Dating

[Klaynos]

why are you people so fond of talking about love? is there nothing better to do?

 

You mean like experianceing it?

 

...

 

Personally I don't really like this kind of thread (hence my real lack of posting)... I can't really think of anything to say, I feel sorry for herme3 in his situation, and hope he finds happiness... :s Anything else I say would just be BS...

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Returning to the original argument, New Scientist has a rather nice comment on the subject:

The researchers found that the optimum proportion of possible mates to examine before setting your aspirations and making your choice is a mere 9 percent: so at a party with 100 possible mates, it's best to study only the first nine you randomly encounter before you choose. Examining fewer means you won't have enough information to make a good choice, examining more makes it more likely you'll pass the best mate by. No doubt, the models underestimate the complexity of real mate choice, but the fundamental insight is clear: don't search indefinitely before choosing lest you miss out on all the good mates or run out of time altogether.

[AzurePhoenix]

How would a meaningful relationship be unhealthy? If a girl is a nice and caring person, and a guy is a nice and caring person, what would be wrong with them having a close relationship with each other? Wouldn't they care about each other and have a happy relationship?

All the love in the world isn't enough if the people involved don't have a foundation on which to support it. And that foundation includes all the aspects of sociability that you seem to find troublesome. A good partner is a friend with some more odds and ends attached, and in the end, it's even more complex and difficult to uphold.

 

I'm sorry to point this out, but how strongly you reacted to one girl being nice to you is an indicator of how unprepared for a relationship you are. Your reaction to this best friend of yours seems desparate and unwarrented. I can't imagine how emotionally entangled you could get in a "relationship" that for anyone else would pass for a negligible casual fling.

 

For you, the best thing right now is to do like I suggested before, go out and just meet people, learn to intereact with them on a casual, friendly basis. Maybe even find some sort of social therapy program. I'm sure there must be soemthing like that out there for people in similar situations as you.

[ydoaPs]

I'm sorry to point this out, but how strongly you reacted to one girl being nice to you is an indicator of how unprepared for a relationship you are. Your reaction to this best friend of yours seems desparate and unwarrented. I can't imagine how emotionally entangled you could get in a "relationship" that for anyone else would pass for a negligible casual fling.

good thing i'm not like that. i'd have all sorts of problems. the girls are always hugging me, etc. it seems that herme3 is the kind of person that would see that as them wanting to be more than friends. in reality, many girls just like to be touchy-feely. if you go and think every girl that is friendly with you is into you, you will get burned over and over. a good relationship starts with a friendship. a good fling starts with a good pickup line.

 

For you, the best thing right now is to do like I suggested before, go out and just meet people, learn to intereact with them on a casual, friendly basis.

good idea

 

Maybe even find some sort of social therapy program.

social therapy? i didn't even think such things existed.

[herme3]

Actually, I think the divorce rate has soared because of people like herme3. They have unrealistic expectations of their partners (created by hollywood's representation of the perfect man or woman). They pretend to themselves that their current partner is perfect long enough to have a relationship and get married. And then when the first problem comes along and they see that their partner is not perfect, they scream 'divorce' and run for the hills.

 

I would not "run for the hills" when the first problem comes along. I know that all couples in a relationship will have occasional fights and arguments. The real problem starts when an argument goes on for days, and brings down the relationship. Due to my personality, I don't think that would ever happen. If I was arguing with a girl that I really cared about, I would never let it bring down the relationship. I would realize that the girl is so much more important than whatever stupid issue we are fighting about. I would get on my knees, hold her hand, and beg for her forgiveness. Then I would buy her some flowers and take her out to a nice dinner.

 

The real problem is that most people want to think they are always right, especially guys. Most guys want a relationship to go their way, and often don't care about the girl. They want to have full control over her, and they often won't admit when they are wrong.

 

A good partner is a friend with some more odds and ends attached, and in the end, it's even more complex and difficult to uphold.

 

I know. I think the best part of a relationship would be finding out how complex the person you love really is. It would be great to know the other person, even if you realize the other person isn't exactly like you. If you really love the other person, you would accept these differences.

 

I'm sorry to point this out, but how strongly you reacted to one girl being nice to you is an indicator of how unprepared for a relationship you are. Your reaction to this best friend of yours seems desparate and unwarrented.

 

What do you mean? I knew the girl for over two years before I even thought about asking her out on a date. I watched her be so nice to other people, and I've seen other people be mean to her. It's just not fair. I care about her, and she deserves someone who will be nice to her.

 

it seems that herme3 is the kind of person that would see that as them wanting to be more than friends. in reality, many girls just like to be touchy-feely. if you go and think every girl that is friendly with you is into you, you will get burned over and over.

 

I don't want to go on a date with every girl who is nice to me. There are lots of girls who are nice to me, but I've only wanted to go on a date with one girl.

[insane_alien]

Herme3, drop the bar, go clubbing and get laid. seriously. stop ranting on about how you'll never find the perfect person for yiu and just go get some. you sound as if your just moaning because you can't get off your fat ass and do someting about it.

[herme3]

stop ranting on about how you'll never find the perfect person for yiu and just go get some. you sound as if your just moaning because you can't get off your fat ass and do someting about it.

 

How was I ranting or moaning? I did a little ranting when I first started this thread, but not in any of my recent posts.

[insane_alien]

my post still applies.

[herme3]

my post still applies.

 

How does it still apply? You claimed I was "ranting" and "moaning". I asked you to show me where I did that in a recent post in this thread, and you still haven't answered my question.

[ydoaPs]

herme3, just ignore those words. the post does, in fact, still apply.

[sabbath]

It is often surprising to people that I have never had a girlfriend. However, I can also say that I've never broken up with anyone before. When people come together, and then breakup, it only causes pain for both people. I suppose that I may never find that "perfect person", and I'll probably always be alone. Yes, it sounds like a very depressing life for me. However, I won't ever have to worry about hurting an innocent girl's feelings.

 

guys like you do exist?

 

There's still some hope for the male species...

[insane_alien]

Woah, i was wasted last night. I would rather have made that post a bit more eloquent but it is not a post i regret. it was short, conveyed my views and points in a very direct manner. a spell checker would have been a good idea though, then again it probably would have exploded.

[Callipygous]

guys like you do exist?

 

There's still some hope for the male species...

 

 

i beg to differ. if guys were like him there would be absolutely no hope' date=' because the male "species" is part of the human species. if we were all like him no humans would ever have sex and we would die out.

 

 

Herme3, drop the bar, go clubbing and get laid. seriously. stop ranting on about how you'll never find the perfect person for yiu and just go get some. you sound as if your just moaning because you can't get off your fat ass and do someting about it.

 

^^bad advise

 

anyone who has read this thread could tell you there is no way this guy is going to go clubbing and end up getting laid. thats just not how its going to work out for him.

 

stop obsessing over one girl, dont even THINK about changing yourself to better fit what she wants, meet some other girls, go on some dates.

 

dont have sex with them, dont tell them you love them, dont even expect a kiss at the end. just have some fun going to a movie or something. you need to break into the realm of normal interaction.

[AzurePhoenix]

What do you mean? I knew the girl for over two years before I even thought about asking her out on a date. I watched her be so nice to other people, and I've seen other people be mean to her. It's just not fair. I care about her, and she deserves someone who will be nice to her.

I'm not sure... sometimes tou seem to be better of than my post suggest, but then again I had this particular post of yours in mind when I responded... ->

 

She is my best friend' date=' but I'm not sure if she would consider me to be her friend. She probably just considers me to be another person in her school. She is my best friend because she is the only person who is always nice to me. However I don't think it is anything special that she is nice to me. She the type of person who is nice to everyone.

 

She has lots of friends who she probably cares about more than me. While her friendship is very important to me, I doubt it means anything to her. I could die today, and I doubt she would really care. By tomorrow, she probably would have already forgotten about me.[/quote']

 

Now, I wasn't suggesting that you wouldn't be able to recognize the intentions of others, as you seem to be able to understand this girl's likely postion, but that doesn't mean that you're necessarily emotionally capable of handling it properly.

[herme3]

stop obsessing over one girl, dont even THINK about changing yourself to better fit what she wants, meet some other girls, go on some dates.

 

You are trying to give me advice about a specific girl, yet nobody here knows anything about her. Perhaps you have liked girls who are just like all the other girls. In that case, it would be easy for you not to care very much about them. However, the girl I am talking about is special. She is nice to everyone, and also a very caring person. No matter how bad my day might be going, her smile can always cheer me up. She is more like an angel than a human, but I'm the only person who seems to notice.

 

Now, I wasn't suggesting that you wouldn't be able to recognize the intentions of others, as you seem to be able to understand this girl's likely postion, but that doesn't mean that you're necessarily emotionally capable of handling it properly.

 

What do you mean? What wouldn't I be able to emotionally handle properly?

[Callipygous]

You are trying to give me advice about a specific girl, yet nobody here knows anything about her.

 

im giving advice about girls in general. in this case its only about this particular girl because shes the one your interested in. if you were obsessed with any other girl i would say the same thing.

 

Perhaps you have liked girls who are just like all the other girls. In that case, it would be easy for you not to care very much about them. However, the girl I am talking about is special. She is nice to everyone, and also a very caring person. No matter how bad my day might be going, her smile can always cheer me up. She is more like an angel than a human, but I'm the only person who seems to notice.

 

it has nothing to do with how much i care. no, this girl is NOT an angel, she is not better than all the other girls out there. she may be better at certain things (like cheering you up) but she is not some superhuman. she is just the girl that you happen to be infatuated with, so you see her as being some goddess.

 

the fact is, you asked her out, and she said no. that is the point at which you need to stop obsessing over her.

 

if you change yourself to be more what she wants its not going to be a healthy relationship. if you keep asking her about this topic, after she said no, shes going to start to be uncomfortable with it and you wont have a healthy friendship.

 

its a lose lose situation.

[AzurePhoenix]

no' date=' this girl is NOT an angel, she is not better than all the other girls out there. she may be better at certain things (like cheering you up) but she is not some superhuman. she is just the girl that you happen to be infatuated with, so you see her as being some goddess.

 

the fact is, you asked her out, and [i']she said no[/i]. that is the point at which you need to stop obsessing over her.

 

if you change yourself to be more what she wants its not going to be a healthy relationship. if you keep asking her about this topic, after she said no, shes going to start to be uncomfortable with it and you wont have a healthy friendship.

 

its a lose lose situation.

 

Herme3

 

^ THAT basically covers what I meant.

[herme3]

it has nothing to do with how much i care. no, this girl is NOT an angel, she is not better than all the other girls out there. she may be better at certain things (like cheering you up) but she is not some superhuman. she is just the girl that you happen to be infatuated with, so you see her as being some goddess.

 

There is something special about her. I knew it the first time I saw her. This was before I ever heard her talk to anyone, and even before I knew her name. I have no idea what is special about her, because there are lots of other girls at my school who just seem like regular girls. Once I got to know her, she started to seem even more special. You might think I'm crazy, but why is she the only one who seems special? Why not some other girl at my school?

 

the fact is, you asked her out, and she said no[/i']. that is the point at which you need to stop obsessing over her.

 

I never said I was "obsessing" over her. That would be weird.

 

if you change yourself to be more what she wants its not going to be a healthy relationship.

 

I don't even know how I could change myself. She hasn't told me why she said no.

[silkworm]

This was before I ever heard her talk to anyone, and even before I knew her name.

 

Sounds like you were into her personallity from the start...

 

Your bullshit is too poetic and everpresent in mainstream "art" to have any meaning. I'm trying to give you hint. Women like men, be one.

[ydoaPs]

I'm trying to give you hint. Women like men, be one.

this reminds me of bash.org

 

Lucius: so im stuck hangin out with this emo kid

Lucius: he goes up to this hot girl and says "hey baby, what are you doing lateR?"

Lucius: she turns to him and goes "boy, i already have a *****, i dont need another one" and walks away

Lucius: i couldnt stop laughing

Lucius: then he gets this sad look and tells me to shut up

Lucius: i calmly pull out my sharpie and draw a tear on his cheek

Lucius: he literally shrieks and runs away

[herme3]

Sounds like you were into her personallity from the start...

 

I knew there was something special about her even before I got to know her personality. Once I got to know her personality, that proved she is special.

 

Your bullshit is too poetic and everpresent in mainstream "art" to have any meaning. I'm trying to give you hint. Women like men, be one.

 

What are you talking about? Do you know anything about girls? Most of them don't want some creepy looking guy drooling all over them and saying in a stupid voice, "Uhh... You're hot." They want a guy who will say sweet and poetic things to them. This doesn't come from movies and books. It comes from hearing real girls talking to each other.

 

this reminds me of bash.org

 

Lucius: so im stuck hangin out with this emo kid

Lucius: he goes up to this hot girl and says "hey baby' date=' what are you doing lateR?"

Lucius: she turns to him and goes "boy, i already have a *****, i dont need another one" and walks away

Lucius: i couldnt stop laughing

Lucius: then he gets this sad look and tells me to shut up

Lucius: i calmly pull out my sharpie and draw a tear on his cheek

Lucius: he literally shrieks and runs away[/quote']

 

I have no idea what that's supposed to mean...

[Callipygous]

There is something special about her. I knew it the first time I saw her.

 

no... there is something special about her TO YOU. because your infatuated with her.

 

This was before I ever heard her talk to anyone, and even before I knew her name.

 

which proves that there was LOTS of substance behind it... you saw a pretty girl and biology kicked in with all those emotions it uses to attract people to each other.

 

I have no idea what is special about her, because there are lots of other girls at my school who just seem like regular girls. Once I got to know her, she started to seem even more special. You might think I'm crazy, but why is she the only one who seems special?

 

i dont think your crazy, i think your *ahem* INFATUATED WITH HER. its called a crush dude... your not crazy, your just too inexperienced to realise whats going on. i feel like my vocabulary looks pretty weak, using the word infatuated over and over, but its really the best word for it. "twitterpated" also works, but im trying to stick to real words.

 

 

I never said I was "obsessing" over her. That would be weird.

 

i know you didnt say it. thats something im telling you, remember?

[sabbath]

i beg to differ. if guys were like him there would be absolutely no hope' date=' because the male "species" is part of the human species. if we were all like him no humans would ever have sex and we would die out.

[/quote']

 

That is too animal. Sex=Survival.

 

I meant it in another way. herme3 is clearly not as male-wired as most guys. That is "hopeful" in a sense that men just may come to understand women, and genuinely care for them, because they are persons who have feelings rather than just because they're a good lay.

 

Though I know herme3 may seem over the edge, and I don't agree to all his ideas about girls or how he should respond towards girl behavior, he is obviously, however, being unselfish and thinking about other people's feelings other than his own, think more of girls than just for sex...and that is HOPEFUL.

 

HOPEFUL for the treatment of women, etc...I could keep on ranting, but I don't want to be called a sexist.

[alice]

Oooh! Herme3's got a crush! LOL!

[alice]

There are other uses for girls, you know, other than as a sex partner. You're being too harsh on us, girls.