dont read on if you dont want to hear a pointless rant

[GutZ]

Tripped and fell....I really don't know.

 

It just seems crazy too me. Giving a stupid excuse would anger me more, I mean you don't murder your girlfriends family and say "I was drunk, sorry!". I don't care how drunk you are, there is a definitive line that you don't cross, and I've been really drunk before!

[Phi for All]

How does one have a 3 person orgy 'by accident'? Seriously, I would like to know...

Sounds like there were lubricants involved. Many anatomically improbable things can happen if one is lubricated enough.

[ParanoiA]

How does one have a 3 person orgy 'by accident'? Seriously, I would like to know...

 

Well I don't know about "accident" but maybe "not intentional" ????

 

I've seen women literally change from loyal innocent gems to drunken hoes in just a matter of a couple hours of drinking and lots of male attention. Unintentional n-somes usually trace back to a drunken female becoming the center of attention, for whatever reason. With so many male eyes and smiles validating their sexual image and feeding their need for star status, it really isn't that difficult for them to give in to it all. Unless they have someone in their life that means more to them than that moment of sexual empowerment.

 

That's why I'd focus more on her actions than anything else. I'm a big believer in zeroing in on someone's true feelings and emotions. You're not going to get that by simply forgiving this girl and chaulking it up to "relationship health".

 

I would be concentrating on why "I" didn't matter enough to her to keep her from giving it up like that. I would also be trying to find out what "I" lack, that motivated her to do this. Not so I could keep her, but so I could learn from this event.

 

You can continue to play the guilt trip monogamy card in all of your relationships to keep your girl true to you. OR, you can learn something uncomfortable about yourself, and improve your "techniques", and keep your future girls true to you for more effective reasons than monogamous pledges.

[Callipygous]

Just to be clear, these two people who weren't you, were they both guys? Guy and a girl? I guess it shouldn't matter but it does. If it was two girls my sympathy drops to zero (while my envy, among other things, raises considerably).

 

it was one of her old friends (a guy) who wasnt actually invited and just decided to join in. "and i was too drunk to push him off"

 

and a girl who was both of our friends and is now our roommate/landlord.

 

thats right. im living in a house with the girlfriend who cheated on me and the "friend" she cheated with. nearest friend/family member? 14 hour drive.

 

as far as your sympathy... in my experience, men who think like that fit into one of two catagories:

1. they are in an extremely casual/purely sexual relationship.

2. they have never seen it before.

 

i have seen my gf kissing another girl prior to this incedent(this same girl as a matter of fact) because we all thought it would be hot for them to send me a picture of some girl on girl action. then i saw it and realized that no, its really just another person kissing my girlfriend. and i told her so. i told her i didnt like it and in the future im gonna see it the same as if it were another guy.

 

I'm not real big on letting people play the but-I-was-drunk card too often. Had the two of you talked about a monogamous relationship of was it a tacit kind of thing? I'm a big believer in vows and pledges, but not all boyfriend / girlfriend relationships have such strictures. Still, if you make a promise to someone, you let them down as well as yourself when you break it.

 

yes. we had definately discussed it, we were definately exclusive at that point. i dont like the drunk card either, but it does make a slight difference. it changes the level of malice behind it. if she were completely unimpaired and just decided to have a fling i would have told her she was a dirty whore and i never wanted to see her again. the fact that she was drunk changes that to her getting ready to pass out and then "haha, megan, move your head that tickles" and then megan thinks its funny to do something that tickles more and my gf is too plowed to really put thought into what affect this will have on our relationship.

 

not at all excusable. not even close a free pass. still shows a huge disrespect toward me and our relationship. but not as much as if it had been a truely concious decision. sort of like 3rd degree murder instead of 1st.

 

The real issue here is trust. If you feel like the two of you had talked this issue out and agreed to be monogamous then she violated that trust. If you feel like she swore to be true to you then she not only doesn't consider you worth keeping her promise for, she also doesn't think too much of her own promises. If she doesn't respect herself then why should you?

 

damn fine question. im working on that one right now.

[Callipygous]

How is it that wandering drunks always manage to find internet access?

 

1.3 miles one direction. 1.3 miles back.

 

you think i could ever live in a house that doesnt have the internet?

[herme3]

so my gf had a drunken threesome with two people who werent me.

 

I'm a crazy hermit who has never had a girlfriend. Can you please explain your post in words I can understand? Are you trying to say that your gf went to a party with two other people and got drunk, but didn't invite you? How does that affect your relationship? Maybe she just didn't think you would enjoy the party.

[Callipygous]

I'm a crazy hermit who has never had a girlfriend. Can you please explain your post in words I can understand? Are you trying to say that your gf went to a party with two other people and got drunk, but didn't invite you? How does that affect your relationship? Maybe she just didn't think you would enjoy the party.

 

i really hope you understand it better than that. just in case:

 

while i was in North carolina and my girlfriend was in california, she was drinking in her barn. she got absolutely wasted and had sex with two of the people who were there. 2 + her = threesome.

[ParanoiA]

yes. we had definately discussed it' date=' we were definately exclusive at that point. i dont like the drunk card either, but it does make a slight difference. it changes the level of malice behind it. if she were completely unimpaired and just decided to have a fling i would have told her she was a dirty whore and i never wanted to see her again. the fact that she was drunk changes that to her getting ready to pass out and then "haha, megan, move your head that tickles" and then megan thinks its funny to do something that tickles more and my gf is too plowed to really put thought into what affect this will have on our relationship.

 

not at all excusable. not even close a free pass. still shows a huge disrespect toward me and our relationship. but not as much as if it had been a truely concious decision. sort of like 3rd degree murder instead of 1st.[/quote']

 

Did you really read this after you wrote it? Do you really believe that you'd be kicking her to the curb if only she wasn't "drunk"? You'd think your way around anything, even if she was sober. You're the kind of guy that looks for a way to live with it rather than take up for himself. Sad...

[Rhino]

you think i could ever live in a house that doesnt have the internet?

 

i still might be kicking her to the curb. ive in no way forgiven her. i found out two days ago. how i feel about keeping her changes on a minutely basis.

 

At least you have your priorities. I'm sure that made her feel secure in the relationship.

[ecoli]

i still might be kicking her to the curb. ive in no way forgiven her. i found out two days ago. how i feel about keeping her changes on a minutely basis.

 

My girlfriend cheated on me last December, and I found out in January (we had been going out almost 2 years by then). What makes matters worse, was that she really liked the guy. (No alcohol involved).

 

But, I really like this girl, so I didn't give her a hard time about it. I basically said, "him or me," and I promised I wouldn't make a big deal about it either way. I guess she liked me more because we're still together.

 

I was depressed for a while, but I got over it.

 

I think my girlfriend was kind of bored. After all, most kids our age change significant others more often then their clothes, so she wanted to see what it would be like to be with another guy. How can I be mad at her for being human?

 

Sure, I was upset, but I got over it and we're still together. The good guys win.

 

Of course, I was friends with the other guy, and it was pretty awkward around him for the longest time, but we got over that too and we're friends again.

 

I know neither of them did anything with malicious intent towards me, so I don't feel that I could be angry at either one of them for long.

 

However, I feel like if she did it again, that perhaps she was, in some way, telling me that she wants to move on. I would have to let her go her own way. But, who knows, perhaps we would find each other again down the road.

 

The point is, Callipygous, don't let anger rule your emotions. If you really like this person, you owe it to her to give it another shot. IF you forgive her, she'll thank you for it. But, if you 'kick her to the curb' she'll wind up hating you, and you may even wind up hating yourself.

[Dak]

i still might be kicking her to the curb. ive in no way forgiven her. i found out two days ago. how i feel about keeping her changes on a minutely basis.

 

i guess theres no real right or wrong answre, as each couple is different, but, from personal experience, you have to consider wether or not your actually capable of forgiving her.

 

saying 'ok, sure, your sorry, and i forgive you' is one thing.

 

trusting her, and not being uber-paranoid and possesive, is another, and if you cant do that -- if you cant act as if you've forgiven her as well as merely saying it -- the relationship won't work.

 

from personal experience: no trust = she'll cheat on you a million times more, even if it's only in your mind. plus, it wont be a nice relationship for her.

 

 

if you cant actually forgive her, then i'd simply reccomend not forgiving her. try to part nicely, but dont continue going out with her; it'll only end in tears.

 

hmm... on the other hand, i've helped people cheat on their partners many times, who have genuinely loved their partners. cheating doens't neccesarily mean she doesn't care, nor, for reasons that i can't actually understand, that she doesn't care about your feelings.

 

tho i still think that if she breaks an inportant promice to you, it's dumpage time. but that's just me.

[Severian]

I don't think it is just an issue of forgiveness - it is also an issue of trust. While I think (hope) I would be able to forgive for something like this, I am not sure I would ever be able to trust her again. The fact that she did it in the first place makes a statement about her attitudes and beliefs, and what she thinks of you - and I don't think that is a very positive statement. If you keep her, she is probably going to do it again.

 

I take this attitude partly because of how I look at being faithful myself. I find lots of women attractive, and I would love to have sex with them. In fact, I my mind it would have no impact on me in my relationship with my wife, because I believe I am mentally stable enough to be able to separate sex and love. However, I made a vow to my wife that I would be faithful to her - she expects me to keep that vow, and if I break it I will have no respect for myself and expect no respect from her. I love my wife very much and could never do that to her. This is why I am faithful.

[Callipygous]

sevarian is coming pretty close to my thoughts on it.

 

if im gonna break up with the girl its not gonna be because im mad over something she did. she does things that piss me off all the time, as do i. if i break up with her its going to be because i cant trust her or hold up a healthy relationship with her after this.

 

anger passes with time. whether or not the trust will come back, i dont know. thats why she hasnt yet been kicked to the curb.

[GutZ]

Let's say you give it a chance and you want a faithiful relationship. I'd advise to clearly state your stance to her on what's going to happen in the future (i.e. This won't happen again). If she does not have the ability to control herself when she is drunk (as stated) then you might want to clearly state that she should not drink anymore, not drinking will show commitment and trust. If she can't do that or doesn't agree I wouldn't pursue a relationship. Even if she does agree, but doesn't follow true to the agreement (which is a possibility) then I wouldn't invest yourself in the relationship untill you feel she has proven that she is willing to hold her weight in the relationship, but at the sametime before you decide when to accept her back you have to make sure that you can at one point forgive and trust.

 

Whether or not she finds it fair is irrelavant. It wasn't fair for you to be faithiful and for her to be not....unless there is something else you are not telling but, the way I see it, it's the only way to keep the relationship alive. That's how I would approach it anyway.

[ParanoiA]

What the hell has happened to the men in this forum? You all are acting like weiners.

 

Reality check...

 

When a woman takes me back after cheating on her, early in the relationship no less, then I know I can cheat on her again and she very likely will not leave me. And women are the same way. You're not laying down the law on her, or "how it's going to be" - she already knows you're going to do that. And she'll let you. And she'll cheat on you again someday, sooner or later, and let you "lay down the law of how it's going to be" again...and again..and again.

 

You all are acting like there's a relationship to salvage. There are people who cheat and people who don't. And regardless of the movies, they very rarely ever change.

[ParanoiA]

Also, what happened to the posts I saw last night? Rhino and Callipygous had some of their posts removed I think.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Indeed, and I'd rather not see any more posts of that nature.

[Callipygous]

Indeed, and I'd rather not see any more posts of that nature.

 

and id rather not have you ignore blantant insults just because they dont contain vulgarity.

 

i wonder if either one will happen.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Feel free to use the Report Post button if you need to.

 

 

Frankly, I find it rather irritating that we have to remove posts in threads where the OP is just trying to get honest help. Think before you post. I suffered from a lack of thought two years ago when I joined, and I nearly got myself banned as a result.

[herme3]

while i was in North carolina and my girlfriend was in california, she was drinking in her barn. she got absolutely wasted and had sex with two of the people who were there. 2 + her = threesome.

 

Oh, that is bad...

Edited December 9, 2010 by herme3

[YT2095]

Callipygous:

 

My advice (other than that I`ve already dispensed) is to read all, say little, and then just take out the bits that run congruently with your persona.

ultimately that`s what you`ll (and most others) do anyway.

 

things said in here are just that, you asked, you got.

 

the Real problem is with you and her, I wouldn`t pay too much attn or lose sleep over things said in this thread

[Callipygous]

Callipygous:

 

My advice (other than that I`ve already dispensed) is to read all, say little, and then just take out the bits that run congruently with your persona.

ultimately that`s what you`ll (and most others) do anyway.

 

things said in here are just that, you asked, you got.

 

the Real problem is with you and her, I wouldn`t pay too much attn or lose sleep over things said in this thread

 

it kinda cracks me up actually. everyones decided to jump in and tell me what they would do with the relationship (and feel free... its an open forum). but if youve been here you probably realize im not looking for you to tell me what to do. your advice is based on your experiences, my choice is going to be based on mine.

 

the only reason this thread is here is because i needed to unload. if theres one thing i know its that bottling stuff up is bad.

 

i certainly dont mind the advice, but its not going to be anywhere close to the deciding factor.

[ecoli]

it kinda cracks me up actually. everyones decided to jump in and tell me what they would do with the relationship (and feel free... its an open forum). but if youve been here you probably realize im not looking for you to tell me what to do. your advice is based on your experiences, my choice is going to be based on mine.

 

the only reason this thread is here is because i needed to unload. if theres one thing i know its that bottling stuff up is bad.

 

i certainly dont mind the advice, but its not going to be anywhere close to the deciding factor.

 

This is obviously the case. Nobody here knows you or your girlfriend personally. Perhaps I've made the mistake in using my experiances to give you adive... but what else do I have?

 

All I know, is that I was in a situation that was, in some ways, similiar to yours. What I did worked for me. So, the least I could do is tell you about it, right?

[Callipygous]

as i said, feel free. just dont be offended if i almost completely ignore your advice.

[ecoli]

as i said, feel free. just dont be offended if i almost completely ignore your advice.

 

I have no doubt I would do the same if I was in your situation. After all, what do a bunch of random identities on the internet know?

 

I suppose the point is, is that we are all human. So, if unloading helps you feel better, it certainly helps me (and others I'm sure) feel better as well. If nothing else, you now know that there are other people out there who care enough about your situation to spend 5 minutes of their time trying to relate to you. Hell, that would definately make me feel better.

 

/me is grateful for the anonymity of the net.