Does relationship with former girlfriend/boyfriend create significant emotional baggage for any future relationship you will have in future?

[mad_scientist]

Does it ruin your future marriage as you will forever think about all the previous ex's you had been with while within the marriage?

Edited August 10, 2017 by mad_scientist
More specific

[Raider5678]

Depends.

[mad_scientist]

35 minutes ago, Raider5678 said:

Depends.

Depends on what?

If you suffered from a broken heart and had invested emotional energy in a previous relationship as well as many others, would this ruin any future marriages you might have in future due to the trauma of being damaged?

Is it possible to never get over your first love?

[koti]

37 minutes ago, mad_scientist said:

Depends on what?

If you suffered from a broken heart and had invested emotional energy in a previous relationship as well as many others, would this ruin any future marriages you might have in future due to the trauma of being damaged?

Is it possible to never get over your first love?

Yes, they (ex partners) haunt you sometimes, and sometimes the memories of ex's come back even if you are decades into new relationship/ship's. The good news is you won't suffer near as much or even treat the once difficult memories as a good thing when you fall in love again. Time heals.

[iNow]

I'd rather fail and learn with someone from whom I'll forever more be separate than with someone I plan to spend the rest of my life with.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

I had a relationship fail because my partner was afraid this would happen, although it didn't. The fear turned out to be worse than the baggage itself.

Instead of being afraid you'll never get over your exes, and letting that fear dictate what you do next, move forward and try to make your new relationship the best it can be.

[StringJunky]

 The main thing to try to create new experiences that overlay the ones that make you sad. If someone hurts you, be consoled that they will  reap what they sow. As an old lady once told me: "You can't make happiness out of someone elses unhappiness".

[bimbo36]

I sometimes have dreams about her , because that was  my first love . and i love those 10 minutes after i wake up from that dream .That is always my best emotional fill . Then i have a smile on my face and its a really refreshing day .

I have only fallen in love after that only once .

The rest of the people i don't care much .

Edited August 11, 2017 by bimbo36

[StringJunky]

My best break up happened in a pub. We sat together not saying much and she got up to leave and i said "I'll see you when I see you" and she replied "That's it in a nutshell". Wish they were all like that.  

[DrKrettin]

I think it is important to have several meaningful relationships before settling down to a long-term one, because only then can you be confident in knowing exactly what your criteria are. I know a couple who played together at the age of 4, never had other relationships, and have been married for 40-odd years. That's great if it makes for genuine happiness, but how do they know whether they might be happier with other partners? A long-term relationship can quickly become a habit rather than something meaningful, and (I think) you some kind of comparison mechanism. 

There are about 3,200,000,000 women in the world. It would seem a shame to me if I all I had to experience in life was the pleasure (or not) of living with just one of them.

[Area54]

18 hours ago, mad_scientist said:

Does it ruin your future marriage as you will forever think about all the previous ex's you had been with while within the marriage?

Only if you let it. It is choice that you have total control over.

[seriously disabled]

I'm becoming 80 and never had a girlfriend, let alone a single date.

I think that I couldn't get a girlfriend even if I wanted to.

 

[Raider5678]

12 hours ago, DrKrettin said:

I think it is important to have several meaningful relationships before settling down to a long-term one, because only then can you be confident in knowing exactly what your criteria are. I know a couple who played together at the age of 4, never had other relationships, and have been married for 40-odd years. That's great if it makes for genuine happiness, but how do they know whether they might be happier with other partners? A long-term relationship can quickly become a habit rather than something meaningful, and (I think) you some kind of comparison mechanism. 

There are about 3,200,000,000 women in the world. It would seem a shame to me if I all I had to experience in life was the pleasure (or not) of living with just one of them.

I don't believe that to an extent.

If it seems to be going great and working out, why would you throw it away in the hopes of something better?

As a saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side.

[DrKrettin]

9 hours ago, Raider5678 said:

If it seems to be going great and working out, why would you throw it away in the hopes of something better?

I didn't mean it quite like that. Sometimes relationships end for practical reasons, such as having to live too far away to continue. Sometimes a relationship is fantastic in a specific situation and the situation changes. Sometimes a relationship is valuable but you recognise that something important is missing so you know it can't last. Sometimes you just get dumped. Despite the pain, I would far rather have loved and lost than never loved at all.

[Area54]

11 hours ago, Raider5678 said:

As a saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side.

So are the weeds.

[Ten oz]

On 8/10/2017 at 2:56 PM, mad_scientist said:

Does it ruin your future marriage as you will forever think about all the previous ex's you had been with while within the marriage?

I say no, at least not in the long run. Eventually as time passes ones life changes enough, or should change enoough, that the former partners simply no long fit in to ones current life. Some people stagnate. They are born and rasied in one place where they choose to stay for college and then employment. Through the decades their friends, habits, hang outs, and etc don't change. For those people former partners might pose a problem because they aren't evolving. Assuming one experiences personnal growth and leaves the nest to pursue a life I don't believe past partners matter as they cease to fit and have a place in ones life. I had the same girlfriend from 15-20yrs of age. It was a very strong relationship with powerful feelings. However so much has happened in my life since I was 20yrs old I wouldn't even know where to begin if my ex and I sat down for coffee. Too much has changed. We simply do not know each other. I can reminisce in my mind about our time together but it isn't real. I remember a girl, a yound kid, I don't know the woman she now is and vice versa. I remember her much the same way I remember old styles of clothing, my favorite childhood toys, my first crappy job, and etc. The memories are pleasant but I don't dress that way anymore, I don't play with toys anymore, I have rewarding career rather than a crappy job, and etc. 

 

 

[Ten oz]

On 8/11/2017 at 6:05 AM, DrKrettin said:

I think it is important to have several meaningful relationships before settling down to a long-term one, because only then can you be confident in knowing exactly what your criteria are. I know a couple who played together at the age of 4, never had other relationships, and have been married for 40-odd years. That's great if it makes for genuine happiness, but how do they know whether they might be happier with other partners? A long-term relationship can quickly become a habit rather than something meaningful, and (I think) you some kind of comparison mechanism. 

There are about 3,200,000,000 women in the world. It would seem a shame to me if I all I had to experience in life was the pleasure (or not) of living with just one of them.

Happiness is a choice for the most part. No one can make someone happy if that person chooses not to be. Contentment exists solely in ones mind. The number of partners doesn't matter.

[dimreepr]

11 minutes ago, Ten oz said:

Happiness is a choice for the most part. No one can make someone happy if that person chooses not to be. Contentment exists solely in ones mind. The number of partners doesn't matter.

Indeed, all relationships are successful because of cooperation not control. 

[DrKrettin]

15 minutes ago, Ten oz said:

The number of partners doesn't matter.

True in most cases, but the OP was asking whether  a previous relationship can harm a newer long-term one, and I was trying to say that it certainly does not have to, and in some cases can be beneficial.

 

[seriously disabled]

I think that I will probably end up like Eliot Rodger, an old, depressed and suicidal virgin.

I tend to agree with Eliot Rodger that our society is toxic to many men who can't relate to women.

And by the way like in Elliot Rodger I was also severely bullied in high school for looking and behaving different than the other kids.

Like Rodger, I also feel that there is a stigma against men who virgins past a certain age.

https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/05/elliot-rodger-and-poisonous-ideals-of-masculinity/371588/

Edited August 14, 2017 by seriously disabled