Top 10 List

[In My Memory]

Here's a fun forum game

- reply to the topic of the poster above

- make your replies in a Johnny Carson style Top 10 List. Your replies should be funny or suffer the consequences

- after you finish, suggest a new topic

 

I'll start:

 

First topic: Things You Wouldn't Want on Your Tombstone:

10) Didnt eat his lima beans

9) This week's winning lotto numbers: 7 14 5 21 15 9

8) Be right back...

7) Its Clobberin' Time!

6) LOL

5) This Space for Rent

4) Last Words: "Hey guys, watch this!..."

3) Hated by all, befriended by none

2) He entered this world the way he left it: screaming and naked

1) Unmourned, Unloved

 

 

Next topic: Unconventional uses of a knife

[YT2095]

1. the Helium valves stuck and we need to lose altitude.

2. Hemeroid removal

3. ignoring the Roast and carving up the plate.

4. cutting the base off a x-mas tree so it fits in your house (I did this one year with an electric carving knife!)

5. using it as a pen

6. using it as a Jack

7. using it as a Switch

8. giving it to a Known mugger (just for the experience)

9. popping down the keyboard membrane on yer pootah where the missing ESC key was (I do that too)

10. cutting off the side of the box your Knife came in that says "Jack knife, Pen knife, Switch blade"

 

next: top ten unconventional uses for an Empty Beer can...

[Phi for All]

top ten unconventional uses for an Empty Beer can...

 

10. Terrarium for cigarette butts

9. Baby hamster wheel

8. Broken high-heel replacement

7. Telescope for dummies

6. Hairball receptacle for trained cats

5. Gag gift for alcoholics

4. Sauté pan for college students

3. Low-cost colostomy bag

2. Erectile dysfunction enhancement

1. Microwave entertainment

 

Next List: Top 10 Things You Never Want To Hear Your Parents Say...

[why?]

10. Sure you can have keep your room messy

9. how dare you do your homework?

8. *catch you watching porn* can i join?

7. *catch you watching porn* hmm.. ive seen this one before. Its not that good, check this one out *gives a name*

6. *gives you a poster which says 101 sex positions* that'll look good in that corner.

5. wow.. 65 % average.. you passed.. keep it up.

4. Your girlfriends hot!! try get laid.

3. Id love it if you spent my last penny on your shoes.

2. Im sorry

1. Im sorry, ill do whatever you want.. !!!

 

10 things not to say to a policeman

[Phi for All]

Top 10 Things NOT To Say To A Policeman...

 

10. "I need a belt like yours for spare clips instead of using the glove compartment."

9. "What seems to be your problem, officer?"

8. "My life as a fugitive is finally over!"

7. "What do you mean by 'licence'?"

6. "Weren't you the stripper at my wife's bachelorette party?"

5. "I'm not trunk! I mean, I haven't been drinking, don't look in the trunk!"

4. "I've built up a tolerance to tasers so you better crank it to 'ELEPHANT'."

3. "You're LAPD?! I pictured you guys as more masculine."

2. "Gues what I have behind my back!"

1. "No, YOU freeze!"

 

Next List: Top Ten Signs You're a Computer Nerd...

[Nevermore]

10 signs you're a computer nerd

 

10. Night and sleep no longer have anything to do with each other.

9. You have more than two empty cans from caffeinated beverages on your desk right now.

8. You ingest caffine in any other way than in drinks.

7. You have a commodore 64 in your room.

6. Your TV, phone and computer are all connected.

5. You have ever killed a computer by overclocking.

4. You have gone more than 36 hours without sleep.

3. You have modified any gadget other than your computer.

2. You have more than two email accounts.

1. You have ever sent somthing from one of those accounts to another.

[silkworm]

What I would want on my tombstone is a neon sign that says, "Vacancy"

[blike]

Nevermore, you're supposed to add a topic for the next poster...

[Nevermore]

Oh, whoops.

10 reasons we're all screwed

[1veedo]

1) Iran has nukes

2) Rats are growing ears

3) Mysterious suitcases

4) President Bush

5) YT2095 has a knife

6) Bird Flu

7) Global warming

8) Jewish bank owners

9) Gay people

10) The religious right.

 

Top ten movies to watch.

[Phi for All]

Your replies should be funny or suffer the consequences

Thanks a LOT, 1veedo. Throw me a frickin' bone, dude!

 

Top 10 Movies to Watch:

10. Deliverance (while vacationing in Georgia)

9. Titanic (while on a cruise)

8. United 93 (while flying to New York)

7. Carrie (just before going to your high school prom)

6. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (before your test in British History)

5. Caligula (after your first dinner with your fiancé's parents)

4. Waterworld (before your trip to the desert)

3. Jaws (before taking the family to the beach - make sure the kids watch too)

2. Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (before starting your diet - you won't keep anything down for a month)

1. Xanadu (just before surgery, so the worst thing that could EVER happen to you will be over)

 

Next List: Top 10 Worst Places to Take a Date...

[padren]

Top 10 Worst Places to Take a Date:

 

10) The pawn shop (on the way to Red Lobster)

9) The emergency room (on account of your cooking)

8) Factory tour at Odor Eaters (where everyone remembers your name)

7) Any plastic surgery clinic "just to look at the brochures"

6) A shoe store (painful for you, but she may love it)

5) Anything with "time share seminar" in the name

4) The room you live in over your parent's garage (assuming you're over 25)

3) Any place where they hurt kittens

2) The drunk tank of the county jail, by any course of the evening.

1) A roleplaying internet forum

 

Next List: Top 10 Really Bad Ways To Be Attacked By Animals

[husmusen]

10. "Oh hey I've always wanted a little bear cub".

9. Ahhh koala bear very very cute (pat pat) Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh!

(people have never seen one of these things get nasty).

8. Trying to smuggle a ferret in your underwear. (True story).

7. Going deep south with a bumper sticker, "Yo confederates! You lost, get over it."

6. A woman trying to use a mouse as a biological vibrator.

5. Jumping into a whale aquarium to try the spock thing.(true story).

4. Hey I've heard taipan tastes really neat, like chicken.

3. Jumping into a polar bear enclosure to get a close up shot waiting until it opens its eyes and saying "Surprise" (Flash!)

2. Running with the bulls in an electric wheelchair.

1. Going ANYWHERE with Steve Irwin.

 

Next: Top ten most embarressing reasons for getting your arse hauled into the Emergency Department.

[Phi for All]

Top ten most embarressing reasons for getting your arse hauled into the Emergency Department:

 

10. Flaming shooter burns

9. Jackass audition consequences

8. Face caught in elevator door

7. Finger stuck up your nose

6. Butt superglued to toilet seat

5. Porn magazine stuck to one hand

4. Someone else's finger stuck up your nose

3. Removal of Xerox machine glass from your ass

2. Viagra overdose

1. Getting something living hauled out of your arse

 

Next List: Top 10 Explanations Politicians Give for Having Cash in Their Freezer

[ecoli]

Next List: Top 10 Explanations Politicians Give for Having Cash in Their Freezer

 

10. "Oh... that's just my lunch."

9. "It's a gift for my girlfriend... er... wife."

8. "Wait, you mean you don't take cash bribes?"

7. "That's just the unused money from the Parks and Recretion Dep't"

6. "I heard that money gains in value if it's colder."

5. "I don't trust banks"

4. "My stockbroker told me to invest in appliances"

3. "What money?... I'll be back in five minutes (wink)"

2. "It's not a freezer, it's a teleporter. I'm giving the money directly to charites."

1. "I stole that money from the taxpayers to buy hookers. That's not illegal, is it?"

 

top ten reasons why you should'nt chaperone your child's field trip

[pHoToN_gUrL]

1) Iran has nukes

do u hav proof??????? btw i'm persian

4) President Bush

????

8) Jewish bank owners

wtf?

9) Gay people

i'm not gay but come on!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nevermore]

He was joking. Oh, and read this;

http://www.scienceforums.net/forums/showthread.php?t=6206

[pHoToN_gUrL]

wat kind of joking is that? clearly it's offensive to Iran, Jewish ppl, Gay ppl, n president of the united states. Sorry if i pointed it out if that's against the rules

[Jim]

top ten reasons why you should'nt chaperone your child's field trip

 

10. Having to pretend to know the answers to questions about which haven't the foggiest;

9. Realizing you asked most of these same questions 39 years ago and STILL don't know the answers;

8. Children suck energy from adults (per Carlos Castaneda);

7. A critical mass of young children destroy adult brain cells (I'm living proof);

6. Being contained in an unairconditioned bus with twenty-five 7-8 year olds is a good facsimile of a vicious God's concept for hell;

5. Your child will lose any illusion that you were in charge of anything;

4. No good deed goes unpunished;

3. The other chaperones are starting to look like children;

2. You realize these children could be your grandchildren;

1. The J in PBJs stands for Jelly which you will be wearing at the end of the day.

 

Top ten reasons you post on SFN.

[ecoli]

wat kind of joking is that? clearly it's offensive to Iran, Jewish ppl, Gay ppl, n president of the united states. Sorry if i pointed it out if that's against the rules

 

http://www.google.com/search?q=define%3A+sarcasm&start=0&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official

[pHoToN_gUrL]

[url']http://www.google.com/search?q=define%3A+sarcasm&start=0&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official[/url]

oh gosh i didn't know wat that meant (i'm being sarcastic)....hey i'll just be sarcastic n be racist too, then it'll be ok right? as i said i'm not Jewish or gay n my president is not Bush, but imagine if some Gay Jewish person living in America reads the sarcastic jokes 1veedo made n feel bad about him self. N that is not funny. My point is that u can be funny with out making others feel bad. N i did not mean to make ppl on this site against me, i'm just trying to make a point.

[Phi for All]

oh gosh i didn't know wat that meant (i'm being sarcastic)....hey i'll just be sarcastic n be racist too, then it'll be ok right? as i said i'm not Jewish or gay n my president is not Bush, but imagine if some Gay Jewish person living in America reads the sarcastic jokes 1veedo made n feel bad about him self. N that is not funny. My point is that u can be funny with out making others feel bad. N i did not mean to make ppl on this site against me, i'm just trying to make a point.

Not being a big fan of 1veedo's sense of... whatever that is he uses to be... not unfunny, I agree with you completely, pHoToN_gUrL. I usually cut posts some slack when they're in General Discussion but when it comes to humor there is no need to be aggressively offensive.

 

Let's give this the power of a verbal warning. If you have to make discriminatory remarks, it ain't funny.

[Phi for All]

Top ten reasons you post on SFN:

 

10. Community service enforced by my parole officer

9. Earns me 12 credits towards my degree from Columbia State University

8. This isn't ESPN?!?

7. I claim the rest of you as dependants at tax time

6. As long as I know where I am I could care less how fast I'm going

5. Typing counts as an aerobic exercise

4. YT2095 is teaching me how to blow someone's head off using a Q-tip and some H2O2

3. Cyber-dating most of the members who say they're women

2. I'm in love with the sound of my own typing

1. Originally googled for Sexy Foreign Negligees, stayed for the LaTeX

 

Next List: Top 10 Most Useless Kitchen Appliances

[Kyrisch]

10. Fancy spoon-rest by the stove (Do we REALLY care if, after mixing sauce into spaghetti, you put the spoon on the countertop?)

9. Me (I don't do kitchen stuff)

8. In-refrigerator crushed-ice maker (Yeah, and then after you use this feature and want regular ice, a glacier comes tumbling out)

7. In-sink soap dispenser (We have one of these and I've only ever seen them in like public bathrooms)

6. Knife block (Why can't I just stick my knives in a good old dead corpse?)

5. "Bread knives" (Made it to this list after countless squashed loaves)

4. Microwave (Who uses those? I mean come on!)

3. Old can openers (only good use is as a weapon of self-defense)

2. Juicer

1. Women

 

Top ten most embarrassing "One phone call" 's to mom from the local jail.

[ecoli]

Top ten most embarrassing "One phone call" 's to mom from the local jail.

10. "Do you know that turkey you were going to cook for thanksgiving, yeah well I threw it at a moving car and almost killed someone" (actually happened) (not to me)

9. "...I swear I didn't know the cows can't get back up."

8. "I figured beating a prostitute to death was a moral ambiguity."

7. "... so it turns out vodoo is real"

6. "I bet you 20 bucks I can last more than 6 months in here..."

5. "Mom, come to the county jailhouse... bring soap on a roap."

4. "Hey mom, you're still sleeping with our lawyer, right?"

3. "Apparently, cops don't think reenacting 'dead baby jokes' is as funny as I do."

2. "I swear, I didn't know I downloading child porn."

1. "I suppose it's all the years of playing D&D that made me cast magic missle at the troglodyte living in our neighbor's cellar. Of course, when my spell failed, I was forced to fall back on melee combat. I managed to get a critical hit with my +2 great sword, so don't worry."

 

 

top ten google queries