is it deemed as sexual harassment ?

[fresh]

A picture sent from a married man to his normal female friend.

Only a picture, no words before and after .

Days ago, he sent a video of a woman losing her bikini bottom in a wave pool. 

Is it sexual harassment ?

Edited July 27, 2017 by fresh

[dimreepr]

42 minutes ago, fresh said:

A picture sent from a married man to his normal female friend.

Only a picture, no words before and after .

Days ago, he sent a video of a woman losing her bikini bottom in a wave pool. 

Is it sexual harassment ?

2

There's no way of knowing without context.

[fresh]

i said no context at all. A pic and video were sent in a sudden. no context at all. 

[hypervalent_iodine]

It depends on the context of their relationship and their friendship to an extent, and prior communications between them. The things I say or do with my friends might not be viewed as acceptable if I were to say or do them with anyone else, for example. 

[fresh]

If you find your bf or husband doing this to any normal female friend, how do you feel ?

[dimreepr]

You're not giving us much to go on, was it a friend of his or a friend of yours, was he trying to hide it from you, have you asked for an explanation etc...

[fresh]

5 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

You're not giving us much to go on, was it a friend of his or a friend of yours, was he trying to hide it from you, have you asked for an explanation etc...

he is my friend，normal friend.

i didnt ask for explanation，i feel embarrassed，including that video. i ignore him.

if my bf is doing this，i will break up with him. 

[Strange]

With no context, I would assume the worst. Context might explain it but if these were sent out of the blue then it sounds like a very bad thing to do. 

[fresh]

6 minutes ago, Strange said:

With no context, I would assume the worst. Context might explain it but if these were sent out of the blue then it sounds like a very bad thing to do. 

you are right，all were sent out of the blue ！feel annoyed to me.

Edited July 27, 2017 by fresh

[Prometheus]

It is a bit weird to send out of the blue (at least it's a nice picture - i was expecting worse). 

It might be innocent - i have a circle of friends who share some pretty gross stuff (i know the meaning of some words i can never unlearn, try as i might). It might be an advance. It might be sent by mistake?

The most important thing is that it is making you feel uncomfortable so it needs to stop. Can you tell your friend it's not acceptable? Might continue otherwise.

[fresh]

consider he is married，he shouldn't do it. he crosses the bottom line.

is that pic nice？ what will happen if it is sent to a female colleague？

 

Edited July 27, 2017 by fresh

[dimreepr]

25 minutes ago, fresh said:

he is my friend，normal friend.

i didnt ask for explanation，i feel embarrassed，including that video. i ignore him.

if my bf is doing this，i will break up with him. 

I see, well that does throw some light on the OP and so my answer would be yes I think it does constitute sexual harassment, provided it's not just a case of the wrong number.

[imatfaal]

Just now, fresh said:

consider he is married，he shouldn't do it. he crosses the bottom line.

 

If you feel the fact that he is married is pertinent then I would conclude that you think there is a sexual content to his messages (rather than, say, a shared enjoyment of good photography or body-art etc.)  If there is a sexual content then it could either be an unexpected sexual advance or being sent as some initial form of intimidation/mockery/harassment, or an incredibly ill-advised attempt at humour/bonding

A useful question to ask oneself is to think whether he would send these images to a male friend.

Two not easily interpretable acts, do not really constitute harassment; the best way to nip this trend in the bud whilst amongst friends is an open dialogue

 

[fresh]

he dare send to his male friends？

even if he is unmarried，i still think it is unacceptable.

[Function]

It seems like we're the coin you're flipping, although you already hope for a certain outcome.

It namely seems like you want us to call it sexual harrassment, and keep coming with arguments to do so. And it's your very right to do so.

I have this male friend, and to this male friend, I send the craziest stuff which could get us in psychiatric wards if it leaked. Getting a boyfriend won't change the status from the stuff I send and receive to/from this friend from 'normal' (lol) to sexual harrassment. But if I were to send it to random other friends, things could get really awkward.

[swansont]

Sexual harassment is usually a pattern, so it's difficult to assess with one or two incidents.

The EU's definition is: 

Conduct is considered sexual harassment if it is (1) unwanted, improper or offensive; (2) if the victim's refusal or acceptance of the behavior influences decisions concerning her employment or (3) the conduct creates an intimidating, hostile or humiliating working environment for the recipient.

The US defines it in a similar fashion.

There's also this: In order to qualify as sexual harassment the behavior must be deliberate and/or repeated.

 

So the answer is: it depends. It's leaning in that direction. If the friend has said to stop and the person keeps doing it then it is, since it's been established that it was unwanted and it has repeated. But if it isn't unwanted, then it's not.

 

 

 

[fresh]

3 minutes ago, Function said:

It seems like we're the coin you're flipping, although you already hope for a certain outcome.

It namely seems like you want us to call it sexual harrassment, and keep coming with arguments to do so. And it's your very right to do so.

I have this male friend, and to this male friend, I send the craziest stuff which could get us in psychiatric wards if it leaked. Getting a boyfriend won't change the status from the stuff I send and receive to/from this friend from 'normal' (lol) to sexual harrassment. But if I were to send it to random other friends, things could get really awkward.

i feel it is sexual harassment，but i dont know how others feel. 

One friend says I am over sensitive, the other says no idea. Am I oversensitive ? 

Putting this online is for discussing. I want to know how others feel, and how to deal with it?

that's all.

[DrP]

Have you challenged the guy? Asked him what these photos are about? If you don't like them then maybe ask him to stop sending you crap. He should get the message straight away. If he doesn't then you have grounds for complaint....  This, though, is obviously just my opinion and you should make your own mind up.

Personally I'd just ask him to stop sending you stuff as it makes you feel uncomfortable.. the whole situation should end there.

 

[hypervalent_iodine]

30 minutes ago, fresh said:

i feel it is sexual harassment，but i dont know how others feel. 

One friend says I am over sensitive, the other says no idea. Am I oversensitive ? 

Putting this online is for discussing. I want to know how others feel, and how to deal with it?

that's all.

 

As swansont said, it's a little difficult to call this sexual harassment as you have presented it. If the content makes you feel uncomfortable, your best course of action is to kindly let him know that you do not appreciate such messages, and to please stop. If he doesn't, then it becomes a much clearer case of harassment.

 

[iNow]

My best guess is he wants you to start thinking of sex and associate those thoughts with him.

I could be wrong, but I suspect he's testing the waters to see if you respond in a way that encourages more sexual discussions and potentially sexual situations between you both, or if you respond negatively. 

You are clearly uncomfortable and don't want it to continue. You need to make that clear. If it then continues after you've expressed your discomfort, then it becomes disrespectful, inappropriate, and potentially harrassment. 

[dimreepr]

3 minutes ago, iNow said:

My best guess is he wants you to start thinking of sex and associate those thoughts with him.

I could be wrong, but I suspect he's testing the waters to see if you respond in a way that encourages more sexual discussions and potentially sexual situations between you both, or if you respond negatively. 

You are clearly uncomfortable and don't want it to continue. You need to make that clear. If it then continues after you've expressed your discomfort, then it becomes disrespectful, inappropriate, and potentially harrassment. 

I realise yours and others, in this thread, reticence in jumping on the harassment band wagon given the scant information available. However, I have to say that since he's married and a friend (assuming his wife is also a friend or at least a nodding acquaintance) and the texts are unsolicited with no contextual description, for me, puts it firmly in the harassment ball park.

But I do agree with the majority he needs to be asked for an explanation, it maybe just a case of a wrong number.

[StringJunky]

4 hours ago, fresh said:

consider he is married，he shouldn't do it. he crosses the bottom line.

is that pic nice？ what will happen if it is sent to a female colleague？

 

Critiquing the picture aside from the situation: yes, it's a very nice picture and there are far worse pictures to convey intent. Being married is not a bar to this sort of action but it does tell you what he thinks of his wife: not a lot.  You need to convey your response or you could ignore it, which should have the same effect, and move on.

Edited July 27, 2017 by StringJunky
Edited to add

[StringJunky]

5 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

I realise yours and others, in this thread, reticence in jumping on the harassment band wagon given the scant information available. However, I have to say that since he's married and a friend (assuming his wife is also a friend or at least a nodding acquaintance) and the texts are unsolicited with no contextual description, for me, puts it firmly in the harassment ball park.

But I do agree with the majority he needs to be asked for an explanation, it maybe just a case of a wrong number.

People are too quick to jump on the harassment bandwagon. One advance harrassment does not make, regardless of their marital status.

[dimreepr]

1 minute ago, StringJunky said:

People are too quick to jump on the harassment bandwagon. One advance harrassment does not make, regardless of their marital status.

If there was no follow up I'd tend to agree.

[Prometheus]

 

5 hours ago, fresh said:

consider he is married，he shouldn't do it. he crosses the bottom line.

is that pic nice？ what will happen if it is sent to a female colleague？

I don't think it's harassment yet: insensitivity perhaps. But that doesn't matter - you feel harassed so it needs to stop. Let him know. Doesn't matter if you're being over-sensitive, if he really is a friend he shouldn't want to make you feel like this.

Personally i would respond differently to receiving this message with no context depending on the sender's gender. If male my response would likely be; nice, by wtf are you sending it to me? If female i would likely think it's an advance. 

I think it's a nice picture. Most sexual images we see (including public ones like in music videos and page 3) are gratuitous and crass. I think the image captures the sensitive side of sex.