What are your regrets?

[Elite Engineer]

I'm 27 (I know I'm still young)..but here's mine:

-not taking sports in high school more serious

-not majoring in engineering

-not sleeping around

-not learning investing until I was 25

 

~ee

[EdEarl]

being an abused child of three

[Phi for All]

I have a large family, and my mother used to insist that I shouldn't play favorites when it came to aunt/uncles, cousins, nephews/nieces, and that I should visit and interact equally. Over the years, I think I've pulled away from some family I'd really enjoy spending more time with because I feel an obligation to engage with the rest (I get along with them all, but there are just SO MANY). So I guess I regret not saying, a long time ago, to hell with what the rest think, I'm going to do more things with this nephew, or that cousin, the ones I have a great deal in common with and enjoy the most. My mom had good intentions, but she made me a bit paranoid about the idea of outwardly favoring some over others. The concept of "playing favorites" doesn't work well when you're dealing with a couple hundred relatives.

12 hours ago, EdEarl said:

being an abused child of three

That's horrible, EdEarl, but it falls outside my definition of regret, which usually has an element of remorse for your own past actions. What would you have done differently? 

16 hours ago, Elite Engineer said:

-not taking sports in high school more serious

-not majoring in engineering

-not sleeping around

-not learning investing until I was 25

#1 may have taken care of #3. And trust me, #4 is usually a 40 year-old regret. 

[EdEarl]

Quote

Dictionary.com

Regret: to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.):

Your definition is not the first in the dictionary. The first one does not imply the regretful person is the actor and has remorse. My stepfather is the culprit who punched me in the stomach with his fist. For a long time I was not OK. Though I feel OK now, that act and other abuse affected my entire life. I have no idea what my life would have been otherwise, I'm sure I would feel differently and would have done many things differently.

If you think I stopped conversation in this thread, move my posts to to trash. 

[Phi for All]

46 minutes ago, EdEarl said:

Your definition is not the first in the dictionary. The first one does not imply the regretful person is the actor and has remorse. My stepfather is the culprit who punched me in the stomach with his fist. For a long time I was not OK. Though I feel OK now, that act and other abuse affected my entire life. I have no idea what my life would have been otherwise, I'm sure I would feel differently and would have done many things differently.

If you think I stopped conversation in this thread, move my posts to to trash. 

It just seemed terrible that you might be thinking, at 3 years old, that you should have acted differently and change your life. Seems like more victim blaming, but if I'm wrong I'm sorry.

And no, I don't think you stopped the conversation. Your post just seemed more like "I regret that this happened" as opposed to "I regret the choice I made". I suppose there are a lot of both in everyone's life.

[EdEarl]

I barely remember anything about it, but my grandmother told me a few years later. So, I blame my parents and my stepfather, plus the next stepfather. Although, I also pity my parents and stepfathers. All of them struggled with life. I was merely in the wrong place at the wrong time.

[koti]

My marriage. I regret being blind for years and letting her play the victim to a point where I really believed I’m the opressor which opened a door for her to destroy my life and everyone elses around me. It’s not all regrets though, its been almost 8 years since my divorce and I learned a lot,  I’m a different person now. 

[StringJunky]

4 hours ago, Phi for All said:

It just seemed terrible that you might be thinking, at 3 years old, that you should have acted differently and change your life. Seems like more victim blaming, but if I'm wrong I'm sorry.

And no, I don't think you stopped the conversation. Your post just seemed more like "I regret that this happened" as opposed to "I regret the choice I made". I suppose there are a lot of both in everyone's life.

Yes, that is one instance where victim blaming is not an option. Unfortunately, It seems that many stepparents make terrible carers of children not related to them. I have been victim to the Cinderella Effect too. It can mark you for your whole life. I do associate regret with poor personal choices rather than as the actions of others though.

Edited January 12, 2018 by StringJunky