I was almost ready to give up on men entirely...

[In My Memory]

Ok, for those of you who've known me for the past year and a half, you probably already know that my husband and I divorced because we just werent in love anymore. I worked nights, he worked days, and we only ever saw each other for 2 hours at the most in a day, and usually one of us was tired and wanted to sleep... and it was like that for almost 4 years. Then he said, "are we still in love", and I said I didnt know, and he said "thats not really a yes is it?", and so we parted ways peacefully. And so for the last year, I've been using online dating services, because its really hard to meet vegetarians and vegans in the real world, so I put aside at least one night a week to go on a blind date with someone I'd met online...

 

... so on my veggieromance.com profile, I put "looking for lasting love" on my profile, and almost immediately I get a few people who want to meet up, and I'm like "w00t! this is going to be so fun!". So on my first date, I meet with a guy, and we spend about 10 minutes or so talking and getting to know each other, and the guy was incredibly nice. We were going out for dinner and a movie, and I didnt bother to ask what restaurant we were going to or what movie (I like surprises ), so I get into the car and I just keep talking not paying attention to where we are, and the rest of the night ends like this:

*** car pulls into a space at a parking lot ***

 

*** IMM gets out of the car, notices the sign, it says "Buffalo Wild Wings" ***

 

IMM [obviously upset]: ummm... why are we here?

 

Suitor [cheerfully]: Because we're on a date.

 

IMM: I hope we're not here to burn the place down, because thats really more a of second date thing.

 

Suitor: no, you'll love this place.

 

IMM: are you joking?

 

Suitor [noticing somethings wrong]: what?

 

IMM: we met on a site for vegetarians and vegans, so if this is a joke, its not very funny.

 

Suitor: I'm a vegetarian, but I dont mind eating meat on special occasions.

 

IMM: I'm not going in there, and I dont want to continue this date anymore. Please take me home.

 

*** IMM and suitor drive home, not saying a word to each other the rest of the night, not even saying goodbye ***

So, that didnt go so well. I went on a bunch of other dates with other people after that, but they didnt really stand out as remarkable. So at this point, I edited my profile to say "looking for romance". So, now I get responses from a bunch of new guys who have slightly different interests, and most of the dates are so-so, but at least one stands out as the most memorable:

 

*** IMM has prepared food at home, delicious lasagna florentine with noodle soup side ***

 

*** a new suitor sits down at the table, and we begin introducing ourselves, suitor finishes telling his life story and he's obviously charming and likes to make jokes ***

 

Suitor: so tell me about yourself, IMM?

 

IMM: I came down to the US to get my degrees in business years and years ago, but originally I'm from Canada.

 

Suitor: Canada, really? Did you know they call Canadians "snow niggers"

 

IMM: ...

 

Suitor: ...

 

*** 30 seconds of silence go by ***

 

Suitor: oh, that was bad.

 

IMM: yes it was.

 

Suitor: and this date is over, isnt it?

 

IMM: I'm afraid so.

That whole episode is funnier in retrospect, but still, I re-re-edited my profile to say "looking for fun". And the new group of people I was introduced to werent very fun at all, most of the dates were just uneventful. Some of them talked about cars the whole time (which I dont really care about), and some of them talked about sports (which I care about even less). However, I got a request from a guy just last week, and I liked his profile picture, but he was only 20 years old, much younger than the guys I feel comfortable dating, but I decided it wouldnt hurt to give him a try...

 

*** IMM fixes up food, and greets a brand new suitor at the door ***

 

IMM: Hello!

 

*** Suitor grabs my hand like a gentlemen and gives it a gentle kiss, which is coming on a little strong, but is quite a greeting ***

 

Suitor: you are very pretty.

 

*** IMM feels embarrassed ***

 

*** IMM and suitor talk for a while, then suddenly suitor asks this ***

 

Suitor: I didnt catch your age, how old are you?

 

IMM [thinking to herself]: oh $%&*! I didnt plan for this... I better fudge my age just a little...

 

IMM [out loud]: 22.

 

Suitor: oh, I wouldnt have guessed anything under 25.

 

IMM: ummmm... *** chooses to ignore that comment because he didnt seem to be intentionally meanspirited, so much as socially inept ***

 

Suitor: you looked a little different in your profile picture, like you had it cleaned up a little to hide your age. And I can tell that you're out of shape too, theres just a little fat hanging and you need to go to the gym more often.

 

*** for the record, I'm a 116 lb vegan who goes to the gym twice a week, and I pick up on the fact that this guy was just being a jerk ***

 

Suitor: Also, I like women with much bigger breasts.

 

*** wtf? I get fed up with him... ***

 

IMM: I thought the same thing about your profile picture too, you looked so much more buff, but not so much in person. And I can tell by your pants that you're penis isnt as big as I had in mind.

 

Suitor: ok, thats a little--

 

IMM: and you'd look better if you could actually grow a goatee, you're facial hair looks like it has AIDS and cant get cant out of bed, I've never seen one so weak and patchy.

 

Suitor: well, if you're going to be a bitch then I'm going.

 

IMM: I'm just a "bitch"? I've been called worse things by buffer guys with better beards and bigger penises than you. This date is over.

Some people are just vile.

 

And so at that point, I was just about ready to give up men entirely. But, just out of the blue, I decided to look up my ex-husband on google, and he's moved to another state, but I managed to find his number and give him a call:

*** calls number, feeling perfectly fine ***

 

Ever Lasting Love: Hello?

 

*** IMMs heart drops suddenly ***

 

IMM: hello.

 

ELL: Hi IMM

 

IMM: I just wanted to give you a call and catch up on things, its been almost two years and... *** IMM stops mid-sentence ***

 

ELL: and...

 

IMM: are you still single?

 

ELL: yes. Are you?

 

IMM: yeah, and thats kinda why I called, I figured that if I'm single and you're single then... maybe we can be single, together?

 

ELL: absolutely, I'd love it

 

IMM: I'm so glad

 

ELL: by the way...

 

IMM: Yes?

 

ELL: "be single together", that was such a bad line.

 

IMM: I know *** embarrassed ***

So, me and my ex husband are back together, or at least not officially. We still have to have our second "first date" tonight and see how it goes, then we can be together officially.

 

So w00t! I'm so happy, I'm doing a little happy dance right now.

[Callipygous]

i pray to god you exagerated some of those at least a little bit.

 

good luck with your ex, seems like an awefully big can of worms to open back up again, but it also seems like the only reason it didnt work the first time was more of a logistical thing.

[GutZ]

omg I didn't think people like that existed.

 

Your ex-husband sounds very smooth/cool guy that last line was slick. Hope all goes well.

[Dak]

awww, that was a really sweet story

 

hope it works out with your x, but, if it doesnt... why not just go to a vegan resturant or something? seems a little less prone to landing you social retards than using an online-dating service

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

I love online dating services.

[Martin]

congratulations to you both!

this is very good news!

[JHAQ]

A good long session of Email exchanges is very helpful in assessing compatability of candidate for dating -- including photo exchanges .Absolute honesty is essential .

[Sisyphus]

A Canadian living in the U.S. who has no sense of humor about Canadian jokes? Seriously, how in the world have you survived?

 

And, um, congratulations, I guess...

[ecoli]

A Canadian living in the U.S. who has no sense of humor about Canadian jokes? Seriously, how in the world have you survived?

 

Canadian jokes are one thing... that was just offensive.

[Sisyphus]

I don't know anyone in real life who would actually find that offensive when it was clearly a joke.

[bascule]

Reminds me of my Craigslist experience... for some reason putting down "skeptical rationalist seeks same" turns up Buddhists, Hari Krishnas, Transcendental Meditation nutjobs, and other new age weirdos. Guess it's just the whack ass town I live in.

 

Anyway, I'm disappointed IMM... crawling back to your ex? Although to give you credit, that's quite the horror story of bad dates.

[the tree]

Glad to hear someone's on the right track. Might I recomend not being so nocturnal this time?

[Callipygous]

I don't know anyone in real life who would actually find that offensive when it was clearly a joke.

 

the problem with that joke is that it doesnt contain any humor value. its nothing more than a reference to the climate with a racial slur thrown in for good measure. whats funny about "snow niggers"? its like he thinks its funny just because he added the word "niggers" to it.

[Martin]

Reminds me of my Craigslist experience... for some reason putting down "skeptical rationalist seeks same" turns up Buddhists, Hari Krishnas, Transcendental Meditation nutjobs, and other new age weirdos. Guess it's just the whack ass town I live in.

 

to me this shows a linguistic deficiency. we don't have a positive cheerful word for atheist in American English. the "Brights" organization tried to plant a word. they think by analogy with gays. "skeptical rationalist seeks same" has a too flat and serious sound like "male homosexual seeks same" and so instead he would say "gay male seeks same"

 

the residual connotations are more cheerful.

 

a "skeptical rationalist" is just somebody who doesnt believe any excess baggage but they can still have a rich spritual and emotional life, be creative, full of wonder at life, thrilled by the universe, they just happen not to believe anything that takes a stretch to swallow.

 

but it sounds too solemn and negative to call that "atheist" or "skeptical rationalist" and I can see how it would not go over well at Craigslist.

 

Maybe one really should say "Bright" like the Brights organization advocates---they mean bright in the sense of the 18th century enlightenment---the age of reason.

 

Anyway, I'm disappointed IMM... crawling back to your ex? Although to give you credit, that's quite the horror story of bad dates.

 

how do we know they "crawling" back to each other? (maybe you were joking). it could be exactly the right move for both of them.

I only have information from this thread. I didnt know IMM was divorced a year or two ago. I dont know any of the background. It seems to me a normal straightforward thing that married couples do sometimes, they separate and sometimes get back together. they learn something in the process.

I think maybe you were kidding when you said disappointed.

 

if the ex is still single after year and half then probably he really loves IMM and SHOULD get back with her.

 

maybe they can adjust their work schedules better this time.

 

the story of the bad dates is very funny and well-narrated.

 

===========

 

bascule what is a Craigslist-viable term for "joyful disbeliever-in-nonsense"?

[GutZ]

the problem with that joke is that it doesnt contain any humor value. its nothing more than a reference to the climate with a racial slur thrown in for good measure. whats funny about "snow niggers"? its like he thinks its funny just because he added the word "niggers" to it.

 

That's how I'd react if some told me that, just probably laugh at them with maybe a comment like "Are you serious?" then walk away. That or hit him over the head with a snow shoe....

[padren]

the problem with that joke is that it doesnt contain any humor value. its nothing more than a reference to the climate with a racial slur thrown in for good measure. whats funny about "snow niggers"? its like he thinks its funny just because he added the word "niggers" to it.

 

The way it came across to me was "haha I am only joking that Canadians are a type of nigger - you guys are alright" which still implies by contrast he doesn't consider most "niggers" alright.

 

 

Anyway IMM: Good horror stories and even better ending

[padren]

Reminds me of my Craigslist experience... for some reason putting down "skeptical rationalist seeks same" turns up Buddhists, Hari Krishnas, Transcendental Meditation nutjobs, and other new age weirdos. Guess it's just the whack ass town I live in.

 

Sorry Bascule but you'll find almost everyone on the planet, no matter how messed up thinks they are both rational and have a healthy skeptical nature. The same people who think God sent a giant storm shaped like a fetus to hit New Orleans think they are the paragon of reason - its everyone else that can't see the obvious patterns.

[bascule]

how do we know they "crawling" back to each other? (maybe you were joking)

 

Actually it was more like a vain attempt to hide my jealousy

[hotcommodity]

Haha, usually long stories bore me, but I liked it I have to say you had some pretty bad luck with those dates. Btw, "snow niggers"?!, that has to be the worst misuse of a racial slur I've ever come across, what an f'ing tool.

[Sisyphus]

So nobody believes in the "it's funny because it's self-consciously stupid on multiple levels" philosophy? I guess it's not the South Park generation after all.

[Callipygous]

So nobody believes in the "it's funny because it's self-consciously stupid on multiple levels" philosophy? I guess it's not the South Park generation after all.

 

south park isnt funny because its stupid. its not funny because its offensive. its both funny and offensive at the same time. offensive is an enhancement on the humor that is already there. sitcoms have the same humor as southpark, they are just missing the offensive aspect of it.

 

he left out the humor aspect and just kept the offensive.

[In My Memory]

Ok, I'm sure none of your are just dying to know, but heres what happened anyway:

 

My ex-husband (affectionately known as ELL) lives about 3 hours away, and he came to visit. I was planning a special night and a very good meal: a spicy farfalle (with peppers and some jalopeno peppers) which an exotic spinach salad... except I couldnt use spinach because of the ecoli scare, so I substituted romaine and red lettuce.

 

So I'm dressed up in my most adorable skirt and blouse, and my husband is at the door, and here are our first words:

IMM: hello!

 

ELL: hi!

 

IMM [at a loss for words]: w00t!

 

ELL: w00t w00t!

 

IMM: w00t w00t!

 

ELL: w00t!

 

*** IMM purrs ***

 

*** ELL huggles with IMM ***

I just remember seeing him and melting inside, becuse he looks even younger than he did before, and he's been working out a lot more than he used to. (swoon!)

 

So we catch up on things, and it turns out my husband had a pretty lousy time dating too. Apparently he went on a date with a woman at a restaurant, and the woman tried to pay for the meal, but then the waiter comes back and says "I'm sorry, your credit card wont go through, the machine says its stolen", so the woman "checks" for another card in her car and drives off, leaving my husband to foot the bill.

 

But anyway, basically everything I had planned didnt go right. The spicy pasta was good for about the first bite, but then afterward we noticed it was a little too spicy, so much that it couldnt be eaten. And the salad was bland, because usually I like to use greek vinaigrette but I tried to be fancy and used a walnut and red wine vinaigrette that just didnt have any flavor...

... so for dinner, we made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

 

Apart from that, everything else worked wondefully we talked for hours, and basically decided that ELL is going to find a job in my town (because I already own my house), and try to make things work and be more interesting for ourselves. We arent going to have kids anytime soon, but we've decided just to be very happy together.

 

Thats good news for the two of us, but bad news for all the younger guys I spent all my time flirting with

[Martin]

..

 

Thats good news for the two of us, but bad news for all the younger guys I spent all my time flirting with

 

great news for all of us.

so happy to hear this!

[Glider]

Me too. It's good when things work out like that. It's often said (usually in mawkish films) that everybody deserves a second chance. The reality is that very few people get one. They are extremely rare and they are valuable because you carry the lessons from the first chance which will help prevent this: "I worked nights, he worked days, and we only ever saw each other for 2 hours at the most in a day, and usually one of us was tired and wanted to sleep... and it was like that for almost 4 years." from happening again.

 

I'm very happy for you IMM

[Skye]

Women are such strange creatures, they seem to either reject you so completely that they won't talk to you or fall for you so deeply they can't speak to you. And then they complain you don't listen to them.