How many in bed?

[Dubbelosix]

Is it possible to love more than one person at a time?

 

I experienced it when I was younger yet was not the reason that tore my relationship apart. It was something else. Have you ever been in a situation where you have found yourself loving two people?

You might not even intend it, but I think it is always possible. But it's taboo. 

Not sure why the post has repeated three times.

[OldChemE]

Love has so many elements (chemical, emotional, etc) that I think it is indeed possible to love more than one person at a time.  The tough part is to commit to one person.

[seriously disabled]

In my experience if you are ugly-looking and poor it can be very difficult to find a good-looking woman and that's because many women especially the good-looking ones have very high standards these days:

1. A man needs to be reasonably good-looking and by reasonably good-looking I mean not ugly because being ugly-looking is a deal-breaker for many good-looking women.

2. A man needs to be reasonably wealthy (and also reasonably healthy).

3. A man needs to have his own place and not live in parents house in old age.

Good-looking women have too many deal-breakers and that's why it's very difficult to find a good-looking girlfriend if you are ugly-looking and not earn a reasonable amount of money in your job.

 

Edited November 1, 2017 by seriously disabled

[John Cuthber]

On 10/27/2017 at 3:25 AM, Dubbelosix said:

 

Is it possible to love more than one person at a time?

I experienced it...

 

Apparently, yes it's possible, because you experienced it.

[Moontanman]

5 hours ago, seriously disabled said:

In my experience if you are ugly-looking and poor it can be very difficult to find a good-looking woman and that's because many women especially the good-looking ones have very high standards these days:

1. A man needs to be reasonably good-looking and by reasonably good-looking I mean not ugly because being ugly-looking is a deal-breaker for many good-looking women.

2. A man needs to be reasonably wealthy (and also reasonably healthy).

3. A man needs to have his own place and not live in parents house in old age.

Good-looking women have too many deal-breakers and that's why it's very difficult to find a good-looking girlfriend if you are ugly-looking and not earn a reasonable amount of money in your job.

 

Ugly like beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder but looks are a fleeting thing and only last in the vast majority of cases for a short amount of time. If a person expects to find someone who looks past their current appearance that person must be willing to do the same. As for money, if a person marries for money then they have missed the point of love. Love is not based on money or looks, it's difficult to describe but I know it when I feel it. 

I love many people, it seems to me the OP may be mistaking desire for love but none the less loving ore than one person is quite common... as is desiring more than one person...  

[Moontanman]

Another thing that needs to be said, if you want to to love more than one person, are you willing to love someone who loves someone else as well? 

[seriously disabled]

What makes me sad is that I never see women checking me out or showing any kind of interest in me.

And every time I ask a good-looking woman out they outright reject me or just ignore me. And I've been rejected more times than I can count.

Beautiful women just don't like me and there's not much I can do about that.

In high school I've also been called ugly several times and I've also been severely bullied and made fun of because of my physical appearance.

I've also been called ugly several times by people on the Internet and nobody has ever said anything positive about my physical appearance.

If women will continue to ignore and dislike me like that then I will very probably die a lonely old-age virgin.

 

 

Edited November 2, 2017 by seriously disabled

[DrP]

8 minutes ago, seriously disabled said:

What makes me sad is ....

I do feel for you. You are not the only one and despite what you say it isn't all about looks. My jaw drops sometimes when I see a really hot chick with a really geeky awkward looking guy. It gives me hope! lol.

I am lucky enough that I can flirt with pretty women and they seem to like it...  Very rarely though do I actually get dates because I am a bit of a weirdo...  (or so people keep telling me   ).  Girls like me and enjoy my attention, but they never really seem to want to date me. I am quite fussy too and tend to go for girls that are way out of my league....  younger, fitter, smarter, richer, prettier etc..  When they start to get to know me better and they see past my charisma, boyish good looks, charms, wit and talents they usually decide they do not want to date me and I can tell they think I am a weirdo. It can be depressing, but you just have to get on with it. The less I try to care about it the better the results. I am past being worried about the rejection - this helps. (I can't be that bad at it...  I was married for 6 years).

19 minutes ago, seriously disabled said:

I will very probably die a lonely old-age virgin.

Sod it  -  go to Amsterdam with a couple of pals and pay for it. So what? - no one will care...  it isn't all it is made out to be anyway...  true love is what people are looking for and it isn't all about sex.   -  not wanting to embarrass myself here, but being honest, no-one knows you better than you and no-one will be able to pleasure you better than yourself....  if you know yourself well enough. ;-)    Of course - this is all just my opinion - this is a science site, so I do not know what the actual science of attraction is - I think it differs greatly for individuals.

Regarding the OP - of course you can love multiple people at the same time. Deeply also.   You are obviously talking about love between partners (Eros) rather than a general love for mankind...  you can have that one (Agape) for many many people at the same time.

[Dubbelosix]

19 hours ago, John Cuthber said:

Apparently, yes it's possible, because you experienced it.

 

Just because I experience it doesn't make it right.

 

It becomes a moral question of whether your love for one person is greater than loving two people or whether it means more.

[StringJunky]

2 hours ago, DrP said:

... My jaw drops sometimes when I see a really hot chick with a really geeky awkward looking guy. It gives me hope! lol....

People see what they want to see and ignore the rest.  

[DrP]

3 minutes ago, Dubbelosix said:

 

Just because I experience it doesn't make it right.

 

You didn't ask if it was right or not...  you asked if it was possible.

[Dubbelosix]

True. I didn't. But these are things that go through my mind.

[Raider5678]

44 minutes ago, Dubbelosix said:

True. I didn't. But these are things that go through my mind.

I believe very simply that for the majority of cases if you believe your integrity will be perfectly fine, and you have no doubts that you will have no problem with what you've done, then it's perfectly fine.

 

For example, if you're married and thinking about sleeping with another woman.

Would your integrity be intact?

Would you have any regrets?

Are there consequences?

 

And never ever base the pros and cons on "If I get caught then" consider them as everyone knows. Chances are if that seems like a bad option you probably shouldn't do it.

 

 

[Vmedvil]

You have too much love in your heart, be like me love only yourself. I tend to find it extremely difficult to tolerate one person with day to day contact much less two, people tend to annoy me over time, I find myself slowly growing to hate the people I have day to day contact with. So, I will stop here before this turns into a hate speech against humanity, but realize I am not Racist, Sexist, or Classist your all hated equally as human beings..... So, as a person that loves no one or never has I would tend to say just get annoyed by repetitive patterns of humans and you will stop loving multiple people always looks at their flaws and not their strengths, then just in the back of your mind sometimes think to yourself what the hell is wrong with this planet to where you live with a race of autism. Take that mentality and you won't have that problem and stop caring about your fellow human becomes it doesn't really matter what they think your mind is inside your body not theirs who cares it is not like you feel their pain or nerve impulses.

Edited November 9, 2017 by Vmedvil

[EdEarl]

According to some multiamory advocates, (gossip or science IDK) about 4% of the population live with more than two people as families. These people are not polygamists, rather both sexes have equal right to have multiple relationships with other people. Moreover, they are not swingers, who have two person marriages, but party outside the marriage.

Multiamory advocates claim interpersonal communication among family members is crucial to having strong relationships, just as it is for any marriage. There are youtube videos and sites, for example multiamory.com.

[seriously disabled]

If you are very ugly like me it's impossible to get a good-looking girlfriend in my opinion no matter how hard you try.

Our societies places a very high importance on physical attractiveness, in both men and women so if you're not considered physically attractive by most women then it's impossible for you to get a girlfriend or get sex from women.

You just have no chance because good-looking girls will not give you a chance of affection if you're very ugly.  

And also add very ugly and very poor and your chances with women go down the drain completely.

 

Edited November 13, 2017 by seriously disabled

[tuco]

 

Since whether or not its possible was settled we can focus on whether or not its right.

On this point, I would say that just like others rights and wrongs, it's arbitrary. Personally, I do not promise to be sexually monogamous (unlike genetically for example though there are risks or socially) so my conscience is not troubled by having more than one sexual partner in parallel. From my experience, most people view this differently and frankly, I gave up justifying my point of view to such people. I do not view having more than one sexual partner as wrong. I would be bothered more by my partner being in love with someone else but me, let's say platonically, than having a sexual affair.

Question, to me, remains whether sexual monogamy is natural (loaded term) or not and how the current state of affairs in Western cultures is influenced by religious conservatism. Though even if I would know the answer, I do not think it would change how I feel about it. Not that I have solid data, but I would guess that most people are not monogamous their whole life. Their polygamy is serial, however, unlike parallel.