Why are you still single?

[AzurePhoenix]

Although I'm a person who'll sit in a coffee bar (drinking anything other than coffee, mind) with a book. Books are usually much more interesting than anyone who might want to talk to me.

I totally agree on both counts, and do the same thing, reading a good Dean Koontz in a Starbucks while sipping a hot apple cider or a cold vanilla bean, glaring and snarling at almost anyone who came too close to me. One of the reasons it took so long for me to build a meaningful relationship

[oatjay]

I totally agree on both counts, and do the same thing, reading a good Dean Koontz in a Starbucks while sipping a hot apple cider or a cold vanilla bean, glaring and snarling at almost anyone who came too close to me. One of the reasons it took so long for me to build a meaningful relationship

 

 

yeah, snarling'll do that to ya. haven't been able to get into irc for a while for some reason. it does the whole connecting... logging in... thing, but stops and gives up after a while. that was off topic... eh... i can identify with lots of people on this thread. all i can say is patience can have its rewards if you're open enough. damn you, irc, work!

[Lyssia]

I totally agree on both counts, and do the same thing, reading a good Dean Koontz in a Starbucks while sipping a hot apple cider or a cold vanilla bean, glaring and snarling at almost anyone who came too close to me. One of the reasons it took so long for me to build a meaningful relationship

 

AVOID EYE CONTACT AT ALL TIMES. People need to understand this. I have a book. I have a hot chocolate (or a frappucino, or whatever). I do not need someone to come up and talk about the weather!

 

Notice what book I'm reading, perhaps make an intelligent comment about it, maybe begin a sensible discussion about it's impact and further research avenues. Engage in a follow-on conversation about my work, your work, how klop-headed supervisors can be, and how annoying research is w-h-e-n i-t g-o-e-s s-o s-l-o-w-l-y. Maybe buy me another hot choclate All that is acceptable (although in a similar fashion to AP I'm liable to be very ratty and anti-social if you ever interrupt my reading). BUT PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T ASK ME IF I KNOW THE WAY TO THE GROTE MARKT. IT'S THE BIG OPEN SPACE IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN. CAN'T MISS IT. KLOPHEAD.

 

Sheesh.

 

Don't talk to me about ovaries shriveling - mine went extinct about the same time as the Tasmanian Tiger. If time is running out for you, it ran out for me decades ago, and I won't accept that.

 

Time's running out in the sense that if I'm going to be a Mum, I'd rather start having kids before my 30th which (although of course you can't predict the future to that kind of accuracy) just doesn't look likely from here

 

Hellbender - you lucky so-and-so!

 

I should just go and be a nun. That's what people here are telling me. I'll be a nerdy nun. Yes.

 

Don't mind me, I'm having a rough few days

[mike90]

Im always told that i come off as intimidating or rude. Sigh. It's hard being shy, and a lot of people tend to misread it and i dont smile too much, so hence i guess i must look mean lol. I'm about the most laid back person ever too. Sadly about the only attention im getting right now is messages on my cell from my psycho ex

[Hellbender]

Hellbender - you lucky so-and-so!

Hey, if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. Thats my point. I used to be a little on the anti-social side, but I started getting too lonely and put a stop to it.

[oatjay]

....And you can't be too young either. I met "the one" at the tender age of 20, and decided to marry her several months later. My friends all say I am too young, and that i should "live my life". But don't buy into that. You are never too young or too old to find love.

 

 

i hate that "live your life" line- i get it way too much. i just do what makes me happy- which at this point has a lot to do with making a certain other person happy.

[[Tycho?]]

I'm shy, insecure and self conscious.

[1veedo]

.....BUT PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T ASK ME IF I KNOW THE WAY TO THE GROTE MARKT. IT'S THE BIG OPEN SPACE IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN. CAN'T MISS IT. KLOPHEAD.

You seem like a boring person to talk to. Be friendly and open, smile, laugh, whatever. But dont run everybody off! Besides, how do you know somebody isnt just driving through? Be nice and people'll like you more! Some just need to relax and enjoy life. If you act cold to everybody who hits on you you're never going to find somebody. This, in itself, is a "reason you're single."

 

Be open to the posibilities life brings you. Think of this. A butterfly changes direction of a storm that goes through Detroit. Mr. Perfect's flight is dellayed 3 hours and arives at New York. The first thing he does is look for a coffee shop. He sees one but a bus inhibits him from crosing the road, but, he notices one a block up. So far all the forces of nature, luck, and karma are on your side. He notices you 15 feet away and makes eye contact. Just like every other looser you've met, he says HI and that he's out of town. He refuses to buy more hot chocholate. You will never get another chance to meet him.

[JohnB]

Sorry for the delay in getting back but being a professional exhibitionist takes up a lot of time. Concerning dancing.

 

It doesn't take much time each week unless you are out to compete. Try to find a school that has a social basis for their classes rather than personal lessons. You'll find a lot more people there and you're able to mix more freely with them. In a social class you have maybe three professional dancers, plus around thirty very experienced dancers to show you the ropes, the other hundred people are just like you, learners. The other plus is that without contracts etc. you go when you want. Most studios have social classes three nights a week, so it's not that hard to find three hours or so somewhere that suits.

 

You have a lack of rythum? No problem. When I started I looked like a centipede with Parkinsons on stilts. In truth I have only met one person who really couldn't dance, everybody else got it with a bit more help and practice. If you can tap your foot to a beat, then you can dance.

 

Do you think you could do Tai-Chi? Can you tap your foot to a beat? Then you can dance.

 

People think dancing is something special, it isn't. Dancing is nothing more than "controlled movement to a beat". Tai-Chi (or any martial art) is controlled movement, then you add a beat. It really isn't that hard.

 

On another note, often appearing in the lists of reasons is lack of trust. "I've been cheated on" etc. Turn it around. How do you feel about people who have been cheated on looking at you and thinking you're just the same? This planet is chock full of lovely individuals who have never done anything to you and probably never will. Why not give those who have never hurt you the benefit of the doubt?

 

Without sounding too cliched, a loving, caring relationship is the most worthwhile experience a person can have in their life. The most valuable thing there is. But to be valuable and valued a thing must have a price, something you must pay or risk paying to get it. If you pay or risk nothing, then the result has no value. Look at the people you know to whom boy/girlfriends come easily, do they value those relationships? Not really.

 

As relationships can't be valued in money, they can't be bought with money. The price is far higher, but so is the prize. The price is Trust, Honesty, Love, Devotion, Caring when you're really too tired to care. Putting the other person first. Above all valuing the life and quality of life of another person as highly as you value your own.

 

Always bear in mind that you won't have the relationship you dream of until you are ready for it. You cannot having a trusting, loving relationship until you are able to trust and love. The change must come from inside you first. Then you will find that which you seek.

[Lyssia]

You seem like a boring person to talk to.

 

Hihi, sorry about that

 

Be friendly and open, smile, laugh, whatever. But dont run everybody off! Besides, how do you know somebody isnt just driving through? Be nice and people'll like you more! Some just need to relax and enjoy life. If you act cold to everybody who hits on you you're never going to find somebody. This, in itself, is a "reason you're single."

 

Well, thanks for your in-depth analysis. Send the bill on to my office when you're done?

 

Seriously, though, I think you've read a little too much into that post; there's quite a bit of background turmoil going on right now. On the other hand, that turmoil isn't general public knowledge (and I'm fairly sure you're not privy to it), which is why I'm more amused by your response than anything else.

 

Be open to the posibilities life brings you.

 

I think I am, actually, having emigrated twice on two continents and becoming bilingual. But...thanks for the reminder Ahhh, the joys of internet communication.

[H2SO4]

The reason's i dont have a girl:

 

Every girl i meet that is something i would go for (smart, NOT A WALKING BILLBOARD (which i realy hate)) doesnt have an interest in. No matter how much i flirt, how nice I am to them. They always end up being a friend. I think the reasons girls dont like me is as follows:

 

 

Im strange, for example my hobbies dont go with eachother, if you know what i mean.

 

 

Hobbies:

 

Science (but can't effing stand math, so this is my downfall)

Metal work

Computers

Pyrotechnics

Fishing

 

 

 

Sports:

 

Biking, running, swimming.

 

Other reasons:

 

Im realy shy.

Im not the most attractive person.

I have strange media prefferences.

 

Music:

 

Hardcore CAKE fan, modest mouse, Oingo Boingo, Giant Squid, The B52'S, Pink FLoyd, Pixies, Police, Radiohead, weezer, Talking Heads.

Reading: Uncle Tungsten, Fight Club, Culture Jam, Science encyclopedias, and some other ones.

 

Movies: Kill Bill I and II

War of the worlds

All star wars

Pulp Fiction

Resevoir dogs

Back to the Future I,II, III

Fight Club

Joe Dirt

And lots of other comedy's.

 

 

 

So with all the information ive provided you people probaly have your opinions on what kind of person I am.

So i got kinda caried away. Oh well

[Hellbender]

No matter how much i flirt, how nice I am to them. They always end up being a friend. I think the reasons girls dont like me is as follows:

How old are you? I take it you are in high school? There's your problem. I had the same problem. High school girls (and guys) are generally a different breed. Now that I am more mature, my approach works, but it didn't in high school when girls are generally looking for cocky, decidedly more aggressive guys.

Im strange, for example my hobbies dont go with eachother, if you know what i mean.

If you mean that your hobbies and interests are all over the place, thats not so uncommon. Its better to have interests in a broad range of things. Later on, girls may find this really attractive.

Im really shy.

I had this problem too. Overcoming shyness is gradual. Once you take one step, you are open to another then another, until you discover you aren't shy anymore. Its hard, its scary and it may take a while, but its worth it. For most people, the first step is the hardest, but it gets a little easier after that.

Im not the most attractive person.

As much as people like to say "looks don't matter", it is still true that they help. There is hope though. And who's to say that some girl in the future may see something about you that she likes. Who knows?

Hardcore CAKE fan

Yeah.... maybe, um.....yeah...

So with all the information ive provided you people probaly have your opinions on what kind of person I am.

So i got kinda caried away. Oh well

Nah, this is what this thread has turned into. I was in your shoes before, and feel your pain. I was always the "friend" or the "big brother" figure. I hated it. So I got tired of it, and did something about it. You just gotta make yourself available, make yourself unique and make yourself fun to be around. Good luck.

[alan2here]

I "Enjoy being free"

 

Its good fun

You get to spend all the money you earn (not just a small percentege of it)

You get to go out with your mates whenever you (and they) want.

You get to spend your time doing whatever you want.

You won't axidently get locked into duallity by having children.

 

If you want company of the opisite gender the best way is to become friends.

 

Frends are much better company that partners.

I know nobody who is happly married after > 20 years.

 

Someone earler mentioned a sfn dating forum

Well why not just PM people in this thread if you like them.

This is the perfect place to meat other schience'y people.

 

Maby one day I will meet a woman who is tecnicly minded, Intrested in schince and computers, into extreem sports like snowbording, who dosen't drink a lot of alchol or smoke and who is into heavy rock music. Just like me. Ok maby some of those reqirements are a bit steep but I reall'y don't mind if I never get married (as I mentioned at the top of this post).

[1veedo]

To H2SO4, you say you're not attractive.

 

What women find physically attractive has nothing to with your physique. Stand taler, don't slouch. If your body language is submissive then it's not attractive. I know this sounds gay, but look at the guys in like maxim magazine. Change your style similarly and display their body language. Looks really don't matter as much to women as they do to guys.

 

IMO, walk slower, move slower, do everything slower including blinking!

Walk tall w/ your head up.

Lean back in chairs.

Take up space.

 

Slouching is bad.

Leaning in with your feet under your chair is bad.

etc etc

 

Be calmer, if you're figiting, people notice.

[alan2here]

Thats great general advice there to everybody 1veedo.