Dating

[Callipygous]

I don't understand how asking someone out on a date, and then telling her that she isn't right for you wouldn't hurt her feelings.

 

because she hasnt become attached to you yet, and unless shes a complete imbecile, she understands that sometimes the chemistry just isnt there for the other person.

 

No, you don't understand. I don't like anyone who is looking for a boyfriend, so that's why I've never asked anyone out on a date. My whole point is that people shouldn't go around dating. They should wait until they find someone they like. When I say "like" I mean finding someone that you know has a good personality.

 

that doesnt narrow it down at all... why would you go out with someone you werent intersted in? why would you be intersted in someone whos personality you dont like?

 

 

That is completely against my goal in life. My goal is to find the perfect person, and never breakup with her.

 

almost completely impossible. i can almost garantee that your first relationship is not going to work out, based purely on the fact that you are unexperienced. you dont know how to maintain a relationship, you dont know how it works, you have never experienced a relationship with anyone else, and the human male biology has evolved to make you want to spread your seed. your not going to find a girl that you can really make it work with untill you have experienced some stuff. how many people do you know who are married to the only person they have ever dated?

 

 

Any happy memories would probably be replaced with the memories of the breakup at the end.

 

that depends on the manner of your breakup. if you break up in a huge fight because one of you cheated on the other, then yes, its probably not going to be a pleasant memory. but if you both realize that its just not working out and that you arent really meant for each other its entirely possible to keep the relationship pleasant afterwards. my parents managed to maintain civility for several years after their divorce.

 

There are also large numbers of suicides caused by breakups. How would you feel if a girl killed herself because you broke her heart?

 

is this a fact or are you just pulling statistics out of your.... somewhere? people recover from breakups. unless your a total bastard in the way you break up with her, like you just walk in one day and tell her that you just wanted her for sex, and she turned out to be a lousy lay so your breaking up with her, odds are shes not going to be THAT upset by it. sure, shell be hurting, but only the most extreme circumstances could end in a suicide.

 

 

 

I would rather take the leap off the cliff. Then the only person who would get hurt at the end is me. I don't want to leap off a cliff. However, I think it would be better to hurt one person than two people.

 

your afraid. there can be no good without evil, no evil without good. you need to just do it anyway. your not going to get your perfect solution where you find the girl of your dreams on the first try and you fall in love and stay married forever. go date some girls. you will get hurt. you will have some painful breakups, but you will be so incredibly happy being with someone in the times in between that it really makes up for it. its called life, you have to take the good with the bad.

 

i just moved to north carolina from california. i moved from a town where i had a job, there was a GOOD movie theater 15 minutes away, my girlfriend practically lived at my house, we were driving distance from 2 or 3 big cities full of things to do any time we wanted to go out for the day, to a place where you can ask the waiters what there is to do here and they respond "drinkin' huntin' and bowlin' and thats about it. sometimes we drink while we hunt." i got to see my gf for the last 7 days, and now im probably going go a few months without being around her at all. my girlfriend is 3000 miles away, it SUCKS. it hurts more than anything else i have ever done, but theres not a chance in the world that i would ever trade it for just not having that relationship. im pretty sure im not even going to end up marrying this girl, but the happiness that comes from being with her is still worth all the bad that comes along with it.

 

you really should stop focusing on the negative. your not going to find perfection. your not even going to get close to it without a lot of trial and error. you need to go get some experience if you ever expect to have a lasting relationship. im not saying just go find some girl whos willing to do you a few times, im saying go find some girl that you find interesting and who is also interested in you and see where things go. just have some fun. youll appreciate it, even after it ends.

[flyboy]

by going out on dates its a learning experiance for both ppl

the first date will be awkward yes but then you gradually get used to it

you HAVE to go out on a date to see what their personalities like. i you dont try then your not gonna find that perfect someone

 

thats y its better to date and to start young(im 14)

[flyboy]

maybe hermes is just shy around the chicks

[Bluenoise]

Herme3 I suggest going on a date.

 

You seem pretty opinionated for someone who has No experience in the topic. I think this is by far your biggest problem. You can live in your head if you want, but it's all just bullshit till you have some practical experience.

 

live, learn and love.

[herme3]

because she hasnt become attached to you yet, and unless shes a complete imbecile, she understands that sometimes the chemistry just isnt there for the other person.

 

How would you know whether or not she has become attached to you yet? Can you read her mind? Also, even complete imbeciles have feelings.

 

why would you go out with someone you werent intersted in? why would you be intersted in someone whos personality you dont like?

 

That is exactly what I've been saying since I started this thread. Perhaps we both have the same opinion about dating, but we are just saying it differently.

 

almost completely impossible. i can almost garantee that your first relationship is not going to work out, based purely on the fact that you are unexperienced. you dont know how to maintain a relationship, you dont know how it works, you have never experienced a relationship with anyone else, and the human male biology has evolved to make you want to spread your seed. your not going to find a girl that you can really make it work with untill you have experienced some stuff. how many people do you know who are married to the only person they have ever dated?

 

Ok, so what's the point in dating someone? If you know you are going to breakup, why date her? I can't even begin to comprehend why someone would do that.

 

that depends on the manner of your breakup. if you break up in a huge fight because one of you cheated on the other, then yes, its probably not going to be a pleasant memory. but if you both realize that its just not working out and that you arent really meant for each other its entirely possible to keep the relationship pleasant afterwards. my parents managed to maintain civility for several years after their divorce.

 

If you breakup with someone, the only way to erase the bad memories is if you become friends again after the breakup.

 

is this a fact or are you just pulling statistics out of your.... somewhere? people recover from breakups. unless your a total bastard in the way you break up with her, like you just walk in one day and tell her that you just wanted her for sex, and she turned out to be a lousy lay so your breaking up with her, odds are shes not going to be THAT upset by it. sure, shell be hurting, but only the most extreme circumstances could end in a suicide.

 

I can only imagine how someone must feel when they breakup with the first person they ever cared about, no matter how peaceful the breakup may seem. Just think about it, a girl falls in love with a guy, and she starts thinking that he is perfect and they will always be together. He is the only person that she ever loved, and then suddenly he decides to breakup with her. Suddenly she feels like she could never replace him, and she will never find someone else. She now feels like she will spend the rest of her life alone. She will also probably blame herself for the breakup, and probably hate herself. Every morning when she wakes up, she will just think about how her life has no purpose, and nobody seems to love her anymore. Every time she sees another couple together, she will think about him and become even more depressed.

 

 

i just moved to north carolina from california. i moved from a town where i had a job, there was a GOOD movie theater 15 minutes away, my girlfriend practically lived at my house, we were driving distance from 2 or 3 big cities full of things to do any time we wanted to go out for the day, to a place where you can ask the waiters what there is to do here and they respond "drinkin' huntin' and bowlin' and thats about it. sometimes we drink while we hunt." i got to see my gf for the last 7 days, and now im probably going go a few months without being around her at all. my girlfriend is 3000 miles away, it SUCKS. it hurts more than anything else i have ever done, but theres not a chance in the world that i would ever trade it for just not having that relationship. im pretty sure im not even going to end up marrying this girl, but the happiness that comes from being with her is still worth all the bad that comes along with it.

 

Wow... You just went from the perfect life to a totally miserable and depressing life. Are you sure that your life in California wasn't just a wonderful dream?

 

Why in the world did you decide to move? It sounds like you had found your perfect girl, and you just decided to abandon her. Did you live with your parents and they decided to move? If you are over the age of 18, I would just move back to California and live your perfect life again. Life is about pain and loneliness. If you somehow managed to find a happy life, I wouldn't give it up for anything. You will probably never get another chance to be happy.

 

maybe hermes is just shy around the chicks

 

No, the only people that I usually talk to are girls. Although there are a few people that I talk to who are guys, other guys usually just make me mad!

 

Girls always seem to be more intelligent and caring then most guys. Of course, I know several guys that seem to be intelligent and caring. It is just normally easier to have an intelligent conversation with a girl. Although I would never want to go on a date with most of the girls I talk to, I do enjoy being friends with them.

 

Herme3 I suggest going on a date.

 

Go on a date with who? The magical princess from the planet where nobody has boyfriends? I already said that I don't want to date anyone who is looking for a boyfriend. I'm not the type of guy who wants to go on a date with every girl I see. She will have to be someone very special.

[Callipygous]

How would you know whether or not she has become attached to you yet? Can you read her mind? Also, even complete imbeciles have feelings.

 

because no one is that attached after ONE FRIGGEN DATE. its no where near as big of a deal as you think it is, and youd know that if you had any experience with it.

 

 

Ok, so what's the point in dating someone? If you know you are going to breakup, why date her? I can't even begin to comprehend why someone would do that.

 

because dating people is the only way to find that person your NOT going to break up with.

 

 

 

If you breakup with someone, the only way to erase the bad memories is if you become friends again after the breakup.

 

please please please STOP GUESSING. or at least if your going to keep guessing about things you dont know about phrase it in such a way that expresses that thats what your doing.

 

 

I can only imagine how someone must feel when they breakup with the first person they ever cared about, no matter how peaceful the breakup may seem. Just think about it, a girl falls in love with a guy, and she starts thinking that he is perfect and they will always be together. He is the only person that she ever loved, and then suddenly he decides to breakup with her. Suddenly she feels like she could never replace him, and she will never find someone else. She now feels like she will spend the rest of her life alone. She will also probably blame herself for the breakup, and probably hate herself. Every morning when she wakes up, she will just think about how her life has no purpose, and nobody seems to love her anymore. Every time she sees another couple together, she will think about him and become even more depressed.

 

and shell feel like crap for the first couple weeks or so, depending on the length of the relationship. after that, unless shes already unstable, she just moves on like the rest of the people on the planet. people go through bad times, they get over it, they move on, they try again.

 

 

Wow... You just went from the perfect life to a totally miserable and depressing life. Are you sure that your life in California wasn't just a wonderful dream?

 

Why in the world did you decide to move? It sounds like you had found your perfect girl, and you just decided to abandon her. Did you live with your parents and they decided to move? If you are over the age of 18, I would just move back to California and live your perfect life again. Life is about pain and loneliness. If you somehow managed to find a happy life, I wouldn't give it up for anything. You will probably never get another chance to be happy.

 

why on earth would i never get the chance to be happy again? im 18 years old. i have experienced less than a fourth of what i expect out of life. i lived with my parents and they kicked me out, so i moved in with my brother, hes stationed here. (and im paying rent.... im not a complete bum). life is NOT about pain and loneliness. its about the times in between.

 

i cant move back to california right now because i was living in the 2nd or 3rd most expensive place in the country. to live there you need roommates, jobs, and money saved up. were working on it.

 

 

anyway... im working on all my problems. go on a date! hell, dont even call it a date, ask one of you female friends if she wants to go see a movie, just as friends. do something small and casual, just to break into it a little bit. its not as bad, or important, or dramatic, or depressing as you think it is. its really not a big deal. you gotta relax.

[herme3]

because no one is that attached after ONE FRIGGEN DATE. its no where near as big of a deal as you think it is, and youd know that if you had any experience with it.

 

If you were anything like me, you wouldn't even ask someone out on a date unless you liked them for a long time. I wouldn't go on a date with someone simply because she was a girl.

 

 

please please please STOP GUESSING. or at least if your going to keep guessing about things you dont know about phrase it in such a way that expresses that thats what your doing.

 

What would happen if you jumped off a cliff? Would it hurt if you don't die? I guess you better go jump off a cliff so you will know for sure before you try to guess the answer to my question.

 

and shell feel like crap for the first couple weeks or so, depending on the length of the relationship. after that, unless shes already unstable, she just moves on like the rest of the people on the planet. people go through bad times, they get over it, they move on, they try again.

 

How would you know whether or not she was already unstable?

 

why on earth would i never get the chance to be happy again? im 18 years old.

 

Well, I'm 18 too. I've never had a girlfriend. You were just lucky to have the chance, you might not get that chance again if you abandon the girlfriend that you have.

 

i lived with my parents and they kicked me out, so i moved in with my brother, hes stationed here. (and im paying rent.... im not a complete bum).

 

Well, now you have a goal in life. Work hard so you can get back to your perfect life in California. I know these must be difficult times for you, but you can't give up and act like you will find another girlfriend someday. You seem to have found the perfect person, so it is your destiny to be with her. Some people are just destined to be alone. You now have the choice of following the path to loneliness, or fighting the circumstances to get back to your one chance of living a happy life.

 

 

anyway... im working on all my problems. go on a date!

 

I didn't create this thread because I want a girlfriend. I'll only want a girlfriend after I find a girl that I want to date. I keep saying that there is nobody that I would want to date who is looking for a boyfriend. I came here to give my opinion about dating, and talk about how wrong many guys treat their girlfriends. Why does everyone keep trying to give me advice? I'm the one that's giving the advice here.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

If you were anything like me, you wouldn't even ask someone out on a date unless you liked them for a long time. I wouldn't go on a date with someone simply because she was a girl.

Nobody ever suggested that you should, either.

 

 

What would happen if you jumped off a cliff? Would it hurt if you don't die? I guess you better go jump off a cliff so you will know for sure before you try to guess the answer to my question.

There are certain things in life that are predicable, and certain ones that aren't. You can predict if it will hurt to jump off of a cliff (based off of your previous experience of falling off of a _____) but you can't predict what happens in a relationship unless you've had one or done a study.

 

How would you know whether or not she was already unstable?

Why does it even matter?

 

Well, I'm 18 too. I've never had a girlfriend. You were just lucky to have the chance, you might not get that chance again if you abandon the girlfriend that you have.

Or perhaps he was more "aggressive" in going after one than you are.

 

Well, now you have a goal in life. Work hard so you can get back to your perfect life in California. I know these must be difficult times for you, but you can't give up and act like you will find another girlfriend someday. You seem to have found the perfect person, so it is your destiny to be with her. Some people are just destined to be alone. You now have the choice of following the path to loneliness, or fighting the circumstances to get back to your one chance of living a happy life.

Ever heard to the turn "jumping to conclusions"? You can't just make all of those conclusions based on your (limited) experiences and what Callipygous said...

 

I didn't create this thread because I want a girlfriend. I'll only want a girlfriend after I find a girl that I want to date. I keep saying that there is nobody that I would want to date who is looking for a boyfriend. I came here to give my opinion about dating, and talk about how wrong many guys treat their girlfriends. Why does everyone keep trying to give me advice? I'm the one that's giving the advice here.

We're giving our opinion about dating. This is a discussion forum, not your personal blog.

[Callipygous]

Well, I'm 18 too. I've never had a girlfriend. You were just lucky to have the chance, you might not get that chance again if you abandon the girlfriend that you have.

 

thats just rediculous.

 

the chances are everywhere. all you have to do is actually go for one of them. its not that you havent had a chance, its that you havent ever just done it. your too busy worrying about all the things that can go wrong. she doesnt have to be the perfect girl to go on some dates and have some fun and get an overall enjoyable experience out of it.

 

Well, now you have a goal in life. Work hard so you can get back to your perfect life in California. I know these must be difficult times for you, but you can't give up and act like you will find another girlfriend someday. You seem to have found the perfect person, so it is your destiny to be with her. Some people are just destined to be alone. You now have the choice of following the path to loneliness, or fighting the circumstances to get back to your one chance of living a happy life.

 

i havent found the perfect person, i didnt have the perfect life. me and her both know that were probably not gonna end up getting married. were just not THAT good for each other. we both love each other, were both having a good time, were both happy together. for now. im pretty sure some day im gonna have to break up with her and its gonna suck, but id rather have this relationship with an ending than not have it at all.

 

 

I didn't create this thread because I want a girlfriend. I'll only want a girlfriend after I find a girl that I want to date. I keep saying that there is nobody that I would want to date who is looking for a boyfriend. I came here to give my opinion about dating, and talk about how wrong many guys treat their girlfriends. Why does everyone keep trying to give me advice? I'm the one that's giving the advice here.

 

because your the one that needs the advice. why are you trying to advise people on something you know nothing about? you can try to give all the advice you want, but right now your an athiest trying to preach to the choir.

[Bluenoise]

Go on a date with who? The magical princess from the planet where nobody has boyfriends? I already said that I don't want to date anyone who is looking for a boyfriend. I'm not the type of guy who wants to go on a date with every girl I see. She will have to be someone very special.

 

You know there is a middle ground between being the type of guy who wants to go out with everygirl he sees and being the type of guy who refuses to go out with anyone.

 

You say that you turn down girls who ask you out? And you say you don't want to be the kind of guy to hurt their feelings?? I'm sorry but that's really hypocritical.

 

Do you know how badly it hurts to be rejected like that? It takes alot of courage to ask someone out, and getting shot down by someone that wont even give you a chance hurts like hell. Especially if they're not seeing anyone else.

 

I don't think I'd ever have the heart to turn down a girl if I wasn't attached already. Like it's pretty much curtosy to at least give them a chance. No one is hurt if the first date doesn't go well. Usually both people realise it, and well that's that end of story. That's what datings for, to get to know the person so you can decided if you want to take it further. It's not like you're signing your soul over to them.

 

Honestly I don't think I've ever actually asked anyone out on a date, I guess I'm a bit of a coward that way. And I have alot of respect for people with corage to do so. They just seem to happen some how... Usually starts with some reason to see them and things go from there. I'm not very formal or straight to the point, but some how I get dates.

 

Trust me if you really want to be a good guy you have to aleast give them a chance. I know most poeple don't show it, but getting crushed by someone who wont even give you a chance hurts like hell. No matter how politley or nicely the person rejecting them does it.

 

Also you don't want to be completely inexperienced when you meet the person you want to be with. There is etiquite to these things, your lack of experience may turn that person off.

[Bluenoise]

Damn man I'm amazed you can do it!!!

 

I can't even beleive to tell you how ****ing lonely I get if I don't atleast have a prospect once in a while. It drives me insane. And I'm not talking about sex. Just need someone to fill the void.

 

Props to that. You must be made of steel or something.

[herme3]

There are certain things in life that are predicable, and certain ones that aren't. You can predict if it will hurt to jump off of a cliff (based off of your previous experience of falling off of a _____) but you can't predict what happens in a relationship unless you've had one or done a study.

 

I can predict what happens in a relationship based on what other people say.

 

Why does it even matter?

 

Well, if someone was already unstable it would probably be more difficult for them if they breakup with someone.

 

 

Or perhaps he was more "aggressive" in going after one than you are.

 

Do you think that is a good thing? A guy shouldn't be "aggressive" so he can get a date with the first girl he can find. It is about finding the right person, and caring about her feelings.

 

We're giving our opinion about dating. This is a discussion forum, not your personal blog.

 

What I meant is that I didn't create this thread because I want a girlfriend, or because I want some advice. I created it so we can discuss my advice, and so other SFN members can give dating advice to each other. I don't need advice about dating because I'm not dating anyone.

 

she doesnt have to be the perfect girl to go on some dates and have some fun and get an overall enjoyable experience out of it.

 

Ok, let's just imagine that I start dating some girl that I don't care about at all. Suddenly, I get a chance to go on a date with someone that I do care about. However, I can't because I'm already dating the other girl...

 

Stop acting like you can wave a magic wand to make your perfect girl appear. You always have to wait for the perfect girl, so you won't lose your chance when you do meet her.

 

because your the one that needs the advice. why are you trying to advise people on something you know nothing about? you can try to give all the advice you want, but right now your an athiest trying to preach to the choir.

 

I'm giving my advice because people don't seem to understand how bad many boyfriend/girlfriend relationships really are. So many guys treat their girlfriends so bad, and nobody seems to think that is wrong. Of course, we seem to have gotten away from the original point I was trying to make. I never imagined that this would turn into another, "Herme3 is crazy and needs a girlfriend" thread...

 

You say that you turn down girls who ask you out? And you say you don't want to be the kind of guy to hurt their feelings?? I'm sorry but that's really hypocritical.

 

No...

 

I've said no to girls who asked me out on a date because I didn't really know them.

 

Do you know how badly it hurts to be rejected like that? It takes alot of courage to ask someone out, and getting shot down by someone that wont even give you a chance hurts like hell. Especially if they're not seeing anyone else.

 

Why would they care? There's nothing special about me.

 

Also, I've never seen a girl get upset just because a guy refused to go on a date with her. The only times they seem to be upset is if they breakup with someone they are already dating.

[Royston]

Why would they care? There's nothing special about me.

 

Going by your whole attitude on relationships / dating et.c you sound like you have a low self-esteem more than anything...think about it Herme 3 the world would be in a sorry state if nobody went on dates through fear of hurting each others feelings' date=' try to stop dwelling on the negative side of things...also, though it may sound like a contradiction women aren't these innocent angels that you seem to have fixated in your head, they can be just as cruel as men in relationships.

 

It's you that has this daft attitude, not everyone around you being callous and unfeeling. As for waiting around for the perfect women...how on earth is that going to happen unless you go out and meet as many people as possible. It's not going to fall in your lap one day...well it might, it's happend to me a few times, but when I've been [i']out[/i], socialising...and I'm pretty shy around people sometimes.

[Callipygous]

I can predict what happens in a relationship based on what other people say.

 

no.... you cant. everyone is different, every relationship is different. people who have been in relationships might be able to guess becuase they have a good understanding of it, if you are only working on second hand information you dont really know what your talking about.

 

 

Do you think that is a good thing? A guy shouldn't be "aggressive" so he can get a date with the first girl he can find. It is about finding the right person, and caring about her feelings.

 

how i got my girlfriend isnt something any of you know about, nor is it something for you to judge.

 

but yes, a lot of the time a guy needs to be "aggressive" to get a date because girls dont tend to make the first move.

 

 

Ok, let's just imagine that I start dating some girl that I don't care about at all. Suddenly, I get a chance to go on a date with someone that I do care about. However, I can't because I'm already dating the other girl...

 

if the girl your dating isnt right for you you will eventually break up. you can prety easily just tell her that you both know this isnt going to end in marriage and you would like to move on.

 

Stop acting like you can wave a magic wand to make your perfect girl appear. You always have to wait for the perfect girl, so you won't lose your chance when you do meet her.

 

i would first like to note that no one is "perfect". any relationship you get into isnt going to be perfect. there are going to be problems and fights. you will have to work to maintain whatever relationship you get into.

 

second, waiting for your perfect girl, always skipping people in the hopes something better is ahead, is wasting your life.

 

 

 

No...

 

I've said no to girls who asked me out on a date because I didn't really know them.

 

so? go on a date, get to know them, find out you hate them and dont ask them on a second date.

 

 

 

Why would they care? There's nothing special about me.

 

you doofus...

THEY ASKED YOU OUT. obviously they think there is something special about you.

 

getting shot down hurts. it doesnt matter why you say no, or how you say no. it just hurts. the fact that you wouldnt even give them ONE date says that you were so uninterested you couldnt spare an evening to get to know them.

[herme3]

also, though it may sound like a contradiction women aren't these innocent angels that you seem to have fixated in your head, they can be just as cruel as men in relationships.

 

The majority of girls are much nicer and more caring than the majority of guys.

 

As for waiting around for the perfect women...how on earth is that going to happen unless you go out and meet as many people as possible.

 

I think you should meet people by becoming their friend, not instantly asking them out on a date. If they seem like a good person, then you can ask them out on a date. Asking a total stranger to go on a date with you just sounds wrong. It sounds like you just like the way she looks, and don't have any interest in getting to know her personality.

 

a lot of the time a guy needs to be "aggressive" to get a date because girls dont tend to make the first move.

 

That's because most guys don't act like they have feelings, and don't care about anybody else's feelings either. The girls are being smart, and want to know the guy before they go on a date. My guess is that if any girls came into this thread, they would probably agree with my opinions.

 

there are going to be problems and fights.

 

Usually because the guy does something stupid.

 

getting shot down hurts. it doesnt matter why you say no, or how you say no. it just hurts. the fact that you wouldnt even give them ONE date says that you were so uninterested you couldnt spare an evening to get to know them.

 

I've never seen a girl be sad because a guy won't go on a date with her. Girls are usually sad when they are already dating someone, and he wants to breakup with her.

 

Ok... So the girl gets mad and thinks I'm mean. I would rather make a girl mad at me, instead of breaking her heart when we breakup later. You are also forgetting that I don't know the girl, so I don't want to go out on a date with her anyway.

 

Right now, there is only one girl in the whole world that I would go on a date with, and she already has a boyfriend that she seems to be happy with. If they ever did breakup, I wouldn't be able to go on a date with her if I'm dating some other girl that I don't even care about.

[lrokwild]

 

I think you should meet people by becoming their friend' date=' not instantly asking them out on a date. If they seem like a good person, then you can ask them out on a date. Asking a total stranger to go on a date with you just sounds wrong. It sounds like you just like the way she looks, and don't have any interest in getting to know her personality.

 

[/quote']

 

i completely agree...

[Callipygous]

Usually because the guy does something stupid.

 

or because people arent perfect...

 

you really need to go get some experience before you try to talk about this stuff. right now you dont have anything factual, or anything you can support. you dont even have anything reasonable... all you have is a one sided view you got from talking to all your girlfriends about what a bunch of dicks guys are.

[Severian]

What's wrong with liking the way someone looks?

 

Lets face it, you are not going to meet the person of your dreams on your first ever date. It takes gazillions of dates to meet them, so if you are going to *****foot around getting to know people before you ask them out on a date you are seriously undermining your chances of meeting 'the one'.

 

You need to get out there and date as many people as possible, and dump them as soon as you know they are not the one for you (for their sake as well as yours).

[lrokwild]

What's wrong with liking the way someone looks?

 

Nothing, but iv been told that women feel attraction to a guys personality just as much as they do to his looks. On the other hand I know that what attracts men is mostly looks and only a little bit of personality. We cannot help this trait of ours, and as a result women commonly label men to be shallow. Which with today’s definition isn’t entirely inaccurate.

 

Men are built to be attracted to physical appearance more than personality where as women depend on men to nurture their child, as a result they unconsciously are attracted to men’s personality just as much as looks.

 

Read The Book Sperm Wars for more information on this subject.

 

So one could hypothesis that if you decide to get to know a women first before making the transition from a friendly outing towards dating and physical interaction, you could increase your chances of having this women respect you more than other men, ultimately "broadening the playing field".

[herme3]

all you have is a one sided view you got from talking to all your girlfriends about what a bunch of dicks guys are.

 

First, I don't have any girlfriends. I just have some friends that are girls. I doubt their boyfriends would appreciate you saying they are my girlfriends.

 

Also, whenever a girl is talking about why she broke up with an ex-boyfriend, it is always because the guy did something stupid, or because the guy just found another girlfriend. That's just how most guys are. They are the ones that usually start the relationship, then they find another girlfriend after a while. The guy just goes with the new girlfriend, and leaves the old girlfriend with a broken heart. The guy doesn't even care, but the girl is really sad for days, weeks, or even months.

 

I'm not saying that you are like that. I'm just saying that is how most guys are.

 

What's wrong with liking the way someone looks?

 

Nothing, in fact I think it is important that you like the way someone looks before you date her. I'm just saying that you shouldn't date someone only because of the way she looks. You should judge more on somebody's personality. Don't just think about finding someone for one date, think about finding someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

You need to get out there and date as many people as possible, and dump them as soon as you know they are not the one for you

 

THAT'S JUST PLAIN SICK!!!!

 

I really hope you really didn't mean to say that. It sounded like you are more concerned about seeing how many girls you can date than actually finding someone that you want to stay with forever.

 

Nothing' date=' but iv been told that women feel attraction to a guys personality just as much as they do to his looks. On the other hand I know that what attracts men is mostly looks and only a little bit of personality. We cannot help this trait of ours, and as a result women commonly label men to be shallow. Which with today’s definition isn’t entirely inaccurate.

 

Men are built to be attracted to physical appearance more than personality where as women depend on men to nurture their child, as a result they unconsciously are attracted to men’s personality just as much as looks.[/quote']

 

I'm a guy and I care about personality just as much, if not more than looks. No, I'm not gay, and it isn't because I'm thinking about nurturing some child. It is because I know that true happiness in a relationship depends on how you treat each other.

 

Also I think that whether or not you feel someone is beautiful is subconsciously controlled by how you feel about their personality.

[Severian]

I really hope you really didn't mean to say that. It sounded like you are more concerned about seeing how many girls you can date than actually finding someone that you want to stay with forever.

 

As it happens, I am happily married. But I wouldn't be if I had had your attitude.

[Royston]

The majority of girls are much nicer and more caring than the majority of guys.

 

Is this from your wealth of experience with women ? Honestly Herme3 the only reason this thread has gone on for so long, is because there's no getting through to you.

 

Earlier you said you don't need to experience relationships because people have advised you on what it's like...that's the equivalent of saying I don't need to visit Japan because people have told me what it's like.

[lrokwild]

 

I'm a guy and I care about personality just as much' date=' if not more than looks. No, I'm not gay, and it isn't because I'm thinking about nurturing some child. It is because I know that true happiness in a relationship depends on how you treat each other.

 

Also I think that whether or not you feel someone is beautiful is subconsciously controlled by how you feel about their personality.[/quote']

 

Weather you want to believe it or not it has been proven that the majority of males unconsciously base attraction more so on looks than personality. Its been tested dude....sure you might be a nice guy and care about a girls personality, but your still more attracted to her physically than you ever will be emotionally.

 

You simply cannot change that fact. So don’t lie and tell me that you fell in love with the ugliest girl in the world because she had a nice personality.

 

and wouldn’t it be way easier to fall in love with a women because she was the most beautiful women you have ever seen....even if her personality wasn’t "perfect"

[herme3]

As it happens, I am happily married. But I wouldn't be if I had had your attitude.

 

Sure you would. You would have found the right person. You would meet her, start being her friend, get to know her, then ask her out on a date, and then eventually marry her. However, you wouldn't have broken so many other girls' hearts before you met her.

 

Is this from your wealth of experience with women?

 

No, but I know a lot of people who have been in relationships and they know what it was like.

 

Honestly Herme3 the only reason this thread has gone on for so long, is because there's no getting through to you.

 

I feel like I'm having trouble getting through to all of you. The problem is that most of the people here are typical guys. If more girls read this thread, they would probably agree with me and this discussion would make me look like a caring person instead of the crazy hermit that most of you probably think I am.

[Callipygous]

First, I don't have any girlfriends. I just have some friends that are girls. I doubt their boyfriends would appreciate you saying they are my girlfriends.

 

you know what i meant. obviously youve never had a gf... thats what weve been talking about this whole time

 

Also, whenever a girl is talking about why she broke up with an ex-boyfriend, it is always because the guy did something stupid, or because the guy just found another girlfriend. That's just how most guys are. They are the ones that usually start the relationship, then they find another girlfriend after a while. The guy just goes with the new girlfriend, and leaves the old girlfriend with a broken heart. The guy doesn't even care, but the girl is really sad for days, weeks, or even months.

 

thats because a girl doesnt feel the need to come tell you about it unless it was hurtful. all these horrible things you are hearing about the guy are right when the girl is feeling the most emotional, and therefore, the least rational.