Callipygous Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 so my gf had a drunken threesome with two people who werent me. i just walked two and a half miles and i have a bunch of alcohol in me, which are the two best stress relievers i have available and i still feel like poopy. im out of ideas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
padren Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 If you are in the mode of feeling you ought to make a hard clean break - all I can say is its better to find out now than down the road. (not very comforting) If you are trying to figure out how you feel and should react, the best thing I can ask is whether this is an act within a general downward spiral or a seemingly isolated freak occurance during an overall ascent of a good relationship? Whether you decide its completely unforgivable or something that can be overcome, both are entirely valid responses - it really boils down to the specific situation. As far as stress relief goes, the best thing I can say is remind yourself often that how you feel is temporary, not unlike feeling like hell when down with the flu but a lot more painful...but still inevitably temporary. I find when I accept that any given pain will be bad for the moment despite my desire to change it but that it will pass, it makes it easier to endure during those moments. Best luck with it all, and whatever else comes thereafter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajb Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 I have been in a very similar situation. You can't trust women period. You are too young for this kind of shi*t. Forget her and have fun. Whatever you do don't do what I did, 4 year booze fuled hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timo Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 Somehow I always read gf=grandfather instead of gf=girlfried at first. But this has been the first time that it cause THAT much confusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dak Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 to play devils advocate: how did u find out? if she told you, then i guess i'd be inclined to forgive. for me, being cheated on isn't about the sex -- in all my relationships, i'd've been totally prepared to 'grant permission' for my gf to have sex with others (in fact, i wont have an exclusive relationship anymore), but still, when i've been cheated on, the prinsiple is what (really) hurts -- the fact that someone who's supposed to love, or at least really like, me, is willing to do something that afatct will really hurt me. going out with someone prepared to do that is a silly idea. if she fessed up, tho, it at least represents imo a fundamental honesty and respect for you. 'hey, i ****ed up, sorry' is much, much better that 'hehe, i had a threesom and i doubt i'll get caught -- w00t!'. so yeah. it depends alot on yourself, and wether youd actually be able to forgive and trust her again, but personally: if i found out from her, fair enough; if not, dump her ass. then nob her sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YT2095 Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 Dump her then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aardvark Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 From what you've posted, the advice i can offer is to walk away and don't look back. It's hard, trust me i know, you're desperate for there to be some way to work things out, for things to be back the way you thought they were. The brutal truth is, they aren't going to go back to the way they were. It's a poisonous relationship and the only way you are going to start to recover and for that pain to heal is to break it up and go, sever all contact, no emails, texts or chats over coffee. In time you will feel better, you will get over this, no matter how much it doesn't seem that way now. The important thing is to walk away, the trust that has gone can't come back, don't torture yourself hoping it will. I know how you are feeling and i also know that you WILL get over it. Stay strong and remind yourself that she's the one not good enough for you, you do deserve better. You are the good one here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mokele Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 You can't trust women period. mmm, gotta love the smell of blatant misogyny in the morning... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajb Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 mmm, gotta love the smell of blatant misogyny in the morning... I don't hate women at all. Just I know I will NEVER let one hurt me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sayonara Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 so my gf had a drunken threesome with two people who werent me. The best option available to you is revenge. Have a non-drunken threesome with a clown and a midget, and post it on YouTube. i just walked two and a half miles and i have a bunch of alcohol in me, How is it that wandering drunks always manage to find internet access? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
insane_alien Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 get drunk and ask if it can be a foursome next time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mokele Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 I don't hate women at all. Just I know I will NEVER let one hurt me again. so, if I've been treated badly by some African Americans in the past, it's not racism for me to avoid all of them and call them untrustworthy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dak Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 I don't hate women at all. Just I know I will NEVER let one hurt me again. im sure i speak for all of us when i say that we fully support your lifestyle disisions and accept you for who you are. i think it was "You can't trust women period" thats causing the kufufaw. my first 4 girlfriends cheated on me, respectively: #asking my best mate for sex (who said no) #infront of me, then, after i forgave her, asked my kinda-friend for sex, who said yes and was later slightly unconfortable when he found out she was my g/f (then told me) #with her ex #with some random bloke. and her ex. at this point, I couldn't trust women, at least as monogomouse partners, which is significantly different from your statement. fwiw, i've since had 2 gf who have not cheated on me (which was nice). aren't women nice, as long as one has some discresion in who to go out with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dak Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 get drunk and ask if it can be a foursome next time? actually, have u (cally) considered pologamy? if she doesnt want an exclusive relationship, and you only want one because it's the default/expected, mebbe it'd be best for all if the relation was non-exclusive (assuming you can forgive her, of course) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParanoiA Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 Ok, dude, listen carefully... I had a gf years ago that apparently had a crush on me all through high school. When we dated I wasn't really into her that much but she was fun and when you're single and fresh out of high school you compromise for anything you can get. Later I find out she's been dancing at a gentlemen's club and so I dump her. That was stupid. Hindsight tells me I should have just dumped her in my mind, but kept her physically because she was crazy about me, at the time anyway, and being a stripper could have opened up new channels of sexual liberation. So, all that just to say - don't dump her! She had a threesome. In terms of a serious relationship, that sucks, so break yourself off emotionally and use her for a while. Does she not deserve it? And if you have any issues with that, then just be honest and tell her that you're no longer interested in her seriously, but you'd love to practice some things you've seen in your favorite porn flicks. Not the popular opinion, but certianly a male opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecoli Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 I was in a similiar situation last year, and things worked out nicely for me. Forgive and forget, I say. But make sure she knows that it's only a one time offer. (assuming she still wants to be with you, that is) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aj47 Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 Ok, dude, listen carefully... I had a gf years ago that apparently had a crush on me all through high school. When we dated I wasn't really into her that much but she was fun and when you're single and fresh out of high school you compromise for anything you can get. Later I find out she's been dancing at a gentlemen's club and so I dump her. That was stupid. Hindsight tells me I should have just dumped her in my mind, but kept her physically because she was crazy about me, at the time anyway, and being a stripper could have opened up new channels of sexual liberation. So, all that just to say - don't dump her! She had a threesome. In terms of a serious relationship, that sucks, so break yourself off emotionally and use her for a while. Does she not deserve it? And if you have any issues with that, then just be honest and tell her that you're no longer interested in her seriously, but you'd love to practice some things you've seen in your favorite porn flicks. Not the popular opinion, but certianly a male opinion. I disagree, going from a purley physical to emotional relationship can work but not vice versa. After breaking up wth someone, it's hard enough to break off emotionaly, but if your screwing them it's inevatable that old feelings will come back. It happened to me with someone who I quite literally spent weeks being bitter about after a bad break up and her being a immature little *insert swearword* and ignoring me. Anyway I later got back with her on a purley 'physical basis' and ended up really confused as I started to forget all the past events. We ended up properly getting back togther for a few days, which ended up unimaginably badly *reaches for voodoo doll*. So yea, might be that I tend to dwell on things too much, but I wouldn't advise it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callipygous Posted October 2, 2006 Author Share Posted October 2, 2006 What she deserves and what im going to lower myself to are two very different things. im sure she deserves to have me yell and scream and use her as a sex toy and tell her shes all sorts of horrible kinds of dirty streetwalking nastiness. but im not gonna do any of it. as of yet, im the only boyfriend shes had who WASNT using her. thats the way its going to stay. if we stay together it will help the health of our relationship, if we break up it will help her realize what she lost with her stupidity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anjruu Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 Originally Posted by ajb You can't trust women period. mmm, gotta love the smell of blatant misogyny in the morning... Dear lord, from what I've seen in my life guys distrust girls, and girls think guys are stupid. I really don't see what all the gender-tension is about. I'm male, for reference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callipygous Posted October 2, 2006 Author Share Posted October 2, 2006 i honestly dont know a whole lot of people who havent done horrible things to their significant others. i think the tension is there because the few good people are obviously going to see it as the other gender being scum, cause "what did i do to deserve this from all my boy/girl friends?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParanoiA Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 What she deserves and what im going to lower myself to are two very different things. im sure she deserves to have me yell and scream and use her as a sex toy and tell her shes all sorts of horrible kinds of dirty streetwalking nastiness. but im not gonna do any of it. as of yet, im the only boyfriend shes had who WASNT using her. thats the way its going to stay. if we stay together it will help the health of our relationship, if we break up it will help her realize what she lost with her stupidity. Ok, appeal number two... I most definitely wouldn't stay with her. Keep your dignity. You can think yourself around all kinds of violations, rationalizing dirty deeds chaulking them up to growth and development. It's all bs. Get real. There's a reason she wanted that. If you don't deal with it, it will come back again. The more attached you are with her, the more you get kicked around and treated like a shmuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iglak Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 i'm really starting to question everything related to gender. in general: guys treat girls badly. girls cheat on guys. guys want love a lot more than everyone gives them credit for. girls want sex a lot more than everyone gives them credit for. every dysfunctional love story i have ever heard involves one of 2 things: 1) stupidity on the part of the girl in relation to sex: - the mistake of directly associating sex with love. - bottled up sexuality being released. - cheating. 2) stupidity on the part of the guy in relation to the girl's humanity: - obsessing. - controlling. i often hear of extremely permiscuous guys. but even more often than that, i hear about girls who were "used" by said guys. more often than not, the girl knows exactly who the guys is and what he wants, and what's going to happen at the end of the night. said girls often use drinking as an excuse. alcohol does not have such a large effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 so my gf had a drunken threesome with two people who werent me.Just to be clear, these two people who weren't you, were they both guys? Guy and a girl? I guess it shouldn't matter but it does. If it was two girls my sympathy drops to zero (while my envy, among other things, raises considerably). I'm not real big on letting people play the but-I-was-drunk card too often. Had the two of you talked about a monogamous relationship of was it a tacit kind of thing? I'm a big believer in vows and pledges, but not all boyfriend / girlfriend relationships have such strictures. Still, if you make a promise to someone, you let them down as well as yourself when you break it. The real issue here is trust. If you feel like the two of you had talked this issue out and agreed to be monogamous then she violated that trust. If you feel like she swore to be true to you then she not only doesn't consider you worth keeping her promise for, she also doesn't think too much of her own promises. If she doesn't respect herself then why should you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GutZ Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 I wouldn't forgive it at all. Why do people give such lenience these days in this matter. The "it was an accident" crap or "I was drunk" crap doesn't really excuse it....but if you do accept it, you shouldn't hold it over her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Severian Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 How does one have a 3 person orgy 'by accident'? Seriously, I would like to know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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