Leave the past behind and move towards the future

[DanGonzal]

It seems easier said than done to 'Leave the past behind and move towards the future'. 

I read a comment somewhere, ' A big reason why a lot of us live in the past is because our present sucks and we don't see any future ! '

Any practical suggestions preferably by psychiatrists and psychologists, and others too, are welcome.

TIA.

 

[Phi for All]

How do you define those terms? Does "leave the past behind" mean never thinking about it anymore? Does it mean forgetting all you've learned from your experiences in the past? Does it mean only thinking about the good parts of the past?

I think "move towards the future" assumes there is an ideal future for you if you can figure it out. Am I wrong about that? 

I think our past shapes and prepares us for what we're doing in the present, and helps us think ahead to prepare for what may happen in the future. Success in the future almost always comes from correctly predicting in the present what you'll need to get or do to achieve it, and that's mostly based on past experience. 

[Genady]

My practical suggestion is to realize that these are empty words.

You already have left the past if you wanted or not. It is gone and cannot be changed.

You move towards the future if you want or not. It is inevitable. Even a dead rock moves towards the future.

Forget about slogans and consider the issues at hand.

[iNow]

Tl;dr: live in the moment 

[DanGonzal]

Thank You all, for taking your time to chime in.

@ iNow :

That is exactly what I wish to know how.  If the present is not satisfying enough, I tend to look into the unpleasant events of the past and attribute those to my current failures.

@ Genady :

Thank You for the wise words.  If I encounter repeated failures in my current endeavors, how do I persist in moving forward without getting lost in past failures?

@ Phi for All :

Well, I had planned for certain things in the past.  All of a sudden, a stranger from nowhere comes and seduces me with words when I was still naive, and drags me into a difficult situation.  Just as I was realizing in due course what had happened, the same thing happens through another stranger, again.  Had those 2 incidents not happened, my relationship in family and society would have taken a different route.  It is as though I have been dragged into an alternate reality ( Back to the Future II ) in completely unexpected situations at completely unexpected times by completely unexpected people.

With this background, if I am struggling in the present, those past thoughts join together to make things worse.  But if I see some success in the present, I am able to forget those pasts and be hopeful of a better future.

My situation is how to be equanimous in the present depending neither on my current successes nor my current failures but on myself alone.

 

[studiot]

12 hours ago, Genady said:

It is gone and cannot be changed.

Yes it cannot be changed, but is it really 'gone'.

I thought that was the whole point of this thread.

Surely Dan was feeling the influence of past events and wished to find ways to mitigate this?

@DanGonzal

Welcome this is a topic that affects everybody to some degree or other. +1

Edited September 12, 2023 by studiot

[iNow]

3 hours ago, DanGonzal said:

All of a sudden, a stranger from nowhere comes and seduces me with words when I was still naive, and drags me into a difficult situation.  Just as I was realizing in due course what had happened, the same thing happens through another stranger, again. 

Stop blaming others for choices you have made and begin instead making better choices. 

[Genady]

3 hours ago, DanGonzal said:

how do I persist in moving forward without getting lost in past failures?

Past failures tell you what not to do. Do things which you have never done in the past.

[DanGonzal]

3 hours ago, iNow said:

Stop blaming others for choices you have made and begin instead making better choices. 

Thank You for this Excellent suggestion; I will be careful in the future to make better choices.

3 hours ago, Genady said:

Past failures tell you what not to do. Do things which you have never done in the past.

Thank You for this Excellent insight; I will be careful in the future to do different things than in the past.

 

4 hours ago, studiot said:

Welcome this is a topic that affects everybody to some degree or other. +1

Sure; the past influences everybody.  It is how we handle this that determines our future.  I think the handling becomes easier when the present is joyful, but misery creeps in when multiple failures occur in the present which is further fueled by failures of the past.

Thank You for chiming in with your thoughts.

[Phi for All]

8 hours ago, DanGonzal said:

With this background, if I am struggling in the present, those past thoughts join together to make things worse.  But if I see some success in the present, I am able to forget those pasts and be hopeful of a better future.

You have no real control over the past or the future, and the only things you truly control in the present are your attitude and your efforts. You can make sure both are focused on what you want to achieve.

[studiot]

37 minutes ago, DanGonzal said:

Sure; the past influences everybody.  It is how we handle this that determines our future.  I think the handling becomes easier when the present is joyful, but misery creeps in when multiple failures occur in the present which is further fueled by failures of the past.

Thank You for chiming in with your thoughts.

I wish that were true, but the mental state of far too many is that even in good or the best of times they still dwell on past bad times and even imagine that these are still there or are afraid that  they will return.

Phsychiatry has yet to come up with satisfactory measures in this case, though positiveism helps some.

Edited September 12, 2023 by studiot

[DanGonzal]

2 hours ago, studiot said:

I wish that were true, but the mental state of far too many is that even in good or the best of times they still dwell on past bad times and even imagine that these are still there or are afraid that  they will return.

Phsychiatry has yet to come up with satisfactory measures in this case, though positiveism helps some.

Yes, I have experienced that too; still I feel if the joyous states are far more powerful as to flush out the negative pasts, and occur frequently enough, it would solve the problem to the most part.

I agree positivity and techniques like Time Line Therapy can help till satisfactory scientific measures are devised.

 

2 hours ago, Phi for All said:

You have no real control over the past or the future, and the only things you truly control in the present are your attitude and your efforts. You can make sure both are focused on what you want to achieve.

I agree the key is to '' focus '' our attention on what we want to achieve so that every insignificant things, including unpleasant memories of the past, automatically get sidelined.

[Genady]

3 hours ago, DanGonzal said:

Thank You for this Excellent insight; I will be careful in the future to do different things than in the past.

Wow! That was easy.

[iNow]

9 hours ago, studiot said:

the mental state of far too many is that even in good or the best of times they still dwell on past bad times and even imagine that these are still there

We all appear to be wired that way. It’s our default, and it takes continuous recurring inputs of effort and energy to overcome it in any meaningful way

https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/negativity-bias#

[DanGonzal]

1 hour ago, iNow said:

We all appear to be wired that way. It’s our default, and it takes continuous recurring inputs of effort and energy to overcome it in any meaningful way

The continuous recurring inputs of effort and energy needed are already draining.  But if it is caused needlessly and purposefully by other persons, especially at unexpected times when we were young, it adds to the woe.

But as you have already said earlier, if we want to get out of the rut, we need to 'stop blaming others....'

 

[iNow]

21 minutes ago, DanGonzal said:

if it is caused needlessly and purposefully by other persons, especially at unexpected times when we were young, it adds to the woe.

Technically, all of the woe is generated from within you. That gives you tremendous power. It means you are also capable of stopping the woe. 

Life doesn’t just happen to you. It’s created by you. Choose what story you wish to tell yourself. You’re the author, not the audience. 
 

 

24 minutes ago, DanGonzal said:

if we want to get out of the rut, we need to 'stop blaming others....'

That is certainly necessary, but insufficient.

[DanGonzal]

3 hours ago, iNow said:

Technically, all of the woe is generated from within you. That gives you tremendous power. It means you are also capable of stopping the woe. 

Life doesn’t just happen to you. It’s created by you. Choose what story you wish to tell yourself. You’re the author, not the audience. 
 

Thank You for the Golden Words as well as the image.  It is refreshing to hear these from someone with experience.

3 hours ago, iNow said:

That is certainly necessary, but insufficient.

Can you elaborate on this, please?  Thanks.

Edited September 13, 2023 by DanGonzal

[studiot]

2 hours ago, DanGonzal said:

Thank You for the Golden Words as well as the image.  It is refreshing to hear these from someone with experience.

Can you elaborate on this, please?  Thanks.

I agree so +1 to iNow.

 

I would make a comment on this idea as follows

8 hours ago, iNow said:

We all appear to be wired that way. It’s our default, and it takes continuous recurring inputs of effort and energy to overcome it in any meaningful way

Perhaps this is an inherited survival trait ?

 

But as in so many things in Nature it is also a question of balance.  (Do you remember that record ?)

And the balance between all our traits can so easily get out of kilter.

 

16 hours ago, DanGonzal said:

I agree positivity and techniques like Time Line Therapy can help till satisfactory scientific measures are devised.

There are many 'Talking Therapies'

from CBT to 'The Turnaround Principle'.

You may not have heard of this latter one but it involves in re-examining the belief by considering the opposite

"If I am worried about X  -  What if The oppiste of X is true ? "

[amaila3]

No doubt leaving the past is very tough but living in the past adds no good to your present or future so It's best for everyone to leave past and move forward no matter how much hard it is..........

[studiot]

11 minutes ago, amaila3 said:

No doubt leaving the past is very tough but living in the past adds no good to your present or future so It's best for everyone to leave past and move forward no matter how much hard it is..........

Apart from being physically impossible, that's too harsh.

You  learned things in the past, lots of things.

When in the present or the future you come across something relevent to what you learned in the past you need to recall it.

I am / about to face a particular situation

What did I, my father/uncle/brother/colleague do in that situation I witnessed it for the first time ?

The key is of course it has to be relevent going forward, not some morbid fascination with the past.

[Genady]

16 minutes ago, amaila3 said:

It's best for everyone to leave past

Is the past necessarily bad? I had so many wonderful experiences in the past, I don't want to leave behind the memories of them. I happily carry my past with me into the present and into the future.

[studiot]

19 minutes ago, Genady said:

Is the past necessarily bad? I had so many wonderful experiences in the past, I don't want to leave behind the memories of them. I happily carry my past with me into the present and into the future.

That's what I was saying. +1

[iNow]

4 hours ago, DanGonzal said:

Can you elaborate on this, please?

Not blaming others is important, but other steps in addition to that are required to exit the rut you mentioned. 

38 minutes ago, amaila3 said:

It's best for everyone to leave past and move forward

Also known as: How time itself seems to work … we have no choice to do otherwise 

[DanGonzal]

3 hours ago, studiot said:

... re-examining the belief by considering the opposite

"If I am worried about X  -  What if The opposite of X is true ? "

Good one; thanks.

1 hour ago, iNow said:

How time itself seems to work … we have no choice to do otherwise 

Good one; thanks.

2 hours ago, amaila3 said:

... but living in the past adds no good to your present or future ...

Good one; thanks.

[TheVat]

There is a lot of pop psychology where one is asked to consider one's life, and one's self, as a narrative.  This can be useful sometimes, but I think there is also value in not doing this.  Some situations require us to observe carefully, not reference past experience or any narrative, adapting and improvising.  (easier said than done, I know)  Some moments lie outside of narrative.  Will try to revisit this later, as this post is a bit vague.  (will adapt to this vagueness by... fixing breakfast!)