Dating

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

When most guys have a crush on a girl, they say stupid stuff like, "Wow. That chick is hot." I don't say stuff like that. I actually care about her.

You're generalizing.

[Callipygous]

When most guys have a crush on a girl, they say stupid stuff like, "Wow. That chick is hot." I don't say stuff like that. I actually care about her.

 

no... when most guys see a hot girl they say "wow, that chick is hot." when they have a crush on someone they say, "wow, theres just something special about her."

[sabbath]

Perhaps Alice means testing cosmetics maybe...how about a set of occasional tables' date=' don't forget to use coasters if you have hot drinks.

 

What else...you could paint them gold, and have them strike different poses near water features.[/quote']

 

yes, mine seems to be malfunctioning as well... strangely enough ive cooked for her, but never vice versa. i think the problems started to occur when they added a new function, commonly referred to as a career. i think this new function may damage some of the earlier operations.

 

That was only the earlier models. the new ones seem to have lost that functionality - or at least mine has (maybe its just a fault, but there was no warranty ).

 

Feminists CHAAARGE!!! Leave no man alive!!!

 

no... when most guys see a hot girl they say "wow, that chick is hot." when they have a crush on someone they say, "wow, theres just something special about her."

 

I think Callipygous is actually right on this one herme3. But then, what does a guy say when he LOVES somebody?

 

The first thing you have to ask yourself herme3 is "What do I want to happen?"

 

"What do I think needs to be done?"

 

Weigh your feelings. I don't think there's a question here whether you love her or not. NO ONE in this world can be an expert on LOVE. I repeat, NO ONE. So you can't rely on anybody's point of view about it. We can't say if you love her or not, but YOU can. Yes, you may hear out what most of us have to say about it, but in the end, the decision is yours. YOU will be the one making the move, or not making it, whichever you choose.

 

I hope you will not lack in courage. All paths we decide to take, all decisions that we make, needs even in the minutest amount, some measure of courage.

 

May the powers be with you!

[Callipygous]

he had the courage... he asked her out, and got shot down. she has made it clear that she isnt interested in that kind of relationship.

 

continuing to have "courage" is only going to jeopardize his friendship with her.

 

 

i also think your thoughts on being able to determine if someone else is in love is over dramatic romanticized nonsense, but theres not really any way to argue that one, so im just gonna say i disagree with you.

[bluesmudge]

ahhh someone please kill this thread!

[JustStuit]

**loads anti-thread particle ray gun**

[herme3]

The first thing you have to ask yourself herme3 is "What do I want to happen?"

 

What do you mean? I already asked her out on a date, and I guess I wanted her to say "yes". But she didn't, so I'm not really sure what you are asking.

 

Weigh your feelings. I don't think there's a question here whether you love her or not. NO ONE in this world can be an expert on LOVE. I repeat, NO ONE. So you can't rely on anybody's point of view about it. We can't say if you love her or not, but YOU can. Yes, you may hear out what most of us have to say about it, but in the end, the decision is yours. YOU will be the one making the move, or not making it, whichever you choose.

 

How can I decide? I don't know what love is. I spend most of my time alone in my bedroom.

 

continuing to have "courage" is only going to jeopardize his friendship with her.

 

Well... I only have one month of school left, and I doubt she will care if she ever sees me again. If I became her boyfriend, our friendship wouldn't have to end. Now that I think about it, that might have been a major reason why I wanted to ask her out on a date.

 

I guess it's too late to go on a date now, so the friendship will probably end no matter what...

 

This stinks. She is the only friend that I have ever had, and now I won't have anyone.

[sabbath]

What do you mean? I already asked her out on a date' date=' and I guess I wanted her to say "yes". But she didn't, so I'm not really sure what you are asking.

 

 

 

How can I decide? I don't know what love is. I spend most of my time alone in my bedroom.

 

 

 

Well... I only have one month of school left, and I doubt she will care if she ever sees me again. If I became her boyfriend, our friendship wouldn't have to end. Now that I think about it, that might have been a major reason why I wanted to ask her out on a date.

 

I guess it's too late to go on a date now, so the friendship will probably end no matter what...

 

This stinks. She is the only friend that I have ever had, and now I won't have anyone. [/quote']

 

Precisely the point. What shall you do? Leave things as they are?

 

You're not certain whether you do love her or not. Despite this, are you still willing to take the risk? Ask her again? Make things clear, sort things out with her?

 

Or are you just going to sit here with us, rant about the hurts of your heart, etc. and do nothing?

 

Will you let time pass...until the inevitable finally becomes reality?

 

You said before there is nothing much to lose. Ask her. Don't sit there to forever wonder what her reasons for refusing you are. Get out there and do it.

[sabbath]

And yeah...why can't you be friends anymore?

 

Is it a proximity thing, or is it because of the fact that you asked her out?

 

Why'd I get sucked into this mess?

[mike90]

You sound a lot like me when i was your age herme, and i hate to tell you but your aiming for a bruising with the way your living right now. A large part of your attachment with this girl is probably because shes the only friend you have. And you said earlier you didn't understand how finding that relationship your seeking might hurt you, so I'm gonna offer up a little of my story as a cautionary tale. When i was about 20 i fell hard for a girl i worked with. Like you i just thought there was something special about her that made her better then all the other girls. in retrospect a lot of it was probably just that she was the first girl to pay me a lot of attention. I actually got my girl but she was a trainwreck, which everyone could see but me because i had her , and women in general, on such a pedestal. We lasted about 4 years, which was really 3 more then we should have. But i held on a lot longer then i should have, because i beileved that this girl was my one and only chance at happiness. She just wasn't right for me at all but i couldn't see that. All i could see was she wanted me. Long story short she eventually left me and broke my heart. And to make matters worse since i invested everything in just being with this girl I didn't learn how to be more social or make friends while i was with her. So when she left me i felt like i had nothing. i'm not saying this'll happen to you, but your on the wrong track looking for some perfect person to complete you. You have to take steps yourself to make your own life better before your any good for anyone else. More then you need a girlfriend I'd say you need to get out there and socialize in general more. Maybe then you could get rid of this dirt poor opinion you obviously have of yourself, even though your obviously a nice guy. If this girls not into you you have to just MOVE ON. It may take time but eventually you'll find the girl thats right for you. Maybe next time a girl asks you out you should try it out. Like everyone else has said theres really no harm to come for it, and it would probably do you a lot of good. just dont go looking for a soulmate at 18.

[alice]

mike90 is right herme3. You have to get out and do what normal teenagers do. get out and have fun. don't waste your time moping around in your room. you'll fall flat on your face. please. get a move on! she may be the only real friend you have...but please...there are millions of girls out there, beyond your bedroom, carrying the same real friend characteristics she had...well maybe not really the same...but they are still real friends...if of course, you find them. i'm not saying you get out and look for someone else...you should get out and make new friends...then soon, you'll find that special someone that you will spend the rest of your life with...you have decades to spare. you'll find her...but not now. you're still 18. you're still so young to be looking for a soulmate. and for Christ's sake! quit being sad! you're ruining your life! please. you won't get anywhere if you keep this up. you have better things to attend to than being sad about what happened. please. get over it. be a MAN.

[Guest minta06]

really depends might be some one really lonely..

[herme3]

You're not certain whether you do love her or not. Despite this' date=' are you still willing to take the risk? Ask her again? Make things clear, sort things out with her?

 

Or are you just going to sit here with us, rant about the hurts of your heart, etc. and do nothing?

 

Will you let time pass...until the inevitable finally becomes reality?[/quote']

 

Well, when I tried option #1 the first time, and it didn't work. I'm not really sure what option #3 means, so I guess that leaves me with option #2.

 

And yeah...why can't you be friends anymore?

 

Is it a proximity thing' date=' or is it because of the fact that you asked her out?[/quote']

 

No, we are friends now. But our friendship will end in about a month. We'll both graduate from school in June. We never talk to each other outside of school. In fact, I don't know anyone outside of school...

 

A large part of your attachment with this girl is probably because shes the only friend you have.

 

Yes, I think that is probably the main reason. Also, she happens to be the nicest person I've ever met and she's the most beautiful girl in the world. But, I still think the main reason is because she is my only friend, and I don't want to lose her after school is over.

 

I actually got my girl but she was a trainwreck

 

I don't think the girl I'm talking about will ever be a "trainwreck". She is really nice, has a ton of friends, and seems to be very mentally stable. If anything, she probably prevents me from going insane...

 

quit being sad! you're ruining your life! please. you won't get anywhere if you keep this up. you have better things to attend to than being sad about what happened. please. get over it. be a MAN.

 

Actually, I was much more sad before I became friends with the girl that I'm talking about. I used to sit all by myself at lunch, and I never talked to anyone at school. That was sad. I felt like my life was going down a drain. When I finally had someone to talk to, and be friends with, it made me much happier. She makes me happy, not sad...

[alice]

Your friendship with her will not necessarily end after graduation. You should keep in touch with her.

 

Aren't you even trying to be friendly to anyone? To make new friends? Geez...you are so hard to crack. Get out of your shell man. You have to...otherwise you'll be lonely for the rest of your life.

 

She makes you happy...so what? That doesn't mean that you'll stick with her forever. She has her own life.

 

If she makes you happy, then why do you seem so sad? If she makes you happy, why are you ranting about your failure in this forum?

 

Why do I even bother? It's your decision. If you want your life to remain as it is...then fine. Live the way you want.

[herme3]

Your friendship with her will not necessarily end after graduation. You should keep in touch with her.

 

How? The only time we ever talk is during school. If I tried calling her, she would probably hang up after she finds out it's just me. Most people would probably hang up on me.

 

Aren't you even trying to be friendly to anyone? To make new friends? Geez...you are so hard to crack. Get out of your shell man. You have to...otherwise you'll be lonely for the rest of your life.

 

No, I'm not trying to make new friends. I didn't ask her out on a date because I'm desperate for a girlfriend. I asked her because she is special to me. I either want to spend time with her, or just sit here in my dark bedroom and rot.

 

That might sound crazy, but I'm just not the type of person who goes out and makes friends. The only reason I have a friend is because she was friendly to me. I don't really remember the first time we talked to each other, but I'm sure she said something to me first.

 

If she makes you happy, then why do you seem so sad? If she makes you happy, why are you ranting about your failure in this forum?

 

Well, I'm not sure if she actually makes my life "happy". Maybe she just makes it less sad. However, I do feel happy whenever I'm talking to her, especially when I see her smile.

 

I'm starting to realize that after a month I might never see her again. She's a special person, and nobody will ever be able to replace her. You make it sound like I can just go out and find another person who I like. Sure, there are other girls out there who are nice and beautiful. However, I won't ever be able to find someone with her exact same personality.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

How? The only time we ever talk is during school. If I tried calling her, she would probably hang up after she finds out it's just me. Most people would probably hang up on me.

And she's your friend? A friend wouldn't hang up on you.

[herme3]

And she's your friend? A friend wouldn't hang up on you.

 

Well... I don't know. Maybe she wouldn't. I've never tried calling her before, but I don't want to find out. I doubt she would be very happy.

[ydoaPs]

you remind me of a poster in one of my teachers' classrooms. it says "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

[alice]

You have no hope whatsoever. Man! Why am I wasting my time on you? You should really lighten up. No one can survive alone in this world. Have you ever heard of the saying "No man is an island"? Geez!

 

You will never know if she'll hang up or not if you won't try. Why? Are you that scared? Don't be a wimp. Don't take it the wrong way...I just don't know what to do with you anymore. You're just plain sick. You're one heck of a loner. Even worse than me! Please don't think low of yourself! Lighten up!

 

Hmm...you're like a total punk...a depressed punk.

 

Sorry herme3...I know it's not easy for you...now that I know you're a loner. Because I've been there before...but luckily for me, I did not experience your love thing. So I hope you think it over...change. But if you like the way you are...then I suppose you'll stay that way. But please be brave enough to call her. It's just a call.

 

BTW, if you didn't want to become her boyfriend, why are you fretting about her saying no to your date? Maybe she was just busy. Ask her out on a date...but don't say it this way: "Hey, do you want to go out sometime? Like on a date?" Don't state the obvious...say you'll hang out...and that you really want to because you won't be seeing each other anymore and that she is special to you. If she is really your friend, then she will understand.

[padren]

Just a few thoughts:

 

1) It sounds almost like you want someone you respect to care about you, so that you will feel worth something, instead of simply respecting yourself first. While its nice when someone wonderful sees something wonderful in you, its not a good way to build a sense of self worth.

 

Why do you think she'd hang up on you and not someone else? Why would anyone? If you feel worthless or at the very least, worth less than others, take some personal time to figure out what you want to achieve and what makes you feel that way.

If you feel flawed, what do you feel are your flaws, and what would it take to improve them? Are you too hard on yourself about flaws in yourself that you don't consider an issue when seen in others? If so, can you come to peace with those flaws?

 

The most important thing in your life is how you think and feel about yourself, since that will determine everything from the risks you'll be willing to take and what sort of hardships over time you'll be able to endure.

 

 

2) When it comes to dating, its not about getting a "date" but far more as to whether you share common interests, are likely to have fun, have compatible senses of humor, etc. Don't approach it from the vantage point of trying to "get a date" but offer the girl a decent time out. If you don't really have compatable interests in the end, then it wouldn't really be a very interesting relationship anyway. Also, be real and honest, don't be afraid of sharing your tastes in music because she may find them unsophisticated or otherwise not approve. Don't try to appear close minded or anything, just be real and honest.

 

 

3) Just try to be more daring. Why do you feel that while others have that option that something makes you different? I only ever regret 1 in 10 risks that I've failed miserably at (and naturally even less of the things that work out) but I regret 9 in 10 things I never work up the courage to try. If you fail its not because "you are you" but because there are nuances you haven't figured out yet, (maybe you didn't realize she's into totally different stuff, maybe you came across as someone who would be too nervous to have fun, etc) but you're only going to figure it all out by trying. Maybe you are afraid to try because if you do wrong, you'll loose your chance with a specific girl you like at the moment. There is a good chance of that, but if you don't, nothing will happen and you won't learn anything from it, and you'll be just as likely to blow the chance with the next girl you meet worth taking one on.

 

 

 

Thats my three cents at least, for what its worth. Best of luck.

[Callipygous]

before you go calling her to find out if she would hang up, there is an important question to be asked.

 

has she ever given you her phone number?

 

if she has, CALL HER.

if not its questionable. my way of going about it would be to ask her to sign your year book. if she leaves contact info odds are she wants to keep in touch.

[herme3]

You have no hope whatsoever. Man! Why am I wasting my time on you? You should really lighten up. No one can survive alone in this world. Have you ever heard of the saying "No man is an island"? Geez!

 

I never said I wanted to be alone. That's just how my life ended up.

 

But please be brave enough to call her. It's just a call.

 

No, I don't need to call her now. I see her everyday. I was talking about after school, when I won't see her anymore. I really won't have any good way to communicate with her. I said that I could call her, but I don't think she would appreciate that.

 

BTW, if you didn't want to become her boyfriend...

 

No. I said that I did want to become her boyfriend. I think she is very special, and she's the only girl I've ever liked.

 

say you'll hang out...and that you really want to because you won't be seeing each other anymore and that she is special to you.

 

That would sound strange...

 

It sounds almost like you want someone you respect to care about you, so that you will feel worth something, instead of simply respecting yourself first.

 

Exactly.

 

Why do you think she'd hang up on you and not someone else? Why would anyone?

 

Because I'm known as a "loser". I don't know why, I just am. I try to be nice to everyone, but I'm just different from everyone else.

 

has she ever given you her phone number?

 

No, and I doubt she would. However, I have other sources. I spent most of my time on the Internet, so I know where I can find out anything.

 

my way of going about it would be to ask her to sign your year book. if she leaves contact info odds are she wants to keep in touch.

 

She has signed my year book, but she didn't leave any contact information.

[Severian]

For goodness sake, just move on. There is more to life than moping over one girl. The girl of your dreams is out there waiting for you. Go find her!

[herme3]

For goodness sake, just move on. There is more to life than moping over one girl. The girl of your dreams is out there waiting for you. Go find her!

 

I already found her, and I've been talking about her in the last several pages of this thread. The problem is me, not her. She is like a perfect angel. If someone like her doesn't want to be with someone like me, what makes everyone so sure that someone else will? If I keep looking, the same thing will happen over and over again. I'll find other good people in this world, but none of them will want to be with someone like me.

 

I'm the one who needs to figure out how to change. I need to be a better person, not just go looking for another girl to reject me.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

No, you need to find someone that suits you properly, rather than trying to make yourself fit to them.