What should I do if I have no friends on new years day?

[Vexen]

What should I do if I have no friends on new years day?

[Prometheus]

If you're happy anyway don't worry about it.

If you actually do want friends, join a hobby group doing something that interests you.

[Vexen]

Just now, Prometheus said:

If you're happy anyway don't worry about it.

If you actually do want friends, join a hobby group doing something that interests you.

What if I have no hobbies and I can't hold a conversation? I never had many friends in my life. My only contact with other people is my mother. I'm 25 and still a virgin and only kissed two girls. I'm also unemployed and schizophrenic. How do i get myself out of this hole?

[Prometheus]

Really no hobbies?

You're on a science site - does science interest you? Were there things in the past that interested you but lost touch with?

If you can find something you are interested in it's much easier to talk about, especially if the other person is interested in it too.

[Vexen]

14 minutes ago, Prometheus said:

Really no hobbies?

You're on a science site - does science interest you? Were there things in the past that interested you but lost touch with?

If you can find something you are interested in it's much easier to talk about, especially if the other person is interested in it too.

I don't consider reading science books and going on forums a hobby. I'm really a poor talker. I have selective mutism.

[Sensei]

29 minutes ago, Vexen said:

How do i get myself out of this hole? 

...start getting out to techno clubs or discotheques of some sort at Friday and Saturday nights (like now!), instead of writing tones of new posts.. People rarely attend here at weekend.. They are busy enjoying night weekend life (answering your private status question).. loud club might be a good thing, at least you won't have to keep conversation going.. just dance with girls..

Edited March 2, 2019 by Sensei

[Vexen]

3 minutes ago, Sensei said:

...start getting out to techno clubs or discotheques of some sort at Friday and Saturday nights (like now!), instead of writing tones of new posts.. People rarely attend here at weekend.. They are busy enjoying night weekend life (answering your private status question).. loud club might be a good thing, at least you won't have to keep conversation going..

I like how you mentioned all my posts. It's something that helps me connect with other people instead of just my mother. 

Go to a club? I can dance a bit but I would be dancing by myself and drinking by myself. The logistics of it is just a nightmare. Who is going take me to a club? Where will I sit when I'm done dancing? Alone in a corner on my phone? 

I tried fishing alone. But, it never worked. I was always alone fishing. I tried asking people to come but nobody wanted to.

 

[Sensei]

19 minutes ago, Vexen said:

Go to a club?

I think it's good idea. It's easy to make new friends this way.. (as long as they won't start selling you drugs etc.)

19 minutes ago, Vexen said:

I can dance a bit but I would be dancing by myself and drinking by myself.

..but in trance & techno club everybody are dancing alone.. so, you can be alone, and nobody will even notice it, nobody will judge you..

 

Alternative idea: subscribe to karate, tae-kwon do, or something like that. You need to repair your self confidence, and it will help you. New season is always starting in September here. Check how it's in your local area.

Edited March 2, 2019 by Sensei

[Vexen]

19 minutes ago, Sensei said:

I think it's good idea. It's easy to make new friends this way.. (as long as they won't start selling you drugs etc.)

..but in trance & techno club everybody are dancing alone.. so, you can be alone, and nobody will even notice it, nobody will judge you..

 

Alternative idea: subscribe to karate, tae-kwon do, or something like that. You need to repair your self confidence, and it will help you. New season is always starting in September here. Check how it's in your local area.

I was a kickboxer once. I always came late so I didn't have to talk to anyone. 

I've been once to a club and didn't enjoy it much. 

Sorry guys and girls but my life is going nowhere slowly.

[Sensei]

Just now, Vexen said:

Sorry guys and girls but my life is going nowhere slowly. 

...you are the one who is directing your life...

 

[MigL]

Nobody is born with friends.
You make them by being pleasant to people, and not being obnoxious.

It really is that simple.

[Phi for All]

52 minutes ago, Vexen said:

What if I have no hobbies and I can't hold a conversation? I never had many friends in my life. My only contact with other people is my mother. I'm 25 and still a virgin and only kissed two girls. I'm also unemployed and schizophrenic. How do i get myself out of this hole?

First thing? PUT. THE SHOVEL. DOWN!

Claiming you have NO hobbies is ridiculous. You're purposely axing a perfectly good suggestion so you can remain alone. STOP IT. You can't tell me you don't play online games, or watch movies, or follow a TV series, or enjoy some activity that you could do with others for some socialization. 

Claiming you can't hold a conversation is another generalized negative image you're wearing purposely. You may not be good at it because you don't practice enough, but that's a long way from not being able to do it at all. STOP reaching for the dark paint when drawing a mental image of yourself!

You've had some friends (not many, but some), which means your mother can't be your only contact with other people, yet you perceive it that way. I'll tell you something about friends, quantity isn't the key. And the only way to improve the quality is to put yourself out there and be a good friend. If you only have three tight friends by the time you're forty, you can consider yourself blessed.

You've been practicing piling up all the negative aspects of your life as a weight that keeps you from doing better. You won't be able to throw all that off at once, so I recommend you start identifying what you want to improve, and make a list and tick the boxes. It's actually not as difficult as you think, because there are plenty of other people JUST LIKE YOU, swimming in a pool of muck you filled yourself. 

Once you put the shovel down, there's nowhere to go but up.

Just now, MigL said:

Nobody is born with friends.
You make them by being pleasant to people, and not being obnoxious.

It really is that simple.

Oh yeah, and this.

[Vexen]

3 minutes ago, Sensei said:

...you are the one who is directing your life...

 

That's right. So, I should make an effort. But, how do humans even make friends?

[nevim]

Have you got a dog?

[Vexen]

5 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

First thing? PUT. THE SHOVEL. DOWN!

Claiming you have NO hobbies is ridiculous. You're purposely axing a perfectly good suggestion so you can remain alone. STOP IT. You can't tell me you don't play online games, or watch movies, or follow a TV series, or enjoy some activity that you could do with others for some socialization. 

Claiming you can't hold a conversation is another generalized negative image you're wearing purposely. You may not be good at it because you don't practice enough, but that's a long way from not being able to do it at all. STOP reaching for the dark paint when drawing a mental image of yourself!

You've had some friends (not many, but some), which means your mother can't be your only contact with other people, yet you perceive it that way. I'll tell you something about friends, quantity isn't the key. And the only way to improve the quality is to put yourself out there and be a good friend. If you only have three tight friends by the time you're forty, you can consider yourself blessed.

You've been practicing piling up all the negative aspects of your life as a weight that keeps you from doing better. You won't be able to throw all that off at once, so I recommend you start identifying what you want to improve, and make a list and tick the boxes. It's actually not as difficult as you think, because there are plenty of other people JUST LIKE YOU, swimming in a pool of muck you filled yourself. 

Once you put the shovel down, there's nowhere to go but up.

Oh yeah, and this.

I wish it were that easy . Putting down the shovel but it's not. I don't want to force myself into somebody's life. I want natural friendships to develop. There's nowhere where I can meet people and hang out in the future. I tried my whole life to find and make friends but nothing seems to work. The easiest thing I can think of is asking my facebook friends to hang out. But, I can't talk well. It will be a night of silence. That's why my last girlfriend broke up with me because I couldn't talk to her.

[zapatos]

9 minutes ago, Vexen said:

That's right. So, I should make an effort. But, how do humans even make friends?

Volunteer somewhere. Anywhere. You will then have something in common with others.

Then talk to them.

[nevim]

Just now, zapatos said:

Volunteer somewhere. Anywhere. You will then have something in common with others.

Then talk to them.

You beat me to it!

16 minutes ago, Vexen said:

I wish it were that easy . Putting down the shovel but it's not. I don't want to force myself into somebody's life. I want natural friendships to develop. There's nowhere where I can meet people and hang out in the future. I tried my whole life to find and make friends but nothing seems to work. The easiest thing I can think of is asking my facebook friends to hang out. But, I can't talk well. It will be a night of silence. That's why my last girlfriend broke up with me because I couldn't talk to her.

So, perhaps you can be a good listener instead?

[Phi for All]

6 minutes ago, Vexen said:

I don't want to force myself into somebody's life. I want natural friendships to develop.

Why look at it this way, "forcing yourself into somebody's life"? This is what I'm talking about, you always reach for the dark colors when you paint what your life is like. Humans are one of the most cooperative and communicative species on the planet. We respond to each other mostly favorably as long as you're friendly and helpful. 

Do you see now how you keep rejecting every suggestion, setting them up as unproductive or undesirable? Nobody mentioned "forcing yourself", so why do you see it that way? I think you know it will be hard for you, so you pretend it's impossible, or in this case, you pretend it's something you shouldn't do.

13 minutes ago, Vexen said:

There's nowhere where I can meet people and hang out in the future. 

Again, you're making it impossible for anyone to help you. "Don't bother suggesting smart places for me to meet people, I've determined there are NO SUCH PLACES ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD!"

16 minutes ago, Vexen said:

I tried my whole life to find and make friends but nothing seems to work.

"Nothing I've done so far seems to work" is the phrase most used just before one screams, "Eureka!"

18 minutes ago, Vexen said:

 The easiest thing I can think of is asking my facebook friends to hang out. 

Do you think it would make them smile if you invited them out for an evening of social awkwardness and bad jokes? 

21 minutes ago, Vexen said:

But, I can't talk well. It will be a night of silence. That's why my last girlfriend broke up with me because I couldn't talk to her.

Try getting out of your head and into someone else's head. Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes-or-no answer ("What kind of movies do you like?" instead of "Do you like movies?"). And once you ask a question, LISTEN for the answer rather than start thinking about what you'll say next. 

Listen, you know yourself, and having a friend means you have to be willing to get to know others. You can't do that if you're focused on you. Show some interest in a person, be nice, be helpful, be willing to invest in them. They'll recognize a friend, trust me. We're hardwired for this sort of stuff, as long as we don't second-guess ourselves out of the relationships.

[QuantumT]

2 hours ago, Vexen said:

What should I do if I have no friends on new years day?

I have a troubled family, that takes all my energy. The little energy I have left I spend on learning more science.
I used to have friends, but they failed to offer a plus in my balance, so I finally decided they weren't worth it.
Been without friends for 4 years now, and I don't miss the extra demands for attention.
I'm fine actually.

[Strange]

3 hours ago, Vexen said:

I don't consider reading science books and going on forums a hobby.

Reading is my main hobby.  (and spending too much time on forums like this) 

3 hours ago, Sensei said:

...start getting out to techno clubs or discotheques of some sort at Friday and Saturday nights

I used to do that when I was young, because I thought I should because it is what people did. I only realised how much I hated it after I stopped doing it. A really demoralising and depressing experience.

2 hours ago, Sensei said:

Alternative idea: subscribe to karate, tae-kwon do, or something like that.

Now that is a good idea. I am not interested in sport, but I really enjoyed doing Tai Chi / Qi Gong.

2 hours ago, nevim said:

Have you got a dog?

It is a great way to get to meet and interact with people in a low pressure situation. You can walk away afterward saying "Hi", without causing offence. Or you can stick around and talk (or just watch the dogs playing) for as long as you are comfortable.

You get to see the same people repeatedly. You may never get further than, "hello, how's Fido?" You might only know people by their dog's name ("I met Fido's owner the other day"). But you might meet one or two people that you spend a bit more time with and even meet up without the dogs (weird, but it happens apparently).

 

[Sensei]

@Strange and @nevim had to read some "Dating Manual" as "getting a dog" is probably the most widely recommended operation in such books..

ps. I completely agree.. Just one hour ago I went for beer to the shop, and some dog started licking my face on the street (after I ducked to pet a dog), and his owner, young girl, started talking to me..

 

[peterwlocke]

are you just looking for attention?

 

if not some more ideas are. 

1. be a bartender meat people and job

2.  jet another job

3. go to school

5. are you taking your meds

more but meh how should I word it.

oh friends on here nice peeps

p.s. 

don't be so sad toxicity drives people away I know. I have found manning up works well.

Edited March 2, 2019 by peterwlocke
niceness.

[Phi for All]

7 minutes ago, peterwlocke said:

1. be a bartender meat people and job

Hannibal Lecter used to meat people. I would NOT recommend his methods for finding friends. 

5 hours ago, Vexen said:

What should I do if I have no friends on new years day?

Is there a crucial time element involved in your question?

 

[peterwlocke]

6 hours ago, Phi for All said:

Hannibal Lecter used to meat people. I would NOT recommend his methods for finding friends. 

Is there a crucial time element involved in your question?

 

Sorry, Grammarly usually catches that.

[Akmose]

What should I do if I have no friends on new years day?

if you have a job most companies will reimburse you for taking classes at your community college. So long as you pass the class you should get most of your money back.

Take writing or art classes. Some of those had no guys in them. Just work at talking to the women about the class. Do not talk to them about religion or politics. 

This will help you meet and talk to women. If you can get a job at night and take a class or two during the day. Try to spend some time hanging out around campus talking to the other students. 

Good luck.