How to be motivated to do a work that you really want to accomplish ?

[raphaelh42]

Hello

I made some researches on google about this but the results I find don't satisfy me

I'm going to explain a situation where someone can't motivate himself to do his work, I hope you to suggest ideas for this person to be motivated, I will evoke some I have in mind

This is my situation and I really hope that if I find help here, it could help other people too

 

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I have a disability pension (diagnosed schizophrenia, live in France), single, no children (I'm 25), live alone in an apartment, in touch with some family members, no driving license, no medication.

I have multiple goals, the first one I want to achieve is to create a meeting mobile app, I started few years ago, I made a lot of progress, it got recently clear in my head how the base will work. I used to work 10+ hours a day, had some breaks. I think that smoking weed helped me to stay calm/away from reality and focus in coding, I don't smoke anymore since few months.

 

Actually, focusing like 20 minutes is really difficult... I used to enjoy fixing bugs, searching for ways to do what I want to do...

Now I don't work almost every day, but escape reality watching movies and playing video games (stopped drinking like 2 months ago). The sad thing is that I really think that if I success the app, it would help me a lot to do things like activities I love (but requires money), and would allow me to work on my next goals.

__________________________

 

Some ideas I have in mind to help me to get motivated are :

- move to a place I feel better like countryside instead of city (I have done the administrative/social procedures, I am waiting for an answer, should take a while)

- practice activities I like such as climbing or wild camping (yes what am I waiting for... I climb sometimes but I don't really like the place in my city, I think I don't like the city where I live)

- meet a girlfriend, I had girlfriends at school but I stopped seeing all the people I used to know because I think we was not really friends but just people smoking and drinking, I have no social media anymore, I don't like dating apps such as tinder (I'm not making this kind of app). I guess/hope I will meet someone when I will do activities/if I "success" professionally. I don't talk to street/market strangers just because I think they are pretty. I don't really have friends.

 

If you have ideas about how to help someone to get motivated to do the work that he really wants to accomplish, please share.

Edited December 29, 2022 by raphaelh42

[Genady]

Professional psychotherapy?

[Phi for All]

10 minutes ago, raphaelh42 said:

If you have ideas about how to help someone to get motivated to do the work that he really wants to accomplish, please share.

If you really want to accomplish a specific goal, you've already got the best motivation there is. Nothing gets us going more than doing something we really want to do.

If you really want it but it's not happening, WHY isn't it happening? If you're like a lot of folks, you're somehow telling yourself it's not going to happen. You're programming your brain with negativity, so you don't get a positive outcome. You started working on your app "a few years ago", and I'll bet you've semi-given-up on it several times by telling yourself many different negative things.

A lot of folks are taught that being your own cheerleader is vain and egotistical, and that's a shame because nobody knows your capabilities better than you. It may seem weird at first, but looking in the mirror every morning and reminding yourself how lucky you are to know what you really want to do is a great positive step towards motivation. And do you know how hard it is for most people to stop drinking or smoking?! You're amazing! And you live in a country that realizes you have much to offer that has nothing to do with your disability. And don't forget that you're a self-sufficient person as well, able to live on your own at 25 years old in these modern times. Bravo!

Do me a favor, will you? If you can, put your arms up in the air like a "V" above your head, and imagine a whole stadium full of people are chanting your name and applauding, acknowledging the hardships you've faced, and admiring the fact that you still want to engage with the people around you and move on to your next goals. We're cheering for you because you deserve it, you're a very good person, and we all want to see you succeed. We want to see this app you've been telling us about for the last few years, and we're getting just as excited as you! 

[TheVat]

For completing a project, another useful thing is to create a place where you can only do the one thing.  A desk, a chair, the bare minimum of whatever tools a job requires.  A minimalist space that says you are here to work.  Ideally, outside that space is an area to walk in that clears your mind and does not distract it.  It seems paradoxical, but creativity blooms in a boring setting.  

[CharonY]

4 hours ago, raphaelh42 said:

Now I don't work almost every day, but escape reality watching movies and playing video games (stopped drinking like 2 months ago). The sad thing is that I really think that if I success the app, it would help me a lot to do things like activities I love (but requires money), and would allow me to work on my next goals.

That part really seems like procrastination to me. Essentially it is the tendency of folks to seek out activities that makes them feel better right now and putting off tasks that could make them feel bad. This is especially problematic for long-term projects, as the expected reward is only to be found at the end, whereas playing a game will make you feel better right now.

There are  few ways to handle these kind of things, which can include changing you mindset. But simpler method, e.g. rewarding yourself by setting yourself certain rules can also help, too. For example, you could say set yourself a rule that only after working for a certain amount of time, you get to reward yourself (say take break, have a treat but something that does not distract you too much). Set yourself milestone for the day and if you get to the point you allow yourself to do something you like for a set amount of time.

[raphaelh42]

I thank you so much for your messages, it's helping me a lot

@Genady I think I could like to see a (reputed) psychotherapist hoping he would help me to feel and be better. I don't have in mind things I would ask them. I used to see some psychologist and psychiatrist (without my asking) and I don't think that helped me.

@Phi for All Your message really warmed me, I gave up my app project a few times for a very short time, like when I wanted to quit civilization and go live in the forests, but I never gave up by thinking I will not succeed because it's too difficult. (also did some breaks when I had to move)
I agree with you that I am lucky to know what I really want to do. I never get bored...
I did a V imagining I enter a room and see people being happy to see me because they enjoy what I did and do, I think it really gives motivation to make it happen

@TheVat I agree with you. I think that minimalism helps to be productive. Unfortunately when I go outside I feel instantly bad and the closest forest is pretty far on foot, I think I should really try harder to move to countryside, I lived there when I used to work 10+ hours/day

@CharonY I procrastinate, it's hard to really enjoy distractions like watching a movie when you did not have no pain before, like if there is no merit... I think you can't really escape because you keep thinking that you did not do what you had to do... I noticed I enjoy a lot when I worked before
I think that the method you mentioned is exactly what I need.

[Lorentz Jr]

8 hours ago, raphaelh42 said:

I used to work 10+ hours a day

A long time ago, I thought of a programming problem I wanted to work on. I coded 16 hours a day for two weeks, got some results, and then didn't do any significant amount of programming for at least a year.

Then the same thing happened with another problem sometime later. 16 hours a day for two weeks, some results, and then no significant amount of programming for a long time.

More recently, I spent several months programming pretty intensively on various projects. Paced myself, started with small exercises, didn't overdo it, but the last project got a little hairy, so I was a bit burned out by the end. I haven't done any significant amount of programming since then. Getting back into physics now, because that's what I've always loved, but no sign of interest in programming coming back to me.

I even had a similar experience in my job history. Several years in software development back in the tech boom, but I was never really passionate about it, and I haven't worked in that field at all since then. I find it hard to focus on technical work when there's a lot of political tension in the news.

Not that my experiences necessarily apply to you, but the lesson for me was that I'm not really cut out for full-time technical work. I like to dabble, it's a great hobby for me, but if I procrastinate on something, it may mean that I like the idea of getting the benefits of having finished the project but not enough to justify all the work involved. Or, maybe for you it's just a matter of pacing yourself. As people love to say, life is a marathon, not a sprint. 🙂

Edited December 30, 2022 by Lorentz Jr

[raphaelh42]

20 hours ago, Lorentz Jr said:

but I was never really passionate about it

I think in my case I'm passionate about seeing my ideas becoming realized, but not about the work to do it lol.
But I find some parts of the work exciting especially when it's about making some features becoming functional...

20 hours ago, Lorentz Jr said:

but the lesson for me was that I'm not really cut out for full-time technical work. I like to dabble, it's a great hobby for me

I think it's the same for me

20 hours ago, Lorentz Jr said:

but if I procrastinate on something, it may mean that I like the idea of getting the benefits of having finished the project but not enough to justify all the work involved.

Sometimes I ask myself : wouldn't I be happier if I give up all these crazy projects and go for a simple and "natural" life far from technologies... but I can't resist...

[iNow]

Incorporate walking into your day. It does amazing things for our minds. Also, the world is weird right now and humans are experiencing rather persistent traumas together. You’re not the only one seeking emotional comfort and escapism as a path to reaching it. In other words, be kind and patient with yourself. Kicking yourself when you’re down won’t help you to stand back up any faster. 

[Genady]

Another answer is the attitude of my father-in-law, in his words, "Do it and it will be done."

[TheVat]

On 12/29/2022 at 8:41 PM, Lorentz Jr said:

I like to dabble, it's a great hobby for me, but if I procrastinate on something, it may mean that I like the idea of getting the benefits of having finished the project but not enough to justify all the work involved...

You have perfectly described my relationship to home renovation.  Some gets done,  but often only when I've found a workaround for the drudgery part (e. g. wood strips for sheetrock joints instead of plastering and sanding - "rustic charm").  A lot of human creativity has been driven by the desire to avoid drudgery.   

I second @iNow on walking.   A person who sets out on a walk returns a saner and smarter person.  (unless they walked behind too many buses inhaling deeply)