Guidelines to Happiness

[Steve81]

To get the ball rolling...

1. Be kind, compassionate, and helpful in your interactions with others.
2. Broaden your horizons and study the subjects that interest you.
3. Try new things and engage in the activities which bring you joy.
4. Do not suffer in silence. When you are in need, ask for assistance.
5. Remain engaged in what you are currently doing to minimize errors.
6. When you do make an error, sincerely apologize, and learn from your mistakes.
7. Learn to laugh at your errors instead of dwelling upon them.
8. Engage in mindfulness exercises to help you relax.
9. Take care of your physical and socioeconomic needs.

Add other ideas as you see fit, so long as they follow the path of least harm. 

[mistermack]

Is this meant to be a guide to your own happiness, or communal happiness? There's a big difference. 

If it's your own, then it depends on your own character.

For a psychotic psychopathic serial killer, the key to happiness would probably be to kill lots of innocent people, and not get caught.

[Steve81]

13 minutes ago, mistermack said:

Is this meant to be a guide to your own happiness, or communal happiness? There's a big difference. 

If it's your own, then it depends on your own character.

For a psychotic psychopathic serial killer, the key to happiness would probably be to kill lots of innocent people, and not get caught.

The guide is for your own happiness. It does not apply to people with gross genetic defects, but in the context of a therapist-patient relationship, could conceivably be used to heal from past trauma.

Edited August 20, 2023 by Steve81

[mistermack]

1 hour ago, Steve81 said:

1. Be kind, compassionate, and helpful in your interactions with others.

That's not necessarily going to bring you happiness. Some people will just use it to walk all over you.

[Steve81]

10 minutes ago, mistermack said:

That's not necessarily going to bring you happiness. Some people will just use it to walk all over you.

Hence why they’re guidelines and not ironclad laws. 🙃

[Genady]

Although these recommendations might be helpful sometimes, I disagree for them to be guidelines.

Let's look at ##5-7, which are about errors/mistakes and constitute 1/3 of the set:

1 hour ago, Steve81 said:

5. Remain engaged in what you are currently doing to minimize errors.
6. When you do make an error, sincerely apologize, and learn from your mistakes.
7. Learn to laugh at your errors instead of dwelling upon them.

They all assume that errors/mistakes are 'bad things'. They promote fear of making errors/mistakes.

I disagree. I'd replace them with the following:

5'. Remain engaged in what you are currently doing and don't be afraid of errors.
6'. When you do make an error, admit that it was an error.
7'. Analyse your error to find its source and to check if there is something useful in it anyway, if it can be converted to a positive thing, if it is in fact "a blessing in disguise". Be ready for serendipities. 

[Steve81]

12 minutes ago, Genady said:

Although these recommendations might be helpful sometimes, I disagree for them to be guidelines.

Let's look at ##5-7, which are about errors/mistakes and constitute 1/3 of the set:

They all assume that errors/mistakes are 'bad things'. They promote fear of making errors/mistakes.

I disagree. I'd replace them with the following:

5'. Remain engaged in what you are currently doing and don't be afraid of errors.
6'. When you do make an error, admit that it was an error.
7'. Analyse your error to find its source and to check if there is something useful in it anyway, if it can be converted to a positive thing, if it is in fact "a blessing in disguise". Be ready for serendipities. 

FWIW, my wording wasn’t to suggest a fear of errors, but to suggest the purpose, i.e., minimize (and then subsequently mitigate) the affect of shame-humiliation. I like your wording as well. 

Edited August 20, 2023 by Steve81

[mistermack]

I'm not knocking the OP list, it's just interesting to add your own slant on it.

I would put at number one, out in front by a mile, to "keep your expectations at rock bottom". But it's not in the original list.

If you let your expectations run sky high, you will almost certainly never be happy. If you keep them rock bottom, your life will be full of pleasant surprises.

[iNow]

Happiness is the wrong metric, IMO. Healthiness, specifically mental health, is the way to go. 

You lose your job and have an entire family counting on you for survival? Don’t worry, be happy! Your spouse get raped leaving work? Don’t worry, be happy! Your child die in a fire? Don’t worry, be happy! You got diagnosed with terminal cancer at the age of 14? Don’t worry, be happy! Did warring tribes raid your village and slaughter everyone living there? Don’t worry, be happy! Can’t afford food or shelter and living in squalor for decades at a time? Don’t worry, be happy!

Nonsense. Feeling the reality around us and dealing with it in a healthy authentic manner needs to be the goal, not some bumper sticker “turn that frown upside down!” childish cartoon view of goals for existence. 

If feeling better is your goal, then science has shown charity and helping others, finding meaning in our actions, spending time outdoors, and getting consistent quality sleep tend to be the strongest levers…. But disappointment and failure will be your primary outcome if you try to prioritize happiness over healthiness. 

[Genady]

Nothing works for someone with severe paranoid schizophrenia.

[Steve81]

43 minutes ago, iNow said:

Happiness is the wrong metric, IMO. Healthiness, specifically mental health, is the way to go. 

You lose your job and have an entire family counting on you for survival? Don’t worry, be happy! Your spouse get raped leaving work? Don’t worry, be happy! Your child die in a fire? Don’t worry, be happy! You got diagnosed with terminal cancer at the age of 14? Don’t worry, be happy! Did warring tribes raid your village and slaughter everyone living there? Don’t worry, be happy! Can’t afford food or shelter and living in squalor for decades at a time? Don’t worry, be happy!

Nonsense. Feeling the reality around us and dealing with it in a healthy authentic manner needs to be the goal, not some bumper sticker “turn that frown upside down!” childish cartoon view of goals for existence. 

If feeling better is your goal, then science has shown charity and helping others, finding meaning in our actions, spending time outdoors, and getting consistent quality sleep tend to be the strongest levers…. But disappointment and failure will be your primary outcome if you try to prioritize happiness over healthiness. 

I agree, that’s why I address things like physical and socioeconomic needs in the guidelines. We can’t be happy if those aren’t met. It’d be like expecting your computer to run an analysis for you without electricity.

37 minutes ago, Genady said:

Nothing works for someone with severe paranoid schizophrenia.

Indeed. Some problems are unfixable, at least until scientists like yourselves find out the cause and determine a cure. 
 

58 minutes ago, mistermack said:

I'm not knocking the OP list, it's just interesting to add your own slant on it.

I would put at number one, out in front by a mile, to "keep your expectations at rock bottom". But it's not in the original list.

If you let your expectations run sky high, you will almost certainly never be happy. If you keep them rock bottom, your life will be full of pleasant surprises.

All I did was examine Silvan Tomkins’ list of primary affects, and combine that with knowledge regarding neurochemical releases when we’re kind to others. I then simply developed a patch, by altering human behavior, to address hardware/software compatibility issues.

In my experience, though anecdotal, people are nicer than some give them credit for. Yesterday alone I had three positive experiences.

In the morning, I took my car to get an oil change. The technician was a bit gruff, but professional. His daughter was also hanging out in the shop. I remarked that I also had kids, and a conversation developed. Eventually it turned to his desire to be a graphical designer. He was concerned about the cost of a computer to reach that goal was untenable; I suggested looking for a cloud-based service, as that would offload all the computing requirements on to the service provider, reducing his up front cost considerably. By the time I left, we were giving each other fist bumps.

Later in the morning, I was on a stroll, and I saw a gentleman washing and waxing his car; this was an older Acura Integra, which had obviously been very well kept. I commented that it was a nice car, and ultimately he let me peek at his Recaro racing seats, JL audio system, etc. He mentioned that he kept the power train stock, and when queried, that he loved the boost of the VTEC engine when it switched cams as revs shoot up.

My final experience was a little more mundane. I was getting a sandwich, and being friendly with the staff at Jersey Mike’s. As my order wrapped up, the gentleman finishing my sandwich asked if I’d like anything else. I joked that I’d eat the whole tub of bacon he had in front of him; he checked to make sure no one else was looking and added a few strips to the order, on the house. 😆

That’s just one day. 

[dimreepr]

19 hours ago, Steve81 said:

I agree, that’s why I address things like physical and socioeconomic needs in the guidelines. We can’t be happy if those aren’t met. It’d be like expecting your computer to run an analysis for you without electricity.

But we can be content (on standby if you like), as @iNow suggested, happy is the wrong word to use, in fact I think it's detrimental to health to chase something that can only be fleeting.

So for me, a more apt list would start with "don't worry if you aren't happy now, wait a while, someone's bound to say/do something laughable.".

[Steve81]

28 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

But we can be content (on standby if you like), as @iNow suggested, happy is the wrong word to use, in fact I think it's detrimental to health to chase something that can only be fleeting.

So for me, a more apt list would start with "don't worry if you aren't happy now, wait a while, someone's bound to say/do something laughable.".

IMHO, that’s part of being “happy” as opposed to feeling joy or excitement. Not every moment is some great pleasure, but on balance, I’m having good days, every day, even the day I had a kidney stone.

Edited August 21, 2023 by Steve81

[dimreepr]

34 minutes ago, Steve81 said:

IMHO, that’s part of being “happy” as opposed to feeling joy or excitement. Not every moment is some great pleasure, but on balance, I’m having good days, every day, even the day I had a kidney stone.

No it's not, much like being content to be miserable isn't; on balance, being content to be alive is more important than some fictional/potential pleasure, all it represents is something to look forward too.

It's just as OK to be miserable in the moment, not everything can be looked at as a positive, however hard you try; which I think is what's tripping you up with OP list/title.

IMHO 'happiness' is the hateful word tattooed across the heart of our culture, if only you could afford this you'd be happy, but don't worry even the poorest among you can afford a lottery ticket...

Is that the sort of happy you had in mind?

Because cultural bias is strong with the force. 🖖

[Steve81]

3 hours ago, dimreepr said:

No it's not, much like being content to be miserable isn't; on balance, being content to be alive is more important than some fictional/potential pleasure, all it represents is something to look forward too.

It's just as OK to be miserable in the moment, not everything can be looked at as a positive, however hard you try; which I think is what's tripping you up with OP list/title.

IMHO 'happiness' is the hateful word tattooed across the heart of our culture, if only you could afford this you'd be happy, but don't worry even the poorest among you can afford a lottery ticket...

Is that the sort of happy you had in mind?

Because cultural bias is strong with the force. 🖖

Happiness is just a state of mind. I don’t need much in the way of material objects to get there. Give me a balloon, and I can play with my sons for hours. That brings me joy, and adds to my happiness.

[iNow]

37 minutes ago, Steve81 said:

Happiness is just a state of mind.

What isn’t?

Other than self-report, can you think of ways to measure happiness in a reproducible scale?

Something we can detect in bloodwork or cerebral spinal fluid, perhaps?

[Phi for All]

20 minutes ago, iNow said:

What isn’t?

Other than self-report, can you think of ways to measure happiness in a reproducible scale?

Something we can detect in bloodwork or cerebral spinal fluid, perhaps?

A head-cuff would be ideal. Happiness and stress seem like measurements of pressure, so something with Pascals for units is good. 

[Steve81]

32 minutes ago, iNow said:

What isn’t?

Other than self-report, can you think of ways to measure happiness in a reproducible scale?

Something we can detect in bloodwork or cerebral spinal fluid, perhaps?

Checking for chemical imbalances in the brain I suppose, but not sure how you’re supposed to accomplish that in a non-invasive manner. I know something about psychology; I know far less about neurology.

2 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

A head-cuff would be ideal. Happiness and stress seem like measurements of pressure, so something with Pascals for units is good. 

Possibly true. My BP was well within normal parameters in spite of the kidney stone.

[iNow]

1 hour ago, Steve81 said:

Checking for chemical imbalances in the brain I suppose

Or measuring pupil dilation, or galvanic skin response, or flushing and blood flow across facial muscles, heart rate, breathing rate. 

How we measure something is largely determined by how we define it.

This is why I’ve been asking questions you seem to prefer to evade. 

[Steve81]

9 minutes ago, iNow said:

Or measuring pupil dilation, or galvanic skin response, or flushing and blood flow across facial muscles, heart rate, breathing rate. 

How we measure something is largely determined by how we define it.

This is why I’ve been asking questions you seem to prefer to evade. 

I’m not trying to evade them; psychology is its own discipline, and that’s been my focus. If you want to help me link psychology with measurable evidence though, I’m game for that. The art of psychology mostly blows as it is. Just don’t expect me to submit to a spinal tap 😝

Edited August 21, 2023 by Steve81

[iNow]

37 minutes ago, Steve81 said:

The art of psychology mostly blows as it is.

It might be better if you worked on defining your terms. In many parts of life, the way we define things dictates the way we go about measuring them. 

[Steve81]

4 hours ago, iNow said:

It might be better if you worked on defining your terms. In many parts of life, the way we define things dictates the way we go about measuring them. 

When it comes down to it, it's a basic matter of self-worth. I know of no way to quantify that scientifically. What I can say is that prior to a few months ago, I despised myself. I couldn't even tell my therapist what love was, because I didn't love myself, never mind anybody else. Everything was transactional; I did things to suit my particular purpose. I wrote for an A/V website solely to get my name out there, and accepted a pittance of a wage in doing so. At some points in my life, I was so overcome with depression I could barely get out of bed to eat. Taking care of my basic needs just didn't matter. I poisoned myself with foods I knew my body couldn't tolerate. I just didn't care. You can take that story to its logical conclusion; I don't need to say any more.

Today, I'm happy with the man I am; I can accept my faults, even if I wish to improve upon them. I'm a peaceful man, but I won't let someone else walk all over me. I found to appreciate people for the gifts that they do have, and accept their flaws as well, learning how to love others. I'm driven, passionate (to a fault at times), and I enjoy conversing with other people to learn about their stories, both because it fascinates me and because I learn to understand them. Suffice it to say, it's been a fascinating transition.

I hope this satisfactorily answers your question, but if it doesn't, feel free to ask whatever you care to ask, and I will do my best to answer.

[iNow]

1 minute ago, Steve81 said:

it's a basic matter of self-worth. I know of no way to quantify that scientifically.

Have you looked into a Likert scale?

2 minutes ago, Steve81 said:

I hope this satisfactorily answers your question

Sadly, no.

[Steve81]

Just now, iNow said:

Have you looked into a Likert scale?

I have not. I will research.

[iNow]

2 minutes ago, Steve81 said:

if it doesn't, feel free to ask whatever you care to ask

Your entire thread is about happiness. How do you define that?