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Posted
I wish people weren't so sensitive.
*poof* Granted. But the neighbors all decide to burn their training tapes and Oprah T-shirts in a big bonfire in your front yard. The ensuing smoke asphyxiates you in your sleep. B'bye.

 

 

I wish my computer understood my needs.

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Posted
I wish I had seen every movie ever made
*poof* Granted. You have seen every movie ever released to the public. You have also seen the other 99% of the movies made that were not good enough. And some of those were so bad you clawed your eyes out. Now you don't have to watch anymore movies.

 

 

I wish anything I wear or use that makes me advertise someone else's company was free of charge.

Posted

I wish anything I wear or use that makes me advertise someone else's company was free of charge.

 

Granted. You are now a homeless nudist.

 

I wish someone would give me a title of nobility, lands, and a generous pension.

Posted
I wish someone would give me a title of nobility, lands, and a generous pension.

 

Granted, but you are now married to Camilla Parker Bowells.

 

I wish I could teleport to anywhere in the world.

Posted

Granted: but the first time you transported people saw you and burnt you like a witch.

 

I wish i knew everything..

(oh boy.. im gonna get screwed on that one)

Posted
I wish i knew everything..

(oh boy.. im gonna get screwed on that one)

*poof* Granted. Meet Avery Thing. Since you're friends now you can call him Thing.

ugly%20man.bmp

After he gets through lovin' blackhole123 he'll stop by your place (and yes, you may get screwed on this one).

 

 

I wish the History Channel showed actual scenes from the past.

Posted

Granted.

Today's special: embarrasing moments in Phi for All's life.

 

 

I wish my experiments were working.

Posted
Granted. You have to shift the sand in 6 minutes.

 

I wish I had first authorship on a Nature paper.

 

Granted, but "Nature" has now become the 'National enquirer' of the science world, and you are forever labelled as a crackpot.

 

 

I wish my electrophoresis gel would run faster, so I could go home and take a nap.

Posted
i wish my tv would work without me having to hit it every 3 minutes
*poof* Granted. Now it works only when you sit on top of it, but it's the best reception you've ever had, only upside down.

 

 

I wish ice cream was a perfectly balanced nutritional food.

Posted

granted, you went insane and now chant that song all day long while you sit in a white padded room.

 

I wish I could wish something that was uncorruptible.

Posted
I wish I could wish something that was uncorruptible.

 

Granted...

 

until the universe implodes in the inevitable paradox.

 

 

I wish I could eat something tasty, without having to get my lazy butt up and make food.

Posted
I wish I had the Easy Button from those Staples commercials...

 

Granted... you now have an Easy Button in your rectum.

 

 

I wish my cell phone battery didn't die.

Posted

I wish my cell phone battery didn't die.

 

 

Granted, but you soon develop symptoms of radiation poisoning and severe back strain from your 180 Lbs portable nuclear reactor backpack that's attached by a cord to your cellphone.

 

 

I wish my computer wouldn't freeze up with strange hardware probs from all my mucking around in its guts.

Posted
I wish my computer wouldn't freeze up with strange hardware probs from all my mucking around in its guts.

 

Granted, now it mucks around in YOUR guts when ever you get sluggish.

 

I wish spyware and adware was nonexistant.

Posted
I wish spyware and adware was nonexistant.

 

It's 2030... post-Singularity application analyzing technology has rendered spyware and adware nonexistent, but now you have to worry about hackers getting into your brain and altering your memories.

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