What to do if you are bullied as an adult?

[jimmydasaint]

Reading a separate thread about bullying and subsequent neural regrowth, I became a bit disturbed by the claims of the person who wrote the post saying that he had been bullied all his life and that he was 31 years old at the writing of his OP.

 

http://www.scienceforums.net/topic/100353-can-brain-grow-new-neurons-in-the-cerebrum/?hl=%2Bneural+%2Bregeneration#entry953438

 

 

I am horrified by bullying and consider it as an unacceptable infringement on the rights of another human being. However, if you see it happen to an adult, what would you do?

 

1. Look away?

2. Walk away?

3. Verbally intervene?

4. Physically intervene?

5. Other - please specify.

 

(If this is in the wrong thread, can Mods please send this to "Ethics")

[DrP]

If not too frightened then comment in a light hearted way to make a joke out of it as if it is just incredible that it is happening. If it continues then ask no questions and respond with extreme violence to crush the bullying parties desire to EVER do it again. You know - catch him by surprise mid conversation while he is laughing at your joke and totally floor him with a right hook to the jaw and follow up with a MASSIVE beating until he is humiliated and crying on the floor, hurt and bleeding. Then tell him calmly and forcefully that bullying wont be tolerated and stamp on him a few times so the message gets through. Cause pain, physical damage and humiliation. Unless he is a psyco then he shouldn't bully anyone again. If he does then call the police.

 

OR - talk to the victim and jump the MoFo together sometime with bats or weapons and scare the crap out of him so he never does it again.

 

That's my advice anyway - if you are incapable of dishing out said violence then get a friend or pay someone to do it.

 

I am not sure what the suggested legal procedure is in your country - probably just calling the police. ;-)

Edited November 15, 2016 by DrP

[imatfaal]

Not this ^

 

I saw this during the run up to the election and it made a lot of sense

 

 

I have intervened when women were being overly aggressively hit upon - but only when with a GF/female friend; mainly by getting friend to make eye-contact and inviting the women to join us

[DrP]

^ yea - that seems much better. ;-) This is verbal bullying though - I thought you meant physical. I think my way is better vs the physically assaulty types.

[fiveworlds]

You know - catch him by surprise mid conversation while he is laughing at your joke and totally floor him with a right hook to the jaw and follow up with a MASSIVE beating until he is humiliated and crying on the floor, hurt and bleeding.

 

 

That's a good way to get put in jail for assault. Just sue them for harrasment or make it clear to them that if they continue their course of action that you will be forced to do so. If they approach you with an intent to physically harm you then and only then are you allowed to use force.

[DrP]

Not sure you'd get done for assault if you've just saved someone from their own personal hell of an assault by a bully. The fear and damage caused by bullying is horrible. I think the victim would back you up in court and thank you for helping them out. Depends on the situation.

 

Also, how would sue for harassment? You'd need proof - most bullies just deny their bullying when challenged and then take it out on the victim afterwards with even more cruelty when no-one else is looking.

 

I agree though - my initial advice should probably be ignored for many reasons.... it was more of a venting of feeling, probably brought on from being on the receiving end of bullying a couple of times in my life. In most of the occasions where I was bullied in the past retaliatory violence has solved the problem for good.

[dimreepr]

Violence only leads to more violence, I prefer to fight without violence; I'd film the bully in action and then I'd intervene and threaten the bully with exposure.

[DrP]

QUOTE: "Violence only leads to more violence"

 

I too prefer non violent solutions, but your statement is speculation (maybe it was taught to you) - in my experiences the problems went away for good after violence was applied. Thus - violence lead to peace in each of my situations. There is a time and a place for it... and that time and place is when bullies are at work imo.

[dimreepr]

QUOTE: "Violence only leads to more violence"

 

I too prefer non violent solutions, but your statement is speculation (maybe it was taught to you) - in my experiences the problems went away for good after violence was applied. Thus - violence lead to peace in each of my situations. There is a time and a place for it... and that time and place is when bullies are at work imo.

 

 

A bully is often a natural coward, if you meet his aggression with indifference, his aggression becomes a wave on an uncaring shore; it works with aggressive dogs too, ignore them and look anywhere but at them and it almost whimpers.

 

I remember cowing a 6'4" 19 stone prison bully, when he tried to take a hand rolling paper from my pack, without asking; I said, whilst sat down, without looking at him and completely calm " WTF don't f*$%"ing take my shit without asking, ever!!!", he didn't apologies, they never do, but he put it back whilst muttering "It's only a fucking paper (long pause) can I have a skin?"

 

The art of fighting without fighting doesn't mean you need to be Bruce Lee, but you do have to accept that once in a while you might get your arse kicked.

When I was at school a bully tried it on, I tackled him to the ground and threatened him with a knife by stroking the blade across his cheek and down to his neck; it scared the shit out of the bully and protected my younger brother from any bother. But the cost of that action for me was several surprise attacks, from behind, by wanna be's who wanted a fast track to a feared reputation.

Edited November 15, 2016 by dimreepr

[Moontanman]

A seasoned piece of usually hickory does the trick,... I am non violent until someone else becomes violent, I'm ashamed to say I would probably attempt to stomp a mud hole in his ass. I have a seasoned hickory walking walking stick that I carry when ever I intend to walk any distance. I harvested it my self about 15 years ago...

[StringJunky]

QUOTE: "Violence only leads to more violence"

 

I too prefer non violent solutions, but your statement is speculation (maybe it was taught to you) - in my experiences the problems went away for good after violence was applied. Thus - violence lead to peace in each of my situations. There is a time and a place for it... and that time and place is when bullies are at work imo.

It depends on where the bully is from. If he's from an an anarchic council estate then, generally, beating them up is the way to go and embarrassment of being found out by their peers about having been beat up will usually mean they keep their mouth shut; the police is not an option for them.

Edited November 15, 2016 by StringJunky

[DrP]

It depends on where the bully is from. If he's from an an anarchic council estate then, generally, beating them up is the way to go and embarrassment of being found out by their peers about having been beat up will usually mean they keep their mouth shut; the police is not an option for them.

 

You are not wrong there! Calling the police on your council neighbors is a one way ticket to complete ostracisaton for being a grass. A good kick in gets far more respect. lol. Perhaps I have shown here in this thread a little about my background - I came from what was considered the roughest council estate in our town. I was never a 'hardman' but I stood up for myself and was respected enough not to be messed with by the bullies. Calling the police would have actually been dangerous at times, lol.

[StringJunky]

 

You are not wrong there! Calling the police on your council neighbors is a one way ticket to complete ostracisaton for being a grass. A good kick in gets far more respect. lol. Perhaps I have shown here in this thread a little about my background - I came from what was considered the roughest council estate in our town. I was never a 'hardman' but I stood up for myself and was respected enough not to be messed with by the bullies. Calling the police would have actually been dangerous at times, lol.

I lived my childhood in a 'bought' house surrounded by three council estates so I was 'posh' as a kid. I now live in the most desirable of the three, Most people have bought their homes where I live so the demographic spans the whole gamut from smackheads to architects and engineers. The style of my language changes according to where I am; when in Rome...

[Raider5678]

I'm not an adult, but if you are physically bullied, its usually not the best idea to tell someone about it. Ends pretty bad, pretty quick, and not for the bully. So a quick jab to the nose, or the ever so faithful legs of running is usually the trick. Verbal? Your screwed.

[Function]

If you like playing it tough: any form of bullying can be extrapolated to some sort of criminal offense - at least, in Belgium (you could even be condemned for an insult; if you're insulted online, 2 birds in 1 blow: insult + telecommunication crime; in that case, one best directly formally accuses the offender through an investigating judge, for then the case cannot be dismissed, which - alas - can be done after accusation in a police station, if they find it not serious enough or 'don't have enough evidence'; an investigating judge would then thoroughly investigate the case and decide whether a crime has been committed, and shall send the offender to correctional court, where he shall be sentenced)

Edited November 15, 2016 by Function

[jimmydasaint]

I was brought up in gangland Glasgow as a child and went to school in a place that used to be called the Gorbals and then had its name changed to Hutchesontown. I had a great childhood but stayed clear of junkies and idiots and avoided fights whenever possible. However, when called upon, I verbally stood up for myself. Being 5ft 4 in, I did not really do much else.

 

Reluctantly, I agree with the UK consensus, bullying in a tough housing estate requires some form of violence. Calling the police is not an option, and the bullies understand violence very well.

 

However, if you are not in the position to stand up to the bullying, being bold and verbally assertive usually helps in the first instance. As a young adult, you may have to learn to be physically in control of any situation though by taking up martial arts.

 

I don't think there is an overall answer, but it is clear that we all hate bullies.....

[Tampitump]

I agree with violence in pretty much every scenario. The bully is doing this to the person because he believes he has picked a person who will take his shit and not stand up to him. Standing up to him physically ends his little charade right then and there. It humiliates him because most bullying is done to compensate for the bully's insecurities. It will confirm to to the bully that he is in fact a piece of shit. He deserves every bit of it.

[StringJunky]

He deserves every bit of it.

Indeed. Leave intellectuality at home and put the boots on. If possible.

Edited November 16, 2016 by StringJunky

[koti]

I agree with violence in pretty much every scenario. The bully is doing this to the person because he believes he has picked a person who will take his shit and not stand up to him. Standing up to him physically ends his little charade right then and there. It humiliates him because most bullying is done to compensate for the bully's insecurities. It will confirm to to the bully that he is in fact a piece of shit. He deserves every bit of it.

 

 

Indeed. Leave intellectuality at home and put the boots on. If possible.

 

 

As much as I agree with both of you, I think you missed one crucial point - weapon access. Where I come from, not many carry a firearm so there's less chance of getting killed in a physical situation. I have the "luxury" of knowing both worlds (used to live not far from Detroit) and I think weapons are a definite factor in this discussion.

[DrP]

Weapons? You are upping the anti here! It then becomes a call for the police for sure if someone has a gun. There will be an armed response squad sent straight away.

 

imo, once there are guns involved this is no longer bullying but armed assault, theft or whatever it is the bully wants from the victim. That's far beyond bullying - far more serious an offence. If someone is crazy enough to be threatening someone else with weapons then they need to be taken into a cell.

[koti]

Weapons? You are upping the anti here! It then becomes a call for the police for sure if someone has a gun. There will be an armed response squad sent straight away.

 

imo, once there are guns involved this is no longer bullying but armed assault, theft or whatever it is the bully wants from the victim. That's far beyond bullying - far more serious an offence. If someone is crazy enough to be threatening someone else with weapons then they need to be taken into a cell.

 

Yes, you are right.

What I'm saying is that both the bully and the person being bullied have a different angle in a firearm free environment and an environment where firearms are popular and many people carry them. I've been in situations in both of these worlds and it don't really work the way you explained above.

As for the OP in a firearm free environment I think there's only one answer...you don't look away when you are witness to bullying - you intervene with adequacy to the situation. If its in public - expose the situation so more people become involved. If its not in public - use severe verbal aggression being prepared to act physically (works for me) If you are outnumbered on a bus surrounded by doesens of football hooligans - walk away. Every situation is different and obviously I do not intervene in all of them but whenever I can I try to pull the weeds.

[StringJunky]

Weapons? You are upping the anti here! It then becomes a call for the police for sure if someone has a gun. There will be an armed response squad sent straight away.

 

imo, once there are guns involved this is no longer bullying but armed assault, theft or whatever it is the bully wants from the victim. That's far beyond bullying - far more serious an offence. If someone is crazy enough to be threatening someone else with weapons then they need to be taken into a cell.

Yes, you can't better them in that situation. When it comes to weapons being used, our police are spot on and have better toys.

[Moontanman]

Does no one understand the use of a stick? If you get to within 2 meters or so I can get the bully no matter what he is carrying. It's difficult to aim a gun accurately when someone is hitting you with a 6' walking stick. I admit I only use it when I am walking around the neighborhood. I have met several other older gentlemen doing this this as well. I have a bad leg so I do have a reason to carry it. I made it my self and the wood is quite heavy and hard... I plan to make one out of a walnut tree next time I visit my cousin...

Edited November 16, 2016 by Moontanman

[dimreepr]

Does no one understand the use of a stick? If you get to within 2 meters or so I can get the bully no matter what he is carrying. It's difficult to aim a gun accurately when someone is hitting you with a 6' walking stick. I admit I only use it when I am walking around the neighborhood. I have met several other older gentlemen doing this this as well. I have a bad leg so I do have a reason to carry it. I made it my self and the wood is quite heavy and hard...

 

 

I do, but I fear you may not understand the value of the carrot.

[Moontanman]

 

 

I do, but I fear you may not understand the value of the carrot.

 

 

When you act like a helpless old man a bully lets his guard down, poke a man in the nose with a heavy walking stick disables him long enough to "whop the tar out of him" my grandfathers words... A gun is deadly but you have to hit your target and most bullies are just posers using the gun as intimidation. A second of not paying attention and a walking stick or even a knife is his bane... I plan to make a walnut walking stick next time I visit my cousin and if I can find one a red oak walking stick...

Edited November 16, 2016 by Moontanman