Is it better to lash out if you have a LOT of repressed anger?

[mad_scientist]

Hi guys,

 

I'm just thinking of things that have happened in my life. There was a time when I was younger when I felt and experienced a lot of repressed anger towards others for many, many years. It came about predominantly because of my lack of communication skills and my inability to deal with problems as a young teenager and through a lack of adult mentoring and any support network I was able to turn to. It clouded my vision of reality and made the world appear to be one filled with great injustices and I still do have such a perspective to some extent but not as how bad as how it was before during my transition from teenage-hood to adulthood. This made me feel extreme and intense feelings of anger which I was not able to break out of - although I did not really express these feelings to anyone.

 

I was emotionally unstable and decided to take my anger out on social media on one of the people I believe had been a prime supporter of the same injustice I experienced and I saw her as the cause of my suffering, even though she never inflicted extreme hurt towards me. However, there was a time when I received a little bit of intentional hurt from her as well as other people and would assume the worst in them due to my clouded vision. My thinking and the thoughts in my head were filled with malicious ones and I didn't know what to do with all the repressed anger I had.

 

Looking back, I don't know what I could have done. I was afraid of being perceived as a baby if I raised the issues I had to anyone and a part of me wanted myself to not talk to anyone about them as it gave me a feeling of certainty of how the world was like which I wouldn't have been able to have had I not received such hurt from society and the people within it, as happened initially. I also believed that not talking about it gave me the right to be angry and the thought of lashing out towards others (e.g. through verbal expressions). Had I talked about these issues openly (and I did have an opportunity - although I wasn't ready at the time), I believed that it meant that I couldn't hurt anyone and I had to forgive society from the hurt I experienced. So, I passed the opportunity and chose to lash out on one person in particular and humiliate her in social media.

 

Had a situation arisen of either (a) not talking about the causes of the repressed anger and not lashing onto anyone, how would this have affected my health long term compared to situation (b) where I lashed out onto someone.

Is a person in a much better position physiologically, mentally if they lash out and get rid of the anger?

Would he/she be healthier overall and live a more fulfilling life in the long-term?

 

Giving hurt towards others was my own way of releasing the anger I had inside of me and "connecting" with people and the world. I would feel more connected towards anyone I released my anger towards if they maintained contact with me and did not cut ties as a result. Had my communication skills been better, maybe I would have been able to figure out a way to express the anger and talk about it without breaking the bonds of any friendships I may have had.

 

Hope to hear some informative replies!

 

Thanks,

mad_scientist

Edited April 10, 2017 by mad_scientist

[koti]

 

Is a person in a much better position physiologically, mentally if they lash out and get rid of the anger?

Would he/she be healthier overall and live a more fulfilling life in the long-term?

 

 

I would say most definitely yes to both questions. The key is to find a good, safe way to vent and minimize risk of getting into trouble in the process. For some a good way might be physical training and/or boxing (these work for me) for others a shrink might be a better way (works wonders for some of my friends) One thing for sure...by keeping stuff inside for long periods of time without giving yourself a chance to vent you risk turning into Gollum from lord of the rings.

[EdEarl]

Meditation is another way to release anger and other disturbing emotions.

[koti]

Meditation is another way to release anger and other disturbing emotions.

+1

[iNow]

Depends on what you mean by lashing out here. The goal is mental health. Repression is not good for that, nor is anger that results in emotional instability, but to be frank lashing out still sounds far too volatile to be considered a healthy way of dealing with and processing your feelings. Sounds uncomfortable for your social network, as well.

[StringJunky]

The best way way to alleviate repression is to verbalise it with someone so that you can get feedback and you don't feel alone with it. Internalising the violence in the form of like thoughts or even expressing it outwardly solves very little in the long run... the relief is temporary at best. It needs to be articulated to another person . That puts problems in a more objective light. Even if the listener can provide no insight, hearing yourself speak makes your thoughts more objective, instead of just feeling emotions running amok.

Edited April 10, 2017 by StringJunky

[CharonY]

It is a false dichotomy. The choice is not between lashing out and repressing anger, but looking at ways to deal with anger. Ed and String have given examples for ways.

I forgot where I read it, but IIRC lashing out or certain anger therapies where you vent your anger at an object has the issue that you feel good afterward. Why is that an issue? Well, you unconsciously learn that hitting things or lashing out gives you a positive feeling and you increase that that behaviour rather than addressing the source of anger. This can lead to a spiral of problematic behaviour.

[Velocity_Boy]

Any mental healthprofessional will tell you that being in a constant state of anger can pose moderate if not severe problems as far as our mental health, as well as our quality of living are concerned. When anger is kept bottled-up for too long of a time and is not sufficiently processed or alleviated, the resultant emotion is usually depression and/or anxiety. In fact, an old psyciatric adage is that "depression is just anger turned inwards." And we all of course are aware of the problems depression can lead to.

Additionally there is the problem, the "risk" I guess I should say, of somebody with anger issues choosing to release it, or "lash out" as you said, in unhealthy and even dangerous ways. This is where we enter the field of Anger Management. And we all know some of the resultant problems from having no or insufficient anger management skills are. Physical violence; domestic issues; broken relationships; job loss; personal injury, et al.

 

So the trick here I guess is to find a way to safely and effectively process your inner anger. This can be done via either physical or mental--cognitive--methods. Like therapy. Meditation. Or even just dealing with--rectifying--the issue that is causing your anger. Diffusing the cause, so to speak. Anger is not all bad, after all. It can be a great motivator. But again. the trick here is to process it in a non-harmful, even helpful and beneficial way.

 

This can be as simple as taking up a physical activity, like running or boxing or martial arts. Meditating. Long walks. And there of course is always the option--and I think personally it should be viewed as a final option--of considering medication for an anger issue that is causing problems and you cannot control or deal with o your own. Like ANY emotion, anger is caused by chemical (Neurotransmitter) actions in your brain. That, and of course hormones being released by the various pertinent glands in your endocrine system. Like adrenaline from your adrenal glands that sit atop each kidney. (Anger can be addicting!) Just like fear can. Ask any combat vet. It's really thr adrenaline rish they get addicted to.

 

Carl Jung warned about the perils and repurcussions of not acknowledging our Dark Side. Which, btw, we all have. Anger is the same way. It demands to be aknowledged and then dealt with. The good news is there are many options and anger management has been a very hot topic in therapy and psychiatric communities for at least a decade now.

 

Best of luck.

[CharonY]

Well, since it was brought up a few times (even if only as a sidepoint): Carl Jung has a historic relevance to psychology and was influential in certain areas. However, his mostly observatory theories do not mesh well with modern psychology sciences which has moved towards more evidence-based approaches. Even in more theory-oriented areas, Jung is mostly seen as a historic figure rather than having relevance.

 

So overall, his theories do not have a lot of relevance in the area of psychological sciences today. However, in other areas which have a more pop-psy approach to these things (assessment centres anyone?) it is still quite popular.