The Coming Jihad: SPAMation vs. FSMism

[AzurePhoenix]

Fellow FSM-loyal Pastafarians, the evil and heretical slaves of this abominable cult have declared a holy war against us...

 

Before he ascended' date=' Skamfor informed SPAMation that all those who believe in Henderson's FSM version of the Letter will be sent—with only semi-porous, waxed-paper wrapping to protect them—into the sub-zero void of interstellar space, where they will be subjected to eternal freezer burn. To those of you who have already dabbled in FSMism, we beg you to turn away from FSM and to embrace SPAM.

 

Once again humanity is faced with the heretical notion that the Creator is of just one form, Spaghetti. This despite the fact that, over 1600 years ago at the Councils of Nicea and Constantinople, it was decided and eventually established (at great cost in human life and blood) that the Creator is of three equal eternal forms, all of the same substance. Yes, there is Spaghetti. But there is also Meatball. And one must never forget the unmentioned but omnipresent Interstitial Sauce, the IS of all being.

 

Finally, because Henderson's FSM theory is based on the absurd notion that global warming is caused by the reduction in the number of pirates in the world (!) and not on the true cause, the failure to eat pasta, SPAMites feel it is our sacred duty to put an end to FSM theory. While SPAMites wish no ill will on FSMers or anyone else, ours is not to question the will of SPAM. Only SPAM can forgive. As it is written, "SPAM giveth and SPAM taketh away." While SPAMites do not advocate violence, we are committed to whatever it takes to correct misguided notions about global warming, before it is too late, i.e., before The Wrath of SPAM is made into a grade D Star Trek sequel.[/quote'] What do we do? Do we take the high ground, and try to work things out in an attempt for peace, as the SPAMites seem to be willing to do? Or do we do the rational, intelligent thing and strike mercilessly and without delay, and do our very best to slaughter every last member of the SPAM Faction before they have a chance to retaliate? I guess the real question is, WWFSMD?

[Dave]

Jedi is the true calling.

 

[AzurePhoenix]

If I'm still alive if this whole "Faith of the Holy Pasta" thing ever falls through, I'm going to automatically sign up for Yodaoist Theology. I really only chose Pastafarianism because someone told me they had better dental benefits.

[Dave]

Indeed; all the benefits of improved dental health with the added bonus of eternal rest in pastaheaven. No more flossing for me, that's for sure.

[LucidDreamer]

Indeed; all the benefits of improved dental health with the added bonus of eternal rest in pastaheaven. No more flossing for me, that's for sure.

Don't forget about the flimsy moral standards. Now I can skip both church and all forms of charity work and just wear a pirate outfit while I smoke, drink, gamble, and chase after loose woman.

[AzurePhoenix]

Do female worshippers get to wear wench regalia? And if the Jihad does come, will it hav eto be fought with cannons and sabers?

[Dak]

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Do female worshippers get to wear wench regalia? And if the Jihad does come, will it hav eto be fought with cannons and sabers?

 

R.