Other People

[herme3]

Have you ever been in a crowded place and felt like you were the only person around? When I'm surrounded by people that I don't know, it sometimes feels like I'm looking at them from so far away. It almost seems like they aren't part of my world. It seems like they can't see me, and like they don't know I'm there. It's like they are part of a world that I'm not.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I always feel so disconnected from people that I don't know. When I'm in a restaurant, shopping mall, public park, or any other public place, I feel like I'm disconnected from everyone. When I'm in school, I feel disconnected from everyone except for the few people that I sometimes talk to. It's like people are walking beside me in the hallway, but they don't know that I'm there. However, these people seem to notice each other all the time. They look at each other, smile at each other, and sometimes talk to each other. However, none of these people will even look directly at me.

 

There are a few people in my school that I sometimes talk to. These people seem different from everyone else. I don't feel disconnected from them. I only have about one month left at school, and then I'm going to college. I don't think any of the people I sometimes talk to will be at college with me. I will probably have that disconnected feeling towards everyone. I think I might feel lonely in a place where nobody knows I'm there. I will see lots of new people, but they won't seem like they are in the same place as me. It will seem like they are far away.

 

Why does it seem like other people can see each other, but they can't see me?

[abskebabs]

Please don't take this in the wrong way, but maybe you need to put in a little more effort in trying to engage conversation with people, especially when you get to college, as the people you meet there will be free of any possible negative presumptions about you.

 

Nevertheless I recommend you try to engage witbh the people you see at school, even simple things like saying hi to ppl. It doesn't matter how they will respond, or what they/you think of each other etc. Just try to be with other people how you would like them to be with you. Who knows, you might even make some new friends out of people who earlier didn't notice you or didn't talk to you. Also don't be disheartened if they still ignore you, it's their own problem if they're like that.

 

I hope that helped;) .

[herme3]

I'll try to talk make a few friends when I go to college, but that really wasn't the main thing that I was talking about. I was talking more about complete strangers that you see in public places, and just walking in the hallway at school. These are people who you've never met before, and you know you might never get to know them. These are the people that I feel most disconnected with.

 

I'm talking about when I'm in a crowded place, but I'm not around any friends or family members. An example would be when I'm in the crowded hallways of my school and walking between classes. I'm completely surrounded by other people who are my same age, and might even have the same interests as me. However, they all seem to be in another place. If I had a chance, I might be able to become somebody's best friend. However, nobody even notices that I'm there. They are either talking to each other, or just looking somewhere else. It usually seems like they don't know I'm there.

 

However, they all seem to have some type of connection with each other. They are all part of the same school. They are all teenagers. They look at each other, they smile at each other, and they talk to each other. I could be in the exact same hallway, but I don't feel like I'm a part of them.

[padren]

A lot of the time, people are on their way somewhere, have something to do, and aren't really hanging out and observing the moment.

 

Also, you may be observing that they aren't all connected to each other, but that most people are connected to some others. Also, someone may look at someone they are "connected to" but that connection may be limited. They may only know someone as "that loud funny guy at the party with the jokes" but they'll still acknowledge them because they have somewhere they fit in their mind.

If you don't relate to someone's view of the world, by which I mean if someone doesn't have anything to go on regarding who you are, and they are already on their way to do something, then they likely won't really notice you.

 

I used to be fairly introverted and wondered how some of my friends could just go up and talk to perfect strangers and have great times with them. After a while of wishing more people would be like that and try to talk to me out of the blue, I decided to just test out if thats how most people feel and be friendly and outgoing.

So far I have found that by far most people are fairly receptive to converstation, and otherwise there's just a bit of short errant banter but no harm done.

 

Instead of feeling like an outsider, try to assume that everyone else is the same and also feels isolated, just to varying degrees. If you feel anxiety about meeting strangers just remember lots of people feel that way, but if you just try it and not sweat the times things don't go smoothly, it'll get more natural with time and you'll grow as a person and the options open to you.

 

Thats my advise at least

[herme3]

Wow, why did I write this? I guess I spent the whole day alone in my room while using the computer, and I wasn't thinking very clearly. I know what I was trying to say, but it came out a little weird...

[GutZ]

F'it!

 

I have similiar feelings of disconnection except I have the overwhelming knowing of them being there, it's like being in a room full of different species.

 

Nothing wrong with it, you might be sightly or alot different, finding it harder to connect, which isn't bad. throughout my life Ive have tons of friends or very little. It's all the same to me.

 

I guess though someone shouldn't take social advice from me.

[5614]

Mate, you only posted this yesterday!

 

When you go to college I really suggest you just talk to loads of people. Some you will like and get on with, some you will not. No one will no anyone and everyone will wanna be making friends so will be friendly.

 

As to what you should do for the next month. I reckon you should try talking to some people in your school, try and get friends with them because that is like good practice for college which is when you will be making your friends for the next few years.

[herme3]

Mate, you only posted this yesterday!

 

I know, and I just realized that I wasn't thinking too clearly. It sometimes happens when I spend too much time in my bedroom over the weekend. I'm back in school today, so I guess I just realized how crazy my post sounds.

 

What I meant to say was that there are so many people out there, and many of them could be a lot like you, and have similar interests. However, you never get a chance to meet them because they just walk by you without noticing.

[timo]

What I meant to say was that there are so many people out there, and many of them could be a lot like you, and have similar interests. However, you never get a chance to meet them because they just walk by you without noticing.

Isn´t it rather you walking by without noticing, especially if they are like you?

[5614]

However, you never get a chance to meet them because they just walk by you without noticing.

If you went and spoke to them then you'd know.

 

Now I'm not saying go up and talk to strangers because they'll just think your weird... I was just pointing out that there are many people like you, you just have to find them. And find them at the right time ie. just walking up randomers in the park might not be the best time!

[Severian]

Two words for herme3:

 

Seek help.

[herme3]

Two words for herme3:

 

Seek help.

 

Calm down... I'm not crazy. One of the main reasons why my first post might sound crazy is because I typed it around 1:00am. I wasn't really thinking as clearly as I normally do. Here is a non-crazy translation of my first post:

 

What I meant to say was that there are so many people out there' date=' and many of them could be a lot like you, and have similar interests. However, you never get a chance to meet them because they just walk by you without noticing.[/quote']

[Cloud]

Herme 3

from our previous discussion -

 

I'm very introverted as you know, but I know, this is not me.

 

What you have said is that people of similar interests to you walk by and not engage in conversation.

Wouldn't the solution be to try and engage yourself these people. e.g. stepping up and "breaking the ice" (cliche of cliche's - annoying phrase).

 

As you know, I have a problem and its because of this, I just don't feel up to talking with strangers. So my point is, Do you have something which stops you from talking, "a physical barrier" (or is it just everyday anxiety which has been prolonged).

 

Ignore this post if you want.

[5614]

I just don't feel up to talking with strangers

There you go. You've identified the problem. Now if you actually really want to do something about it you know what to do.

[Cloud]

There you go. You've identified the problem.

 

YES - you've got it !!! You've cracked the problem !!!

 

Don't wander

Better to stay on track i.e. herme3

[Organism]

Unless you know somebody on a personal basis they're nothing more than a physical entity of spacetime, yes.