My soon to be wife knows about my fierce obsession with mastering pick up...

[Apex Anomaly]

I came here because science is always best.

I obsessed over "the mystery method" and "the game" and "rules of the game" "the layguide" Neuro-linguistic programming, all of it. I decided I would master it all when I was 14 and by 23 I mastered it all. I taught a class on the mystery method to over 100 guys with notebooks and pencils and questions.

She knows all of this and, with every new girl she hears about, she always believes that I'm cheating or that I have ulterior motives. I can't blame her, I did it to myself, but it's been years since then. I'm not a cheater.

How do I settle this once and for all?

Edited October 7, 2017 by Apex Anomaly

[Area54]

Hire a small team of psychologists. Have them conduct a study of your method, then submit a report on it to your fiance that explains your method is bullshit and you are a fantasist. This should solve the problem one way or another.

[Apex Anomaly]

That's actually really good advice. I need something quickly though.

By the way she is a doctor in psychology and is in Mensa top .5%

[Area54]

Well, you could try the approach that rarely fails: total honesty. I don't mean the ersatz honesty you have likely used up till now, but the soul searching, bone marrow probing honesty that you expose yourself to in the small quiet hours, once or twice a decade. Sincerity is the hardest thing to fake, so don't fake it.

[Apex Anomaly]

I'm going to try to go with your advice. She has earned that privilege. The problem I'm having though is that she doesn't believe me... Like I've ever done anything dishonest...

She betrays me by choosing her incredulity.

[scherado]

There's going to be a short honeymoon, apparently.

[Area54]

7 minutes ago, Apex Anomaly said:

I'm going to try to go with your advice. She has earned that privilege. The problem I'm having though is that she doesn't believe me... Like I've ever done anything dishonest...

She betrays me by choosing her incredulity.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. If she reacts badly you can blame it on some fool on the internet and show her the evidence.

[Apex Anomaly]

She would chastise me for being here so that's not an option.

[Area54]

2 hours ago, Apex Anomaly said:

She would chastise me for being here so that's not an option.

I remind you of my words. " I don't mean the ersatz honesty you have likely used up till now, but the soul searching, bone marrow probing honesty that you expose yourself to in the small quiet hours, once or twice a decade. " If you are concealing this here, you are not being wholly honest. Of course this is entirely your choice and taking romantic advice from an anonymous person on the internet may be extremely foolish.

[Roamer]

9 hours ago, Apex Anomaly said:

and is in Mensa top .5%

Ooh, she doesn't sound like one easy to convince.

Personally, i 'd demand a threesome before marriage and bypass this whole cheating/hiding-thingy.

[Ten oz]

@Apex Anomally, telling us that you taught an eager group with notebooks and pencil in hand and that your fiance is Mensa seems like a grab for validatiion. Perhaps your history with women has nothing to do with your fiance's distrust. Perhaps she sees in you a constant need for validation that as a psychologist she understands can't be filled by any number of people muchless a single person. Your need for validation might be what drove your interested with picking so many women up in the first place? I recommend you consider what it is about you which can be changed rather than what she can be convinced of.

Edited October 8, 2017 by Ten oz
Mispelled word

[Apex Anomaly]

All very great advice. Thank you guys so much

[dimreepr]

5 hours ago, Apex Anomaly said:

She would chastise me for being here so that's not an option.

If you can't even tell the truth about this your future together seems bleak, don't be afraid of honesty or the consequences; fear (like this) is just a future unknown.

Take from a man of experience, the more you try to avoid your fear the more likely you'll meet it.

[Apex Anomaly]

Well, I have a mental illness. It's schizophrenia unfortunately, so she's very protective and very controlling (for good reasons). She's afraid that these types of sites will give me new triggers and exploit old ones.

My God would she hate if she found out about this.

[dimreepr]

24 minutes ago, Apex Anomaly said:

Well, I have a mental illness. It's schizophrenia unfortunately, so she's very protective and very controlling (for good reasons). She's afraid that these types of sites will give me new triggers and exploit old ones.

My God would she hate if she found out about this.

1

Don't we all? When she understands why control is illusory, maybe you can understand why she tries?

[Apex Anomaly]

6 hours ago, Ten oz said:

I recommend you consider what it is about you which can be changed rather than what she can be convinced of.

I think this is a great idea. The thing is though, the mystery method can be identified in even the most mundane of moments. I've made mistakes in my history with her that have been dangerous for both of us (I asked a girl for a picture; she later stalked my fiance with her friends and tried to intimidate her and gave her death threats). Luckily my fiance is a professional kick boxer and was able to send a very clear message to them because of it.

Truth is though, I stopped playing "the game" in 2014 when I almost got myself stabbed to death because I hit on the wrong girl. I stopped caring shortly after that and gave it up. The problem is that I still know everything about it and, in certain circumstances, I use what works. When I use parts of the game I always have an agenda and/or an objective. That objective/agenda is no longer sexual and hasn't been for a long time (unless I use them with my fiance). I guess I'll give an example-

"Look, you know that I love you and I will protect you and preserve you to the best of my ability, as I do with all of my loved ones. The problem is that I have a very important and pivotal position at work that requires me to keep my finger on the pulse and advise the C-suite of the proper course of action. One of them happens to be a superficially attractive girl. I have to work with her. There's no getting around that. If I was going to cheat on you I could've done it by now many times, but I don't and I won't. It just frustrates the h*** out of me to know that you're willing to betray me by choosing your incredulity over my word. It's ridiculous and it's sad."

I mean everything I said in that example... but I also employed validated and proven tactics to get my point across in the most attractive way possible. So I spoke the truth with her and said that I'm not willing to give up what I know and that even if I was willing I wouldn't be able to. This was my life for a very long time and knowledge takes time to dissipate... knowledge that I have no choice over keeping or getting rid of. It's constantly solidified just in every day action. I just don't know what it's going to take to help her understand that my agenda is in no way sexual and I, by default, make it clear right off the bat that the game is over, these girls can't get me. I'm taken. I'm hers.

1 hour ago, dimreepr said:

Don't we all? When she understands why control is illusory, maybe you can understand why she tries?

This sounds a bit cryptic to me. Care to elaborate?

Edited October 8, 2017 by Apex Anomaly

[iNow]

Not to put too fine a point on it, but given the lack of trust btw you two and related background problems it sounds like she’s gonna be your soon to be ex-wife. I hope whatever happens, you both are happy and healthy in the end. 

[Ten oz]

On 10/7/2017 at 8:15 PM, Apex Anomaly said:

That's actually really good advice. I need something quickly though.

By the way she is a doctor in psychology and is in Mensa top .5%

 

17 hours ago, Apex Anomaly said:

I think this is a great idea. The thing is though, the mystery method can be identified in even the most mundane of moments. I've made mistakes in my history with her that have been dangerous for both of us (I asked a girl for a picture; she later stalked my fiance with her friends and tried to intimidate her and gave her death threats). Luckily my fiance is a professional kick boxer and was able to send a very clear message to them because of it.

 

Why does all of this matter? Love, monogamy, and your ability to project honesty/trust aren't rooted in how talented your fiance is. It is about who you are and not who she is.

[dimreepr]

18 hours ago, Apex Anomaly said:

This sounds a bit cryptic to me. Care to elaborate?

 

It means we all have our problems and issues in life (all of us) when we recognise that in ourselves we have the potential to understand that others do too. The key to a successful relationship is to accept both our own individual issues and that of (significant) others. If you can forgive yourself for being flawed you can forgive others for theirs.