Why are you still single?

[BobbyJoeCool]

When I look in the mirror, I wouldn't call myself a "hot girl". However, lots of guys say I'm really hot and everything. Anyway, if I am a "hot girl", my personality is probably the complete opposite of what you described. I'm sure that you can find a girl that you think is beautiful, and a nice person. You can never judge a person's personality just by looking at them.

 

I know that, and I wasn't generalizing that all hot girls are like that, but, in my experience, the only girls are that are like that are "hot," because, in their case anyway, they think it's the only thing they have going for them, and their trying to "score" themselves a "decent guy" who can provide for them and get them through life. I know many a hot girls who are nice people. My best (And only) real friend is one of them.

 

I don't mean to say ALL hot girls are that way, and if you took it that way, I apologize.

[Severian]

However' date=' lots of guys say I'm really hot and everything.

[/quote']

 

Since this is a science forum where we are required to back up our theories with data, I demand photographic evidence of your entirely unsubstantiated claim.

[MetaFrizzics]

LOL. Her mischevious avatar says it all.

[coquina]

Grandma adds her two cents ...

 

"Before you meet your handsome prince (or princess) you gotta kiss a lot of toads."

 

I think that statement has a lot of merit, because I think many of us form opinions about people on first sight, and we often don't give ourselves the opportunity to get to know them well enough to know whether we really like them or not.

 

To Mike 90: Compliments of my mother... "there are better fish in the sea than ever came out." I'm sorry about your breakup. It hurts a lot, however, better a breakup now than a divorce with kids to support later.

 

To you all: If you are lonely, you can't expect Prince (or Princess) Charming to come charging up to your front door and sweep you away. You've got to go to the jousting tournament and wave your hanky.

 

Probably the worst place to meet someone is at a bar. If you have interests in something, join a club, go to a meeting where other people will be who are interested in the same things that you are.

 

If you go to school, don't walk around campus looking at your shoes. Put your head up and smile at people. You will be surprised how many will smile back. You might see a real twinkle in someone's smile - if you run into them again, speak to them - "How ya doin'" or something equally inane is fine.

 

Lastly - don't try to change your behavior to suit anyone else, and don't expect them to change theirs to suit you. In all probability, it will be only a short-term change - people slip right back into their innate habits.

 

Believe me, if there is something that really irks you about another person, after 10 or 20 years of living with them, it will drive you crazy. When you meet someone and are considering a long term or permanent relationship, make a list - things you like about them on the left - things you dislike on the right. If there are more "likes" than "dislikes", examine the dislikes to see if there are any "deal-stoppers", if there is something about that person you can't stand on a full term basis, stop the relationship now. Decide if you are willing to put up with a quirk in exchange for the person's good qualities, if you are, then you are not allowed to complain about that irritating behavior in the future, because you knew they had it going in.

 

So much about life is about compromise, and weighing the good against the bad. If we would realize that it relates to personal relationships as well, we would all be better off.

[Klaynos]

If you go to school' date=' don't walk around campus looking at your shoes. Put your head up and smile at people. You will be surprised how many will smile back. You might see a real twinkle in someone's smile - if you run into them again, speak to them - "How ya doin'" or something equally inane is fine.

[/quote']

 

The smile thing is very true. My problem is an inability to talk to people I don't know :| damn you shyness!!!

[coquina]

The smile thing is very true. My problem is an inability to talk to people I don't know :| damn you shyness!!!

 

You must know enough about physics to tutor a beginner. Start there - it is easier to talk about something with which you are familiar. You just have to get used to speaking. Don't worry that everything that comes out of your mouth isn't earth shattering.

 

Take a lesson from the people of the Virgin Islands. There, it is rude to conduct business with someone without saying "Good morning" or "Good afternoon" first. Try it where you live - you'll make the person on the other side of the register feel better, and get used to speaking to strangers at the same time.

 

Another secret is to get someone to talk about themselves, then you can listen rather than speak. If you're really tongue-tied, most of the time you can just smile and nod your head in reply. If they ask you something in return, its easier to answer a question than it is to just have conversation.

[the tree]

You must know enough about physics to tutor a beginner. Start there - it is easier to talk about something with which you are familiar. You just have to get used to speaking. Don't worry that everything that comes out of your mouth isn't earth shattering.

Knowing enough doesn't always mean capable of making it sound in the slightest bit interesting.

[swansont]

Since this is a science forum where we are required to back up our theories with data, I demand photographic evidence of your entirely unsubstantiated claim.

 

Yes. Peer-review is important!

[Lyssia]

I'm semi-recently single (I split up with my boyfriend about a month ago, and I have no idea how time scales work...they're probably individual anyway).

 

You can be terribly, terribly lonely and isolated in a relationship, and it's one of the signs that something's wrong. Sometimes I think people need to learn to like themselves enough to spend time on their own without thinking that there's something abnormal about it.

 

At the moment I'm not particularly worried about my relationship future. I don't think you can second-guess these things - if it's going to happen, it'll happen just through me being me. Most guys are put off me by the fact that I believe some really rather strange (to them) stuff anyway! Mind you, if a guy is one who ridicules someone's belief system using ad hominem then he's not worth my attention.

 

On top of all that there's the attractiveness thing. I think I'm not, others say I am. Yardi yardi yardi.

 

But given that Lenale and I are probably going to run off and start our own convent, this is all quite moot

[Phi for All]

Many women treat men like jobs: they don't leave one unless they have another lined up waiting. They rarely seem without an escort. Too often men haven't a clue about immediate plans until they are sprung. Men are often simple and trusting, and defer to women.

Many men treat women like jobs: they don't leave one unless they have another lined up waiting. They rarely seem without an escort. Too often women haven't a clue about immediate plans until they are sprung. Women are often simple and trusting, and defer to men.

Another secret is to get someone to talk about themselves, then you can listen rather than speak.

In sales, we try to ask open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no. Instead of asking "Do you like your school?", ask "What do you like most about your school?" You're shy because you don't know what to talk about. You need data and the best way to get it is by listening.

Knowing enough doesn't always mean capable of making it sound in the slightest bit interesting.

The right audience will find you interesting. You also need to practice asking the right questions, then shut up and listen. Don't think about what you're going to say next, just listen. Silences are only embarassing if you haven't listened because you were thinking of ways to fill the silence.

[jdurg]

I still truly believe that if you are 'going out' with someone just for the sake of going out with them, then you are doing yourself and your date a major dis-service. I guess when you're young (Under 21) it's a bit different as everybody goes out just for a social status. But when you're older like myself (25. Good god did I just say 25 was older?) you go out with someone for their companionship and their brain more than their 'booty'. I am a very single person but I am not a lonely person. Sure there are times where I say 'I really wish I had a girlfriend I could just lie next to', but those instances are VERY rare and usually when I'm pretty drunk and have nobody to go home to. Right now I just stay single because it's easier for me. I'm trying to find myself a place to live, and while having a spouse makes that a LOT easier, the money spent trying to find that 'special someone' would be better put towards purchasing a home. I also have many hobbies that I truly love which keep me happy and content. (My baseball cards, my element collection, golfing, poker, spending time with my friends, doing random things, etc. etc.)

 

The stuff I put in my blog (http://jdurg.blogspot.com) is pretty much my life at the moment. I don't purposely try to avoid people, but I just don't have the motivation to go and get involved. Sure I occasionally notice when a woman looks at me in a certain way, but I'm just not prepared to go forward yet. I think things will change once I'm able to finally afford my own place. Living at home still is really completely depressing and puts a HUGE strain on your 'social life with women', but that will hopefully change next year.

[Clara]

Wow you sure have a good head on your shoulders Clara. My relationship with my gf was really rocky anyway so I guess in time I'll be alright. The only part that really bothers me is i stayed in it for her benefit more then once when i really didn't want to be in it anymore. And then she goes off and meets someone and leaves me after i stayed with her because she can't handle being alone and supposedly couldn't live without me. Well im officially done living my life trying to do what everyone else wants.

 

Hi Mike90. When you are in a relationship, you should never feel like you are in the relationship just for the benefit of the other person. I think that the most important part of a relationship is that both people are happy. The guy should try to make the girl happy, and the girl should try to make the guy happy.

 

That does not mean that the guy or girl should change who they are just to make the other person happy. In a relationship, each person should like each other because of who they are. What I meant was that each person should care about the other person's feelings. If I had a boyfriend, and I knew he wasn't happy with the relationship, I would want to end the relationship even if I did love him. I would end the relationship for him, because I cared about him.

 

Also, when a relationship ends I think it is important for the two people to become friends again. This will normally help take away the pain of a breakup. The worst possible thing is when people breakup and then start saying mean things about each other. This will only make the breakup feel much more painful for both people. Sometimes a breakup is too painful, and it's impossible to become friends again. I can understand this, but they should never try to hurt each other's feelings after a breakup.

 

I know that' date=' and I wasn't generalizing that all hot girls are like that, but, in my experience, the only girls are that are like that are "hot," because, in their case anyway, they think it's the only thing they have going for them, and their trying to "score" themselves a "decent guy" who can provide for them and get them through life. I know many a hot girls who are nice people. My best (And only) real friend is one of them.

 

I don't mean to say ALL hot girls are that way, and if you took it that way, I apologize.[/quote']

 

Don't worry, I'm not mad at you at all.

 

I can understand why you feel that way. There are lots of girls out there that are called "hot" and then they think that's the only thing a guy would care about. They are too weak to find beauty in their personality, so they act like they can get a boyfriend just by using their looks. In many cases this is true, because lots of guys choose a girlfriend just by looking at them.

 

I'm sure that you will find girls that just want to take advantage of guys, whether guys think they are beautiful or not.

 

Since this is a science forum where we are required to back up our theories with data, I demand photographic evidence of your entirely unsubstantiated claim.

 

Sorry, but you are going to need to use your imagination if you want to guess what I look like.

 

I like talking in forums because people judge other people by their personality, and not the way they look.

 

LOL. Her mischevious avatar says it all.

 

Ok, I'll give everyone a hint. I'm not a pink hedgehog...

 

Grandma adds her two cents...

 

Hi Coquina. I agree with everything you just said.

 

The smile thing is very true. My problem is an inability to talk to people I don't know :| damn you shyness!!!

 

Sometimes a relationship can't start immediately. If you find someone that you like, just talk to them a little at a time. After a while, you will get to know each other, and be able to talk more.

 

At the moment I'm not particularly worried about my relationship future. I don't think you can second-guess these things - if it's going to happen, it'll happen just through me being me.

 

I agree. I don't think a girl or guy should go around looking for a relationship. I think you should wait until you find someone you like, not the first person you can find.

 

On top of all that there's the attractiveness thing. I think I'm not, others say I am.

 

I know exactly how you feel. I think it is really difficult for someone to judge their own beauty.

 

Many women treat men like jobs: they don't leave one unless they have another lined up waiting. They rarely seem without an escort. Too often men haven't a clue about immediate plans until they are sprung. Men are often simple and trusting, and defer to women.

 

Many men treat women like jobs: they don't leave one unless they have another lined up waiting. They rarely seem without an escort. Too often women haven't a clue about immediate plans until they are sprung. Women are often simple and trusting, and defer to men.

 

Both of these statements are very true. There are nice girls and mean girls. There are also nice guys and mean guys.

 

I still truly believe that if you are 'going out' with someone just for the sake of going out with them, then you are doing yourself and your date a major dis-service. I guess when you're young (Under 21) it's a bit different as everybody goes out just for a social status. But when you're older like myself (25. Good god did I just say 25 was older?) you go out with someone for their companionship and their brain more than their 'booty'.

 

I think the reasons people get into relationships depends on the type of person, not their age. I'm 17, but I've never been in a relationship. I don't want to get in a relationship just because all of my friends are. I want to find the right person.

 

I also know some people that are over 25 that would look for a relationship, and not care if it lasts.

[Lyssia]

I know exactly how you feel. I think it is really difficult for someone to judge their own beauty.

 

No no no no, you have it the wrong way round. I am the one who can determine my attractiveness most accurately; it's just that everyone who disagrees with me is either a) deluded or b) being nice and bending the truth

 

On the topic of whether people should change in order to please their other half, I think there is a certain give and take that goes on in a relationship that is quite healthy. It comes from compromising on the washing up schedule (irc folks will understand why I bring this up as an example...) - a lazy ar*e has to change his habits and do the washing up more often, and this should lead to a general trait change whereby he just generally isn't as lazy as he was (although such a person is always going to be a little bit on the I-can't-be-bothered side).

[coquina]

On the topic of whether people should change in order to please their other half' date=' I think there is a certain give and take that goes on in a relationship that is quite healthy. It comes from compromising on the washing up schedule (irc folks will understand why I bring this up as an example...) - a lazy ar*e has to change his habits and do the washing up more often, and this should lead to a general trait change whereby he just generally isn't as lazy as he was (although such a person is always going to be a little bit on the I-can't-be-bothered side).[/quote']

 

I was married to one of those for 31 years. He hated washing dishes (and a lot of other household chores). Be forwarned about your lazy wonder - a favorite way of getting out of something they don't want to do is to do it wrong or halfway. Then when you complain (about food stuck on the bottom of a plate for instance), they'll tell you that you are a perfectionist and no one can do anything to please you. I think some men avoid housework because they don't know how to do it properly and efficiently.

 

Regardless - when I tried to force Butch into it, he was a grumpy PITA the rest of the day. I finally realized that getting him to do things he hated was fruitless - convinced him to do some other things instead, like vacuuming or dusting. Anyway - it is compromise. You gotta figure out what you can live with and what you can't. I will promise you, if he's lazy now, he will never turn into a ball of fire, so be ready to accept it for as long as you stay together.

[YT2095]

compromise works great actualy, I can`t stand washing up (seeing food remains on a plate makes me wanna gag) So..... my wife does all the washing-up and I do all the food prep and cooking etc...

it`s NOT the easy option either, I still do it even when I`ve been at work all day and really don`t want to do it, the rest of the jobs we either take in turns or do together, same with looking after our child. I lived on my own perfectly well for over 10 years, so I`m used to it anyway

[Lyssia]

I will promise you, if he's lazy now, he will never turn into a ball of fire, so be ready to accept it for as long as you stay together.

 

Well, this was one of the minor reasons why I left him

[1dumbdude]

Because I spend to much time on internet forum sites!!

[mike90]

Because after 3 years in a relationship, I'ts really hard talking to girls that haven't had time to adjust to my... eccentricities. Slightlly off topic, what would you all say constitutes flirting. I've met someone and im trying to figure out if she's sending me signals or I'm just a moron. Although i suppose both its possible for both of those to be occuring simultaneously =0

[1veedo]

Flirting is like role-playing. People do it to protect their ego.

[Hellbender]

compromise works great actualy, I can`t stand washing up (seeing food remains on a plate makes me wanna gag) So..... my wife does all the washing-up and I do all the food prep and cooking etc...

same with me. I am a great cook, but my girlfriend burns things and forgets about stuff. She is self-concious about it, but I find it cute in an endearing way. She thinks that to be a good future wife she must be good at this stuff. So we compromise. People are different. Even if you think you and you partner are a lot alike there will be differences, and compromise is sometimes the only way to make a relationship work.

[Hellbender]

Very True! the ones I cared alot for didn`t reciprocate in any appreciable way (I got quite hurt and burried myself in work for a year or 2).

Headgames. how very annoying. There are still girls my age who are into immature head games like this, but I never went for them. Life is too short and complicated for stupid WB channel-esque mind games. I like when a girl is straightforward and doesn't assume I am a mind reader and actually tells me what she wants. I love the straightforwardness and simplicity. I happened to find a girl like this who I am still with.

[Guest Jordan 23]

ok im not really a science person. i just came to this website to find out something about shoes. i saw this and all of your problems looks like you think about stuff too much. i dont know what small talk is but that doesnt really matter if you just put some time into what you wear and you apperance then i can almost guarentee someone will think you are somewhat attractive. all you need to do is get some good shoes and clothes, get a nice haircut and just make sure you look ok in the mirror maybe put some gel in your hair. and if you want to stop being single just go to the mall you will probly find some one there. and just have a little bit of confidence i am not a very confident person but all you need is a little bit and you should be ok.

[Lance]

Shoes! Why didn't I think of that!?

 

Honestly though, I don't want a girl who is only attracted to a guy who wears name brand shoes and is a walking advertisement. I would really rather advertise myself rather than American Eagle or whatever ultra expensive brand is popular at the moment. And again, most of the girls who hang out at malls all weekend just aren't what I'm looking for... I think you're mistaking people who want a relationship with somebody who wants a one night stand.

[mike90]

Lance has it exactly. Unfortunately in my limited social circle a lot of the girls i meet are pretty superficial =( . And the ones that aren't are so hard to read. At my age it often seems im in the minority in that im looking for a relationship, and not " action"

[YT2095]

these last 2 args have to be tempered with Logic though.

 

1`st impressions matter whether we like it or not, you can be the nicest guy or girl on the planet, but if you dress like dirty bag of washing etc... no one will give you the time of day (unless it`s to you offer you money).

 

Secondly, thinking about what YOU want in a relationship and YOUR ideals and agendas when meeting a "Potential" will betray you. don`t look any further than the NOW, and IF things start to develop at a later date, then start thinking futures etc...