Handshake, hug, kiss, etc.

[Genady]

I came from a handshaking culture. Men, women, children greeted each other by shaking hands, unless they were family. We used to make fun of kissing Brezhnev (brezhnev kiss - Bing images).

Then, I started moving from place to place and met other kinds of bodily touching between strangers: a kiss, cheeks touch, three touches, hugs, hugs and kisses, etc. I feel very, very uncomfortable with all of them. I was so grateful to covid for stopping people doing this, but now it is coming back.

I don't want to offend others, but I also don't want their bodies to come too close to mine. Any suggestions?  

Edited May 5, 2023 by Genady

[zapatos]

Since people will generally do what their custom dictates I believe the only way to avoid their custom from the start is to tell them you don't wish to participate. This can be done truthfully ("I don't like physical contact") or with subterfuge ("Sorry, I have a cold").

If you don't mind contact for a while with people you know, you can probably wean them off it over time with body language, not standing up for a hug, etc.

Other than that people do what they are conditioned to do. Greeting are no different than any other behaviors. In America you get a glass of water when you sit down in a restaurant unless you make it clear you are not interested.

I imagine some will be offended no matter what, but if you are doing your best to be non-offensive then that is their problem, not yours.

[sethoflagos]

Beat them to it by spontaneously launching your own preferred non-contact greeting.

 

[StringJunky]

Send a text greeting, especially with teens. because their eyes never leave the fucking screen.

[Genady]

1 hour ago, StringJunky said:

Send a text greeting, especially with teens. because their eyes never leave the fucking screen.

But I don't have one myself.

 

2 hours ago, sethoflagos said:

Beat them to it by spontaneously launching your own preferred non-contact greeting.

Will start practicing tomorrow  .

 

6 hours ago, zapatos said:

truthfully

I will go for this, I think. (I am getting desperate.)

[Genady]

Reporting a failure. This morning, I've extended my hand as far as politely possible. They gladly shook my hand ... and then jumped on and hugged me anyway  

[Phi for All]

15 minutes ago, Genady said:

Reporting a failure. This morning, I've extended my hand as far as politely possible. They gladly shook my hand ... and then jumped on and hugged me anyway  

What do you think of the COVID handshake, done with the elbows? I've found most consider it unique and interesting enough that they don't mind participating, and you can always claim to be erring on the side of caution ("I've been sneezing a lot this morning, let's be safe"). 

Perhaps we need to start introducing ourselves with our pronouns and preferred physical greeting. "I'm Phi, he/him, handshake, great to meet you!"

[Genady]

8 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

What do you think of the COVID handshake, done with the elbows? I've found most consider it unique and interesting enough that they don't mind participating, and you can always claim to be erring on the side of caution ("I've been sneezing a lot this morning, let's be safe"). 

Perhaps we need to start introducing ourselves with our pronouns and preferred physical greeting. "I'm Phi, he/him, handshake, great to meet you!"

What if I make and wear shirts with a sign like this:

? 

[TheVat]

23 minutes ago, Genady said:

Reporting a failure. This morning, I've extended my hand as far as politely possible. They gladly shook my hand ... and then jumped on and hugged me anyway  

I have lived mostly in handshake country (northern plains USA), so I sympathize.  Hugging seemed to me reserved for family and very close friends.  When I was on the West Coast, which is more huggy, I sometimes said, "I'm not really a hugger," and most people were ok with that, maybe because they knew where I came from. 

I don't like the subterfuge approach, because people often see through that and then they will think maybe you don't like them.  Honesty remains the best policy.  (though as George Carlin pointed out, by process of elimination dishonesty is then the second-best policy)

 

[MigL]

I'm very particular about social contact also.
I would prefer if fat smelly old men kept their distance.

However, Covid or not, good looking women can hug me whenever they want ...

Edited May 6, 2023 by MigL

[CharonY]

1 hour ago, TheVat said:

I don't like the subterfuge approach, because people often see through that and then they will think maybe you don't like them.  Honesty remains the best policy.  (though as George Carlin pointed out, by process of elimination dishonesty is then the second-best policy)

I don't consider it subterfuge, it is just a form of non-verbal communication. However, as any form of communication it can be misunderstood. Apparently I look sufficiently uncomfortable that folks started to ask me whether it was alright.