Dating

[alice]

I think giving her a call is less creepy/awkard. That way, you'd be able to talk with her, hear her voice and hear the tone of her voice, whether she's creeped out or not, and you can ask her if she's okay with you calling her just to say how important she is. Hmm...through a letter, you can write all that you want and all that you think she needs to know, but you will never know her reaction unless you see each other and have a chat, or she mails back at you.

 

It would seem awkward if you see each other in school. Or maybe it won't. It's so hard to explain. Maybe it won't be creepy/awkward. I mean, sending a letter to her is similar to sending a mobile message. So I guess it will be okay. I don't know. I've never tried that-sending a letter to someone. But I'm planning to.

 

My oldest friend's birthday is coming up and I'm planning to send him a letter. We're not in the same island anymore and I'd like to keep our friendship, almost like your situation, herme. But I don't know what to write. And I think he'd be creeped out if I will send him the letter. I'm hoping he'll find it sweet and awfully nice of me to do so...and won't get creeped out. I asked for his address a few days ago, so I'm hoping he's got an idea why I asked for his address.

 

You'll know her reaction anyway, so you don't have to know why we think it's creepy. Maybe she'll find it sweet, as what I told you the first time you told us about the letter.

[Cloud]

If you think the letter was a bad idea, what would you have done?

 

What I said previously about talking or even better, texting, via mobile. The catch here would be the fact that you have to physically ASK.

People tend to find things that others have accepted as being normal.

Most teenagers have mobile phones (I don't - u know why) and I'm not kidding when I say, this is their one possession that they would give their live's for (excuse the extended hyperbole). The mobile phone is the primary method of communication for teenagers and guess what - ITS NOT CREEPY. Its 100% "creepyless" (please don't make me create more neologisms).

 

Do you know whats creepy? The fact that you've got her number and she doesn't know about it. In this situation, you have to make her aware that you have it. DO NOT SAY: "I have your number." You have to negate the fact that you have her number by getting her to give you her number (Which I've explained previously but you pretty much crapped on that advice).

 

I guess we might discuss the letter,

 

Yes - in loo loo la la land.

If you want creepy - there, that's it.

 

I would think that calling her or something like that would be much more creepy.

This is known as normal behaviour. A letter in this circumstance is abnormal behaviour. Especially in the teenage sense.

 

She also told me not to ask her again

Hmmm- rejection followed by complete disclosure.

Not looking to good is it. Most love relationships start with a general liking for the person.This is what you're aiming for, a love relaionship, not a friend one? If you're EVER going to go anywhere with her, she would have said yes. She completely nullified and then destroyed you're hope. Seriously - you should consider moving on.

 

because I don't want to lose her as a friend.

Good move.

You have to keep the contact until you can sort yourself out into something worth liking. E.g. get your book out, bring some success towards your way, get some people on your side, and then u know, kick ass.

 

That's your only chance. Obviously a friendship is certain so if you don't want to develop on that and get the girl its up to you. And this will take time, I'm talking a year or so. Just get a good start at college, yeah?

 

ps: The letter that alice sent isn't 'creepy' because she doesn't want a love relationship with this older friend. mi right?

You see the difference. If all you want is friendship, a letter would be sweet(hate using that word) and you would be a weak but trusting friend (which is what you are right now).Someone on the side.

[RedAlert]

Well' date=' I'm not sure how short a synopsis of this thread can be. I guess a lot of things that were said in this thread aren't worth repeating, so that will save some time.

 

I've been talking about this girl that I used to go to school with. She was the only friend I ever had, and she was also the nicest and most beautiful girl I ever saw. After a few years, I finally wrote her a note that said I liked her. She already had a boyfriend, but she invited me to sit with her at lunch. We became good friends, and when she broke up with her boyfriend I sent her an e-mail asking if she wanted to go on a date with me. She e-mailed me back and said no. She also told me not to ask her again. The next day at school, she didn't even mention the e-mail and she didn't seem mad at me. I've asked her about it a few times, but she always changes the subject. I really wanted to know why she didn't want to go on a date with me, but she never would tell me.

 

Anyway, we were still good friends. Now, school is over and I just mailed her a letter because I don't want to lose her as a friend.[/quote']

 

Ahh...I get it.

 

Well, to answer your other question, I frankly have no clue why girls get creeped out by it, but they do. I guess you need to ask a girl to actually find out why they get creeped out. You must have read my thread right, and you know what happened.

 

Also, if a girl says not to bug her about a thing, THEN DON'T. TRUST ME. I HAVE HAD FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE.

 

You are also lucky that you have a friend who did not get shocked and go into a coma like state, but instead still kept you as a friend. Don't loose such a friend, and be the best friend that you can be, but DON'T BRING UP THE SUBJECT.

 

Perhaps eventually, maybe even after a couple of years...she'll like you...I dunno...

 

Hmm...your situation is so much like mine in so many ways. I had friends, but they were really...superficial friends, and I really didn't consider them to be my friends. Sure, we had fun a few times together, but we weren't like good friends, that helped each other out and crap. The girl that I eventually came to like so much was not superficial, and actually did value me as a friend...or so I thought.

 

Umm...how long have you known this girl...and how good of a friend is she, and how understanding is she? Based on that I guess you could decide on telling her the whole and entire truth...about you feeling really alone and not wanting to lose her as a friend. Hopefully she still doesnt go into shock and a coma after hearing that.

 

Life sucks...probably because I suck.

[sabbath]

Trust me herme3' date=' they are right.

 

Girls get very creeped out when you send them a letter.

 

I frankly have no clue how you'd go about telling a girl something without her getting very creeped out and wierded out.[/quote']

 

It's probably because I'm a creepy/weird/psycho girl that I'd appreciate a handwritten letter from somebody who wants to tell me something they can't blurt out in my face.

 

Why is this? My phone is ringing again!!! This happens everytime I'm posting/replying to your thread herme3!!!

 

.....

 

 

Another errand!!!!

[herme3]

What I said previously about talking or even better' date=' texting, via [b']mobile[/b]. The catch here would be the fact that you have to physically ASK.

People tend to find things that others have accepted as being normal.

Most teenagers have mobile phones (I don't - u know why) and I'm not kidding when I say, this is their one possession that they would give their live's for (excuse the extended hyperbole). The mobile phone is the primary method of communication for teenagers and guess what - ITS NOT CREEPY. Its 100% "creepyless" (please don't make me create more neologisms).

 

The problem is that it costs money to send and receive text messages. I wouldn't mind paying to send it, but I doubt she would be very happy if she needed to pay 10 cents to get a text message from me.

 

Do you know whats creepy? The fact that you've got her number and she doesn't know about it. In this situation, you have to make her aware that you have it. DO NOT SAY: "I have your number." You have to negate the fact that you have her number by getting her to give you her number (Which I've explained previously but you pretty much crapped on that advice).

 

I wouldn't plan on saying "I have your number." I'm sure she would figure it out if I called her.

 

This is what you're aiming for, a love relaionship, not a friend one?

 

Well, we are already friends. Even if we never have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I will always want us to be friends. She's a great friend, and I would never want her to stop being my friend just because she won't be my girlfriend.

 

Obviously a friendship is certain...

 

I'm not so sure about that, and that's my biggest concern at the moment. Now that high school is over, what if I never see her again? What if she never replies to my letter or anything else I send her?

 

Umm...how long have you known this girl...and how good of a friend is she, and how understanding is she?

 

I've known her for 4 years and she's a great friend. I think she really trusts me, and sometimes she seems to think of me more as a girl than a guy. When she broke up with a guy, we started talking about how mean a lot of guys are. Then she told me that all guys are stupid and deserve to die. Then I reminded her that I was a guy, and she said, "Oh, yeah... Sorry."

 

Based on that I guess you could decide on telling her the whole and entire truth...about you feeling really alone and not wanting to lose her as a friend.

 

I mailed her a letter last week that said all of that.

 

Hopefully she still doesnt go into shock and a coma after hearing that.

 

Well... She hasn't replied to my letter yet, so maybe she did. I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I see her for graduation practice.

[RedAlert]

I guess you will.

 

If she is in shock and a coma, then you should fall into shock and coma too.

 

It helps to numb the pain.

[alice]

I have a question, herme. Don't take it seriously, though. I'm curious, does she seriously think you're not a guy? Or are you acting sort of gayish around her?

 

If she forgets you're being a guy, then that must be a sign that she is your friend, and that she thinks your different from all the other guys out there. My guy friend thinks I'm a lesbian...but he's not the guy who I'm planning to send the letter to, he's my new friend, I met him when I was still a freshman, but we were never friends then, until sophomore year began. He thought I was a lesbian...and he told me that weeks after graduation...myabe because sabbath and I are different from all the other girls out there. We're sort of boyish...but we don't dress like guys, we just act boyish, play pc games, don't dance or sing, doesn't care about our appearance-we have the messiest hair...so anyway...that's that. I think she considers you a friend...I mean the way she can talk to you about her love life...not all girls talk about their love life to just anyone, especially a guy...and since she told you that...then you really are her friend...or so I think. I don't know, it's hard to say.

 

I do hope your letter turns out okay. And I do hope she'll like it and reply to you. My warmest good luck!

[LazerFazer]

Now that high school is over' date=' what if I never see her again? What if she never replies to my letter or anything else I send her?

[/quote']

 

Yo, herme3, don't worry about that so much. I'm in much the same situation, and I'll admit I am a bit worried, but it'll work out. My best female friend (one of the few female friends I DO have ), who is also one of my best overall friends just left today. We graduated last week, and she left less than a week after that. Now I'm sitting here thinking 'how the heck are we gonna keep in touch?'. At least you have the convenience of going to the same university as her. We're not even going to be on the same continent, nor hemisphere (either laterally or longitudinally), so I assume it's gonna be a bit tougher for me. But you know what I realized? "Where there's a will, there's a way" yes, its cliche, but it works. And it's true. Sure, you might have to be 'inconvenienced' a bit, but hey, if you're serious about keeping this friendship, you'd better be prepared to endure that inconvenience.

 

I've known her for 4 years and she's a great friend.

 

Well, theres something to start out a conversation then. Reflect on the past 4 years, how great it's been, some memorable incidences, that kind of stuff. And before you know it, you'll be talking with her for hours. It's really not that difficult, since you already know her, and hopefully you know her well enough to at least have a feeling about how she's gonna react to something, and what each type of reaction 'really' means. And when I say something is easy concerning girls, it's got to be.

 

As for her 'forgetting' about you being a guy... is that really bad? It seems like she can relate to you on some deeper level, somewhat like how she can 'relate' to herself. And since she's used to thinking of herself as a girl, she just goes into that 'mode' of thinking, if you wish, when thinking of you

 

Anyways, good luck and hope everything turns out OK. Keep us posted.

 

Cheers,

LF

[RedAlert]

I have a question' date=' herme. Don't take it seriously, though. I'm curious, does she seriously think you're not a guy? Or are you acting sort of gayish around her?

 

If she forgets you're being a guy, then that must be a sign that she is your friend, and that she thinks your different from all the other guys out there. My guy friend thinks I'm a lesbian...but he's not the guy who I'm planning to send the letter to, he's my new friend, I met him when I was still a freshman, but we were never friends then, until sophomore year began. He thought I was a lesbian...and he told me that weeks after graduation...myabe because sabbath and I are different from all the other girls out there. We're sort of boyish...but we don't dress like guys, we just act boyish, play pc games, don't dance or sing, doesn't care about our appearance-we have the messiest hair...so anyway...that's that. I think she considers you a friend...I mean the way she can talk to you about her love life...not all girls talk about their love life to just anyone, especially a guy...and since she told you that...then you really are her friend...or so I think. I don't know, it's hard to say.

 

I do hope your letter turns out okay. And I do hope she'll like it and reply to you. My warmest good luck! [/quote']

 

Really?!

 

My 'friend' also confided her deepest, darkest secrets in me, and then fell into a vegetative state when I told her that I liked her.

 

And Hermes, don't believe in luck. Do believe in pure logic.

[Tiger's Eye]

Hullo, herme3 & co.

 

Been reading this thread for some time now, and I'm not entirely sure how to address it. It's...complicated, if I may say so. I guess that is just to say the least But anyways, it would make sense to address the most recent stuff, so I guess I'll just do that. *ahem* Graduation....hmm...an event that comes to the mind with several mixed feelings. It's an exciting, nerve-wracking, and heart-aching event all at the same time. After spending several happy years at my school, graduation was the big red flag that told me that the dreaded moving period was approaching very quickly. And it did. I'm currently still coming to grips with this fact, and even now I don't seem to realize that I won't be going back to high school again. My present that was build upon routines of waking up every morning, going to school and greeting people is now somewhere in the past, and it's time to move on. Again, a very difficult time of transition that is difficult to come to terms with. Okay, sorry. I'm just rambling on about what's going on in my life now when I should be addressing yours

 

Well, herme3, honestly...I don't think that a friendship should be this hard to figure out. I dunno, I think that perhaps you're making too much of a big deal out of it. Is it trying to hard? I'm not sure. What I mean is, you talk about this wonderful girl being your best friend, and how you want things to remain that way so badly. It's pretty obvious that you care about where this relationship turns by posting your issue on this forum. But I honestly dunno how much of a help we're being And besides, you're going about planning your next moves and stuff. How to act around her, what to do, etc. You're discussing this with other people who perhaps don't truly understand what type of friendship you two have, thus making it difficult for all of us to give you good advice. If you should discuss this with anyone, it should be someone who knows both of you. Rewinding things a bit, I find something odd about planning everything, technicalities and stuff when it comes to this girl. Eventually, u start to care too much about what she thinks of you and you only try to please her. You a call her your only friend, so what does this amount to? Is she your only friend just because you please her? Well, that's not too happy. If we all worried about what people thought about us, that we'd be too occupied to truly enjoy a friendship that we believe to be there. Don't try to please people; you end up trying to be like everyone one else, and in the end, you are no more unique than they are, which is boring. Also, you may become disappointed with yourself.

 

I grew up moving more often than I liked, encountering people of several different beliefs, ethnicities and backgrounds, and so it was difficult to establish strong friendships of trust, much less happiness. On top of that, I was way shy, and that always left me in the dust. My idea of friends was only having someone with whom I could eat lunch with, and after that, the days consisted of only following them around, pleasing them, and doing as they asked. Basically, I pleased people because I was afraid that they wouldn't like me otherwise. I think I developed a little insecurity after that, due to lack of confidence. I hated being alone, yet I've had to deal with it, as a result of my shyness and way too many language barriers to adjust to. All in all, my life was about schoolwork and what people profiled me as. After a while, i realized that this life was the pits, and so I tried to take things a little step further: i tried to get over my shyness my talking. It didn't matter to whom or what I said, and fortunately, it all went uphill from there. I guess that somewhere in the eleventh grade, I said "oh screw" to what people thought about me, and I found myself laughing more and feeling very happy. Personally, I don't care what people think about me anymore, and I've been told more than once how people think that I'm rather "weird", "abnormal", etc. But you know what? I happen to like my uniqueness and who I am, and I've many friends who feel the same way, who are also equally considered "abnormal" This year in particular, school has been very trying, and my fellow classmates and I found ourselves required to make some pretty difficult decisions where we were pretty divided among ourselves. It was a time during which we really had to establish who we are, and there was no time to go around pleasing people. It wasn't always fun, but it happened. Ugh, rambling about myself again, moving on...

 

Going back to pleasing this girl, I can just tell you to not try to fit in with her popular friends. Just be who you are. If she really likes you as a friend, then she can care less whether you are weird, or a loser, or whatever. You can say the most random thing or send a letter and she would just laugh it off easily. I think that's the most priceless thing about friendship: you don't have to be so careful about who you are, cuz you're free to be yourself. Of course, you have to mind the huge trust factor that is involved, but that's besides the point It's difficult to be alone, but I guess sometimes that is an obstacle that comes along when finding true friends (I can count all my good friends on one hand Maybe two, if I'm lucky).

 

Just as a last thought, in addressing to the event of girls freaking out when being asked out by a guy, I plead guilty I have to admit, at those particular moments, I felt like booking out. It's a strange feeling, but it happens. I think i could describe it as fear. Of what? I still am not sure. Rejection? Not likely, since I'm being the one asked, not the one asking. Expectations? I think that is the most likely. I don't like having people set expectations for me, and I don't want to have to fulfill them. So i mean, afterwards, u end up avoiding the guy concerned, and have the sign "GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE" on your forehead. But I guess I'm gettinf over those defense mechanisms. Otherwise, I'm not too interested in having a boyfriend. I think that there is something great about a casual friendship that would be lost if involved in a relationship. But again, I wouldn't know, having never been in one But yeah, there's one explanation as to why girls freak out at being asked out, though it's just according to me.

 

Another, I don't think that she forgets that u're a guy. She's just so comfortable talking to you that she just doesn't CARE.

 

All in all, don't spend your time trying to get her to like you even more; be yourself. Just try to preserve what you have, and maintain it. Long distance friendships are tough burdens to bear, but the ones that matter will last for quite some time. Well, if the effort is put into it, that is Be a good friend to her. That's the most that you can do, and perhaps the only thing that you really have to do. Send the occasional letter checking up on her; send a birthday card, anything to let her know that you haven't forgotten her and that you miss her. She will most likely get the message There can almost be nothing more risky, more challenging, or more memorable than a good friendship. Cherish what u have, and give urself a bit more credit. We'll see what happens, eh?

 

Best of luck,

 

Tiger

 

P.S. Sorry, i know this probly won't make a lot of sense the first time I was just writing.'

 

P.P.S. Ugh, long post. Apologize for that, too. Hope you can get SOMETHING out of it, herme3

[alice]

Hullo' date=' herme3 & co.

 

Been reading this thread for some time now, and I'm not entirely sure how to address it. It's...complicated, if I may say so. I guess that is just to say the least But anyways, it would make sense to address the most recent stuff, so I guess I'll just do that. *ahem* Graduation....hmm...an event that comes to the mind with several mixed feelings. It's an exciting, nerve-wracking, and heart-aching event all at the same time. After spending several happy years at my school, graduation was the big red flag that told me that the dreaded moving period was approaching very quickly. And it did. I'm currently still coming to grips with this fact, and even now I don't seem to realize that I won't be going back to high school again. My present that was build upon routines of waking up every morning, going to school and greeting people is now somewhere in the past, and it's time to move on. Again, a very difficult time of transition that is difficult to come to terms with. Okay, sorry. I'm just rambling on about what's going on in my life now when I should be addressing yours

 

Well, herme3, honestly...I don't think that a friendship should be this hard to figure out. I dunno, I think that perhaps you're making too much of a big deal out of it. Is it trying to hard? I'm not sure. What I mean is, you talk about this wonderful girl being your best friend, and how you want things to remain that way so badly. It's pretty obvious that you care about where this relationship turns by posting your issue on this forum. But I honestly dunno how much of a help we're being And besides, you're going about planning your next moves and stuff. How to act around her, what to do, etc. You're discussing this with other people who perhaps don't truly understand what type of friendship you two have, thus making it difficult for all of us to give you good advice. If you should discuss this with anyone, it should be someone who knows both of you. Rewinding things a bit, I find something odd about planning everything, technicalities and stuff when it comes to this girl. Eventually, u start to care too much about what she thinks of you and you only try to please her. You a call her your only friend, so what does this amount to? Is she your only friend just because you please her? Well, that's not too happy. If we all worried about what people thought about us, that we'd be too occupied to truly enjoy a friendship that we believe to be there. Don't try to please people; you end up trying to be like everyone one else, and in the end, you are no more unique than they are, which is boring. Also, you may become disappointed with yourself.

 

I grew up moving more often than I liked, encountering people of several different beliefs, ethnicities and backgrounds, and so it was difficult to establish strong friendships of trust, much less happiness. On top of that, I was way shy, and that always left me in the dust. My idea of friends was only having someone with whom I could eat lunch with, and after that, the days consisted of only following them around, pleasing them, and doing as they asked. Basically, I pleased people because I was afraid that they wouldn't like me otherwise. I think I developed a little insecurity after that, due to lack of confidence. I hated being alone, yet I've had to deal with it, as a result of my shyness and way too many language barriers to adjust to. All in all, my life was about schoolwork and what people profiled me as. After a while, i realized that this life was the pits, and so I tried to take things a little step further: i tried to get over my shyness my talking. It didn't matter to whom or what I said, and fortunately, it all went uphill from there. I guess that somewhere in the eleventh grade, I said "oh screw" to what people thought about me, and I found myself laughing more and feeling very happy. Personally, I don't care what people think about me anymore, and I've been told more than once how people think that I'm rather "weird", "abnormal", etc. But you know what? I happen to like my uniqueness and who I am, and I've many friends who feel the same way, who are also equally considered "abnormal" This year in particular, school has been very trying, and my fellow classmates and I found ourselves required to make some pretty difficult decisions where we were pretty divided among ourselves. It was a time during which we really had to establish who we are, and there was no time to go around pleasing people. It wasn't always fun, but it happened. Ugh, rambling about myself again, moving on...

 

Going back to pleasing this girl, I can just tell you to not try to fit in with her popular friends. Just be who you are. If she really likes you as a friend, then she can care less whether you are weird, or a loser, or whatever. You can say the most random thing or send a letter and she would just laugh it off easily. I think that's the most priceless thing about friendship: you don't have to be so careful about who you are, cuz you're free to be yourself. Of course, you have to mind the huge trust factor that is involved, but that's besides the point It's difficult to be alone, but I guess sometimes that is an obstacle that comes along when finding true friends (I can count all my good friends on one hand Maybe two, if I'm lucky).

 

Just as a last thought, in addressing to the event of girls freaking out when being asked out by a guy, I plead guilty I have to admit, at those particular moments, I felt like booking out. It's a strange feeling, but it happens. I think i could describe it as fear. Of what? I still am not sure. Rejection? Not likely, since I'm being the one asked, not the one asking. Expectations? I think that is the most likely. I don't like having people set expectations for me, and I don't want to have to fulfill them. So i mean, afterwards, u end up avoiding the guy concerned, and have the sign "GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE" on your forehead. But I guess I'm gettinf over those defense mechanisms. Otherwise, I'm not too interested in having a boyfriend. I think that there is something great about a casual friendship that would be lost if involved in a relationship. But again, I wouldn't know, having never been in one But yeah, there's one explanation as to why girls freak out at being asked out, though it's just according to me.

 

Another, I don't think that she forgets that u're a guy. She's just so comfortable talking to you that she just doesn't CARE.

 

All in all, don't spend your time trying to get her to like you even more; be yourself. Just try to preserve what you have, and maintain it. Long distance friendships are tough burdens to bear, but the ones that matter will last for quite some time. Well, if the effort is put into it, that is Be a good friend to her. That's the most that you can do, and perhaps the only thing that you really have to do. Send the occasional letter checking up on her; send a birthday card, anything to let her know that you haven't forgotten her and that you miss her. She will most likely get the message There can almost be nothing more risky, more challenging, or more memorable than a good friendship. Cherish what u have, and give urself a bit more credit. We'll see what happens, eh?

 

Best of luck,

 

Tiger

 

P.S. Sorry, i know this probly won't make a lot of sense the first time I was just writing.'

 

P.P.S. Ugh, long post. Apologize for that, too. Hope you can get SOMETHING out of it, herme3 [/quote']

 

Well said,tiger.

[alice]

Really?!

 

My 'friend' also confided her deepest' date=' darkest secrets in me, and then fell into a vegetative state when I told her that I liked her.

 

And Hermes, don't believe in luck. Do believe in pure logic.[/quote']

 

What was her deepest,darkest secret, anyway? If it's about her liking a boy...and that boy is not you...then, dude...you totally messed it up. Maybe it wasn't the right time to tell her. You should have just waited for the right time, took time to read her actions...to make sure that she won't freak out. If she really was your friend, then you should have known better not to tell her that time.

[herme3]

Hi everyone. I know I haven't replied in a while, but I've been really busy with graduation and everything. I did see her at graduation, but I didn't have much of a chance to talk to her. We just walked past each other as we were leaving the school. I told her goodbye, and I also thanked her for being such a great friend. She smiled and said, "I'll probably talk to you this summer." After that, we just walked away.

 

I'm glad that she said that, and I hope I do hear from her. I guess I've done everything that I can do. I let her know that I didn't want to lose her as a friend, and I hope we can hang out somewhere this summer. The only thing I can do now is wait and see if she e-mails me.

 

I have a question, herme. Don't take it seriously, though. I'm curious, does she seriously think you're not a guy? Or are you acting sort of gayish around her?

 

Everyone knows that I'm a guy and I never act gayish. I think the reason she forgot I was a guy was because of the way we were talking to each other. She had just broken up with a guy, and I was trying to cheer her up. I told her it was all his fault, and not hers. Then I said that most guys act stupid and are the reason why many couples breakup. I guess that's something that a girl would normally say, so she just forgot I was a guy when she told me that all guys deserve to die. She was really sad at the time, so maybe she wasn't thinking as clearly as she normally does.

 

I think she considers you a friend...I mean the way she can talk to you about her love life...not all girls talk about their love life to just anyone, especially a guy...and since she told you that...then you really are her friend...or so I think. I don't know, it's hard to say.

 

I agree. Although she never did tell me what she really thinks about me, I think she trusted me a lot and considered me to be her friend. There were many things that she told me that I never heard her tell other guys. I'm sure the reason was because she really trusted me as a friend. However, the only time we really had good conversations was when it was just the two of us. When her other friends were around, she always talked to them instead and never said much to me. I'm not sure if it was because she thought they were better friends than I was, or because she didn't want everyone to know that she considered me to be her friend.

 

Now I'm sitting here thinking 'how the heck are we gonna keep in touch?'.

 

Do you have her e-mail address or street address? If I was you, I would try sending her an e-mail or letter.

 

You're discussing this with other people who perhaps don't truly understand what type of friendship you two have, thus making it difficult for all of us to give you good advice. If you should discuss this with anyone, it should be someone who knows both of you.

 

Actually, I think many people here can probably relate to my situation. For example, RedAlert was in almost the exact same situation a little while ago. The only difference was that his friend got really upset when she found out that he liked her, and she didn't seem to want to be his friend anymore. The girl I've been talking about still wanted to be my friend, but she just didn't want to go out on a date with me.

 

I think this does show that all people will react differently. I guess my best option would have been to talk to one of her friends. However, that friend would have told her that I was asking about her. I think the girl might be mad if she found out I was talking about her behind her back.

 

Send the occasional letter checking up on her; send a birthday card, anything to let her know that you haven't forgotten her and that you miss her.

 

Yes, I plan to do all of that. If I don't hear from her soon, I'll probably just send her an e-mail asking how her summer is going, and just to make sure that she is ok.

[1veedo]

Herme3 I just ran across this forum called sosuave and I think you should post your situation there or make a link to this thread. They have this thing called a bible with links to some interesting threads.

 

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php

 

It seems like the forum is made up of people like you and people who know what they're talking about so you might learn some things there, even if you don't make a thread.

[sabbath]

Just as a last thought' date=' in addressing to the event of girls freaking out when being asked out by a guy, I plead guilty I have to admit, at those particular moments, I felt like booking out. It's a strange feeling, but it happens. I think i could describe it as fear. Of what? I still am not sure. Rejection? Not likely, since I'm being the one asked, not the one asking. Expectations? I think that is the most likely. I don't like having people set expectations for me, and I don't want to have to fulfill them. So i mean, afterwards, u end up avoiding the guy concerned, and have the sign "GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE" on your forehead. But I guess I'm gettinf over those defense mechanisms. Otherwise, I'm not too interested in having a boyfriend. I think that there is something great about a casual friendship that would be lost if involved in a relationship. But again, I wouldn't know, having never been in one But yeah, there's one explanation as to why girls freak out at being asked out, though it's just according to me.

[/quote']

 

I can attest to that. It's not only the guys who have a hard time in this situation you know. So are girls.

 

We feel like we're supposed to act this way, or that and people are going to judge us either way.

 

We're also thinking of getting hurt too, so we defend ourselves as best we can. And sometimes I guess, we end up hurting others as well because of this. More likely it's our insecurities that drive us to do these things.

 

We (maybe I should start saying I) keep on thinking how to take the offer of a guy asking you out. What are his motives, what is this all about, what does he want? Are we just friends or are we something else? Stuff like that.

 

And on keeping friendships...my best guy friend is celebrating his birthday soon, but I'm studying away from home and so is he. We've been friends for 10 years or so. Imagine? And this is the first time we've been really away from each other. So of course I was a bit apprehensive about the situation because one of the foundation of strong friendships in high school was proximity. Now when we're islands away from each other, what do I do? He rarely checks his email, too. So I decided I'm going to send him a card or letter and if I can, a good book. Just so that he'll know I remember him.

 

We've got to put in some effort really to make our friendships last.

 

Cheers,

 

Sabbath

[sabbath]

I agree. Although she never did tell me what she really thinks about me' date=' I think she trusted me a lot and considered me to be her friend. There were many things that she told me that I never heard her tell other guys. I'm sure the reason was because she really trusted me as a friend. However, the only time we really had good conversations was when it was just the two of us. When her other friends were around, she always talked to them instead and never said much to me. I'm not sure if it was because she thought they were better friends than I was, or because she didn't want everyone to know that she considered me to be her friend.

[/quote']

 

Hmm...explanation based on experience. It may be because she actually feels shy to talk to you when other people are around, not because she thinks less of you than her other friends but because she's afraid that they may tease both of you (or something of the sort) and make things uncomfortable for both of you. And also, that you are her friend to whom she can speak earnestly and deeply and doesn't feel the need to make petty conversation with you. Well, that's one possibility...and it has happened to other friendships before...as I said, the above presupposition is based on experience.

[herme3]

Herme3 I just ran across this forum called sosuave and I think you should post your situation there or make a link to this thread.

 

No, thanks. I think I'm done seeking new advice for this issue. I mean, we already graduated and won't see each other in school anymore. I told her that I don't want to lose her as a friend, and I hope we can hang out somewhere this summer, or at least talk to each other sometime. She told me that she would probably talk to me this summer, and she has my e-mail address. The only thing left for me to do is wait and see if she e-mails me.

 

We're also thinking of getting hurt too, so we defend ourselves as best we can. And sometimes I guess, we end up hurting others as well because of this. More likely it's our insecurities that drive us to do these things.

 

Interesting... Do you think my best friend was worried about getting hurt when I asked her out? I don't think so, because I was always much nicer to her than most guys. I tried to cheer her up when another guy dumped her, and I always said nice things to her. I was always nice to everyone, so I can't imagine why she would be worried about me hurting her feelings later.

 

We (maybe I should start saying I) keep on thinking how to take the offer of a guy asking you out. What are his motives, what is this all about, what does he want? Are we just friends or are we something else? Stuff like that.

 

Well, I think I answered many of those questions for her while I was trying to ask her out. I told her I thought she was the nicest and most beautiful girl I ever met. I said she was the only girl I ever liked, and the only girl I would go out on a date with. I also said I was tired of seeing guys break her heart, and I thought she deserved to be with a guy who would treat her with the respect she deserves.

 

And on keeping friendships...my best guy friend is celebrating his birthday soon, but I'm studying away from home and so is he. We've been friends for 10 years or so. Imagine? And this is the first time we've been really away from each other. So of course I was a bit apprehensive about the situation because one of the foundation of strong friendships in high school was proximity. Now when we're islands away from each other, what do I do? He rarely checks his email, too. So I decided I'm going to send him a card or letter and if I can, a good book. Just so that he'll know I remember him.

 

Wow... Having a friend for 10 years is a very long time. If you two are really close friends, maybe you could talk on the telephone. If not, a birthday card or even a present sounds like a great idea. I bought my best friend a present for her birthday, and it made her very happy. I'm not sure if it increased our friendship, but I think it was worth it just to see her smile.

 

We've got to put in some effort really to make our friendships last.

 

Yes, but I don't want to put too much effort into it because that would just end up annoying her.

 

It may be because she actually feels shy to talk to you when other people are around, not because she thinks less of you than her other friends but because she's afraid that they may tease both of you (or something of the sort) and make things uncomfortable for both of you.

 

I think that might be true.

 

And also, that you are her friend to whom she can speak earnestly and deeply and doesn't feel the need to make petty conversation with you.

 

I don't think so because we used to make "petty conversation" all the time when it was just the two of us. We used to have all types of conversations, not just the serious and deep conversations. However, she never said very much to me when all of her other friends were around.

[alt_f13]

Hmm... seems love's a big topic, even in the science world.

 

Tip for you gents: Think half James Bond, half Robin Williams, and don't say anything... not in words at least. It's all about actions, and the little things you notice that other guys don't.

 

Tip for you gals: alcohol is the perfect excuse...

[alice]

There's nothing more that I can say, herme. You've got the situation under control.

 

It's good-your decision to wait. Give her a week or two to send you an e-mail or give you a call. Then, send her an e-mail or call her to know how she's doing. Always give a girl time, because it's almost always what they want, time and space.

 

I think it's going to turn out fine with you and your friend. It doesn't matter if she doesn't talk to you when she's with her friends, what matters is that she talks to you. It may be that she doesn't talk to you when she's with her friends because she does not know how to connect their conversation with you...maybe they have a different line of thinking and they talk about things that you don't usually do. It happens to me all the time since I have two sets of friends. One set for eating lunch with and for hanging out with in the classroom. The other is a set of friends for going home with. My friends in the classroom talk about boys and all the girly stuff, or the most profane things. And my going home with friends talk about serious things or the silliest things that my classroom friends don't get. Maybe its like that with her. You did say that you are considered to be a weirdo in your school, so naturally, your ideas and her friends' don't jive. I'm not sure, but that's how I see it.

[alice]

Tip for you gals: alcohol is the perfect excuse...

 

Perfect excuse for what?

[scicop]

What....what is THIS??!!!! SCIENTIST Aren't allowed to DATE!!!!!!!!

 

You're suppose to form INCESTURAL relationships with your LAB MATES, preferably your BAY MATE, and work late hours in the lab together..and then get your own lab and work on your grants until late hours of the night!!!

 

None of this dating crapola!!!!

 

Now come on...there's media to be made, grants to be written, cells to be split, cultures to be grown, fragments to be subcloned, come on!!! Hop to it.

 

Your tenure depends on it.

[herme3]

It may be that she doesn't talk to you when she's with her friends because she does not know how to connect their conversation with you...maybe they have a different line of thinking and they talk about things that you don't usually do. It happens to me all the time since I have two sets of friends. One set for eating lunch with and for hanging out with in the classroom. The other is a set of friends for going home with. My friends in the classroom talk about boys and all the girly stuff, or the most profane things. And my going home with friends talk about serious things or the silliest things that my classroom friends don't get. Maybe its like that with her. You did say that you are considered to be a weirdo in your school, so naturally, your ideas and her friends' don't jive. I'm not sure, but that's how I see it.

 

I think you are probably right. In fact, some of her friends might wonder why I rarely say anything around them. While I try to have a friendly conversation with them, I often don't know how to contribute to the conversation. What can I say when they spend 99% of the time talking about their boyfriends? I definitely do not want a boyfriend, and I've never had a girlfriend, so I really can't contribute much to a conversation about relationships. Now that you mention it, it would make sense why she might not say much to me around her friends. Anything I would want to talk about would probably seem boring or confusing to her friends.

 

Usually her friends said stuff like, "My boyfriend and I are so happy! We must be the happiest couple in the world! We are going to be together forever!" Now, what could I say to something like that? The only thing I could say would be "Yeah... We'll see how happy you are in a few months. When you come to lunch crying, I'll be the one laughing!"

 

Wow, that was a little mean. It's after 1:00 am and I better go to bed because I'm starting to sound like a cranky old man.

[Tiger's Eye]

I think you are probably right. In fact' date=' some of her friends might wonder why I rarely say anything around them. While I try to have a friendly conversation with them, I often don't know how to contribute to the conversation. What can I say when they spend 99% of the time talking about their boyfriends? I definitely do not want a boyfriend, and I've never had a girlfriend, so I really can't contribute much to a conversation about relationships. Now that you mention it, it would make sense why she might not say much to me around her friends. Anything I would want to talk about would probably seem boring or confusing to her friends.

 

Usually her friends said stuff like, "My boyfriend and I are so happy! We must be the happiest couple in the world! We are going to be together forever!" Now, what could I say to something like that? The only thing I could say would be "Yeah... We'll see how happy you are in a few months. When you come to lunch crying, I'll be the one laughing!"

 

Wow, that was a little mean. It's after 1:00 am and I better go to bed because I'm starting to sound like a cranky old man. [/quote']

 

ROFL!! It's okay, herme3. I know EXACTLY what you mean Those are some intellectual conversations there, no? Ya, so intellectual that I have to move away cuz my IQ goes down a couple of points when I'm around! *sigh* ok, I'm being mean, too Oh well, what can I say? Don't worry. I hardly understand the majority of the female population. Sorry to all my fellow gals LOL.

[Cloud]

No' date=' thanks. I think I'm done seeking new advice for this issue.

[/quote']

Nice to know things sort of worked out:-) Btw - what is your book about?

If you need to reflect more, there will be other members around to help.

Not me - I'm a clown:D

 

Usually her friends said stuff like, "My boyfriend and I are so happy! We must be the happiest couple in the world! We are going to be together forever!" Now, what could I say to something like that? The only thing I could say would be "Yeah... We'll see how happy you are in a few months. When you come to lunch crying, I'll be the one laughing!"

 

Yeah, how can you converse with this group without coming across as gay!!!

And what is this!!! Love ville !!! Don't you students have anything better to do but talk about love and boyfriends and love!!!

[herme3]

ROFL!! It's okay, herme3. I know EXACTLY what you mean Those are some intellectual conversations there, no? Ya, so intellectual that I have to move away cuz my IQ goes down a couple of points when I'm around! *sigh* ok, I'm being mean, too Oh well, what can I say? Don't worry. I hardly understand the majority of the female population. Sorry to all my fellow gals LOL.

 

Well, I guess they are all happy with their boyfriends and enjoy talking about them. I would probably understand if I had a girlfriend. In fact, if I did have a girlfriend I would probably talk about her all the time.

 

Btw - what is your book about?

 

It's going to be about secrets of Christianity. The book itself will be fiction, but it will be based on true facts. It will definitely give people something to think about.

 

Don't you students have anything better to do but talk about love and boyfriends and love!!!

 

I guess not. That's usually all most people talked about in school.