Dating

[herme3]

thats because a girl doesnt feel the need to come tell you about it unless it was hurtful. all these horrible things you are hearing about the guy are right when the girl is feeling the most emotional, and therefore, the least rational.

 

Yes, the girl is all emotional and upset. The guy is walking around happily with his new girlfriend. Doesn't that say something?

[Royston]

I feel like I'm having trouble getting through to all of you. The problem is that most of the people here are typical guys. If more girls read this thread' date=' they would probably agree with me and this discussion would make me look like a caring person instead of the crazy hermit that most of you probably think I am.[/quote']

 

Well labelling us as 'typical guys' and that we're superficial is rude. Doesn't it strike you as odd, that all the people with experience in relationships disagree with you ?

[bascule]

I have a lot of trouble finding girls who can understand or appreciate me. This has lead to a lot of bad first "dates" (if you even want to call it that) and a few one night stands. It gets pretty frustrating. I've never been in a long-term relationship. Maybe someday... just gotta find the right person.

[lrokwild]

It has everything to do with confidence and congruency.... you are the man and in charge...never give up your power in a relationship and eventually women will come to you. David Deangelo.... Double Your Dating...Awesome Stuff!

[herme3]

Weather you want to believe it or not it has been proven that the majority of males unconsciously base attraction more so on looks than personality. Its been tested dude....sure you might be a nice guy and care about a girls personality' date=' but your still more attracted to her physically than you ever will be emotionally.

 

You simply cannot change that fact. So don’t lie and tell me that you fell in love with the ugliest girl in the world because she had a nice personality.

 

and wouldn’t it be way easier to fall in love with a women because she was the most beautiful women you have ever seen....even if her personality wasn’t "perfect"[/quote']

 

Well, the nicest girl I know also happens to be the most beautiful girl I know. The people I think are nice always seem to look better than people I think are mean. That's why I said I think the way you feel about how someone looks depends on how you feel about their personality.

 

Well labelling us as 'typical guys' and that we're superficial is rude. Doesn't it strike you as odd, that all the people with experience in relationships disagree with you?

 

Like I said, I think a lot of girls would agree with me.

 

I have a lot of trouble finding girls who can understand or appreciate me. This has lead to a lot of bad first "dates" (if you even want to call it that) and a few one night stands. It gets pretty frustrating. I've never been in a long-term relationship. Maybe someday... just gotta find the right person.

 

Just take my advice...

 

Wait until you find a girl without a boyfriend that you would want to go on a date with. Walk over and start a friendly conversation. Don't mention dating, or going anywhere. If you are still in school, maybe sit with her at lunch. Just get to know her for a while. Also, add little compliments to make her feel happy. Don't lie just to make her feel good, but if you think she is a nice person, tell her.

 

After a while, if you still like her, maybe mention that you are a lonely person. She might try to ask you out on a date...

 

you are the man and in charge...

 

Hearing that type of crap really ticks me off!!!

 

A girl is a person, just like you. Nobody is in charge. Treat her with respect and make her feel like she is important. Don't try to make her think you are better than her. It will make her feel weak and maybe even a little afraid of you. That is just wrong.

[lrokwild]

Well' date=' the nicest girl I know also happens to be the most beautiful girl I know. The people I think are nice always seem to look better than people I think are mean. That's why I said I think the way you feel about how someone looks depends on how you feel about their personality.

[/quote']

 

I agree with you on this one. You’re right, if you like a personality it will enevitably make you find the person more attractive.

 

Hearing that type of crap really ticks me off!!!

 

A girl is a person' date=' just like you. Nobody is in charge. Treat her with respect and make her feel like she is important. Don't try to make her think you are better than her. It will make her feel weak and maybe even a little afraid of you. That is just wrong.[/quote']

 

I just mean we as men tend to give up our devine right to be incharge of our actions only to hopefully impress a women. If you want to go do something, and she says no, men have this whole idea that if you disagree with a women or dont let her get her own way that you will lose her. Whats the big deal if you lose her? When a male friend of yours trys to get you to go so some hurting love play you dont do it.....but when your girlfriend trys you probably will act like you want to, and pretend you enjoyed yourself just to get her approval. THAT IS NOT HOW IT SHOULD HAPPEN. You should totally treat women with respect, only if they earn it, dont give it to them by default because you are so concurned about this girls opinion of you. Instead go into ALL dates with the mind set that YOU are the one approving HER, not the other way around!

 

Banish any scarcity mentality you have with women....there are millions of them.....if you lose one...move the !@#$ on!

 

Oh...P.S. Women are weaker and more afraid then men.... that’s how we are built my man.... women are attracted to dominate, congruent, confident and attractive males...not some wussy.

[Royston]

Herme3 I can think of several occasions where I've been out and I've just started talking to a girl who was in the vicinity, without even considering or caring what she looks like, and through the simple fact that we 'get on' I've ended up going on dates that way.

 

As for good looking people being generally nicer people... surely you don't really think that.

 

Your obviously a very caring person, and I'm sure (whoever you do eventually start seeing) will really appreciate you for that, but your taking it way too far, to the point that you denying yourself happiness, everyone has the right to be happy, but you can't just sit around waiting for it to happen.

[Royston]

Oh...P.S. Women are weaker and more afraid then men.... that’s how we are built my man.... women are attracted to dominate' date=' congruent, confident and attractive males...not some wussy.[/quote']

 

I really hope your joking.

[lrokwild]

I’m not joking, are you that ignorant to the fact that is so blatantly obvious that MEN are the more physically and emotional dominant sex?

 

That doesn’t make women intellectually inferior, but it explains some general roles that we as humans carry out.... for example, men do the hunting.... men fix heavy equipment...its because we are physically built to be bigger and stronger.

 

As for emotions, I think its safe to say women are more emotional than men...so one could argue that they are not in control of their emotions as much as men, which could ultimately lead to the argument that men are stronger emotionally than women.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I respect women, I love women, our world would be nothing without women, women are equally important for the existence of life, just we are obviously different in many ways, and we shouldn’t try to hide it just to be politically correct.

[Royston]

That's such a sweeping generalization, I'm not even sure where to begin...so I won't. Plus we're going off topic, so maybe you should start another thread and air your views on the sexes. Though if you do a search you'll probably find plenty of similar discussion already. I think it's a bit more of a complicated issue in this day and age as your making out.

[lrokwild]

ill agree and stop....for now... i didnt mean to offend anyone. If i did im sorry!

[5614]

I have a lot[/i'] of trouble finding girls who can understand or appreciate me. This has lead to a lot of bad first "dates" (if you even want to call it that) and a few one night stands. It gets pretty frustrating. I've never been in a long-term relationship. Maybe someday... just gotta find the right person.

And if you give up or don't go on dates then you will never find the one. If you keep trying then eventually you will.

 

If you don't go on dates until you are certain then it is often too late, you can so easily miss the chance.

 

There was a movie, I can't remember which one, where some guy asks a girl, basically straight out, to have sex with him. She slaps him and walks off, but as he goes back to his laughing mates he says "statistically with each person I ask it gets more probable that the next one will say yes" (or something like that).

 

You're never gonna find the right person the first time and you're never gonna "find" anyone unless you try to "find" them by going on dates.

[lrokwild]

its just like in sales......the power of numbers....talk to 100 girls your bound to get a few phone numbers....talk to 10 you probably wont get any......

[herme3]

I just mean we as men tend to give up our devine right to be incharge of our actions only to hopefully impress a women.

 

Are you sure about that? Normally I always see guys telling their girlfriends what to do, and then they get mad when everything doesn't go their way. It usually seems like girls usually give up their "divine right" just so their boyfriends don't start acting immature and start yelling at them.

 

When a male friend of yours trys to get you to go so some hurting love play you dont do it.....but when your girlfriend trys you probably will act like you want to, and pretend you enjoyed yourself just to get her approval.

 

I think that most guys really don't care about being with other male friends. They wouldn't go anywhere they wouldn't want to just so they can hang around other guys. However, a decent guy would want to spend as much time as possible with his girlfriend, so he might go somewhere that she would want to go. I don't think it is because he wants her approval, but just because he wants to spend some time with her.

 

I'm sure that most girls go places they don't want to because they want to be with their boyfriends. For example, maybe a guy really likes football, and his girlfriend doesn't. However, the girl might decide to go to a football game just to spend time with him.

 

You should totally treat women with respect, only if they earn it

 

I think that boyfriends and girlfriends should equally respect each other from the first time they meet. Neither one should have to earn the other person's respect. If one of them can't respect the other person, then maybe they shouldn't be together.

 

Banish any scarcity mentality you have with women....there are millions of them.....if you lose one...move the !@#$ on!

 

There are only certain circumstances where you should have this attitude. If you have a girlfriend that treats you really bad, then don't worry about her because there are other girls out there. However, don't act like you can be mean to a nice girl simply because you can replace her if you ever lose her. That just wouldn't be right.

 

women are attracted to dominate, congruent, confident and attractive males...not some wussy.

 

I've never asked a girl about what type of a boyfriend she would want. However, they don't seem to be impressed by a guy who acts dominate, and like he is the strongest guy in the world. A girl usually just seems to want someone who will care about her, and always be there for her.

 

Unlike what many people here think, I believe that a girl just wants to find the perfect guy, and never breakup with him. It is difficult to have this discussion when there aren't any girls who are posting replies, but I believe that a breakup is much easier for a guy than a girl.

 

As for good looking people being generally nicer people... surely you don't really think that.

 

What do you consider to be a good looking person? I think that if someone is really nice to you, you might subconsciously think she looks better than someone who is mean to you.

 

As for emotions, I think its safe to say women are more emotional than men...so one could argue that they are not in control of their emotions as much as men, which could ultimately lead to the argument that men are stronger emotionally than women.

 

I disagree with that. I think emotional strength depends on the person, not if they are a man or a woman.

 

You're never gonna find the right person the first time and you're never gonna "find" anyone unless you try to "find" them by going on dates.

 

I don't think a date should be used to find someone. I think you should wait until after you find someone before going on a date. You should find someone just by being friends with people. Then you will get to know different personalities before committing yourself to someone by asking her to go on a date with you.

 

its just like in sales......the power of numbers....talk to 100 girls your bound to get a few phone numbers....talk to 10 you probably wont get any......

 

I don't think you should focus on trying to get a ton of phone numbers, or going on dates with lots of different girls. You can make friends with different girls, but when you find someone that you like, just focus on going on a date with that one girl.

[lrokwild]

Herme3 you make good points...i think in every case "it goes both ways"

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Yes, the girl is all emotional and upset. The guy is walking around happily with his new girlfriend. Doesn't that say something?

You're acting like men are always the one to dump their boy/girlfriends.

 

I can predict what happens in a relationship based on what other people say.

Then why aren't you a rich psychologist doing talk shows?

[lrokwild]

Then why aren't you a rich psychologist doing talk shows?

 

Don’t be snide, some people are very intuitive and just because they are not a psychologist doesn’t mean that they are not good at predicting the outcomes of relationships.

 

A prediction is a hypothesis based on ones perception and objection....just because you might not be able to see the same outcome or be able to make a prediction based on the same information he can, doesn’t mean that he’s wrong or his assumption is invaild.

[Callipygous]

Don’t be snide' date=' some people are very intuitive and just because they are not a psychologist doesn’t mean that they are not good at predicting the outcomes of relationships.

 

A prediction is a hypothesis based on ones perception and objection....just because you might not be able to see the same outcome or be able to make a prediction based on the same information he can, doesn’t mean that he’s wrong or his assumption is invaild.[/quote']

 

 

hes not predicting the outcome of one particular relationship based on the facts and circumstances surrounding it, hes making blanket statements about how all relationships will end, and who will feel what based on what a few of his female friends have told him about some of their relationships.

 

which in my opinion warrants a snide reply.

[lrokwild]

hes not predicting the outcome of one particular relationship based on the facts and circumstances surrounding it' date=' hes making blanket statements about how all relationships will end, and who will feel what based on what a few of his female friends have told him about some of their relationships.

 

which in my opinion warrants a snide reply.[/quote']

 

Agreed, I was mistaken as to what and how he was predicting...I apologize.

[deltanova]

as for the girls getting hurt thing. i know of one girl who recently in one week, broke up with her b/f, lost her job and found out her nan wont live much longer. she covered her bedroom floor in tissues, but shes alright. us Girls arnt as fragile as you might think, we get over boys, mainly because theres always more to fill in the gaps.

 

also, theres a reason the girls you like already have boyfriends, its because both they and their partners realise breaking up is not the end of the world. that they will either break up and get over it or end up living happily together for the rest of their lives.

 

another and final also, the girls who have asked you out before ARE NOT STUPID! they realise that they do not know you. and that there is a high chance it wont work out. but they also realise that there is a chance it will work out for a while at least, and at minimum (unless you be a total *** hole,) will gain a friend. and what happens if one of those girls you REGECTED BEFORE EVEN THE FIRST DATE! is the right one for you? your "perfect girl" gone right there never to be seen again.

 

the more time that goes by the less chance you have, you seem to be a great guy, there are so many girls that will never know that if you dont pick your act up. get ya butt off the couch and stop getting your experience from movies and TV, get some real experience so you can really tell everyone thats posted on this thread that they have no idea what they are on about

[1veedo]

This is what I said on what, page one? If you really want a girl, they're everyware. All you're doing is lying to yourself: making up excuses not to go meat more women. "Oh well I dont know who they are." That's why you go meet them ****tard. You're just too big a ***** to talk to the girl standing two lines down in the supermarket -- because they're strangers, because you only want to be friends, because you'll see her tomorow, whatever the excuse is, it's only an excuse.

[JustStuit]

Just try to relax - overanalyzing will lead to nothing (I know this from experience when I liked persons)

[herme3]

You're acting like men are always the one to dump their boy/girlfriends.

 

Guys seem much more likely to dump a girl. Half the time they are too lazy to do that, and they just expect the girl to figure it out when she sees him with a new girlfriend.

 

hes making blanket statements about how all relationships will end, and who will feel what based on what a few of his female friends have told him about some of their relationships.

 

Actually, my friends never tell me about their relationships. They sometimes talk about their relationships with other girls, but I try not to listen to their conversations because I know they aren't talking to me. They are my friends, and spying on their conversations doesn't seem right to me.

 

I get all my info by spying on the conversations of total strangers!

 

Just kidding... I never try to listen to anybody's conversations when they aren't talking to me. However, I do sometimes pick up little pieces of conversations and I've put all the pieces together. I think I have a good image of the typical relationship and breakup.

 

Some stuff is just common sense. For example, I will often see a guy and a girl walking around holding hands. Then one day, the girl is crying and the guy is happily holding hands with another girl. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened.

 

Girls arnt as fragile as you might think, we get over boys, mainly because theres always more to fill in the gaps.

 

Even if the girl doesn't go mentally insane, I would still feel bad about hurting her feelings. Even if I was the one who wanted to breakup, I think I would hate myself for breaking someone's heart.

 

Also, I think I would have great difficulty recovering from a breakup. I spend my whole life in my room anytime that I'm not in school. If I got a girlfriend and we started going places together, it would be very difficult going back to my old life if we broke up. Now that I think about it, that is probably the real reason why I'm being so careful to find the perfect person before leaving my old life behind.

 

also, theres a reason the girls you like already have boyfriends, its because both they and their partners realise breaking up is not the end of the world. that they will either break up and get over it or end up living happily together for the rest of their lives.

 

I forgot to mention that there was a time that I wanted to ask someone out on a date. I had known her for a few years, and she had just broken up with her boyfriend. I spent months trying to ask her, but I just couldn't do it. At the time, I had absolutely no friends, and I even ate lunch at an empty table. My self-esteem was just so low, and she seemed perfect compared to me.

 

After about 3 months, she found a new boyfriend. After that, I was feeling depressed for a while. I decided to write her a letter saying everything that was on my mind. I can't remember what I wrote, but she later invited me to sit with her and her friends at lunch. Now she is my best friend. She still has a boyfriend, but that doesn't matter anymore. Just the fact that I have friends to sit with at lunch has made my life so much happier.

 

Now, I just want to wait until I find another perfect person before I think about asking anyone to go on a date. I don't think there is any reason why I should hurry and go on a date with the first person I see, or the first person who asks me out on a date. I already found one perfect person without looking, I'm sure that I will eventually find another one.

[Callipygous]

the reasons to go with the person who asks you are plentiful.

 

1. you get experience. which means if you do find this perfect someone, you will be more comfortable when you go out with them.

2. you might have fun.

3. you get to know someone, possibly a new friend, possibly more

4. almost no harm can come of it.

 

obviously its up to you, but i dont see any good reason not to.

 

step one to finding this perfect girl your looking for might be to leave your room once in a while. ever go anywhere but school with your new friends?

[deltanova]

hmmmm, you are still underestemating other people, and yourself, like i said, girls get over it when a absolutely horrid boy leads them on, and guys get over it when an absolutely horrid girl leads them on. I am sure your friends who have had relationships will understand and support you, when you break up with a girl, not in some over dramatised "the young and the restless" style break up either, just you both comming to the realisation that you are not meant for each other,

 

of course what im saying here has been said by numerous people over 4 pages of thread, i dont see how theres not much more to say, i think you should read back through all of it, and take it into SERIOUS consideration. because so far your sounding like an irrational IDist (my apologies to IDist's i know your not really this bad )