The Good Advice Thread.

[the tree]

Please post with nuggets of good advice, I'll start.

 

When constructing an argument that is a critical response to anything at all, never, ever use rhetorical questions. This device is for literary effect, not communicative, it does not add any weight to any argument at all. The use of rhetorical questions is often a sign of an argument to incredulity or ignorance, so don't do it.

[Gilded]

Some haiku advice for anyone who has to deal with elements from group 17:

 

Don't breathe too much of

them halogens as you might

end up a bit dead

[Sequence]

If this is just related to debates, don't get angry at anything because it clouds your thinking.

 

If it is just overall good advice,

 

Don't contemplate about philosophy of life while playing a heated game of floor hockey.

 

When hungry n the midle of the night, be sure to turn on the lights before you take a bite of your sandwich

 

make sure you have toilet paper before you sit down.

 

These are meant to be a bit of a joke but are also good advice.

[psynapse]

The worst vice is advise.

 

sorry I could't really help myself, but I do think this is a good thread.

hmm.. lemme think.

 

Don't clean out your fridge the day after garbage day as the contents will sit in your garbage can rotting for a week.

 

That was the best I could do, maybe I will post some better advice later to try and redeem myself.

[Callipygous]

never pet a burning dog.

 

 

 

after buying a toaster oven, be sure to remove all pieces of cardboard from the bottom before you use it to cook your tater tots at 450 degrees.

[herme3]

When working inside a TV or monitor, don't ever cut the main internal wire (often red with a high-voltage warning label) with a pair of scissors. I learned from experience that this wire is still charged even after having the TV or monitor unplugged for a few months.

[EvoN1020v]

A winner never quits, a quitter never wins.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.

[john5746]

If you pee near a fence, make sure there isn't an electric one behind it.

[Mokele]

After you grab a snake is about 20 seconds too late to be pondering whether or not it's venomous.

[Severian]

My advice: never trust advice posted on a web forum.

[YT2095]

My advice: never trust advice posted on a web forum.

 

Unless of course, that Advice is; "Never eat Yellow snow".

[Glider]

A winner never quits,

Nor does an obsessive compulsive

a quitter never wins.

But they can avoid losing.

 

Sorry, couldn't help it.

[In My Memory]

the tree,

 

Some practical advise and wisdom I learned over the years:

 

- Cigarettes = bad

Alcohol = ok, in moderation

Marijuana = good, but dont let anyone find out

 

- If you've got the legs for it, wear a cute skirt. They are not only very feminine, adorable, and comfortable to wear, but you can quietly revel in the fact that you're better than everyone else.

 

- Skirts should between 2 and 4 inches above the knee. Any lower and they arent feminine, any higher and they arent modest.

 

- High heels with short skirts, low heels with long skirts. Corollary: with rare exceptions, like funerals and weddings, there arent any reasons to wear long skirts and dresses, so you should never have less than 5:1 ratio of high heels to low heels. You should also try to wear skirts and heels everyday, because they are incredibly cute and feminine

 

- Dont wear light-weight, loosefitting skirts in the wind, wear jean skirts instead. Or you can wear black panty hose, but its a bit gauche to wear anything other than a short black form-fitting skirt with panty hose. But dont wear "spanky pants" (a tiny pair of shorts that goes under skirts to provide coverage similar to what you might see on a cheerleading uniform), those are tacky.

 

I've actually been known to wear two pairs of skirts, a light-weight skirt on top and a shorter denim mini or microskirt underneath just in case the light-weight skirt wants to blow away. The denim provides enough friction and surface area to hold the light skirt in place, but its also a safety net in case the skirt blows up. Its better to have people look at you funny for wearing two skirts than to look at you funny for flashing them.

 

- Dont wear socks with heals, especially open-toed heals.

 

- DO NOT get drunk / high and cook at the same time.

 

- Almost ALL of the people in the highest income quintile invest their money in the stock market or currency exchange. You cannot be up their with them without having your money invested in something. If nothing else, start small and get a money market account or a CD, then work your way up to more profitable investments.

 

- Learn how the economy works before criticizing it.

 

- Vote in every state and national election; and if you dont vote, then dont gripe about the government.

 

- Dont vote Republican.

 

- A problem for men is that their arousal is very visible, but its also very embarrassing, so they condition themselves from very early on to suppress their arousal in public. But women dont have that problem, their arousal isnt visible and they dont have to suppress themselves, so we can let go and stay aroused whenever and wherever we want for long periods of time. Now you know why women smile so much!

 

- Couples should find mutual hobbies, something they both like doing together. Dancing is a good hobby, even if you're not very good at it, its very healthy for you on a physical and relationship level.

 

Recently, after being seperated for almost 2 years, my husband moved back into my house with me, and since then we've been extra cuddly and snuggly together, but we dont exactly have a lot of mutual hobbies. So I'm teaching him how to do yoga, something we can both do together every morning (it'll also make us even more cuddly and snuggly in ways we've never tried before ).

 

- Women: DO NOT be a submissive baby-making factory. Be an equal to your husband (or wife if thats the case ), and dont let yourself be treated as an "inferior vessel". There are still a lot of misogynists out there and still a lot of people like religious conservatives who want to roll back everything that feminism has accomplished.

 

- Men: Gender roles mean nothing, they are a social fiction (after all, wearing high heels today is a feminine characteristic, but 100s of years ago only upperclass men ever wore them). There is no reason why men and women ought to conform to their gender role, and theres no threat to your masculinity for taking the place of a housewife. Being a stay-at-home dad, cleaning up after your kids, vacuuming and washing dishes while your wife goes to work is no threat to your masculinity.

 

In fact, its a very serious health risk for men to say "I dont want to do dishes, its a womans job", saying that thing can take years off your life. Why? Because I'll hunt you down and KILL you

 

- Egocentricism is the devil. Always, as much as you can, try to understand your actions from the point of others and how they are affected.

 

- Be involved actively with your kids, not just passively. Kids can and will grow up just fine being raised by TV, but TV doesnt build character like parents.

 

- Teach your kids how to cook before booting them out of the house.

 

- Always support animal rights. Dont buy or use animal products.

 

 

Evo,

A winner never quits, a quitter never wins.

I so want to pick up smoking, just so I can say, "winners never quit, winners never quit" before I eventually get cancer and die

[Royston]

Always take your high heels off before walking over a cattle grid...I'm sure all of us have been there.

 

Don't get stoned before going food shopping.

 

Always check your shoe if you think you've stepped on a snail i.e an analogy for don't assume the worst until you know for sure. Worrying based on an assumption worsens the problem.

 

Don't put all your dogs under one ladder, whilst opening an umbrella in front of a black cat with a stupid name.

[GutZ]

- Don't piss off people with shirts that read "Gun don't kill people, I do".

 

- Don't purposely take women lightly in a martial arts tournaments, they will take advantage of you the minute you do. Losing is bad enough, you don't want to be icing down your special region of your body as well. (grrr, I would of got first too)

[aj47]

-Wear odd socks, nobody notices and you don't have to waste time matching them up.

 

-Hunger is the best sauce.

 

-Drink cycling is just as dangerous as drink driving. Same goes for skateboarding and rollerblading.

[YT2095]

Marijuana = good, but dont let anyone find out

 

maybe it`s just ME but I could have sworn this thread was about GOOD advice?

 

the use of Ilegal drugs is NOT in ANY WAY Condoned or Advocated on SFN!

[Pleiades]

Always take your own advice.

 

Aside: Why do some girls apologize after flashing a guy by accident? The funny look on most guys’ faces is one of pleasant surprise.

[timo]

maybe it`s just ME but I could have sworn this thread was about GOOD advice?

 

the use of Ilegal drugs is NOT in ANY WAY Condoned or Advocated on SFN!

Perhaps it was just a demonstration of why the advice is good, especially the "don´t let anyone find out"-part

[Skye]

I think the best advice for forums like this is to remember that is essentially entertainment. Have fun.

[psynapse]

Life is too important to take seriously.

[insane_alien]

if the MSDS says do not let the chemical contact your bare skin then make sure you DO NOT let the chemical contact your bare skin. (i know this but it happens almost every time)

 

strobe lighting and sharp things that spin at the right speed are very very dangerous when mixed

 

i don't care ho much alcohol youve consumed YOU CAN'T FLY

[GutZ]

maybe it`s just ME but I could have sworn this thread was about GOOD advice?

 

the use of Ilegal drugs is NOT in ANY WAY Condoned or Advocated on SFN!

 

I'll equalized the situation here.

 

*clears throat* Don't do drugs!

 

 

Yup, you can thank me later.

[bascule]

DO NOT get drunk / high and cook at the same time.

 

Are you kidding? That's my favorite time to cook!