescent boys who have been molested by women may have been undercounted because the boys may not see what they have experinenced as sexual abuse. That boys are culturally conditioned to think of such sex as initiation. Okay. I think this is what you meant to say in the first place, right? However, men can scheme to destroy another's economic standing and ultimately economic standing is the true basis of social standing in most societies. My understanding is differences in IQ are not that great. I read something to that effect just the other day. IQ correlates with education to some extent. As women do better in school and especially in math, that will change. You should try to get a copy of Time Magazine from just a month or so ago and you can read about it. No doubt this has an effect. Elaborate, but also explain why we would now need to enhance reproduction. Also, if you go there, you might want to take a look an infanticide in the past. What purpose did it serve? Sorry all sexism is bad. By definition, it is bad. Maybe not differential (word usage!). If you are asking if 5 foot 100 pound women should be firefighters. Of course not and they are not. But I knew a woman who could pass the firefighters physical but kept flunking the mental/psychological. This was probably accurate. She wasn't a very compassionate person. Nope. I am not going to discuss abortion. There are too many threads already which discuss abortion. As to court decisions, they only reflect the judges that we have. Remember, those guys (mostly guys still) are old. Overtime, any bias will change. You may be forgetting the one overriding factor in custody decisions. Money talks and men have more money. The last time I check on this, men won more custody decisions that they actually contested. Women get custody more often simply because they seek it more often. But more and more, judges prefer joint custody. A parent has to do something to get cut out of the picture. Financial abandonment will get people cut out. Judges don't want to add to the welfare roles they are tough in custody decisions if either men or women fail to provide support. However, if a woman is staying at home with a preschool child then that is considered providing care. Women may have the edge in such a circumstance. I'm not terribly invested in converting you. Can't you tell. . You totally lost me here. I have no clue what you are writing about.

I know what you mean. I think sometimes kids don't want to know what they are not ready for. When I was about nine, my mother took a medical book that had lots of illustrations and told me all about sex. She assured me that it was totally unpleasant. When I was 12, I saw our beagles mating in the back yard and I turned to my mother in astonishment. "That's not what people do is it?" She pulled out the medical book and told me the whole thing all over again. By fifteen, I was dipping into whatever fiction I wanted to read. I no longer believed my what my mother had said about sex being unpleasant. Otherwise, why all that moaning and groaning?

Yes, I am joking. I understand that attraction is a necessity, but being attracted is about more than just looks. I will give you an example. I knew a young woman, with all the gifts that nature bestows, who was attracted to good looking musicians. She dated several, only to find that they never had any money. She reprioritized. Now she's living with a guy of only average looks but a very very very good income. She seems quite happy. BTW, I edited my above post as you posted to me. A bad habit of mine. I was wondering what made you become less violent.

You could eliminate looks as a priority. What helped?

Might cramp your social life.

Right. I got that. Like cheetahs. Now that is a very sad case.

I like dogs. I have several books on dogs. I just used the pit bull in my example because he has a bad (somewhat justified) reputation. You were the one who referred to violence. And who can disagree with good breeding? I hope it is not too outrageous to say that most families would be happier and healthier if they gave some thought to genetics. No one wants violent children. If I got a hundred bucks everytime people were compared to animals on this site, I could retire.

I am curious. Which part of her post don't you agree with?

Yes, I would think intentionally. I am not referring to a unusual meeting where they do not know each other. But it is interesting to know about that emergency mechanism.

You inspire me to tell this true story. When my daughter was five, I did not like to use the television as a babysitter too much but I thought it was okay to let her watch nature shows. I began to have doubts over a couple of incidents. The first involved a guy I was dating. "I don't like Tom," she told me? "Why not?" "Cause he's a man?" "What's wrong with men?" "They decimate." "What do you mean." "They decimated the tiger, and the elephants, and other animals." Sure enough, those nature shows had men decimating left and right. My daughter did not understand that the term "man" meant all humans. Then there was this. I was watching a show about elephant seals with her. It was the mating season. They were showing the whole sex act. You cannot imagine how disgusting was. I was worried that my daughter might be traumatized, so I asked, "What are they doing now?" "Mating." "What do you think about it?" "It's boring. They do it all the time." Now I confess to being a little puzzled. Why is it okay to show animals having sex on television, but not humans?

Bettina, here is a link on PTSD: http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/facts/general/fs_what_is_ptsd.html It will give you some general information. Emotional trauma causes PTSD. I have know people who have had PTSD who do not remember what the original stressor was if it happened to them when they were quite young. Don't discount it just because you have no traumatic memories. The drug you have been prescribed is an SSRI antidepressant. It may help you get better, but if it seems to be making you worse, if you should have strange, almost psychotic thougts, or if you should get suicidal thoughts, or if you should feel much worse, you should notify your psychologist immediately. While you are taking it, I would like to suggest some adjustments in your diet. Do not eat sweets or really starchy foods like white bread, especially in the evenings. Do not overeat fatty foods, and maintain a regular exercise program. About the psychologist wanting you to talk about your mother: This is not odd at all. As to her writing in the computer, she is just taking a history. She sees many patients every week. She could not possibly recall all that they tell her. It is conscientious that she wants to get a good history.

No, I am being polite. I am answering you from my point of view. I meant relative to complete equality. This is an ideal that I do not think exists. So they say, but in Iceland, apparently they are better at math. No I was not being rude. I just happen to know more about dogs. In fact I think I am being nice and patient. If I get rude, you will have no doubt about it, nor will anyone else. A point I was trying to make. However, we do not yet know what the limits are to breaking the mold. All pedophiles who act on their desires are sex offenders, Some incest abusers are also pedophiles. They are not pedophiles only when their sex of choice is with adults. When these incest abusers use children for sex they are often called regressed offenders. Pedophilia and incest are not mutually exclusive. Estimates have been given that about one in twenty girls are sexually abused by their natural fathers. How would you explain the frequency of that behavior. There is no problem that a woman might have with a mountain lion the the accurate and swift use of a gun would not solve. The first million years of evolution has greatly influenced us. I do not disagree. But many things it fitted us for then are no longer necessary today. Although evolution is slow, I expect that it will eventuall make correction. Here's a sad thing: 1,000 years from now, there will probably be no mountain lions in the United States. I will repeat: Not anymore. So maybe it is the discrimination that needs to go.

Many parents who are brutal to their children think they are only using discipline. Often this is because brutal discipline is how their parents were brought up and they think they must do the same. People who were abused as children ofen have control issues. They think if they can just control everything around them that they will be safe. As a consequence they overcontrol their children and think of all kinds of punishment to keep control. Sometimes they overdo and they do kill their children. This happens more often when children are young. People do not realize how easy it is to permanently injure children. Shaking children is against the law because it causes trauma to the brain. Hitting children in the face is very dangerous for the same reasons. Minimal brain damage can be caused, the consequence of which can show up and impact the child's behavior and memory many, many years later. Little children can be killed by blows. A frequent occurrence of injury and death is injury to the internal organs. The child bleeds to death internally, slowly. The parents will know there is something seriously wrong but will hope the child will get better. They will delay taking the child to the hospital because the child has bruises and they know they will be held accountable. Many children have died because their parents have injured them and not taken them to the hospital. There are also parents, stepparents, and boyfriends and girlfriends of parents who can be viciously mean. Whether we like to think about it or not, there are some truly bad people in the world. Some of these people administer torture and ritual abuse to children. These are very dangerous people. Most parents who injure their children do so out of temper. Sometimes anger management classes can help these parents. Sometimes medication can help. But even if a child never suffers broken bones, internal injuries, or brain injuries, constant severe physical punishment is abuse because it is extremely destructive to the child mentally. Here's what I think: Anger in, anger out. If a parent brutalizes the child, the child is angry, whether he realizes it at the time or not. Because it is very scary for a child to feel fury toward the parent, and because the parent can get even more dangerous if the child shows anger, the child may pretend not to care or try not to think about it. But stuffing anger away is always damaging. Children who suffer child abuse need someone to talk to so they can realize that what happened to them is not their fault and so their can learn to deal with the hurt and the anger before it poisons their lives.