What Love Is

[SerengetiLion]

I've come to the conclusion that love, the love we idolize in our thoughts where a man and a woman love each other, wanting no other but each other, intimately is a beautiful thing...but it is unachievable, unattainable and unreachable. I realized this as I researched to learn what we are biologically.

[DrP]

Just now, SerengetiLion said:

the love we idolize in our thoughts where a man and a woman love each other, wanting no other but each other, intimately is a beautiful thing

That is one form of love. There are many. Look up the 5 words in Greek for love  -  they all mean different things. The love between man and woman you describe is called 'Eros'. The unconditional love for your fellow man, a fatherly like love is called 'Agape'. A brotherly sisterly family type love is called 'Philia'. 

If you think about it... a 'perfect' love between a man and a woman would be a combination of all of these.

 

Just now, SerengetiLion said:

but it is unachievable, unattainable and unreachable

It's sad that you think this.  Why?  I'd admit it is rare and not all get it but it does happen. Sometimes it is temporary/transient but it does happen.

[Phi for All]

5 hours ago, SerengetiLion said:

I've come to the conclusion that love, the love we idolize in our thoughts where a man and a woman love each other, wanting no other but each other, intimately is a beautiful thing...but it is unachievable, unattainable and unreachable. I realized this as I researched to learn what we are biologically.

I think your mistake lies in the phrase "love we idolize in our thoughts". This wishful state presumes we won't have to work at loving that one other person, that we'll perceive them as perfect, and that this state will be effortless to maintain. Lasting love that comes without effort probably is unattainable. 

But you'll find that as soon as you're willing to commit to that other person, to continually improve your relationship with the one you love, and do the actual work that makes both lives richer, easier, and more fulfilling, love like you describe in the OP becomes possible. It seems to be one of those things you can do if you believe you can and work hard to make it happen.

[seriously disabled]

Rejection by beautiful young girls is not everything in my opinion. Of course it hurts every time you are rejected but it's not everything in life.

Life can be much more painful when you realize that no one cares about you at all, not even your parents.

And when you don't have a family or children to look after you and love you unconditionally, especially when you're very sick or very old then it can be a much more painful situation for you.

I talk about myself here so please don't take what I wrote here personally.

I think I'm about to become homeless and I will forced to sleep on the street and I'm also very sick and I cannot make my life better because of my disability but my family doctor doesn't give a shit about me and about my wellbeing at all.

That's the story for me.

When you realize that no one cares about you, that you are insignificant and that your life is not important to anyone then it can be much more shocking experience for you.

 

Edited March 14, 2019 by seriously disabled

[dimreepr]

9 minutes ago, seriously disabled said:

Rejection by beautiful young girls is not everything in my opinion. Of course it hurts but it's not everything in life.

Life can be much more painful when you realize that no one cares about you at all, not even your parents. c

And when you don't have a family or children to look after you and love you unconditionally, especially when you're very sick or very old then it can be a much more painful situation for you.

I talk about myself here so please don't take what I wrote here personally.

 

1

 you could always just accept her. 

1 hour ago, Phi for All said:

I think your mistake lies in the phrase "love we idolize in our thoughts". This wishful state presumes we won't have to work at loving that one other person, that we'll perceive them as perfect, and that this state will be effortless to maintain. Lasting love that comes without effort probably is unattainable. 

But you'll find that as soon as you're willing to commit to that other person, to continually improve your relationship with the one you love, and do the actual work that makes both lives richer, easier, and more fulfilling, love like you describe in the OP becomes possible. It seems to be one of those things you can do if you believe you can and work hard to make it happen.

 

And save the work...

[seriously disabled]

We live in a highly individualistic culture where everyone cares only about themselves and their immediate family (or their children).  

I think this can be destructive at some level because some people don't have the health or the ability to take care of themselves and make their life better on their own and many people also don't have a family or children who will care about them unconditionally and who will support them in any situation.

[swansont]

23 hours ago, seriously disabled said:

Rejection by beautiful young girls is not everything in my opinion. Of course it hurts every time you are rejected but it's not everything in life.

Life can be much more painful when you realize that no one cares about you at all, not even your parents.

And when you don't have a family or children to look after you and love you unconditionally, especially when you're very sick or very old then it can be a much more painful situation for you.

I talk about myself here so please don't take what I wrote here personally.

I think I'm about to become homeless and I will forced to sleep on the street and I'm also very sick and I cannot make my life better because of my disability but my family doctor doesn't give a shit about me and about my wellbeing at all.

That's the story for me.

When you realize that no one cares about you, that you are insignificant and that your life is not important to anyone then it can be much more shocking experience for you.

 

!

Moderator Note

Whatever your problems happen to be, they aren't the topic of this discussion. It’s not that we wish to be insensitive, but this kind of help is not something we can be effective at.

 

 

[SerengetiLion]

On 3/14/2019 at 5:00 AM, DrP said:

That is one form of love. There are many. Look up the 5 words in Greek for love  -  they all mean different things. The love between man and woman you describe is called 'Eros'. The unconditional love for your fellow man, a fatherly like love is called 'Agape'. A brotherly sisterly family type love is called 'Philia'. 

If you think about it... a 'perfect' love between a man and a woman would be a combination of all of these.

 

It's sad that you think this.  Why?  I'd admit it is rare and not all get it but it does happen. Sometimes it is temporary/transient but it does happen.

Yes, it is sad, a sad reality, that's why I posted it. You'd really have to be female to get a real sense of what I mean. Sure the love I'm talking about happens, every day but it's only temporary yet it's something that we want to last forever and it just don't. 

[StringJunky]

26 minutes ago, SerengetiLion said:

Yes, it is sad, a sad reality, that's why I posted it. You'd really have to be female to get a real sense of what I mean. Sure the love I'm talking about happens, every day but it's only temporary yet it's something that we want to last forever and it just don't. 

However deep the affection, we are all passing ships.

[QuantumT]

Love is a description of the feeling best defined as "yes".

Yes, I accept you.
Yes, I want you near me.
Yes, I like what you do.

Sex is the the most intimate version of yes, but not the strongest.

[Sirjon]

Love to an opposite sex or with the same sex, (other than your relative, of course),  is the expression of one's biological need and it will end up into that, SEX! - no matter how 'clean' one's intention. 

[nevim]

4 minutes ago, Sirjon said:

Love to an opposite sex or with the same sex, (other than your relative, of course),  is the expression of one's biological need and it will end up into that, SEX! - no matter how 'clean' one's intention. 

Not really - there is platonic love:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platonic_love

[OldChemE]

14 minutes ago, Sirjon said:

Love to an opposite sex or with the same sex, (other than your relative, of course),  is the expression of one's biological need and it will end up into that, SEX! - no matter how 'clean' one's intention. 

There is nothing inherently "unclean"  about sex as an expression of love-- sex is simply one valuable facet of a successfully intimate relationship.

[Sirjon]

 

9 minutes ago, nevim said:

Not really - there is platonic love:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platonic_love

I agree, only after one gone out of the previous sexual experiences. As you get older and you learned love is not all sex, it will end it up that way.

 

1 minute ago, OldChemE said:

There is nothing inherently "unclean"  about sex as an expression of love-- sex is simply one valuable facet of a successfully intimate relationship.

I agree. 

[peterwlocke]

baby dont hurt me no more.

[Sensei]

On 3/14/2019 at 9:53 AM, SerengetiLion said:

I've come to the conclusion that love, the love we idolize in our thoughts where a man and a woman love each other,

...and man can love other man, and woman can love other woman also.. just nitpicking..

On 3/14/2019 at 10:00 AM, DrP said:

If you think about it... a 'perfect' love between a man and a woman would be a combination of all of these.

...in English often it is called "partnership of souls"... or something like that..

alternatives "unending love", "eternal love", "undying love"..

On 3/14/2019 at 10:00 AM, DrP said:

It's sad that you think this.  Why?  I'd admit it is rare and not all get it but it does happen. Sometimes it is temporary/transient but it does happen.

"love" between sexual-partners or sexual-partners-to-be is chemical reaction in the brain. The right pheromones matches pattern and voila! You don't have to see partner. It's even used by some (smarter) matrimonial agencies for joining couples if both parties find attractive smell of second side (without knowing anything about them, including photo). But smell of body changes over time.. and start to mismatch with pattern after years of marriage/partnership/relationship.. In such situation better to be the best friend of your partner, otherwise marriage/partnership/relationship can turn to the nightmare hell, and hate between partners will arise..

It's better to split in peace rather than continue living in hell, in a fake relationship, mendacity...

Did you hear about husband who killed a wife, or wife who killed a husband.. ? Some said later: "we have not separated, because divorce is a sin"... Astonishing route of thought..

 

Edited April 17, 2019 by Sensei

[Intrigued]

On 3/17/2019 at 1:29 AM, OldChemE said:

There is nothing inherently "unclean"  about sex as an expression of love

When Woody Allen was asked if he thought sex was dirty, he replied, "it is if you are doing it right."

[DrP]

7 hours ago, Sensei said:

It's better to split in peace rather than continue living in hell, in a fake relationship, mendacity...

On ‎3‎/‎14‎/‎2019 at 9:00 AM, DrP said:

Sometimes it is temporary/transient but it does happen.