Death

[ComradeRob]

My Great Grandpa Vladimir Metanova died quite recently, and ive been finding it quite difficult accepting that he's gone.

We were very close, especially to the end of his life, and everybodya round me's crying and upset, but i just feel empty. and i just thought a little advice in coping with it would be helpful

[beautyundone]

indeed, death is hard to accept. but it is all a part of the circle of life one must endure. take comfort in the fact that he is now at rest, whether there is an afterlife or not. yes, you will miss his physical presence, but it is my belief that loved ones never leave you. even after death, they are still present in spirit and memory.

 

i am sorry for your loss, by the way. my heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time. <3

[ComradeRob]

He actually told me something similar a few years back.

We all knew he was going to go soon, but in the last few weeks of his life he was very ill, and he could barely remember my name sometimes

[beautyundone]

the same happened with my great grandmother. although she had that problem for at least a year or two (alzheimers). i was too young to really remember much of it, though. i just remember my mom being upset about it.

[ComradeRob]

I suppose what im looking for is closure. it just hasnt really hit me that he's gone

[beautyundone]

yes... i'm not sure that i've ever really experienced "closure" for the loss of a loved one. for the most part, their death just faded as time went on and became just another part of my past. and though the pain fades, you never really forget them...

[ComradeRob]

I dont want to forget him, and that part about him fading away sounds awful, he was a major part of my life.

Ive been reading his posts (i think htere his posts) on this site, and it doesnt sound like him at all, i think he was detteriorating alot earlier than we thought

[beautyundone]

it depends on the person you're talking about as to whether or not they'll fade that much.

the only reason it happened to me was because the people i've lost haven't been too awfully close. my great grandma (whom i hardly knew) and my aunt (whom i barely ever saw) so i suppose they had started to fade even before their death.

sorry if it sounded like i was saying he would fade from your life altogether. that won't happen if you truly cared about him. i was trying to say that the pain would fade, not the person. came out wrong- i apologize.

[ComradeRob]

thats ok.

The problem is i dont feel any pain, i dobnt feel anything

[beautyundone]

that's normal, really.

it's hard to really accept that they're gone at first. i suppose it's kind of a stage of denial, although you're willing to accept the fact that they're gone; you just can't fully grasp it yet.

emotions and feeling will come with time.

best of luck.

[-Demosthenes-]

My experience in death I didn't feel anything except helplessness. I felt like there should have been something I could have done... definitely not empty.

[coquina]

My Great Grandpa Vladimir Metanova died quite recently' date=' and ive been finding it quite difficult accepting that he's gone.

We were very close, especially to the end of his life, and everybodya round me's crying and upset, but i just feel empty. and i just thought a little advice in coping with it would be helpful[/quote']

 

I'm writing from personal experience - my husband died in August 2002, and my mother died in Feb 2003. The death of my mother probably relates more closely to the loss of your great-grandfather. She was 95 when she died, and had maintained her wonderful mind right to the last. She was my best friend, and I miss her tremendously.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. First, everyone has a different reaction to death and grief. You are experiencing what is normal for you. Second, most people do have an initial "numbness". I think it is a mechanism to get you through the first days.

 

Don't try to stifle your feelings, whatever they may be. Talk about him to people, write about him - some day you will want to talk about him to your children. If he told stories, for heaven's sake, write them down now. Make a scrapbook with any pictures you have so that you can look at them and remember him. My mother used to tell me about cathcing a tarpon when she first came to America. It was her favorite story and I used to think I would go mad if I heard it one more time - now, I would give my eyeteeth to hear her tell it one more time. I wish I had taperecorded her telling it. I do have a picture of her with it that I scanned into my computer and enhanced. It was taken many years before I was born, but I love it.

 

Finally - here is an internet bereavement site for people who have lost a loved one:

http://www.griefnet.org/

 

I'm sorry - I know you miss him. Remember the good times.

[ComradeRob]

Cheers for that, it helps alot, i think it would help alot though bringing me closure when they find his body

[atinymonkey]

It must be a difficult time for you. Who was your grandfather on this site? Why can they not find his body?

[ComradeRob]

My great grandfather was Vladimir on this site, he went missing about a month ago

[MulderMan]

aah Vladimir, he seemed to be very erm left wing oppinionated. was he living in england at the time he went missing? sorry for your loss.

[ComradeRob]

Yeah he was, he moved my grandma and my mum when she was little to england

[MulderMan]

so your family is really from russia then?

[ComradeRob]

Yes, im the first generation of British Metanova's