Dating

[padren]

I think its safe to sum it up as: On the one hand you found something in life worth drawing you out...on the other life still scares you to death.

 

 

You can't catch or take a swing if you flinch and duck the ball. Expect pain. Expect all kinds of unpleasant stuff. Get yourself punched in the face, go "ah %&^@!! that hurts" and ice it, get past it, and never fear it again.

 

Life does so many cruel things. We have to watch friends and family die of illnesses over time, and while we have infinite desire and will to help them, we are powerless to do more than watch them, as if from behind sound proof glass, and scream and pound on it imputently.

 

Life is harsh reminds us constantly of what our mortal limitations are. To choose to be more powerless than you have to be - out of fear, lack of confidence, discomfort, etc - somehow it just feels wrong and a diservice to the memory of those lost when our powerlessnes was real.

 

 

It doesn't matter if a girl is in your league or not, if she is popular or not...just be real and act on whatever is real that you feel (maybe subtly, but definately act on it). If you want her number and if you know you are in fact not an axe murderer, tell her you want her number to stay in touch. When you tell her you that you'd like to spend time with her over the summer, think of one of the finer times you've spent with her recently just before you do, enough that you smile and she can tell by the look in your eyes that you enjoy her company, and she enjoys yours.

If she won't give you her number, it won't be because she thinks you are an axe murder, it'll because of a combination of her personality and insecurity has made her want to push you away, and its better to know that now than latter.

[alice]

Cloud sure is funny. I don't know why, but I find him funny.

 

So...getting back to herme and his problem. Haven't you done anything about it yet? I think an advice would be good for you, but sadly, through all the whines I've posted here, I've run out of 'em.

 

Or maybe I'm tired of helping you out...but that's just today. I'll think of something.

 

Maybe it's hard for me to give you the best advice because I for one am studying in a separate college. Meaning, that me seeing my high school friends is very unlikely. And I am not sad at all. I'd like to experience an alone time for a while. It's the only chance I have of finally meeting my true self. So I'm liking the idea.

 

As for you...follow cloud's advice. He gave a good one.

[sabbath]

A few minutes ago, I was looking for a good picture of myself to put on my MySpace profile. As I was looking through the pictures, I came to the realization that I absolutely hate myself. I'm not sure why, but I just do. There's not one picture that I would put in my profile. I feel like the monster from the story "Frankenstein".

 

Ah! How I can relate! I felt the same way, I actually still feel the same way. I've never posted any real life pics of myself over the net, and begged my friends to remove my pic off our class blog pictures.

 

Well I really don't think I'm pretty. That's the truth. No bit of remorse there mind you. But I'm hoping to make up for it in brains. hee-haw!

 

Unless you want plastic surgery and got the dough for it which by the way, I think is absolutely stupid. That's my take on it anyway.

 

By the way, Klaynos I think a letter is COOL. Yep. Even if whatever was written on it was nothing meaningful or deep. But the thought that somebody wrote me a letter and made sure that what it contained was nothing much is heartwarming for me. Yeah I'm crazy.

 

Unfortunately, the girl herme3's is talking about is most probably unlike me, so I guess he'll have to cross writing a letter out of his list.

 

Whew. I'm running out of ideas how to deal with herme3's predicament. We're losing sweat over this one!

 

As cloud says, we're sort of getting nowhere here. But at least herme3 you're open and aware to the fact that there's something you must change for your sake.

 

I think you should at least try out what the guys have been saying out here whether or not you think it would be weird. You've already decided the outcome before it's even happened yet. In your present scenario (too strong a word?) I don't think you have a lot of options left. Try something out.

 

I find that I haven't got much of any worthy advice to tell you, but I will try to come up with the best I can. And I'll be here to listen hearing as your family and we freaks here at sfn are all you've got (according to you though the wording is mine).

 

I'm thinking, why don't you get a dog? It helps me out of my gloom sometimes. This is crazy talk. But think about it. At least you'll get company. And it won't call you a loser, besides.

[alice]

A letter might be good. Try it out. Just be sure to write the right words...and make sure that it won't sound WEIRD. Write it with all your heart. (I'm creeping myself out.)

 

TTFN

[LazerFazer]

Well, look on the bright side. At least you'll have an opportunity in later life with this girl. The two of you are at least going to the same college. No such luck for me... the girl I like will be practically on the other side of the world, enver mind different country in under a month. We've never gone out either, just hung out as friends, but I'm content with that (well, not content. Just happy I at least had that opportunity)

 

So, I would say just try to spend as much time with her as possible. Not necessarily a date, but maybe go with a bunch of friends to the movies. Make plans for a few of your friends and a few of hers to get together, go to the movies, and maybe have lunch/dinner/whatever. That way, you get to spend time with her, but there's no awkwardness of a date. Truthfully, I've never been on a date, yet I'm quite content to remain that way.

 

As for your little issue of never going to prom... if it's anything like what ours was, you didn't miss much at all. Trust me, some people are just not made for going to these social events, you and I included.

 

So just act yourself, try to figure out what's turning people away from you and making you unsociable, and try to change that. If not, despair not, I'm sure you'll find people like you, and soon you'll make great friends. Until 9th grade, I never had close friends... and I'll be starting again from scratch in 6 months. So it's better to make the best of a bad situation than try to change them into better ones. Much easier also.

 

Keeping in touch may be difficult, but if you're serious about it, you'll make the effort to keep in touch. Ask her to keep in touch with you, and to inform you about change's in her email address. Maybe set some time each week where you, her, and some other friends go out and just have fun. Maybe even, as was suggested, get her phone number. But don't let her slip away. You never know how things may turn out. And even if you do notice that you're drifting apart, do little things for her. Send her a birthday card on her birthday, Christmas cards, that kind of thing. Just small things to let her know that you haven't forgotten about her, and to remind her that you still exist. I guess if she doesn't respond, then you've got a bigger problem on your hands, but it's worth the try.

 

Best of luck,

LF

[alice]

LazerFazer is right herme. It never hurts to try.

[alice]

That's what we all told you. So it's all up to you. It's your life, not ours. Make the right decision. And when you do, get moving and do it!

[sabbath]

Speaking of prom...haha! I can remember all that crap all right and the pictures are there to torture and haunt me for-evah!

 

Attendance is required in our JS Prom, both when I was a junior and a senior. There are only 90 senior students around 60% of which were girls. The juniors were around 105 or something and 60% of them were girls. Because the teachers didn't want anybody to be alone on prom night everyone was assigned a partner and since there were too many girls against the boys some girls had to share partners.

 

What a cool prom eh?

 

The best part for me started and ended with the buffet and that was that. Everything else stunk and I had to wear a stupid dress. Plus heels. There's a dress code you see. I would have liked to attend with jeans and sneakers if I could. Tough luck.

 

Then everyone keeps on saying "Watch your etiquette!" Men. I hoped I would get sick. I nearly had a reasonable excuse to miss my senior prom. I'd thought I could go scot free. I had a regional training for feature writers and the training fell on exactly the same date as prom night plus the venue was across the sea. Then it got cancelled. Imagine my disappointment.

 

And of course as usual prom sucked. And I had to dance some waltz. I of course as expected stepped on my partner. (Thank goodness I had apologized in advance).

 

There's not much to miss from prom really. The food's the only consolation you've got. It's not much of a trade if you've got to sit the whole night fidgeting and being uncomfortable. Not at all.

[alice]

Prom, huh? I can still remember the two worst days of my life. I hate proms. But I had no choice. It was a requirement. So that we won't try to make up an excuse like we were sick or something, our teachers decided to make it a project. It was graded. How great is that? And in a school where grades are our weakness, we all went despite our hatred for it. Well, maybe not all of us. Almost all the girls in our class, err, all the girls in our class, except for me, were all excited about it. They actually planned everything from the start of the year. They'd start dieting to make their gowns fit. They designed their gowns. Planned their look, their hair, the perfume they would wear. And all the girly things. I just hate the prom. It's a complete waste of time. I missed my favorite show because of that stupid event! But what the heck, it was, though i hate to admit it, it was fun. The first one was, but the second one, it sucked. But oh well...sh*t happens. So don't be sad, you did not miss out on anything. The girls looked like girls and the boys, they looked like themselves, only neater.

[LazerFazer]

Well, your prom problems seem to have been much bigger than mine. Luckily ours wasn't required, but I decided to go anyway (well, more like was convinced to go... wasn't planning on going at all until about a week before). Ya, it was pretty boring and was a total waste of time. But, I guess, I learned something that night... never give in to peer pressure, especially for something as dumb as prom.

 

So Herme3, worry yourself not. Their will be other chances to go to prom-like events, but even so, I personally don't recommend you go.

 

The ball is in your court now, make your move.

 

LF

[herme3]

Whew. I'm running out of ideas how to deal with herme3's predicament. We're losing sweat over this one!

 

I only have about 2 more days left to talk to her. I'm not sure what to do.

 

I'm thinking, why don't you get a dog? It helps me out of my gloom sometimes. This is crazy talk. But think about it. At least you'll get company. And it won't call you a loser, besides.

 

Oh-no... I don't really care for animals. I live with my parents' dog, and it annoys me. I don't see how having a dog can make up for not having any friends. You can talk to a dog, but it won't really understand. It's just as much fun to talk to a wall. I want someone I can really care about. Someone who I can understand, and someone who understands me.

 

letter might be good. Try it out. Just be sure to write the right words...and make sure that it won't sound WEIRD. Write it with all your heart. (I'm creeping myself out.)

 

I've written several really nice letters to her before. She said that they were "sweet" but I don't think any of them have increased our friendship.

 

Not necessarily a date, but maybe go with a bunch of friends to the movies. Make plans for a few of your friends and a few of hers to get together, go to the movies, and maybe have lunch/dinner/whatever. That way, you get to spend time with her, but there's no awkwardness of a date.

 

I don't have any of my own friends. Therefore, I would only be going with her and a group of her friends. I don't think very many of her friends like me very much.

 

Keeping in touch may be difficult, but if you're serious about it, you'll make the effort to keep in touch. Ask her to keep in touch with you, and to inform you about change's in her email address. Maybe set some time each week where you, her, and some other friends go out and just have fun. Maybe even, as was suggested, get her phone number. But don't let her slip away. You never know how things may turn out. And even if you do notice that you're drifting apart, do little things for her. Send her a birthday card on her birthday, Christmas cards, that kind of thing. Just small things to let her know that you haven't forgotten about her, and to remind her that you still exist. I guess if she doesn't respond, then you've got a bigger problem on your hands, but it's worth the try.

 

Those are some good ideas. I'll do everything I can to keep in touch. I did give her a birthday present last year, and I'll try to get her one this year if we still talk to each other occasionally. I'll also try to send her a Christmas card.

[alice]

Two days? Now, isn't that dandy? Don't you worry...everything will be all right. Just hang in there. You'll get her, tiger!

[Skye]

What you need is a super-intelligent dog, and luckily enough I'm selling super-intelligent dogs. Don't be put off by their lack of responsiveness, they've all done BA's, read too much Foucault and are busy deconstructing your sentences in light of the man-dog power relationship. Send me money, I send you dogs!

[alice]

How much are they, Skye? I'd like one! Hehe...^.^

[sabbath]

What you need is a super-intelligent dog, and luckily enough I'm selling super-intelligent dogs. Don't be put off by their lack of responsiveness, they've all done BA's, read too much Foucault and are busy deconstructing your sentences in light of the man-dog power relationship. Send me money, I send you dogs!

 

How much do they cost?

[sabbath]

It's too bad you don't like dogs herme3. I think they're the best. Maybe your parents' dog is socially inept, too. Mine are very empathic and friendly dogs. And they have very varied personalities. They're not just dogs to me. They're sort of my friends, too. Ok we're in twilight zone now. And I know I just sounded pathetic but well...let's just forget I said that and move on.

 

Two more days. What should you do?

 

To be honest I haven't the foggiest. Remember that little story I told a few posts back? Well I wanted my friendship with whoever that person was to remain the same. I wanted the friendship back even though he successfully ruined it by telling people off blah blah blah. Well some of the ruining was my fault too. I acknowledge that but anyway...I tried to make a connection again after a long while. After a very very long while wherein I had immersed myself with school work and took on duties and responsibilities at school just so I didn't have to always be in the classroom with nothing to do and having all the time in the world to think. Think. Think about him. Think about me. Think about how crappy it all was. But I digress.

 

I tried to reach out again. There was this crappy recollection for the graduating students. And though some people may think its stupid, I told him he was special. That's all. Bow.

 

But it really was stupid of me to think that I would get the "same old same old" friendship back. I didn't. But at least now we can talk to each other instead of the way we used to pretend we didn't see each other before. Or the uneasiness when we were in the same room. We can at least joke at each other now. Yeah, I tried with jokes too. But don't force it if you can't. At least the crowd I go in know how corny my jokes can get so they relatively ignore it and are so kind to laugh at the rare instances when I do crack a really fun one. But if you're not a natural at it, and they don't know you for a joke cracker, kindly ignore this suggestion.

 

Don't people generally talk about the weather when they begin a conversation with someone they don't know? Well, I've noticed this with adults anyway. I just sit there (for ex, in a waiting room) and person A exclaims about how bad the weather is, typhoon X causing so much damage on wherever. Person B readily responds and shares about his take on the ravaging storm. Then after a short exchange on the weather and how the rainy season has come, person A opens a new topic of conversation.

 

Why don't you begin about exclaiming about the weather then? (This is evident proof that I've totally run out of ideas!)

 

herme3: It's sunny today, isn't it?

 

Girlofherme3'sdreams: That's the worst pick up line I've ever heard.

 

Sabbath: *rolls on the floor laughing* hee-haw

 

Sabbath: *kneels* Forgive me herme3. I am truly sorry. alice forced me to do it. She has her hands at my throat right now. Gack!

[herme3]

Ok. I have a 3-day weekend, then it will be the last day I get to talk to her. It will be the day when I ask her to sign my yearbook, and also the day that I'll probably say goodbye. I'll probably see her a couple more days before graduation, but I doubt I will have a chance to talk to her.

 

I'm still deciding what I should say. I don't even care about going on a date with her at the moment, I just don't want to lose her as a friend. She's the only friend I've ever had, and I honestly don't care about finding another friend. She's a good person, and I'll probably never find someone with such a great personality.

 

I wish we could "hang out" this summer, but I doubt she would want to. I'm a loser, and I'd be surprised if she doesn't hate me. The only reason she probably even talks to me is because I help her with school work. Now that school is over, she will have no reason to be my friend. If I'm not helping her, she would probably be happier if I was dead. The only reason I'm not completely worthless to this world is because of my intelligence. I can help people with school work, but other than that I have no purpose.

 

Sorry if this post sounds gloomy, but I'm feeling a little depressed at the moment.

[ydoaPs]

Ok. I have a 3-day weekend, then it will be the last day I get to talk to her. It will be the day when I ask her to sign my yearbook, and also the day that I'll probably say goodbye.

write a sweet message in her yearbook and leave your phone number. underline the phone number or something....maybe use a different colour ink for the number.

 

I wish we could "hang out" this summer, but I doubt she would want to.

shouldn't you let her decide what she wants to do? if you ask her to hang out, what's the worst that will happen?

 

I'm a loser, and I'd be surprised if she doesn't hate me. The only reason she probably even talks to me is because I help her with school work. Now that school is over, she will have no reason to be my friend. If I'm not helping her, she would probably be happier if I was dead. The only reason I'm not completely worthless to this world is because of my intelligence. I can help people with school work, but other than that I have no purpose.

it's all about confidence. if you don't think you can get her, you won't be able to.

[5614]

it's all about confidence. if you don't think you can get her, you won't be able to.

Sure. But just remember that even if you are confident it doesn't mean she's yours guaranteed. But obviously if you're not confident you have little to no chance. Basically if you like her, be confident, give it a last ditch effort. Good luck.

[LazerFazer]

Herme3, Herme3, Herme3. I seem to have detected a hint of a problem here. Firstly, I'll admit that I haven't read this entire thread (heck, it's 16 pages. I don't have 3 hrs to read it... despite the fact that I'm almost done with school), so if something came up between like, page 3 and 15 that contradicts what I've concluded, let me know.

 

Anyways, at the beginning of this thread, you said you were against dating, and that you would only consider dating someone if she was a good friend and had a good personality. Now, you say you like this girl, possibly want to go on a date with her, but she's only your friend for your intelligence. You see the problem? Someone can't have a good personality and at the same time only be with you for your help at school. Unless of course youre definition of a good personality is someone who uses others for their own gain. so either a) You don't really care about the personality of your prospective date, but just use it as an excuse for you not getting dates or b) your perception of what she thinks of you is slightly (extremely) skewed.

 

Now, from what I can see, it seems like option b is the more accurate description of reality. You stated that you're no good for anything but your intelligence. Do you really think that? Do you really think people are only your friends because they want help on their homework? I don't think so. I'm sure people would gladly be your friend, even if you didn't have the whole super-intelligence thing going on. Perhaps at the beginning that was the case. But now, once people have had a chance to know you, to hang out a bit with you, I'm sure the situations changed.

 

So how about you throw those self-degrading thoughts out of your head, and believe that people like you for who you are, not ONLY what you know. You know, your situation is similar to mine a few years ago. So, to better understand where I'm coming from, we shall embark on a journey into my past.

 

When I just started my new school (about 5 yrs ago), I was a nobody, and a social outcast. I made no attempts to rectify my situation, and remained that way until people slowly began realizing that I had something going on in my head... something they could harness, if you wish. Anyways, what began as friendships of need soon turned into friendships of, well, friendship . No better way to put it really. Now, although school has technically ended, I still have those friendships, and hopefully I can keep hold of it. Though, admitedly, it's not going to be easy. Soon we all split up to go our seperate ways to different universities, etc. Since I'm at an international school, chances are I'll never see any of the people I call friends again, since we'll all be in different countries, all spread across the globe. But, this is not about me, it's about you.

 

You said that after the weekend will be your last day seeing her. But you also said a while ago that the two of you are going to the same university, but that one of you have morning sessions, the other afternoon or evening or something. Well, if you really like her, and really want to keep in touch with her, you'll make the effort to see her even though your schedules don't coincide. Don't let this opportunity go away from you. Some people (like me) do really have no choice when it comes to saying goodbye to good friends. You can see that I'm speaking somewhat from experience, and also from expectations of what the future will hold. I've got just about 2 weeks until the goodbyes begin for me, and in 5 weeks it'll be all over. You, on the other hand, have the opportunity to turn this 'goodbye' into a new beginning.

 

You've got two paths ahead of you. You could either just bid her farewell in 3 days, never to think about her again except with a feeling of regret and loss, or you can embrace this opportunity and make the effort to keep in touch, even if it means a slight inconvenience to you. So remember, you are worth much more than you give yourself credit for, and you and only you have the ability to take control of your life and turn it into something you are proud of.

 

Just start off by giving her your email address, at least, and asking her to keep in touch and to inform you whenever she changes her address.

 

Good luck,

LF

 

P.S. If my comments don't make sense, or seem disjointed, keep in mind I'm typing this after 5 hours of doing our house inventory.

[Cloud]

Cloud sure is funny. I don't know why' date=' but I find him funny.

[/quote']

 

Are you hitting on me:eek:

 

Ok here is goes, one last time.

 

I'm in no position to judge your relationship with her then from what I've read and have been able to deduce in this thread (which is not much)

 

Suggestions on things to write in her book:

 

"Good luck in college.

If you need any help you know where to find me."

 

or

 

"Good luck in college. Wish you the best.

Call me if you want to talk.

 

This are just suggestions.You're intelligent enough to phrase something appropriate. Make sure it stands out and welcomes a response.

What I mean by that is - that is passively motions a notion of "not forgetting" and still being there e.g. when she looks at it, she will think, "Yeah, I can talk to him still."

Look at the polarity of the suggestions with a simple

"Gook luck at college". Whoever wrote that is . . .a loser, S/he doesn't want to stay in contact. that message might as well have been - Bye, see ya, wouldn;t want to be ya.

 

So phrase your message correctly - but keep it as short as possible. Don't invade her yearbook.

 

Give her a bit of time to read it - this

gives a reason for you to give her your number. *hand over number* - seriously immediately after you sign the book

you gotta give your number to her.

 

Just say: If you want to contact me. If you want to talk etc.

 

Now, pray - stay vigilant, this is PAY-OFF time. There is a SLIGHT probablilty that she will give you her number. The beauty of this is - YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ASK !!! errr- jackpot.

Its what you wanted - right???

 

Look - a lot of this is superficial. Just be you're self. Take the advice you need. "Smile", you have to smile. This invokes a simlar response. No pressure, say something witty e.g. you can throw away that number when I turn my back.

 

That last post of yours was gloomy and negative.

I didn't like what you said about 'honestly' not needing any friends. I cannot stress the importance of having a few people around you to promote confidence in your own ability.

As I've said before, girls like people who don't keep themselves and are open and friendly. We are talking primeaval behaviour here.

Girls like the stronger male, girls want protection. Girls want confidence. Girls just wanna have fun. Sorry. Totally inappropriate.

 

The point. If the girls sees your making headway into your world and improving your life and having people around you she'll notice you more.

So basically develop your career into something noticeable. I can't really say anymore because I've got my own problems and career which needs the same refinement as yours.

I could even say, we're in the same boat - EXACTELY the same boat.

 

Unlike lazerfazer - I kept to myself throughout high school. It was miserable. I'm glad its nearly over just a few more exams remaining

, infact I should be revising for my exams right now so please don't take this post at face value. I've dedicated time because I want you to succeed.

 

Anyway

hope things work out on D-day.

Best of luck.

 

PS: I'm still here. ^that 'best of luck'

comment was a totally a "forgetting" response;) *remember*

I'll just be busy revising - rather than posting on forums.

[herme3]

it's all about confidence. if you don't think you can get her, you won't be able to.

 

How will that make a difference? It is her decision, not mine.

 

so either a) You don't really care about the personality of your prospective date, but just use it as an excuse for you not getting dates or b) your perception of what she thinks of you is slightly (extremely) skewed.

 

I would say that option B is probably correct. I honestly don't know what she really thinks of me.

 

Suggestions on things to write in her book:

 

"Good luck in college.

If you need any help you know where to find me."

 

or

 

"Good luck in college. Wish you the best.

Call me if you want to talk.

 

None of those sound like something I would say. I'm already planning some things that I could write.

 

So phrase your message correctly - but keep it as short as possible. Don't invade her yearbook.

 

I've seen the yearbooks of some of her closest friends' date=' and she normally writes long messages in the yearbooks of the people she cares most about. I've seen her take up entire pages in a yearbook. I think it would seem more friendly if I wrote a long message in her yearbook.

 

Give her a bit of time to read it - this

gives a reason for you to give her your number. *hand over number* - seriously immediately after you sign the book

you gotta give your number to her.

 

I was planning to write my phone number in her yearbook.

 

Now' date=' pray - stay vigilant, this is PAY-OFF time. There is a SLIGHT probablilty that she will give you her number. The beauty of this is - YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ASK !!! errr- jackpot.

Its what you wanted - right???[/quote']

 

Actually, I already have her phone number. However, she doesn't know that I have it. What if she doesn't want me to have it? Would she become angry if I called her?

 

That last post of yours was gloomy and negative.

 

Yeah, I was feeling really depressed when I wrote it. We had a big awards ceremony at school, and after that there was a time for students to socialize with each other. It was also a chance for students to meet each other's parents and everything. It might have been nice if I had talked to some people, and maybe had a friendly conversation with my best friend's family.

 

But no, I had to be stupid. Instead of socializing, I just stood in the middle of the room and never talked to anyone. I guess this is why people usually think I'm strange. I was mad at myself, and feeling depressed which is why my earlier post was so gloomy.

[ydoaPs]

How will that make a difference? It is her decision' date=' not mine.

[/quote']

it will help influence her decision.

[Cloud]

hmm, I guess I'm being too nice

[Genecks]

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