Dating

[herme3]

I am so tired of seeing dating web sites that claim you will find "happiness". They should be taken off the Internet because dating is completely pointless. There is absolutely no sense in deciding that you want a boyfriend or girlfriend and then go "looking" for one. You will never find true happiness by dating.

 

You must wait until you find the perfect person. You should find somebody with a great personality, and somebody who will really care about you forever. You must find someone who cares about you for who you really are, not who you can pretend to be.

 

I am a guy, but I must say that the way most guys treat their girlfriends is just awful. They often choose a girlfriend because of the way she looks, not because of her personality. If I ever listen to two guys talking about their girlfriends, I usually feel sorry for the girls, who actually think the guys care about them. Some guys actually say stuff like, "Well, she's really hot, but she always wants to talk to me. I'm sick of listening to her problems and acting like I care about her feelings." I feel like the whole purpose of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is caring about somebody's feelings, and also knowing that person cares about you.

 

I also don't understand when guys brag about how many girlfriends they've had. They act like it is a good thing that they've hurt so many girls' feelings! I've also heard guys say stuff like, "I'm going to date that girl over there. When we breakup, I'm going to date that girl in our other class." What is the point in even thinking about getting a girlfriend when you are already planning on breaking up with them! How can anyone care so little about another person's feelings?

 

It is often surprising to people that I have never had a girlfriend. However, I can also say that I've never broken up with anyone before. When people come together, and then breakup, it only causes pain for both people.

Edited December 9, 2010 by herme3

[Bluenoise]

Well I guess that's one persons bleak oppinion.

[Royston]

herme3, people do move on after relationships, and how are you going to gauge who is right for you unless you take the plunge (it's the, you don't know somebody unless you live with them...and the same can be with relationships.) I'm not sure how old you are, but don't worry too much about hurting someones feelings, it's harsh at the time, but it passes...you need to get out and enjoy yourself.

[herme3]

herme3, people do move on after relationships, and how are you going to gauge who is right for you unless you take the plunge (it's the, you don't know somebody unless you live with them...and the same can be with relationships.) I'm not sure how old you are, but don't worry too much about hurting someones feelings, it's harsh at the time, but it passes...you need to get out and enjoy yourself.

 

I'm 18 years old. What I meant is finding someone that you've known for a long time, so you know that person's personality. I don't believe someone should talk to a complete stranger, and then ask that person out on a date. If you do, you are probably just judging them by the way they look, not their personality.

[1veedo]

I don't believe someone should talk to a complete stranger, and then ask that person out on a date. If you do, you are probably just judging them by the way they look, not their personality.

Most of them are anoying but after meating the "strangers" you might find somebody you end up liking for their "personality."

 

People like you dont get laid. Wake up and change your outlook!

[Callipygous]

I'm 18 years old. What I meant is finding someone that you've known for a long time, so you know that person's personality. I don't believe someone should talk to a complete stranger, and then ask that person out on a date. If you do, you are probably just judging them by the way they look, not their personality.

 

 

1veedo is being a tard. dont worry about getting laid.

 

physical attraction is a necessity if you want a romantic relationship to work. so finding a girl you find attractive and asking her out on a date isnt all that bad of an idea. the purpose of the date is to get to know the person, not to get laid. if you find out that this isnt someone you want to be with, dont ask them out on another date. wheres the problem?

[herme3]

physical attraction is a necessity if you want a romantic relationship to work. so finding a girl you find attractive and asking her out on a date isnt all that bad of an idea. the purpose of the date is to get to know the person, not to get laid. if you find out that this isnt someone you want to be with, dont ask them out on another date. wheres the problem?

 

Of course the way you think someone looks is important. It would be wrong to have a girlfriend and always be thinking that she looks bad. What I meant is that you shouldn't have a girlfriend only because you think she is beautiful.

 

You can't get to know somebody by going on a date. You need to be somebody's friend before you will learn what their personality is really like. If two people go on a date, they will both be nervous and probably try to act differently than they normally would in real life. Why do you think so many people breakup after dating several times, or even several months?

 

I don't understand the point of just "looking" for a boyfriend or girlfriend. You have no idea who you are looking for. You have to wait until you find the right person before you decide that you even want a boyfriend or girlfriend.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

You can't get to know somebody by going on a date. You need to be somebody's friend before you will learn what their personality is really like. If two people go on a date, they will both be nervous and probably try to act differently than they normally would in real life. Why do you think so many people breakup after dating several times, or even several months?

Probably because most people react on lust instead of waiting to see what the person is actually like.

[Callipygous]

You can't get to know somebody by going on a date.

 

have you gone on a date?

 

You need to be somebody's friend before you will learn what their personality is really like. If two people go on a date, they will both be nervous and probably try to act differently than they normally would in real life. Why do you think so many people breakup after dating several times, or even several months?

 

because people change and because people grow tired of each other.

 

I don't understand the point of just "looking" for a boyfriend or girlfriend. You have no idea who you are looking for. You have to wait until you find the right person before you decide that you even want a boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

the only way for you to know what you are looking for is to find it. when someone is your boyfriend or girlfriend you have a much more intimate relationship with them than you do with any of your friends. you will get to know them in ways you never would just being friends. the only way to know if someone is ultimately right for you is to be in a relationship with them. you wont be able to tell from friendship. having friendship as the base of your relationship is definately not a bad idea, but it cant be all.

[herme3]

have you gone on a date?

 

No, never. I'm known as the "Lonely Hermit". There aren't any girls that I like who don't already have a boyfriend.

 

That reminds me, another mean thing that many guys try to do is breakup a happy couple just so he can go on a date with the girl. I could understand if the guy knew that the girl really wasn't happy, but most guys would try to breakup a couple that is very happy together. If a guy does that, he obviously doesn't care about the girl's feelings at all. Why would a guy go on a date with a girl if he doesn't care about her feelings?

 

because people change and because people grow tired of each other.

 

No, people don't change that quickly. The problem is that they never knew each other in the first place.

 

the only way for you to know what you are looking for is to find it. when someone is your boyfriend or girlfriend you have a much more intimate relationship with them than you do with any of your friends. you will get to know them in ways you never would just being friends. the only way to know if someone is ultimately right for you is to be in a relationship with them. you wont be able to tell from friendship. having friendship as the base of your relationship is definately not a bad idea, but it cant be all.

 

I disagree. People will know each other better when they are friends, instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. When people are friends, they will really trust each other, and feel comfortable talking to each other about everything. When people are boyfriend/girlfriend, they will keep a lot more secrets from each other. They will always be worried more about what the other person thinks about them.

Edited December 9, 2010 by herme3

[FreeThinker]

, "Well, she's really hot, but she always wants to talk to me.

 

I have the opposite problem, my girlfriend does not talk enough

[Callipygous]

No, people don't change that quickly. The problem is that they never knew each other in the first place.

 

that CAN be the problem. it can also be what i said.

 

 

I disagree. People will know each other better when they are friends, instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. When people are friends, they will really trust each other, and feel comfortable talking to each other about everything. When people are boyfriend/girlfriend, they will keep a lot more secrets from each other. They will always be worried more about what the other person thinks about them.

 

how would you know? i know that doesnt sound very nice, but really, how would you know the difference between two types of relationships when you havent had one of them?

 

my girlfriend knows a hell of a lot more about me than anyone else, with the possible exception of my brother. i dont have anything to hide from her. i hope, and trust, that she doesnt really have anything to hide from me. if your with a person where you dont have that kind of trust, then your right, you shouldnt be dating them. (unless of course your after the shallow sort of interaction you seem to frown upon so much)

 

all the negative things your saying seem to be based around the 2 week long relationships people have in middleschool.

[herme3]

that CAN be the problem. it can also be what i said.

 

If someone really found the perfect person, how could they ever "grow tired of each other"? They should have never gone on a date in the first place.

 

i hope, and trust, that she doesnt really have anything to hide from me.

 

I'm sure that she does. I don't mean that she has a "secret boyfriend" or anything like that. However, I'm sure that she talks about stuff with her friends (probably other girls) that she wouldn't want you to know.

 

all the negative things your saying seem to be based around the 2 week long relationships people have in middleschool.

 

No, the negative things I am saying are based on almost all relationships. Just ask your friends, and see what they say.

[Callipygous]

If someone really found the perfect person, how could they ever "grow tired of each other"? They should have never gone on a date in the first place.

 

you doofus... lol. thats what im saying, you cant tell if they are the right person UNTIL you go out with them. its a different kind of relationship, you get to know them better, and you realize your not right for them.

 

 

 

I'm sure that she does. I don't mean that she has a "secret boyfriend" or anything like that. However, I'm sure that she talks about stuff with her friends (probably other girls) that she wouldn't want you to know.

 

yes, i know for a fact that she does. she came to visit me and numerous times went out in the garage for "girl talk" with my brothers wife. but im pretty sure she doesnt have anything serious or hurtful that shes keeping from me. and accordingly... i talk to my friends about her about stuff i wouldnt say if she were there. but none of it is anything that would violate either of our trust.

 

 

 

No, the negative things I am saying are based on almost all relationships. Just ask your friends, and see what they say.

 

once again i have to question how it is that you can act like you actually know what your talking about. how can you make all these generalizations about romantic relationships when you havent been in one?

[herme3]

you doofus... lol. thats what im saying, you cant tell if they are the right person UNTIL you go out with them. its a different kind of relationship, you get to know them better, and you realize your not right for them.

 

Ok, you go ask a girl out on a date. Then you tell her that she isn't right for you. Now her heart is broken, but you just go find another girl and break her heart too. That is so nice...

 

yes, i know for a fact that she does. she came to visit me and numerous times went out in the garage for "girl talk" with my brothers wife. but im pretty sure she doesnt have anything serious or hurtful that shes keeping from me. and accordingly... i talk to my friends about her about stuff i wouldnt say if she were there. but none of it is anything that would violate either of our trust.

 

Yes, your girlfriend and your brother's wife enjoy talking to each other because they are friends. They probably know each other very well. Therefore they know each other's personalities. That is why you should only ask someone out on a date if they are your friend. You shouldn't go "dating" and just choose some random girls that you don't know.

 

once again i have to question how it is that you can act like you actually know what your talking about. how can you make all these generalizations about romantic relationships when you havent been in one?

 

Just listen to what other people say, listen to the music on the radio, watch TV shows and movies about couples breaking up, or just read what people write in blogs, forums, and chatrooms.

 

Dating is like jumping off a cliff. You will know that it will hurt, even if you've never done it before.

[Callipygous]

Ok, you go ask a girl out on a date. Then you tell her that she isn't right for you. Now her heart is broken, but you just go find another girl and break her heart too. That is so nice...

 

no.... you realize you arent right for each other. usually she realizes it too, since its a two way thing. you just dont ask her out again. her heart is only broken if you drag her along for a few months telling her you love her even though you dont and then cheat on her, or some crazy crap like that. if your just reasonable about it no one gets hurt. one date isnt gonna break her heart.

 

 

 

Yes, your girlfriend and your brother's wife enjoy talking to each other because they are friends. They probably know each other very well. Therefore they know each other's personalities. That is why you should only ask someone out on a date if they are your friend. You shouldn't go "dating" and just choose some random girls that you don't know.

 

no actually, they dont really know each other at all, until this week. and when they first met, my sister in law really didnt like my gf (for no reason at all, shes just kinda psychotic, long story) you should ask someone out on a date if you are interested in them. theres really not much more to it than that. either you want to go out on a second date, or you dont. either way no one is really getting hurt, its just one date.

 

i honestly think your just scared to ask someone out, and are therefore making excuses for all the reasons why you shouldnt do it. im really not ragging on you, i totally understand, i didnt even ask my gf out. she told me we were going on a date tomorrow, and i said ok. but i do think that your just trying to rationalize your fear.

 

 

 

Just listen to what other people say, listen to the music on the radio, watch TV shows and movies about couples breaking up, or just read what people write in blogs, forums, and chatrooms.

im not really a blogger, but all those other things you mentioned fall under the catagory of "entertainment" they arent reality dude. its intentional drama to keep the audience intersted.

 

Dating is like jumping off a cliff. You will know that it will hurt, even if you've never done it before.

 

you know that it will probably hurt in the end, cause odds are they arent the person you are going to end up with. but, you are in the minority by not dating. so that means most of the population of the world has decided that the fun, and the joy of being with someone, even if it is destined to fail and cause you a lot of pain by breaking up, is worth it because its such a good feeling, so dont you think just maybe you should give it a shot and get a gf just for the short term fun?

 

people recover from break ups, most people decide its worth it.

 

take the leap.

[why?]

I totally agree with callipygous. I mean they generally dont get hurt until you drag it along. Plus you make us men look bad. We arent the only ones who try to break up relations so that they can go out with the other person. Girls do that too. and girls also count how many boyfriends they have.

When callipygous's brother's wife and his girlfriend talk they can talk abt secrets coz they are of the same sex. I mean there are just some things you would rather tell people of the same sex than the opposite sex.. whether its your girlfriend or just a friend..

[herme3]

no.... you realize you arent right for each other. usually she realizes it too, since its a two way thing. you just dont ask her out again. her heart is only broken if you drag her along for a few months telling her you love her even though you dont and then cheat on her, or some crazy crap like that. if your just reasonable about it no one gets hurt. one date isnt gonna break her heart.

 

I don't understand how asking someone out on a date, and then telling her that she isn't right for you wouldn't hurt her feelings.

 

you should ask someone out on a date if you are interested in them. theres really not much more to it than that. either you want to go out on a second date' date=' or you dont. either way no one is really getting hurt, its just one date.

 

i honestly think your just scared to ask someone out, and are therefore making excuses for all the reasons why you shouldnt do it.[/quote']

 

No, you don't understand. I don't like anyone who is looking for a boyfriend, so that's why I've never asked anyone out on a date. My whole point is that people shouldn't go around dating. They should wait until they find someone they like. When I say "like" I mean finding someone that you know has a good personality.

 

you know that it will probably hurt in the end, cause odds are they arent the person you are going to end up with.

 

That is completely against my goal in life. My goal is to find the perfect person, and never breakup with her.

 

 

but, you are in the minority by not dating. so that means most of the population of the world has decided that the fun, and the joy of being with someone, even if it is destined to fail and cause you a lot of pain by breaking up, is worth it because its such a good feeling, so dont you think just maybe you should give it a shot and get a gf just for the short term fun?

 

Any happy memories would probably be replaced with the memories of the breakup at the end.

 

people recover from break ups, most people decide its worth it.

 

There are also large numbers of suicides caused by breakups. How would you feel if a girl killed herself because you broke her heart?

 

take the leap.

 

I would rather take the leap off the cliff. Then the only person who would get hurt at the end is me. I don't want to leap off a cliff. However, I think it would be better to hurt one person than two people.

[why?]

the more people you meet the more chances you will of finding the special someone. I mean if you just remain in the same group then you'll just know the people really well. But if you go on dates then you meet new people. There are so many people out there. I mean without exploring how you supposed to find them?

[herme3]

the more people you meet the more chances you will of finding the special someone. I mean if you just remain in the same group then you'll just know the people really well. But if you go on dates then you meet new people. There are so many people out there. I mean without exploring how you supposed to find them?

 

I think you should start by just being friends. Then you will get to know them before going on a date.

[why?]

you cant go to some person and be like.. wanna be my friends.. (looks real sad)

but you can go and ask if you wanna have a drink and then go on a drink.

[herme3]

you cant go to some person and be like.. wanna be my friends.. (looks real sad)

 

Why does that look sad? I've spent most of my life not having any friends. Now I have one friend, and several people that I talk to who are nice to me.

[why?]

no.. i mean imagine this. Your in a bar.. or pub. You see this person. Person looks interesting.. you like the way they talk to the bartender.. coz the're polite or bossy (Watever you like)

and then you go there and say.. will you be my friend. Thats just weird

But if you go there and be like.. can i buy you a drink.. She/he 'll be like sure. And thats when the date starts.

[herme3]

no.. i mean imagine this. Your in a bar.. or pub. You see this person. Person looks interesting.. you like the way they talk to the bartender.. coz the're polite or bossy (Watever you like)

and then you go there and say.. will you be my friend. Thats just weird

But if you go there and be like.. can i buy you a drink.. She/he 'll be like sure. And thats when the date starts.

 

That's not how I would meet someone. I wouldn't start a conversation with a stranger. I would find someone at school or work. After that, I might try to start a conversation. That's how I would make a friend.

[why?]

But thats the prob. School and work have limited people you can interact with.