Biology is faulty(sexual orientation)

[Altorfer Christian]

I am not happy about my sexual orientation. I always disliked my sexual orientation even as a 5 years old boy! Something is wrong with the biology of my body. If there were scientis who would understand the neurobiology and biochemistry of sexual orientation and they could change it to heterosexual, I would be interested in it.

Somthing is biologically not right with me. I hate it!

We I got into puberty I had problems with gender identity! I had problems with the fact that the beard grows, had zero interests in sports, on the telephone my voice sounded like a girl. As 13 years old I looked like a girl( ouch). This has changed.

 

Sexual orientation is for sure biologically determinded 🧠🧬, and as long I have to live in this condition I stay unhappy. I have a very strong desire for correcting this annoying inborn biological error. 

[Phi for All]

It's my understanding that sexual orientation and gender identity are different aspects, and there's hormonal and environmental issues involved as well as biological. Who you're sexually attracted to and which gender you identify with aren't necessarily related. And I don't think you can change either one easily. The idea is to identify the gender role that feels right to you, and then do the same with your sexual orientation. In this way, we can place the behavior on a spectrum rather than view it as "faulty".

You look VERY not happy. Why do you think something's "not right" rather than just different? Can you share which gender you would prefer to identify with? What kind of person attracts you sexually?

[Altorfer Christian]

Why so many have insulted me that I would look gay? Isnt that the proof that my sexuality has a massiv biological background?

 

I am pretty sure its not genetic caused rather epigenetic and transcriptomics.

Edited November 12, 2020 by Altorfer Christian

[StringJunky]

2 minutes ago, Altorfer Christian said:

Why so many have insulted me that I would look gay?

The tradition in a given society mostly dictates what is considered normal and there can be tendencies towards a negative reaction if that society has strong views different to your own vision of yourself. Societies generally accepting that we are not binary in sexuality or gender identity is a still work in progress, and you are probably feeling the effects of the work still yet to do.

[koti]

16 minutes ago, Altorfer Christian said:

I am pretty sure its not genetic caused rather epigenetic and transcriptomics.

Nobody decent cares if youre gay or bisexual or whatever. As long as you’re not hurting anyone especially yourself its all good. Just go with the flow and accept who you are and I promise you will have a smile on your face in no time  

[joigus]

Have you ever thought that there are millions of people like you in the world? I can see nothing wrong with you. The wrong is in the people who insult you.

What you say suggests to me that you live in a very narrow-minded environment.

[Altorfer Christian]

Even here in Switzerland homophobia exists subtile. But compared to the rest of the world I am very lucky to be born here. Probably even better than the US.

I stay unhappy as long it stays in this way. Thats why the risk of suicide is very high in my life...

I am going through Valium withdrawal (benzo withdrawal) and a week ago I said to myself if I really can finish this hard withdrawal(9.month) I am not able to commit suicide. My today I changed my opinion. I definitly go for suicide If there wont be a way to fix this.

Edited November 12, 2020 by Altorfer Christian

[StringJunky]

The issues with valium withdrawal will be confusing your outlook and self-image, so dealing with those as well will be very difficult, with that messing it up.. Go and see your doctor and see what support you can get. A second opinion by professionals should make things clearer and hopefully give you a guided pathway to getting on top of your real issues with yourself.

[Phi for All]

14 hours ago, Altorfer Christian said:

Why so many have insulted me that I would look gay?

First, it shouldn't be an insult. Second, I'm not sure what "look gay" means in this context, since we only have your pictures to judge by. And third, we still don't know what gender you identify with, but should we assume you're attracted to women, since you object to being considered gay?

The situations you describe in your OP aren't clear. You said you had problems in puberty with your beard, but you also said you looked like a girl. I'm still unsure what parts of your sexuality are bothering you. Unless I missed something, it seems like you're angry that people think you look gay because you're not, but I don't know why that's such a problem. Does it keep you from meeting eligible women? 

14 hours ago, Altorfer Christian said:

I am pretty sure its not genetic caused rather epigenetic and transcriptomics.

Have you talked to a professional about this? "Pretty sure" doesn't seem to be adequate for something this important.

13 hours ago, Altorfer Christian said:

I am going through Valium withdrawal (benzo withdrawal) and a week ago I said to myself if I really can finish this hard withdrawal(9.month) I am not able to commit suicide. My today I changed my opinion. I definitly go for suicide If there wont be a way to fix this.

We're very happy to discuss this problem with you, but this is beyond our scope. NOBODY here is qualified to talk you down from suicidal thoughts over the internet. If you mention this again, we're going to have to close the thread and recommend you see a medical professional IMMEDIATELY! In any case, I highly recommend you seek professional help for this problem.

[Altorfer Christian]

1 hour ago, Phi for All said:

First, it shouldn't be an insult. Second, I'm not sure what "look gay" means in this context, since we only have your pictures to judge by. And third, we still don't know what gender you identify with, but should we assume you're attracted to women, since you object to being considered gay?

The situations you describe in your OP aren't clear. You said you had problems in puberty with your beard, but you also said you looked like a girl. I'm still unsure what parts of your sexuality are bothering you. Unless I missed something, it seems like you're angry that people think you look gay because you're not, but I don't know why that's such a problem. Does it keep you from meeting eligible women? 

Have you talked to a professional about this? "Pretty sure" doesn't seem to be adequate for something this important.

We're very happy to discuss this problem with you, but this is beyond our scope. NOBODY here is qualified to talk you down from suicidal thoughts over the internet. If you mention this again, we're going to have to close the thread and recommend you see a medical professional IMMEDIATELY! In any case, I highly recommend you seek professional help for this problem.

Identify as male. And I have a austrian psychoatrist since 7 months.

Edited November 12, 2020 by Altorfer Christian

[MigL]

I will agree with everyone else.
Most people who get to know you, and care about, don't care about your gender identity or sexual orientation.
They like/care for you as a 'person'.

18 hours ago, Altorfer Christian said:

Somthing is biologically not right with me. I hate it!

This hating some aspect of yourself,on the other hand, suggests some psychological issues which needs to be addressed by a professional.
If your current Austrian Psychiatrist hasn't helped for ( what appears to be ) 20 years, maybe you should consult others.
Multiple opinions can't hurt.
Maybe they'll tell you that "you are fine", and just need to grow 'thicker skin'.

[Altorfer Christian]

I am ugly BECAUSE of my homosexuality!

[StringJunky]

17 minutes ago, Altorfer Christian said:

I am ugly BECAUSE of my homosexuality!

Was George Michael or Freddy Mercury ugly?

[iNow]

This has little to do with sexuality or how others see you and everything to do with how you see and apparently loath yourself. Your choices are to continue suffering or to accept it and move forward. There's not much space in between. 

[Altorfer Christian]

12 minutes ago, StringJunky said:

Was George Michael or Freddy Mercury ugly?

 

8 minutes ago, iNow said:

This has little to do with sexuality or how others see you and everything to do with how you see and apparently loath yourself. Your choices are to continue suffering or to accept it and move forward. There's not much space in between. 

No it does. Something biologically happened neonataly and/or prenataly that caused my sexual orientation. Very likely hormonaly/epigenetic inbalance. I hate it.

[StringJunky]

23 minutes ago, Altorfer Christian said:

 

No it does. Something biologically happened neonataly and/or prenataly that caused my sexual orientation. Very likely hormonaly/epigenetic inbalance. I hate it.

Do you socialise with gay people?

[iNow]

3 hours ago, Altorfer Christian said:

I hate it.

Was this meant to rebut or to reinforce my point? It merely does the latter. 

[Phi for All]

3 hours ago, Altorfer Christian said:

I am ugly BECAUSE of my homosexuality!

We're you raised to think same sex relationships are wrong? They aren't, there's lots of scientific evidence, and plenty of examples in nature.

Sexual attraction is a broad spectrum. As long as the people you're attracted to are consenting adults, there's nothing ugly about it.

[iNow]

To be perfectly honest, this consistent negatively and self hate is FAR more ugly than being attracted to people who happen to share the same plumbing as you in the private areas. 

[Altorfer Christian]

I believe my ,,condition“ is epigenetic and/ or transcriptomic caused.

 

Edited November 13, 2020 by Altorfer Christian

[Phi for All]

27 minutes ago, Altorfer Christian said:

I believe my ,,condition“ is epigenetic and/ or transcriptomic caused.

Help me understand, please. You're attracted to men, but you hate that you're attracted to men, is that right?

[StringJunky]

4 hours ago, Altorfer Christian said:

I believe my ,,condition“ is epigenetic and/ or transcriptomic caused.

 

Whatever the cause, your sexuality is you. Do you socialise with gay people? I asked this earlier, because if you aren't, then you are reinforcing your sense of isolation and feeling 'different'. Once you move around in compatible circles, you should start to feel more comfortable being in your own skin and more likely to like yourself as you are.

[Phi for All]

1 hour ago, StringJunky said:

Do you socialise with gay people? I asked this earlier, because if you aren't, then you are reinforcing your sense of isolation and feeling 'different'.

This was my thinking as well, and there might be family members or friends who think they're helping by further enabling the isolation. 

[StringJunky]

3 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

This was my thinking as well, and there might be family members or friends who think they're helping by further enabling the isolation. 

This is true: they might be 'helping' him turn into a 'normal' person,

[Phi for All]

46 minutes ago, StringJunky said:

This is true: they might be 'helping' him turn into a 'normal' person,

This is an aspect of the environmental issues that accompany the hormonal and biological issues of our sexual orientation. Well-meaning people your were raised around see your pain and want to help, but traditionally have a limited view on relationships. Modern reasoning isn't so black and white, and most aspects can be analyzed as part of a spectrum of behavior. We're ALL normal when you use the right perspective.