Coral Rhedd

My mother could never figure out if I was trying to say "dog" or "God." I may have had the two of them mixed up. Let's just say that I trust the dog.

What minor requests! I want to be able to walk into Saks invisibly and have everything I touch clone itself in my apartment. I don't want to steal clothes. I just want to sort of counterfiet them because I have lost some weight and I really, really need a wardrobe upgrade.

Qi.

Wow Glider, your description of lonely people sounds so grim. I suppose I am rather odd, but I have rarely been lonely, so it was a great surprise to me how poorly I handled it when my daughter graduated high school and moved away. I went from being mildly down to seriously depressed in a matter of a couple of months. It seems I can be lonely for a specific person but am rarely lonely in general. I confess that I am an introvert and can easily entertain myself on my own for a long time, but when I need company, I just call someone up. I noticed that when I was so very depressed however that I just wanted to be alone. I prefered to wallow in my misery. I suppose there is such a thing as people who are terribly lonely in an "Eleanor Rigby" type way. How can they break that cycle? Is it caused by poor self-esteem? Coral

Would you clarify this part? Do you mean deliberately or as a consequence of their behavior?

I think the idea of a collective unconscious can only be speculated upon not proven. To me, it is sort of creepy. It sort of reminds me of what science fiction writer Orson Scott Card calls a "hive mind." Of course the original post is about personification and I question whether any construct that delineates human behavior could be anything but personification eventually. In some ways doesn't division and classification of human behaviors always disintegrate into caricature. Spend enough time with the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual and you will soon be pigeonholing people like crazy. All nuances disappear. Why is comparing an annoying person with his hand on your butt to Zeus any less accurate than deciding they are a sociopathic sexual predator? In the moment, we see what we want to see. But we persist in pretending psychiatrists are objective with a little book in their hands.

Good points LucidDreamer, but then what is a collective unconscious? I was not so much defining as asking. I think there must be more involved than ESP or so many people would not have written so much about it. I am not saying I believe in it. I have always been rather skeptical about it but it is hard to discuss a concept that seems to lack a definition. Take a look at these: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=collective%20unconscious collective unconscious n. In Jungian psychology, a part of the unconscious mind, shared by a society, a people, or all humankind, that is the product of ancestral experience and contains such concepts as science, religion, and morality. http://www.angelfire.com/wa2/margin/glossary.html COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS: A form of the unconscious...common to humanity as a whole and originating in the inherited structure of the brain...According to Jung, the collective unconscious contains archetypes (see archetype), or universal primordial images and ideas. Thus, archetypical criticism regularly identifies literary power with the presence of certain themes that run through the myths and beliefs of all cultures. (MW)

Isn't the collective unconscious a Jungian thing? An example would be that almost all cultures have flood myths and why would this be so if there was not a collective unconscious. Couldn't it be argued that God (assuming there is one -- or two -- or three) a product of the collective unconscious. For instance, why is God in most religions male? Isn't that part of a collective unconscious? Or is the collective unconscious simply reflective of culture and nothing more?

Tea, on the other hand, contains something called theanine which has a calming effect on people and which, according to some studies, may be a mild appetite suppressant.

A recent study (sorry don't have the link) showed that coffee improves focus is used in small amounts throughout the day. Not your usual big mug or big gulp. Coffee is useful for most people with ADD/ADHD provided that they are not using a stimulant medication. Used with a stimulant medication, coffee is unnecessary and can result in high blood pressure and agitation thus compounding the side effects of drugs like Ritalin and Adderall. An effect that might lead people to investigate whether or not they might have ADD/ADHD is that coffee calms (can even make slightly drowsy) people with ADD/HDHD.

I have known of fairly reliable instances of precognition. My uncle telephoned my father in Texas at 3 am one night to ask if everyone in our family was alright. As far as my father knew we were all okay. About two hours later, in Colorado, my brother was involved in a car accident that resulted in his death the next day. This past summer a friend dropped by my house without telephoning because she had a serious feeling that I was ill. She could not reach me by phone because I have dial up service and was online despite feeling increasing strange. I was quite annoyed when my friend just dropped by. I hate that. She grabbed my palm to read it a pointed to a strange pulsing blue spot just above my right thumb. "See this! And your face is all white," she said. "These things mean you are bleeding internally. I am taking you to the hospital." I agreed to go because I felt so weak and faint. As it turned out I was bleeding internally and the bleeding became increasingly serious. I could have died. This friend may have saved my life because nobody denies illness like I do. But the question is: "Can these things be controlled?" I have never met anyone who can control them. In fact, I have met some mighty miserable people who are psychic. They almost always have something else wrong with them as well -- usually depression or anxiety disorders. It is like their system that filters out this bad stuff is somehow broken. The other thing I have noticed is that these people can become very confused. They often "predict" things that never come to pass. Think how upsetting it must be to always be wondering if your negative "feelings" portend the worst. These abilities are not a gift to wish for. They will only isolate you from the rest of the world.

Jdurg, whatever works for you. You are sort of avoiding the fact that not everyone is capable of that sort of violence or has that sort of strength. Sometimes it helps to have an adult ally. True (but rather shocking) story: My daughter, Suzy, is the original girlie-girl. When she was in fourth grade she wore dainty dresses (I could not get her to wear jeans.), painted her fingernails, was shy, and spoke (when she spoke at all) in a soft little voice. Boys just loved her -- to pick on that is. They would chase and torment her and she would only make it all worse by running away with shrill screams. Most days she would come home crying. I kept saying: "They can't chase you if you don't run." She simply could not take a stand. She was terrified. One of the school art projects was weaving. Suzy told me she was really enjoying it. One day I got a call from the teacher to come to school because my daughter was having hysterics. I went and calmed Suzy down, which wasn't easy because it was like her heart was broken. It seemed some boys had cut her weaving. The teacher showed me the weaving, extremely tight, tense, obsessive stripes of peach and grey cut right down the middle. I asked the name of the boys. It was Frankie and Joe. Frankie was the janitor's son. What had been done? The boys had been given a talking to. Unfortunately, this did not stop them from tormenting my daughter in days to come. The bullying continued and my complaints were ignored. As fate would have it, I was invited to teach creative writing in the after school program. One day, before class started, I saw Frankie and Joe lingering in the halls. I took an opportunity to speak to them alone. Here is what I said: "I am Suzy's mother. Suzy is a nice little girl and she does not know how to fight back when people pick on her. Lots of parents would wait for the school to make boys like you stop picking on their children. I have decided not to wait. Lots of adults won't hit a child. I am not like that. Lots of adults will not seek revenge toward a child, but I protect my own. If you ever bother my daughter again, I will hurt both of you and I will hurt you bad. Now go ahead tell an adult what I said to you. I am a polite, well-dressed, middle-aged woman. They would never believe you. Look at me. I am smiling at you now." Frankie's dad was sweeping floors one hall over. I could see him going back and forth with a big push broom. I never raised my voice. To this day, I don't know if I meant what I said or not. Let's just say I was convincing, even to me. Neither Frankie nor Joe nor any other boy at that school ever picked on my daughter again. The sustained fury I felt over what they had done paid off. Ordinarily, I am not at all violent. I never even spanked my own child, let alone hit anyone else's. I don't think there is any one strategy that works with bullies. But I do know that doing nothing doesn't work.

Hi Bettina, Youth, beauty, and a lovely voice will get you plenty of enjoyable attention. You also write very, very well. I suspect you rarely misword things. When people see an angelic looking face in a spiritual context they are likely to feel uplifted. There is nothing wrong with making people feel that way as long as you remember that you are your own person with a right to your own thoughts and individuality. People look for angels and heros and beauty because their own lives can be rather ordinary. Enjoy your youth. That is what it is meant for. But remember that you may have to also set your own boundaries in order to be seen and respected as yourself.

Sounds like you're a pretty good teacher yourself!

Bullies who are verbal and bullies who are physical can be quite different. In my opinion, unless we are talking about Hannibal Lecter, it is easier to deal with purely physical bullies. Simply pretend that they are untrained dogs. They will make your life hell unless you show you are alpha. Hitting should be a last resort. I suggest loudly spoken commands like "SIT!" "STOP!" "STAY!" Watch a few television shows on dog training or better yet take your dog to a professional trainer and watch him/her in action. It's all in the tone of voice, the body language and the extended eye contact. Physical bullies are usually rather simple. They are usually trying to make contact in crude ways. I don't suggest you scratch them behind the ears when they behave. A firmly spoken "That's better" will probably do. Sometimes, if they just don't understand, you may have to resort to threats, as in: "You do that one more time and I will send the police/principal/my attorney/the teacher/the school counselor to your house to talk to your father/mother." Then, of course, you must follow through. Never make idle threats to a bully. It only makes them worse. Whatever you do, don't just take it. It destroys your self-esteem if you do. I wouldn't take the rubber band incident too seriously. He probably really just wanted to hold your hand. Tell him he's not your type.

Some young people, the kinesthetic learners, can really only learn well hands on. I am interested in learning styles because these learners were the students I had the most trouble reaching. I found it was best to teach the essay style to them as a series of parts -- good old fashioned outline style. I did an appalling thing. I looked up old ways of teaching writing that are now quite passe. I taught to the exit exam I knew they would have to take, which was heavily based upon critical thinking skills -- my fav. My students did better than the students of teachers who had been teaching much longer. Every single one of them (who did not drop out early) passed. My biggest problem I see now was a certain "lofty" English mindset and the need to trim back my vocabulary. Right out of grad school, I wasn't sure what "role" I was supposed to play and I absolutely the hated the classroom management part of teaching. My attitude was, and still is, "If you are not ready for college, why be here?" Here is an interesting link that touches on twin studies and the brain and how the brain responds to learning. Apparently the brain is quite malleable and twins can diverge in their learning in a use it or lose sort of way. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/interviews/giedd.html I would extrapolate from this that girls, given very different activities and projected goals than boys would simply develop different skill sets. For instance, I only use my spatial ability recently for putting together some unassembled book shelves (Just try to understand those assembly instructions. Who writes those things?) and for sewing. I've long thought that excessive emphasis upon the first three years of life as the main ones that count for shaping the child's future is nonsense. In very real ways, we simply are what we do.

Sandi, I love anecdotes. Keep em coming. You are really lucky that your Dad taught you things. In my family, all chores were decided by sex roles. My three brothers took turns mowing the grass once a week and I had to do dishes every night. I grew with an abiding hatred of housework. In high school I did not want to take home ec. I wanted to take woodworking but was not allowed to. When I was in JTPA I tested way up there on spatial and really, really low on clerical skills. I wanted to be a welder because I knew that's where the money was. Guess where they tracked me? * * * Martin, the Rosie thing is real. My father went to war and my mother went to work on the railroad as a telegrapher. She lived way out in the middle of nowhere and when the trains came in she loaded freight. She developed muscles in her forearms that allowed her to defeat my brothers at arm wrestling when they were teenagers. My mother and other women made more money when the men were off to war than many of them would make again in their lives. Twenty years later, my mother made far less as a sales clerk. After WWII there was a big deliberate government propaganda push to get the women back in the house and making babies. The men got GI College Loans and the rest is economic history. The U.S. became the economic power it is today built upon the ashes of WWII.

Sandi, thank you for letting us know this. I have internet friends in Malaysia and India and am a little worried for them.

Sandi, when I taught at my local community college (as an English instructor) I found that many students who were interested in the trades were struggling with more traditional college offerings like English. I honestly could not figure out for instance why students learning to be welders needed to learn to write a 12 page research paper in MLA format with a works cited page. Maybe you can help me understand. Is this something machinist would really need to know how to do or is this just because colleges want to collect that tuition money? They keep pushing students towards an associate degree when, in many cases, it seems a certification would do fine. Even certifications require a certain level of English. The reason I ask is that in my community there are many primarily Spanish speaking people who are never likely to learn English well enough to pass university level English classes and yet that is what the community college is making a requirement. (The community college in this instance is economically married to the U.)

Carol' date= I can't agree with your second paragraph. I admit, I am very lucky to be in the position to have worked almost primarily with men since the git-go, so, take it from me, you will be accepted if you can demonstrate that you know what you are doing. Many women are not as lucky as I was - I grew up in a man's world. Learn it, know it. Never, ever, try to "baffle 'em with bull shit if you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance." Do not ever try to bull your way through something you are not sure about. Ask the man to explain it to you. Just as you would do if you were a young man trying to learn what an older man has to teach. Put yourself on an even playing field. Do not expect a man to help you more than he would a young man. However, if you don't understand, don't pretend that you do. Men are not ogres - I have worked with them for many years. They are not catty. Show them that you are legitimatelly seeking to learn from them, and they will teach you.[/quote] Sandi, I don't think we disagree much. I grew up with three younger brothers. I spent a significant amount of my childhood telling them what to do. But I do respect what men or any knowledgeable person can teach me. I don't dislike men but I have to admit to having some problems with women who are overidentified with men as a source to fill their needs. This is because as women age they usually find that the strategies they have utilized as young women to deal with men do not work as well as they used to work. Contrary to what the media may try to convey sex appeal is not the currency of the world. My second paragraph and its paraphrase of a quote was meant to convey that if women wait for men to approve of their progress, they will wait along time. I actually like working with men because they are more direct and I don't have to pretend to slavishly altruistic or completely lacking in personal ambition. I currently work mostly with women in a social work type field as a government contractor. Some people act as if I should apologize for making a profit. Some men are catty. But overall they do seem to be less catty than women on the face of things. But I think both men and women can be very manipulative. If my posts seem biting sometimes, I think you will find that my teeth are equal opportunity employers. I enjoy wielding words, I find people incredibly amusing, and I adore the works of Oscar Wilde. You can rein me in if I get out of hand. I won't mind. Just tell me if I am being rude and I will try to correct my course. Also I expect almost everyone posting in this forum is my superior in the hard sciences. Regards, CORAL

Slickinfinit, I think what you are saying about the difference between the way men and women fight may be true but there is a difference between fighting and killing. I have seen men engage in a sort of ritual fighting. It is sort of like my dog feels compelled to do when he meets another dog. He acts all big and tough and is prepared to give and take a few bites to defend his masculinity. (Should have had him neutered years ago.) I think the difference you are seeing among the fighting rituals of the sexes is that women know they cannot depend upon physical strength alone and so are more likely to seize a weapon. However, when we look at prison populations of people who have used lethal force they are overwhelmingly men. Guess who they often used lethal force against? When it comes to power and control issues, men are more likely to use lethal force against women -- most precisely against girlfriends and spouses. The time they are most likely to use this type of force is when the girlfriends/wives are leaving them, indicating that jealousy and attitudes of power, control, and possession are the motives. There is a difference between ritualized fighting and lethal force. War is both. It is a longstanding, highly organized ritual. It's purpose may be all kinds of high minded slogans but in execution it is killing. The more hierarchy between the soldier/first line combatant and the guy who gives the orders, the more likely war is to be devastating to human life. Wars are fought by hierarchical powers to establish control over territory and wealth. If men were gone, women would just fill those slots in the hierarchy IMO. Wars would continue -- at least for a while. After many generations if such aggressions slowed one could conclude that there is something different about men and women when it comes to organized aggression. If a change came about it might be because women are less conformist rather than because they are less violent. BTW, why are you fighting with women's boyfriends?

As to whether wars would end it there were only women, I can only say that I have seen women be very aggressive, I have seen women jockey madly for power, and I have seen women use force. It is human nature -- not just the nature of men -- that causes war. Killing off men is hardly a good way to achieve peace even if it were feasible. Violence always begets violence.